16 Harsh Truths About Modern Dating You Must Face

Why are women so harsh when they reject men?

why is the dating world so harsh

What Guys Said 2. The whole process is one of men acting, and women being "acted upon. I think the reality is that when faced with this explanation, they don't want to admit their complete and total lack of agency or ability to notice how curated their lives are. I think I'll throw my gun in the jeep and go to the range, maybe I'll get my motorcycle running, maybe I'll just sit on my back steps and get drunk with my neighbor. I would meet a girl, I would like her, she would like me, and everything else would just fall into place. To be honest I think the best way to "reject" a man is just to be totally straight with them, but still be sensitive! Three days later, Thomas' new profile has received over messages.

Most Helpful Girl

Oh yeah, I think I've seen this comment before. Do not complain about other subs here or post to push an agenda. Do they think that being a decent human being is something spectacular? Afterwards, they "just happen" to go back to his place, he "just happens" to have some drinks to share, they "just happen" to start making out, they "just happen" to wind up in the bedroom, and so on and so forth…. Do you find it difficult to say those three words "I love you"? I don't want to project on you, you've shared very few details and if I were to speculate, I would be wrong. Eh, I don't think that's quite true.

I agree with what Ruby said, it's true she does sound like an immature jerk. Why are men so weak and threatened by anything. A woman for example? She obviously does not want to answer for whatever reason. It is her problem that you go out to find somebody who will. So go and find another girl! Ooo what a bad girl, why me why she did this to me. Cause you are not good at this. Man up and get a girl instead of blaming girls on how bad they are. You love them anyway, you are just not man enough to get one.

Women does not need a man who will tell her how bad she is. Maybe that is the problem. Some man can get her. You are man for pete's sake. Don't get hurt little five year old. You are the man and you can't take it? Make it into something good for her and she will respect you! Instead of blaming her and getting angry! Or she is even testing you! What kind of man you are. Good man is not going to cry because she screamed a little. No girl wants that one. No surprise that she walked away with another.

That she is harming people around her. And you have honor. They will lose respect for her and get one for you. But you are going to cry about it right? O o little boy. Stand up for yourself!

Don't get hurt or hurtful. Just talk to your coworkers get your friendship back. Ask them what proof aside from her words they have that they see you as creep. Get your friendships back! But instead you cry and act hurtful? Instead of showing how wrong she is you are making her right with your actions and wonder why the hell everything bad happens to you?

Get in control of yourself not others, but complete control of yourself. And get what you want and need! Ask for your money back bro, you lost in that Masters Degree of yours Also close this question. Why are women so harsh when they reject men? Dirty Looks, get away from me, etc etc etc.

I mean I am sure if a girl is lady about it and says it with class, I am sure a lot of guys wouldn't get mad about it. LOL I am not talking about just one girl, I am talking about different girls in general from my own experiences and other guys experiences as well. We were happy for a very long time, and the break up made sense.

There were a lot of mitigating factors, but it wasn't a "Okay, we're done now! We worked very hard to turn things around and make things work, especially in the last year.

Why does a relationship have to "grow"? Why can't it maintain? This isn't really a rhetorical question. That was a bitter, jagged, and not-so-little pill I was forced to swallow. I dated a girl for 2. However, then it started becoming apparent she had a lot of insecurities, and I was having too many naive expectations, and we both had a poor way of handling these problems.

This caused the relationship to get more acrimonious until I decided it was time to end it. But I was still deeply in love with her, so the breakup basically destroyed my self-esteem for a few weeks, and I didn't stop thinking of her for half a year.

That is not a weakness; that is life. There are a lot of women I know that I really like. They're fun to be with. I wouldn't be in a serious relationship with them though even if I wasn't already married that is. We just want different things out of life.

It's just how it is. The absolute worst time to date is the time you'll probably want to date the most: Dating while lonely is like grocery shopping while hungry. You'll agree to a lot of junk food that will leave you unsatisfied and feeling worse than you did before. You'll overspend, you'll try too hard and you won't leave any room for quality. Once you reach the point where you're okay just being alone, that's when you need to start looking for a partner.

