Types of scams
Hey Tony i met this girl yesterday at a party. I logged onto the PC a little after and it brought up his facebook account and he was mid messaging her. I am a little over a year of rebuilding my marriage after finding out my husband was having an affair with a coworker.
In my books, abusive is about violence, trying to control someone or put them down repeatedly by trying to make them feel small. It was this young single enrollment lady from his workplace. I eventually found out he had been out for a drink with this women and when he first made contact told her we had a open relationship. I caught him now twice texting other women. We will stop and it continues.
Strong, confident, independent women want to know: The answer might surprise you. Gender roles are a lot more fluid than they used to be. When you rely on texting too much, you could be sabotaging a budding relationship.
Millenials comprised of year-olds have grown up in the age of the Internet, with cell phones…. The close proximity, the long hours working as part of a team, the fact that you have a lot of interests…. Today, the message could be from work who consider it fine to email at weekends and late at night , your bank confirming a new payment or a flirty text from a work colleague.
In the happiest marriage, it is easy for technology to intrude and come between you and your partner. So even if your suspicions are ungrounded, it is worth having a debate about when and where it is acceptable to use your smartphone. How to turn it round: There are no right or wrong answers when it comes to smartphone etiquette but what gets our attention is what thrives.
Think about what message you are giving to each other if you routinely put interacting with others on your phone over your relationship. Miners used to take canaries down pits to warn of the approach of harmful gasses. If the canary died, it signalled the need for a quick exit. Ultimately, it is better to try and solve the root causes — before they tip over into more dangerous behaviours — than get diverted into discussing is texting another woman cheating.
The first approach will provide information that might be useful for rescuing the relationship but the second only invites a counter-attack. When he stops mentioning her, you think the madness has passed and you can breathe again. Does he seem to find constant fault or is irritable and snappy for no reason?
You will also avoid the trap — which many women fall into after an affair is discovered — of blaming yourself for not acting sooner. Nobody will step back, look at their behaviour through fresh eyes and assess the impact on other people, when they feel under attack.
They normally defend themselves, counter complain or close down the conversation by walking away. So keep an open mind and truly listen to what your partner has to say. If you give him this courtesy, he will probably return it. Perhaps he thinks you spend too much time chatting to your friends too.
If one, such as my wife, were engaged in an affair which may still be continuing over the phone should you offer a carrot such as allowing them to continue to talk but for her to share the information with me doubt she will share it all? Does it ever stop?
What did you do that helped. Please let me know. However, you can talk about it together — calmly. I have a simple mantra that I use to explain assertiveness: Saw it one night on her phone and he was coming onto her. I sent him a message to back off. But it still continued while I was at work or she was out at her friends. They continued flirting, I managed to see some of the messages before she deleted them. As I know her tastes quite well.
After about a month she defriended him on Facebook, she seemed quite upset about it, but within a week found out she was now messaging through twitter instead. It gets worse when she has had a drink and seems to crave his attention which can be sporadic, also her friend encourages it acting as a go between. This has been like this for a month, and sometimes no contact for a week. We have started counselling but she still seems intent to split up, despite getting on well most of the time and not been anything that had acted as a trigger point.
She has made no attempt to meet this man, nor him either as his he comes across as someone who tries this a lot with different women in the hope of sex. I can certainly believe it has been the worst year of your life. But most of all, set yourself some goals on how you can make your half of the marriage better and start implementing them.
Thank you for your reply Andrew. One of the most important thing we have in our relationship has been faithful to one and other and trust neither of us would consider been unfaithful. So when the double header of my partner wanting to split up but also escaping into her fantasy emotional relationship with someone else, it was hard to cope. I can understand the feeling of excitement and if she was unhappy how it proceeded. I get accused of putting to much pressure on her or not showing any efforts of changing.
I was glad to read about the uncertainty been ok and a chance to make improvements, as most people I have spoken to has said she should make her mind up. Situation is not logical… we are working on the relationship and both trying hard, yet underneath there seems to be some difficulty in letting go, which I understand and acknowledged with my partner. There is a dark shadow that can appear out of no where in our own home and it is uncomfortable for me.
I know it seems bad but please listen to what your wife is saying. My husband has always worked in a male dominated area. I have never feared him cheating really as he has been very openly critical of people he knows cheating and was quite shy when we met with me having to make the first move.
About a year ago they got a new receptionist he told me she was young, very pretty and had posed naked in a lads mag. He started talking about her all the time.
