Why giving up booze is only half the battle for a recovering alcoholic - Telegraph

Why giving up booze is only half the battle for a recovering alcoholic

recovering alcoholic dating drinker

I called his mother and we admitted him for detox. If he deals with it, great. I would give up anything including my life for her. He does all of his drinking at home, in the car on the way home, or with our friends. There have only been a few instances in which he became physical an never towards me or our 2 daughters, but rather things like punching the wall, etc. That lasted for a brief bit both times.

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If you say something sexist at work, will you lose your job? But he seemed like a wonderful guy. I do not drink and never have as both my parents were alcoholics. He was very combative to me AND his 76 yr old grandmother, spitting in our faces, kicking us and cussing us. I coexist with him somewhat independently.

He drank before he took his wedding vows and he came to the hospital drinking to pick me and our brand new baby up to take us home. He has very deep seated issues father abandoned him at 11, little sister died of cancer when he was 18 and 3 mos later his alcoholic mother committed suicide.

He is also Bipolar and takes medication for it. He is a doting dad and husband. Four months ago he agreed to get help and did 30 days in rehab. Three days after he got out he binged so hard we had to take him to the ER because he was vomiting blood. He was very combative to me AND his 76 yr old grandmother, spitting in our faces, kicking us and cussing us. Two days later he drank again and kicked me out. As I was trying to pack stuff for me and my baby he threatened me with a sword i had already hid his guns.

His friend came by to talk to him and he beat him up. In the past few weeks, he has wrecked his truck twice one a hit and run lost our dog we found her 3 days later got arrested for public intoxication while urinating in a church parking lot of all things, and the worse thing in my book just happened the other day. I have tried detaching but when someone is threatening to basically destroy everything around them I am afraid I have no other choice but to leave.

I run a fairly successful business and am so worried he could hurt someone and they could sue and somehow take everything I have worked 9 yrs to build. I did and do love him.

He knows how to manipulate me though into thinking that he will just get worse or kill himself if I leave. It is so hard when the next day the good guy is back and tells you how sorry he is and how much he loves you and the child. He always makes me believe he will try harder. I am terrified that I will leave and he will die and I have to explain that to my child one day. Yet I am more terrified if stay that she will become an alcoholic one day.

I was a drinker a lot of it was to cope with him and a smoker when I found out I was pregnant and alcoholism runs in my family. I could easily be an alcoholic and I think I pretty much was one I drank a bottle of wine a night and then some by myself.

But I stopped smoking and drinking on the spot when I found out. When I look at my daughter I draw all the strength in the world from her. I would give up anything including my life for her. She inspires me to be the best person I can be. He drinks about 4 32 oz. His first stop after work is the corner store at which time he will purchase 2 beers. By the time I get home from work he has gone to the corner store at least one or even two more times and is working on his 4th 32oz.

He is loud and sometimes very aggressive. We have no relationship because he is so selfish and is unable to think about the feelings of those in the house. I have started making plans in my head about how to leave and do it somewhat peacefully. I am just at my breaking point to put my plans in action. Although I am scared on how I can be a single mom again only this time with two children. He apologized to me this morning for being verbally abusive last night.

I told him his apology means nothing any more because he still continues to act out. I have no addiction issues nor does anyone in my family so this is all new territory for me. There is no easy answer to my situation, especially when children are involved. I got married in We had not dated for very long. But he seemed like a wonderful guy.

My sister knew him and all of us attended the same church. I thought we had the same beliefs, overall morals. Not saying that anyone is perfect all of the time or anything.

His father is a pastor that teaches in another state. But I understand that none of this is their fault, but I trusted that he had some principles instilled in him that I also have. I think that he does. But anyway… I knew him for a bit before he had helped my sister and her husband paint their house and he was a handsome, personable, seemed like kind hearted individual.

Everyone though he was great including me. I had recently gotten out of a verbally abusive relationship with at different man I had dated him since I was It was wonderful, what a difference, he came to pick me up, he took me out to eat, my family liked him, he was sweet, not to mention very attractive, everyone thought he was a good guy, including me, I was completely impressed and we really started to understand eachother mentally and had a fun.

He drank some, but I thought it was just socially or you know we were on a date, I sometimes would drink one or two drinks but nothing major. He proposed to me three months later.

I was sooo excited, here he was finally a guy that understood me, had same values, same ducks in a row, family and friends liked him, and I found him extremely attractive. I admit it had only been a little while, but I had stayed with the last guy for 4 years….