You'll pick only the best, most fulfilling options, and you'll be more satisfied with your choices. I learned this the hard way. I've heard this said before many times, and while I agree in theory, this has not been true in my personal experience. I've always been happy being alone, but it hasn't helped me find a relationship in the past 2 years of being single, and it didn't keep me from picking horrible SOs in my relationships before then. Still trying to wrap my head around this one.

Also, I kind of think it's sad sometimes that being too interested is unattractive, while it's attractive to be as disinterested as possible, while showing just the bare minimum amount of interest and nothing more. You would think it would be the other way around. If you think about it in terms of economics, being disinterested is a signal for value. Basically, someone who is valuable is likely to have a bunch of better options. Someone with a bunch of better options is likely to only show mild interest in you.

Conversely, someone of low value is likely to have no options and therefore be likely to cling to whatever opportunity arises. So seeing someone overly interested signals that they are low value and therefore not worth your time. So disinterested assholes appear to potential mates to be higher value than they actually are, and lonely people appear lower value. A smart dater incorporates this into their dating strategy, including attempting to filter for actually high value vs.

I was dumped four months ago by the woman I love. I've gone out with around 14 women since then. There is always the first date, then the second date and then she'll either stop existing or declare that she hopes we can be friends forever I know that maybe I should wait but I really just want some intimacy. I couldn't give a fuck about the sex though it would be nice , I just want to hold someone's hand or look into someone's eyes while taking them for a nice date or making dinner together and maybe stealing a kiss and watching a movie afterwards.

Fuck, right now I just miss someone outside of my family telling me they love me. I agree with you, though. I miss the intimacy. To make matters worse, this bar in my city recently re-opened they sort of reinvented their image , and it's fucking awesome.

My buddy and I took our coworker there to celebrate her getting a new job, and the place was awesome. It seems like a fantastic place to go on a date: And, because I live in the middle of fucking nowhere, it's way cheaper than similar places in Ann Arbor that I've been to.

Breakup almost 6 yrs ago. Maybe 5 women I've "hung out" with to get to know them, 7 or so I've met through work, and god knows how many I've talked to online. THe online ones flake out after a couple conversations, or when I ask to meet up. The IRL ones usually become good friends, and little else. It get old though having your friends and family tell you how awesome and wonderful you'd be as a boyfriend, and yet never being able to get to that point with anyone you meet.

And no, it's not for lack of showing interest. THe 5 women were actually dates, with the implication of romantic interest that just kinda fizzled. The non-sexual intimacy is what I miss the most.

Sexual needs are easy to fulfill, although meaningless without an emotional connection. Finding a hand to hold, or someone to cuddle or kiss Someone who's eyes you can get lost in It's nice to be wanted in that way.

I mean I am satisfied alone, but more would be nice. You're a guy, you can't just wait for it to "just happen" like girls suggest unless you look like a movie star.

As a kid, I thought relationships "just happened". I would meet a girl, I would like her, she would like me, and everything else would just fall into place. Yeah, that didn't work so well. I'm 22 and haven't even been on a date. To any younger guys reading this: The baseline narrative of male-female dynamics in society as a whole is one that perpetuates the idea that men are the ones who act, and women are the ones who are "acted upon.

For so many women, relationships are something that "just happens," i. Taking an active role in making them happen just isn't a reality that a lot of women need to face. The reality is that the man has probably gone through a lot of research and trial and error in order to figure out where the good places to meet available women are.

The man "just happens" to approach her and strike up an amusing conversation. The reality is that he has probably invested a great deal of time and effort into alleviating his approach anxiety by weathering a lot of rejection. Not only that, but he has probably been busting his ass trying to improve several facets of his overall demeanor. The man "just happens" to coax her to the dance floor or a change of venue.

He "just happens" to lean in for a kiss. The reality is that he has probably run through this routine dozens of times, and because of this he has developed a good sense of reading how these situations progress.

Regardless, it's still on him to make that move and risk not only rejection, but his reputation as well. The man "just happens" to ask her out. The reality is that he's spent the time to build up enough experience to know where the best places to go are and what the most successful date plans are.