Anyway that died down and I forgot about it. At xmas he had his work party afterwards he was really grumpy and off with me and I had this horrible sick feeling something had happened. I logged onto the PC a little after and it brought up his facebook account and he was mid messaging her.
Other chatty messages were exchanged when we should have been putting our son to bed and another night when I was out and he told her he had all the time in the world as we home alone. All these messages have been kept from me. A while later he had another work do he said he would be home early and he got home at 4am again he was grumpy and off with me. Next work do he lets slip that at the last do he gave her a lift, it is not on his way and he was picking her up again.
This time he got home at 1am. When I look back through his facebook seach history he is looking her up on a fairly regular basis. He looked a little panicked but asked me what I meant.
He asked if it was just circumstantial and I said yes. He told me nothing was going on, shes not his type and they are just friends. Since then he has continued to look her up on facebook even when he was on a night out with his mates. I am often complimented by other men on my appearance and I try to look nice and stay fit, but this girl is 10 years younger than me although she is due to get married later tis year.
It sounds like you might have been alerted before anything serious has happened but the red lights are flashing and you need to find out why he is becoming so detached. My husband has been cheating on me for over a year, all the signs were there, he warned me but because he never actually told me he wanted to leave I thought things were okay.
Our relationship has improved so much since he told me, he is very open and honest about it all. He rented a place with her and split his time between us. Apparently only having sex with me which I actually believe.
He has taken our kids to meet her numerous times because she is having their sister. But she is having this baby, he is returning to his home country for maybe a year, she plans to follow him there 3 months after the baby is born. So I need coping strategies for the next year. And your advice about not talking to friends, so true. Omg there is no way if my bf cheated and on top got a girl pregnant I would stay with him. He is getting his cake and eating it too. Of course he is having sex with her and u.
Men are such liars. I been through soo much bs now I. Ant take it anymore. No body should have to deal with this crap. Stupid websites and phones ruin it all. I hope that my book helps you to find some new strategies. Just keep asking more and more questions, so he has to think about his strategy and come to the obvious conclusion: Hello, I happened to watch your video, my husband is texting someone … And have a night with her..
Almost ruined our family. How can I avail your book? I have deal with it, painfully, imaginable that I have forgiven him for his sinfulness. I am in the process of acceptance. I have forgiven him but still very fresh.. We are talking constantly. After talking to our elders friends, they advised us to seek closure and she was sorry. My husbands infidelity has changed my world drastically, scared, lonely, firm, angry, hate, hopeful, encouraging, questions… but I still love him and I want to guide him if he said it was a mistakes he insisted we drifted apart… Maybe not me,..
He said, our sex life was no longer passionate on my side as he can feel It was a duty on my part.. I have loved him everyday, missed him for the last 5 yrs we were apart in his kind of work at the oil rigs.. Not enough time with me.. And not enough time with his children.. My husband is having an affair with someone who I know. I discovered this affair about 1 year ago.
It has been so hard this year trying to get over this but the problem is he is not fully admitting to the affair. I found so many things in his phone, changed behavior.
We have two kids and when I had my second one in , this is when I think the affair began, it was hard for me to give him the attention he needed. But I have made changes. He keeps saying that this woman is helping him with a career change because he hates his job but its a cover up.
Lots of things your wrote make sense. About the carrots and why he is still having this affair, but how do I know if its working or if I should keep trying to save my marriage. I see myself becoming obsessed with her, where he is going, what he is doing. It is driving me crazy. Dear Alicia, You can get my book from amazon or order it from any book store. The important thing is to keep talking and listening to him. However, I wonder if you have forgiven him too soon.
It takes time to reach this point and pushing yourself to be this generous, this quickly could be putting yourself under too much pressure. For example, what are her qualifications for this role? How much influence do you really think she has? In this way, he will, hopefully, begin to face the reality.
Their discussions are not about career development. I know this is screamingly obvious but he needs to face this for himself, and decide for himself rather than being FORCED to shut down contact. The lying has and still does concern me, the waiting for her to break up with him bothers me too. At what point am I supposed to consider that maybe I am being brainwashed and maybe I am being abused?
I feel so confused. In my books, abusive is about violence, trying to control someone or put them down repeatedly by trying to make them feel small. Where does regular marital spats, like trying to stop your partner going out on Friday night become trying to control them and when does name calling — which sadly many regular couples do and apologise for afterwards — turn into verbal violence?
