30 Deep Questions To Ask Someone Before You Get In Too Far
Would they spend it on you or them? If the answer is yes, then you may want to re-think your future with them. Looking forward to connecting more and being a resource.
Both values are good, but if not articulated and discussed it could be a point of high conflict if the responsible person likes consistency and persistence, while the risk-taker likes changing things up and going for the impossible. Pin It Tweet Share. An expensive car is usually something people get to show off to others. You also need to know about how the other person feels about kids, yes, no, number, who raises them lifestyle locations, city, suburbs, country, nomad marriage , soon, later, never religion, same, different, important, not important family, close, absent, involved recreation, outdoorsy, night life, traveler, sporty…. Before you fall too deeply in love, it is important to know some things about your mate. Ask yourself whether you are better of with or without them.
Is he an adventurer or a history buff? If you like to climb mountains and he would rather grab a good book on the beach, that could cause problems in your future. This question will tell you what they value. An expensive car is usually something people get to show off to others. Having different mindsets about the importance of what you show to the world can cause real difficulties about spending habits.
What if you wanted to go on a sabbatical to Africa to help underprivileged children? Would they be willing to let you go, and support you in your dreams? Likewise, if you wanted to become a porn star, would they be okay with it and back you up? It is important to know where they stand on fostering your dreams and if they will provide you with unconditional love and support. In-laws can be a very positive or destructive force in a relationship. They may like you now, but if something happened to change the dynamics, who would your spouse back?
If someone is lonely, they are more likely to want a closer relationship where you do everything together. If you are more of an independent soul, that could leave one person always feeling isolated and sad.
That will eventually lead to problems. Loneliness in a relationship — 4 whys and 7 ways to fix it ]. There are times in a relationship when someone may want or need something from you that may be uncomfortable for you. Ideally, you want someone who is willing to stand up for themselves and what they want, but you have to know to what extent. If they always put you first, it can lead to losing respect for them. If they always put themselves first, it can make you feel less loved.
It is important to know where they stand on this issue and what their beliefs are with regard to what you should do for your partner in a relationship. Do they put the person they love before themselves, or do they believe their needs go first? The way that they answer may give you a clue about what is truly inside.
Are they a jealous person? Every time you see an old love, are they going to make an issue of it, or use it to belittle you, or make you feel poorly? Figure out which end of the spectrum they fall on.
How to deal with jealousy in a relationship ]. What is it that defines a bad person for them? If they think the worst thing anyone can think of them is that they are selfish, you are likely to have found someone who puts others first. Who do they want to be? How do they view children? Do they want to parent as a team, or is it couple first, children second? Neither is right, but it is important to know how they view children in a relationship and what place kids will hold.
Do they believe that behavior like bullying or crying are deal breakers? If smoking is a no-no, you should know that before you admit that you smoke when you drink. What is a good relationship? Here are the signs. What are their expectations about what a healthy sexual relationship is? Most people think sex should happen all the time in the beginning. Then, when children come along, romance and sex take a backseat. It is important to know how much they value sex in a relationship over the long term.
If you think that the key to a healthy sex life is trying new things, then it is critical to know whether someone is willing to be open and share new sexual experiences with you, or if missionary is all that they are interested in trying. Would they spend it on you or them? Would they save it or spend it? This question will tell you if they are generous or stingy with their money. Money management for couples ].
How comfortable are they with themselves and being alone? They want to have someone to make their life more meaningful, rather than fulfill a need. How open are they to different opinions? Do they judge people for what they believe? It is important to be on the same political wavelength, but opinions change. Are they open to new ideas and discussing uncomfortable things? Does this thought excite you or does it make you feel like you just digested a can of the before mentioned Play-Doh?
Yes in marriage you still are your own person. And you need to have your own identity beyond your spouse. One of the biggest lies of our culture is that attraction is solely about appearance. If you can just get your hair, abs, complexion, and clothes just right, then The One will scamper to you like a squirrel to a nut factory. However, attraction runs much deeper than looks. And unsuccessfully trying to catch up. We all have values that direct us and help us make decisions — problem is most of us have never articulated what those values are.
Not all values are the same and sometimes you can have two very good people with very good values, but those values can feel at war with each other. Both values are good, but if not articulated and discussed it could be a point of high conflict if the responsible person likes consistency and persistence, while the risk-taker likes changing things up and going for the impossible.
Take me for example, one of my core values is authenticity. I struggle being in a job, friendship, situations, etc. Thus my career path has been anything but straight-forward, which could drive any sane person crazy. Thankfully, my wife has been very supportive because she knew this was the way I was wired from the beginning and it aligns with her core beliefs, as she enjoys change and pursuing things off the beaten path.
Are you fitting and conforming to some abstract idea of what you think they want? Or are you blossoming and flourishing into who you really are? Is your partner trying to force you to become like some figment of their unrealistic dating imagination?
Or are they challenging you to become a better, authentic you? Not trying to change you, but trying to bring the best to the top. However, for many of us our fallback communication plan will be the one our parents laid out for us. Holidays, especially, are giving you a glimpse into how your partner has been taught and trained. Your partner can look and smell like a rose, and yet continue to prick you with their sharpened barbs.
Does your partner seek out ways to understand how you receive love and meet that need? Do you do the same? When someone loves from their strengths they know who they are and are drawing from a deep, full well to give to you without demanding a drink in return. Honestly, going into marriage with my wife I really struggled talking about money. I let money and the honest conversations about it become a wedge in my relationship.
Conversations about money can be the great time bomb in a relationship. When you think about your future together, can you list three things that you think would be excruciating to let go?
Identify what you feel are non-negotiables now so you can avoid any large, gaping ravines ahead. Does religious faith play a role in your present and do you want faith to play a role in your future? What do you truly believe about how to live your life and what happens when you die? Weighty questions, I know, but important ones. I really believe that if there are large differences in your faith now, those will only become bigger and more cumbersome as your relationship progresses.
Especially when kids come into the equation. How will you raise them? What do you want them to believe? Like that yearbook from our awkward years, we all have things we hope our partner will never lay eyes on. And marriage has the amazing ability to take all that you hoped remained hidden, and put it on stage for a nationally televised interview that your in-laws will be watching.
Begin to ditch those bags now. Marriage is budgets, laundry, broken toilets, work, weddings, funerals, births, and everything in between. Because marriage is built on a million more mundane moments than magical.
How do you envision marriage after 10 years? Are you traveling the world with your spouse? Do you have three kids encased in white picket glory? Are you both working corporate jobs? Are you doing missions work in a different country?
Do you have six kids and are driving a bus across the nation to perform a family rhythmic gymnastics routine at county fairs?
Imsges: what to ask someone before dating them
The conversation can happen in your home, in a coffee shop, at a park, or anywhere that is semiprivate enough for a serious conversation but also public enough so that the person getting dumped can escape right away. This is where the dating process comes in! Being single means you'll see your friends more, attend those extra happy hours which you would have previously skipped for your SO , and pay more attention to your own happiness and well-being.
Is he an adventurer or a history buff? Do others respect him? What are your thoughts on online dating or tinder?
No relationship is perfect. Or are you blossoming and flourishing into who you really are? How to build trust in a relationship and make it last bffore. When have you felt your biggest adrenaline rush? Customize Select the topics that interest you:
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