On that date, they "just happen" to have similar interests and senses of humor. The reality is that he has probably been through similar lines of discussion with plenty of other women and has developed a good sense of understanding how to create a good rapport and sexual tension. Afterwards, they "just happen" to go back to his place, he "just happens" to have some drinks to share, they "just happen" to start making out, they "just happen" to wind up in the bedroom, and so on and so forth….

The whole process is one of men acting, and women being "acted upon. Just listen to women recount memorable nights and dates. Everything, from their perspective, "just happened" to them. Women rarely have to put themselves out there at this level, and I think it is something that they are simply not aware of due to the fact that they don't have to be. That's probably why women tend to give such horribly ineffective dating advice. It requires a perspective that many of them have never had to acknowledge.

Oh yeah, I think I've seen this comment before. This is one of the reasons I laugh when people say things like "female privilege doesn't exist".

That's not why I laugh at this comment. I laugh at this comment because when I share it with my female friends they think we're making it up. They don't believe that men could need to put that much effort into dating, or that we could be that smooth or whatever.

I think the reality is that when faced with this explanation, they don't want to admit their complete and total lack of agency or ability to notice how curated their lives are. Even looking like a movie star requires some effort on your part.

I'm finding that, despite the steps we've taken towards gender equality in the dating world, the guy needs to be the one that takes the initiative the majority of the time. If you're not making a sincere, concerted, and consistent effort you'll likely die alone. If you want to date around, you've got to go out of your way to meet a lot of women, and accept that most of them will reject you, stand you up, ghost on you, or just suddenly lose interest for no apparent reason.

Wasting time trying to figure out why any of that happens will just bring you down, assuming you're confident and honest with yourself in the fact that you're a decent dateable guy. The only way to "do better" is to find and approach a lot of women, and you do this by finding your "right places," and putting more time into being there, which betters the odds of meeting women who will be interested in you.

It's a numbers game. Statistically speaking, most people are not compatible for looks and personality. It comes down to finding the rare one who is. I hate being 25 and still not financially independent and living with my parents as I make my way to my associate's degree in the mean time, all because I BS'd around back when I should've cared more about school.

I'm generally confident in myself. I work out regularly and I'm not a fashion model, but my clothes definitely get me by. When I'm meeting a girl for the first time, I try to spin my poorer selling points in such a way where I present them with a positive attitude rather than a negative one. It's terrible talking to girls via Tinder or in real life and seeing that moment when they decide they don't care about you anymore because you're 25 and don't have your shit together yet.

I think I'm a decently attractive guy, and I've been marginally successful enough that it doesn't get me super down. However, it's definitely noticeable and it really sucks. Seriously people, have your shit together. You can have everything else right but if you're life isn't quite in order, you're going to lose a lot of potential women on that basis alone.

If you at least have your life in order, you have a buffer zone of being able to slack a bit in the other departments. I started off fairly confident. Dating has a way of completely destroying your self esteem if you don't make a certain amount of progress. I needed this, thanks. For me, this is exactly why I would rather die alone than make a sincere and concerted effort to start dating again. I haven't been able to answer this for myself. My experiences with dating have been negative more often than positive yet for some reason I still have the desire to keep trying, probably because it's a goddamn fantastic feeling when it goes well.

I guess I'm getting better at not feeling as bad about whatever negative experiences I mentioned, like getting rejected or stood up. Either that, or I've just been spoiled by the experience of my last relationship. In practice, even if that is true and I don't think it is, because all relationships and marriages have problems to work through , the probability is so low and there are so many obstacles to come.

It's a really cliche analogy, but it really is similar to a lottery. But there's always just enough to keep you going with relationships.

For me, what makes it so frustrating, is you can get those small glimpses of happiness and feels, but then it gets taken away for those lame reasons you mentioned. It's like when Charlie Brown runs to kick the football, but Lucy pulls it away at the last second. And since he really wants to kick it, he keeps falling for her trick every time. I'm just surrounded by people who have no issues with dating and hooking up, so I know it's possible and I'm confident in my standing as a dateable person so I guess I'm always trying to figure out how and when to hit my stride.