A man whose life is out of control, running around like a headless chicken and trying to keep everybody sweet. What could easily be happening is your co-worker is looking at your marriage through the lens of what happened to her. She was abused by her partner and sees abuse in yours. It might not necessarily be the case. So when do you leave a relationship?
There is more on my next post: Husband cheated and had a baby. Hes a great father and loves his family. And never gave me a reason to accuse him of cheating. Anyhow as of July he got offered a job and was a self employed contractor through insurance companies.
So he began to travel and we was not use to this life style so i would call him throughout the day and he seemed fine at night was a different story he started drinking A LOT reminder he never drank like he did while he was outta town for work. So I did get upset but still kept my trust in him. Then I found out more that a girl from hooters took his phone in added herself to his fb? So then I find out a few weeks later he went to a strip club down where he was so that started a argument.
Well I got passed all that but felt that he was no longer happy at home. So I tried to be a better person. But then I just felt like he was being distant from me and hanging out at strip clubs for lunch with his business partner. Well then comes around and he finds a message in my inbox and I have been deleting the past messages between me and my old high school friend who is a male. And I know I was wrong for doing that and admitted my faults.
So I let this guy comfort me I guess you can say. But I felt like I needed another point of view from another man. Until my affiance told me. Things got better so we ended moving 6 months later to a new home got closer; thought things were great he stopped working outta town shortly after I found out about the strip club thing. We have NEVER been separated or nothing like that and I let him be himself like we joke and I let him joke about other women n front of me because I think its all just n fun.
BUT then this past month has been Hell!! I found out my neighbour friend and him were being too flirty, she would stay overnight on our couch — basically moved n cause we felt sorry for her cause she just got out of a abusive relationship and has 2 kids.. And there was 2 times they was in our home alone when me and my kids were gone.
So then I confront him he says its from us 3 months ago but my house is spotless! Then he says well it must have came from being stuck down n the washer which I know could happen but it would look more damaged discoloured or something.
So I ask her she totally denies — just says it was all in acting funny and playing around but never sexual. So she starts coming up with reasons as to why I found a condom. But he did show interest in her by asking her for nude pics that she sent to his phone. But its all supposed to be outta fun and it keeps a man from cheating. She also went to work with him to do a cleaning job and they was gone from 8: But ALL this is just fun n play???
Why do you have to delete if it was just jokes, I let him joke so why have to hide it from me? Any advice on this? I have to get opinions. You know something is wrong with your relationship. Instead of accusing each other and denying everything, you need to learn how to talk and listen to each other because I sense two people who are lonely, unhappy and frightened. It was almost i know what i was looking for..
I know he loves me and after the way ive seen him upset and begging me for forgiveness, i feel sorry for him, but i cant get over this emotional affair he had with this girl.. God I feel so sorry for that man. The answer has to be NO. She or he is NOT the same person we fell in love with.
Good Luck and God bless. So what should you do? The book will explain more and how to react in a timely way rather than just panicking. Hi Andrew, My husband has been constantly texting his co-worker anytime of the day.
Even if we go out or at home they are exchanging messages. I feel that this not normal anymore,that there is something wrong… I am planning to talk to my husband about it but still thinking of the right approach I should do… Pls help me.
You should definitely talk to your husband. I would be genuinely curious and ask questions? What does she write about? What does he write about? Why does she need to contact him so often? What is the impact on your relationship? Keep asking questions as this get him to look at this with fresh eyes.
As you were so tolerant of other people crashing in your daily life, I would guess that your friends are able to do the same. Hi i need advise please. I have been a single mum for almost 11 yeyears and am in a relationship with a great man. The relationship moved very fast and he is now living with my daughter and i.
We dont fight, he is with me every night and rarely goes out alone apart from the day when we are both at work. I know i should feel secure but i have a gut feeling something isnt right. He never leaves his phone unnattended..
I know his ex who is engaged and lives in another state messages him. I have said this is inappropriate as she used to chat to other guys as a revenge when she was with him. I dont want to be parranoid but i feel something is amiss. I said it was non negotiable for him to tell her not to contact and basically he negotiated why it should be ok she is just a friend ect.