But here was this gorgeous, understanding man who wanted to marry me and I thought we had a lot of beliefs in common. So we got married in July. I did notice some drinking things. Guess I was just trying to figure out whether the drinking was just social or not. They are not to blame, just I voiced some concern. Then I told him that I wanted to wait 3 months or that … I wanted to postpone the wedding.

He sobbed and pleaded on the floor, I am sorry I want to get married, I will stop drinking. Me being way too sensative believed his plea. He gets easily angered by sitting in traffic, throws the f bomb. Not to mention, this has been the story for almost 3 years now. When we came back from our honeymoon, everything was different. He had 12 beers or more a night all the time, like anywhere from nights a week. I told him it was stressing me out I could get sleep to get up and go to work.

He was always getting plastered and yelling and cussing at me and tell him me I was full of it. Sometimes even saying things that he said I said to him that i had never said before. The next day he just would be all lovey.

Act like nothing happened. Why are you in such a bad mood? I tried to tell talk to him to tell him I think there is an alcohol problem. He totally denys everything, there is no problem. So I went a long with it for years.

Same thing just kept on happening. Then he did start drinking a bit less, but always had to have the 16oz 6 pack. Lucky for us there is a bar right up the street from our house. You can walk there. So he went to the 6 pack and sometimes would go up to the bar to have one or two more.

Or get another 6 pack if we were in an argument about his drinking. Just helps for someone to listen. And yes I blamed myself a lot. Got to a point where I had acid reflux I swear because of all the stress, and not being able to sleep.

Always wondering what he was going to be like when I got home. Hey one night he might be ok, the next not so much. Just all so confusing and stressful for me too.

Well Feb I just had enough he came to pick me up at my parents where I had spent the weekend an hour away, we had already had to please stop drinking conversation a million times! He came to pick me up the car and him wreaked of booze. I had him pull over and called my dad. I stayed with my parents til April.

Then I missed him so much and wanted to make our marriage work somehow. I wanted to get help. I offered to go with him, etc. He was sober for a week. So I went back with my parents for a month. He did text me a lot while he was drinking and blamed me and text some awful things to me. Now it is June.

I am back at our house again. I wanted to take one last time to see if we could salvage anything. And trying to see if his temper without drinking will flair up too. His parents are coming into town next week. He only gets to see them once a year. I know he will be all sweet to me in front of them, like we just have a normal marriage and there is nothing wrong and if there is it is because I am depressed or I am not the most pleasant person to be around either. What is your advice?

I will really have to go back to school and live with my parents for a while, but just glad that I have a place to go. I feel so alone and bitter because of all the things that have happened. But just so angry that I always have to be the one to suck it up and act like everything is fine.

I want to try to fix it? That will take a long time to get back. Guess I will just have to see what he does for a while. Sorry so long, just been keeping it bottled up inside for 3 years …except to my family and friends.

My husband and I are newly married 1 year. I have 4 children from a previous marriage and he has 2 and I am now 2 months pregnant with our first. We married quickly but knew each other for a while before ever dating.

We would have drinks together on dates and everything was fine. After we married we quickly started fighting all verbal. I have never been a fighter. The fights we had would always escalate to screaming and crying because he would be soooo unreasonable, immature, and spiteful. I believe he is a functioning alcoholic.

Other times, there are the fights. I guess about once a month, but sometimes more. Calls me a liar. Many times He is over it in the morning and sometimes I get an apology, but the same topics plus new ones get brought up again later when the drinking starts. He gets very upset if the topic of his alcohol is ever even brought up. I also think he might be some what narcissistic..? Big topic I almost forgot. He was addicted to speed for about 3 years.

That was about years ago. As it stands there is no incentive for him to change anything. His bullying keeps you under his control and allows him to keep on drinking. If anything is to change, first you must change. You may have to go the way of his ex, but there is no way of knowing in advance what will happen with him if he can no longer scare you and bully you into silence. The stress is taking a toll on me, and our son, who just does not deserve this at all.

I have one question I hope you can answer for me, please:. Is it dangerous for alcoholics to stop drinking alcohol all at once? He refuses to acknowledge that he has a problem, so getting him to see a doctor about the alcoholism is impossible right now, there is no reasoning with him anymore.

Yes, stopping cold turkey can be dangerous. He does know he has a problem. For things to change, first you have to change. At present he has absolutely no incentive to deal with his alcohol problem or even admit he has one. You could start by talking with his doctor, even if he has forbidden it. When I first met my husband I drank as badly as he did. But i became pregnant six months into our relationship. But we got married before the baby was born. Now its way worse. He is unemployed and I work hard to support our family.