At least one can sort of "practice" dating whereas you can't really practice getting better odds in the lottery. Putting all of that aside though, I'm somewhat jealous of people who claim to have successfully forgone their desire to date and instead want to focus on other things that bring more to their lives.

I don't understand how they can get over the feeling of loneliness or the lack of physical intimacy. I'm not saying their wrong or insincere, but I'd really like to know how people just turn off their desire to date.

I'm one of those people. Being autistic helps with that, since my "natural" desire for social activity is lower than average. Some of the content there is too misogynistic for my liking, but the theoretical foundations have helped. I also highly recommend the stoicism philosophy, that's been very helpful to me as well. Meditations by Marcus Aurelius has been a top inspiration for me. But really a lot of it is just fake-it-till-you-make-it and forced acceptance, sadly.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't have many days where I threw pity parties for myself and wished for something better. I still do it occasionally on my bad days, like everyone has. There's a scene from Breaking Bad where Jesse gets his ass kicked for like the 10th time by some drug dealers, and when Mr. White asks him about it, he says:. I would argue, however, that in some cases the odds are stacked so badly against you that you really HAVE to consider whether it's worth the effort to try and "make the magic happen.

At some point, the odds are so bad, regardless of anything you can try to the point of you having to change intrinsic things about yourself, that it's less worth pursuing the effort. As someone who is likely compatible with only. Not worth it anymore. After the 90's, everything changed when the internet attacked. Infatuation and physical attraction will blind you for weeks - maybe even months before you finally realize who you are really dating. That seems to be something that no matter how many times it happens to you; the lesson is never really learned.

Its like you have to put a tattoo on your penis to remind you every time. Please define boring for me. At least, that's what I tell myself. I think there are two ways to be boring. You're not an interesting conversationalist. If you're bad at both, you're definitely fucked.

If you're super solid at one, you can cover for the other. Like a dude who is not super witty can get away with it if they have the coolest fucking job to talk about.

A dude who works as a line cook can get away with it if he's brilliantly witty in how he talks about it. I think the second one is more important to have, because it's way harder to be interesting and charismatic about things that you don't think are interesting or charismatic than it is for you to interest people with things that they already thing are interesting and cool.

Everyone's definition of boring is different and it is subjective. It also covers a wide variety of subjects, including physical attractiveness, sociability, and many other things. However, the more stuff you do , the more things you'll have to talk about. Being nice is like the pathetically low bar to reach to be considered a good catch for anyone with a head on their shoulders. Being just a nice person is pretty damn boring frankly. Being a good catch involves more than that.

Do they think that being a decent human being is something spectacular? The vast majority of people are decent human beings. In fact, if you label yourself as a Nice Guy, to me it just shows that you have a shitty view on other humans, which makes you a not very nice guy.

Well, yes, they do think it's a pretty valuable quality for a relationship. It's important to look at why they think that, though. Most of the time it's because they've grown up hearing that women hate being sexualized, that women are longing for someone to "finally" appreciate them for their intelligence and personality and not just to get in their pants.

These guys grow up and have female "best friends" who tell them how horrible all these other men treat them, and often will even utter phrases like "if only they were more like you", reinforcing that they're doing the right thing. When asking women for dating advice they are told how they just want someone who is "thoughtful" and "considerate" and whatever other "nice guy" things. These men begin to believe deep down that their attentiveness and emotional availability truly is something that sets them apart.

And it isn't mean-spirited or underhanded either. They've listened to women in their lives and tried to become the men that would make them the happiest. But as we know, it doesn't work. I agree with you -- you need more interesting qualities to really catch the eye of the opposite sex. But they were never really told that, so they've spent all this time trying to do the "right thing" and women don't seem to value it at all.

They get confused and frustrated and will sometimes lash out and say things like "women like assholes". Because you get this kind of guys: Two of them left me. One I just grew tired of. I wish, I wish I wish, that Henry was an isolated case. So when their mama the feminist just told them to be nice and let things happen some nice people can't understand why they have no relationship while shitheads can get relationships one after the other.

I read one article which described it really well, but can't find it now. It was basically saying that yes, if you have a career, manners, are stable, nice, etc. Which, in itself, is fine. It's just when you see jobless, abusive assholes who get into relationships on the regular that you start thinking "Yeah, I should do better than them".