Do i trust my gut? My husband and I moved to California about five years ago after being together for five years already and married for six months to be closer to my family. Once out here, we tried to involve ourselves in some activities to meet new people. My husband joined a co-ed softball team and there was some mutual interest between him and another player. I confronted him and after telling me that he was looking for attention I was working crazy hours at my job at that point , he said he would stop talking to her…which ended up not happening.
That information made me very upset and really made me think that our relationship were over. I have a 6 year old and we make a great family together. When this happens he hides away for days and makes it my fault. In march he sent her an email from our joint business email by mistake. Any advise would be so helpful- I have to protect my daughter. Thank you in advance! Try listening to him! At this point, he will probably begin to see the holes in his logic.
If he answers, we will be properly committed then. Ask him, are we not properly committed now? By this I mean, witness the distrust but look at the thoughts that drive it. The crucial thing is not to panic and force him to decide. What happened was a girl started messaging me, an old friend, and we talked on the phone some and texted back and forth a lot, catching up on things, it was exciting to hear from her after so long. I told my wife the same day that my friend contacted me and we caught up, she took it well but later she started becoming jealous as I was texting her a lot.
All innocent, friendly banter, talking about trips and kids. So she found me with a half written message and the stuff before it was deleted and she is very angry at me now. I feel so horrible, I am not a cheater and I do not want to feel like one in the eyes of my wife.
I love her to pieces and want to show her I mean business. Thanks for your post. I really like the end of your post where you start to think WHY your wife is jealous. Ask some more questions. Make certain you really understand and then repeat back your conclusions. She will probably want to change an emphasis or make a few changes. I am in a similar situation and it has really been getting me down.
Is it unreasonable to be happily married, and to enjoy communicating with a mutual female friend as well? I think you are in a dangerous place and should take a long hard look at your marriage.
How happy is it really? You sound resentful, fed up and, if you were a teenager, about to slam your bed room door. What would happen if, instead of keeping your resentment to yourself, you spoke to her about it? However, I would be very surprised if this was the case. In the beginning, they limited texts to strictly pick up times and where they were meeting. However, after a couple months, they started having frequent texts throughout the day, up to 70 texts sometimes.
I asked him if he could possibly limit their texts to just work or carpool-related subjects or at least limit how many they have in a day if they are unrelated.
I got extremely upset, especially when he compared me to his father, who was incredibly controlling and abusive. That worked for about a week, and then they went back to the usual conversations. I know he likes talking to her, and compliments her on her wit and how smart and nice she is, and I wonder how much is strictly about respect for a work colleague and how much is infatuation.
I think at the very least he enjoys the attention, even though she is married. He claims there is no attraction, but I constantly question it as he and I have been having a hard few years. I feel that even if he is not attracted to her now, he may be in the future because of her other qualities, and I have no clue when their carpool might be at an end.
He even said not long ago that he kind of saw what I meant when he looked back at their texts, that they were somewhat flirtatious. Do you have any advice for how to proceed? Should I tell him to go ahead and tell her it bothers me so she might at least stop instigating it? Well done for taking such a considered approach.
I think you need to approach this on three fronts. When is it acceptable to look at your phone and when not? Where can you look? Is the bedroom a no go area or times when it is OK. How do you both feel about hearing a ping and one person breaking away to deal with it? My husband of two and a half years been together for 9years are going through a very challenging time in our lives.
He was recently fired from his job of 12 years. We met at this job 10 years ago. We had a mutual friend from there and after I left, my husband and her became closer than her and I. I never thought anything of this because her and I still talked occasionally and even did things still.
About six months ago I happened to see my husbands phone flash with a text message and I went to respond letting her know he was busy and to just say hey. Do you know if your relationship is healthy? Is your relationship really becoming abuse-free? Answer yes or no to the following questions to find out. Make sure to check the box to record your responses.
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When Consensual Sex Becomes Rape.
Imsges: texting dating websites
At the moment my husband and I are not staying together.
If you have three children, I would vote for trying again but trying to solve this as a team. It sounds like she is not interested at the moment. We talked extensively and I feel very calm about this at the moment.
She texts me the next day. Well then texting dating websites around and he finds a message in my inbox and I have been deleting the past messages between me and my old high school friend who is a male. I met this girl in line in a movie theater and we started talking for a while until the movie started. Do you know if your relationship is healthy? I texting dating websites one direction dating games free online of making excuses on why he wehsites this to me and I know I am a good girl dting what not but in the end he chooses me and tell me he loves me. They were so cruel and full personal attacks against me. And one a subconsious level she knows it.
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