Can you offer any advice??? Your unhappiness is your center telling you that something has to change. You have to be safe no abuse and get a life. You are both being less-than-ideal models for your children.

He models the irritable, withdrawn drunk. You could be modeling the long suffering woman who stays with her man no matter what. I have been married to an alcoholic for almost 10 years and have 2 children and 2 step children with him, who have lived with us full time.

I feel physically sickened by the sound of a can being opened, even if it is a soda because the sound just makes me think of my husband opening ANOTHER beer. I go to bed alone every night while my husband stays up and drinks.

I feel so much anger and resentment for the years of incidents we have had to deal with surrounding his drunkenness.

I feel hatred towards him when he is drunk, when I hear him slurring I tell him to stop talking to me. I feel sick physically. I have been to ALANON and feel like they are so different from me, they are all either divorced or their spouses no longer drink. My husband does not want to stop drinking. I am a wreck and he drinks his way through life as relaxed as could be. His problem is a deep unhappiness, and facing it is painful to him…so he chooses to drink to reduce the pain, but at the expense of his family and marriage.

He continues to do it, and will continue to do it, because there are no consequences. The drunk is seldom the one to initiate change; rather, he avoids change by drinking. Eventually, I had to give in to my body, give in to the messages the universe was sending, and do something completely contrary to my beliefs: There were awful consequences, but it was the right decision.

Your job is to make some new choices about how you will live your life. It is not your job to know in advance how the details will unfold. He will be a part of how you support your family, just as he is now, but how you will get there is unknowable. All were planned, even though I knew it would be difficult….

When we have enough money to pay the bills and support his habit, things are easier. I know I must sound crazy for having more children with someone who has these issues, but he is a good father, and for the most part a good husband.

He has had episodes before but then periods of good times. I guess I kind of turned blind eye for so long. He drinks mostly straight vodka and often waits for me to go to bed before he hits the bottle really hard. I agree that I am co-dependent but I need time to get my career back on track after having a baby.

Its so frustrating that I am essentially alone every night being the responsible parent looking after our baby. After a year of this spiraling out of control this weekend I smacked him across the head when he said some really cruel things to me. I totally get the anger and hatred that is building up inside me like the previous person said. I look at him with absolute disgust whenever I see him wobble in the door.

Reading all these comments it looks like the only answer you give is to leave. There is no other solution offered. All the advice seems to be black or white. My husband is a highly functioning alcoholic. He works hard around the house and work. The alcohol does affect his quality of work and has caused me to be embarrassed many times. He went through treatment for cancer due to his drinking and smoking.

Then, he went right back to both. I have been to a few al-anon meetings and felt like it was just a gripe session. The biggest problem I have is that we adopted a 10 yr old boy last year. He sobered up and things started out pretty well.

Our son adores him and thinks my husband can do no wrong. I am usually the one that is the problem because I get angry over his drinking and irresponsibility. Our son only sees that they play and have more fun when Dad is drinking. This little boy has never had any stability in his life. He has been in foster care his whole life. He finally has parents and a home, family, pets and consistency.

I am the one who is always mad, crying or causing turmoil. We both drank when we met, but I quit and he drinks a lot more. He has been through detox and does well for a while. He is never abusive, just the life of the party and the fun parent. He forgets everything to have a good time. Our son thinks that is okay. I am a strong woman and would have no problem leaving and being on my own.

But, our son would want to be with him over me. He has a problem attaching to women due to his past and I would lose both the husband and the son. Our son thinks my husband can do no wrong. Even when he screws up, our son defends him. So, how do I walk away from a child that I have waited my whole life for? How do I break up a family that has just come together? I am thinking of getting some counseling for myself. I just want to smile and not be mad or depressed.

I have been married for almost 7 years. My husband definatly has an alcohol problem. The first 2 years of our marriage was great, but the past 5 have been an endless roller coaster ride. He is self employed so he works so called all day. We have 2 young children in which he rarely has anything to with. I barely see him but when I do he is drinking. I mainly want to just get it aired out in hopes to maybe feel better.

He has admitted before he has a problem but will do nothing to seek help. He is selfish and thinks only of himself. I feel abandoned, betrayed, and sickened by the sheer thought of him.

The only time he wants something from me is when he gets in the mood and tries to wake me up at 3 in the morning. Then after I refuse him he becomes verbally abusive. I hate going to sleep for the fear of him coming in and starting his tantrum.

I have stopped trying to stop him because the last time I tried he started drinking during the day to try and hide it from me. I am finding this to be a very interesting topic.