So it's not so much thinking that being nice or a decent person is enough but thinking that being nice and a decent person should be better than being an abusive, horrible person.

But for dating and sex, it isn't. I remember being single well into my early twenties and really not giving a fuck about women being abused, beaten, etc. Movies get so many things wrong when it comes to relationships. For example, the hero barges in on his love interest and her SO, and professes his undying love towards her, and she makes up with him and breaks up with her SO, who seems unaffected by the whole thing.

I've noticed that romance is different in movies depending on whether the movie is tailored to men or women. Fortunately, life shits on both genders, because love at first sight turns into a short fling since he won't commit, and guys get friendzoned. Eh, I don't think that's quite true. It's pretty well documented that attractiveness increases as you spend time with people.

It's like the Ladder Theory the same theory that attempts to explain why single men and single women can never truly be just friends. But, for women, there are two distinct and separate ladders. And while ladder jumping is possible through extreme concerted effort, it is highly unlikely.

The link above should be read for humor purposes only. Is life truly that black and white? Probably not, but it's funny and feels accurate whether it actually is or not. Be warned, contains high levels of salt and sexist language. This is the origin of "love at first sight". A woman will be attracted to you or not the first time she meets you. There is nothing you could do to make her attracted if she's not attracted at first sight. Likewise, if she is attracted you can make mistakes and she won't lose interest.

I do this with women too. The typical scale is just silly and ridiculous to me, and none of my friends use it either. If a girl is in the "5 range" or "10 range", there is absolutely no difference to me. My level of attraction to a "5" or a "10" is based completely on personality, and has nothing to do with looks. But if you're in the "no" range, you can have the world's greatest personality, but I will probably not feel any butterflies.

Basically, personality means everything and looks mean nothing to me, as long as you're in the yes range. I completely made this term up, and named it after myself. If you really, really, really like someone, it doesn't necessarily mean they like you back.

My dad once told me, "Son, what's the difference between true love and herpes? One of them lasts a lifetime. Condoms don't protect you from herpes. And most people don't even use them when having oral sex. A lot of new herpes infections are form the oral virus infecting the genitals. And if you're a man in the U.

Also, to piggy back on this: Ask for the herpes blood tests and for gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, hepatitis, HIV, and get the fucking HPV vaccine. Also, know that sometimes your doctors office will try to talk you out of it "if you're not showing symptoms, you don't really need to They work for you. If you want any level of success you will need to work at it, being patient and waiting for the right moment is not an option.

Some of you guys that stay home and play video games a lot like myself are going to realize that you're going to have to give a lot of that up if you want a girlfriend.

I love how right now I can come home, hit the gym, eat a super simple meal, which I've likely been eating all week, then go to bed if I want. I think I'll throw my gun in the jeep and go to the range, maybe I'll get my motorcycle running, maybe I'll just sit on my back steps and get drunk with my neighbor.

I know that if I get a girlfriend a lot of my feral bachelor activities will come to a sudden halt. I'm not entirely sure I want that to happen. At the same time, I'm starting to realize that all my friends are seriously coupled and aren't going to have time or patience for my debauchery. You can, but you won't try hard enough to find a girl who likes all of those things, just complain about how stereotypically most women don't like those things.

Since I live in a small town it isn't that hard to find a girl with similar interests. The tough part is finding one that doesn't have 2.

Imsges: why is the dating world so harsh

why is the dating world so harsh

Or you could find a girlfriend who likes video games as a hobby I wouldn't be in a serious relationship with them though even if I wasn't already married that is. I was with my ex for a decade.

why is the dating world so harsh

Don't just smile while you let the world walk on you. What they don't seem to notice is that he looks and acts like a grownup.

why is the dating world so harsh

What they don't seem to notice is that he looks and acts like a grownup. If you're a 6, you're probably trying to get 8s and getting annoyed that you can't get anywhere. One of them lasts a lifetime. Being a good catch involves more than that. Hmmm why is the dating world so harsh hatsh you are describing seem to be very immature and so rude! Men rate women on a gaussian. The numbers for males, by age, are:.