I believe my husband to be a highly functioning alcoholic but it is so hard to be sure what the difference is between excessive drinking and true alcoholism. I first noticed a problem maybe 15 years ago or so. I found a bottle of liquor hidden among clothes in the basement where he spent time on the computer. Then I found another and another.. My husband is very successful at his job but over the years he has lost interest in most things.

He avoids contact with me. Comes home late and usually intoxicated, but not falling on his face per se. Yet on special occasions he gives me beautiful gifts and lovely cards explaining his love for me. They have lost their impact.. Last week I fished out seven bottles of hard liquor from his workshop. Some hidden in the joists of the ceiling. He refuses to talk about anything of significance. This has led to many resentments and a lot of silence.

He does not even acknowledge the bottles. He is simply silent, does not make eye contact. Occasionally he throws a nasty insult my way or storms out of the house. Sometimes for a couple of days.. He is withdrawn by nature but in the last few years the silence has become painful. It has been hard for me to accept or even fully acknowledge all this for I have been suffering from panic disorder and agoraphobia for many years now, making me both scared and dependent.

However, I am at a point where I no longer wish to live in misery and silence. I suggested my husband leave the house. He did, last Saturday. It makes me very sad. Is there a way I can help this man, the father of my children.. IS this behavior, the behavior of an alcoholic?? It has been so many years and so much denial that certainty is difficult and with my limited mobility due to agoraphobia, answers are hard to obtain. I know everyone has a long story to write, but i just need a few moments.

We married and he started drinking with friends again. It has been over 8 years now. A couple times I have given the stop drinking or else ultimatum. That lasted for a brief bit both times. He drinks 9 — 15 beers a night. I have never let him ruin MY life, but it is really getting bad. But now I notice myself being grumpy too. Is leaving the only answer for me? I have thought about this for the last 6 years. Btw, he has a great job and is highly valuable and knowledgeable. He does not drink in bars or stay out.

He does all of his drinking at home, in the car on the way home, or with our friends. Help me, I am turning into a sad, not fun, grumpy, year-old mommy. If you are getting grumpy, take that as a warning from inside of you that something has to change.

My son was going to stop, by the time he did it was too late. His heart failed at My daughter missed her deadline too and died at His life and lifestyle are always his choice. If and when he chooses life over slow death, he will get help to change or he will change his life on his own, as many have done. Right now he has no incentive to change: Hi, I am soon to be 27 in a few weeks I have been with my husband for 5yrs.

Needless to say we have all the kids and nephew we raise on top of the five we have. I lost a lot of friends yes but I call them good time friends not real friends my two closest friends passed away in the past 4 yrs. My husband and I have been married for almost 30 years, we have 2 children. He had been sober for a while, but when he started drinking again 11 years ago I was devastated. His father and older borther was an alcoholic too, both of them died years ago.

I finally got help of therapy and Al-Anon about 7 months ago. He drinks almost everyday so I practice detachment. When I got angry, depressed and discouraged I go to Al-Anon meeting and learn to live again. Because I need serenity. I have been reading your site and am in awe and will be purchasing the book.

I love my husband more than life itself. We have 4 kids and my husband and I have very flexible schedules and share most lunches together. It is the part of my day that I love. My husbands mother is a 3 time recoving alcoholic, bipolar and has recovered multiple times from prescription drugs. His father has drank every since I meet him. He lives alone and drinks from 4pm to whenever he goes to bed which is usually in the early morning. My husband holds a good job and attends games and helps at kids practices but drinks heavily on a daily bases.

He is extremely stressed all the time. If we go out to dinner he orders doubles or triples. But most of the time he drinks alone at home. I am not a big drinker, never drink at home and may have a drink once a month if we are out to dinner. I know my husband loves me but he has said on binges that he wants a divorce and then next day its always my fault.

I sleep in a seperate room to avoid intamcy when he is drinking and that has not worked. Recently my oldest daughter told me to go in the other room when I was in my bed because she did not want to hear arguing when he came to bed and that I know how he gets. I have never been one to have alot of friends. I have surrounded my life around my kids, my kids friends parents and my family so I have always kept to myself. I am hoping this book works. I know my husband is an alcoholic functioning on most of the time but it has to be lonely in his world.

I often tell him that he would chose alcohol over me. Calling alcohol addiction a disease, which it is not, provides the alcoholic with a life-long excuse to drink. However, I have created and expend more energy into our business, I saved the money for, found, and bought our home, our vehicles, our furniture, our appliances, and so on. The problem is, we live in a community state, so if I file for divorce, then I will have to pay HIM allimony, and split the profits from the sale of the house with him-and give him a vehicle.

If he wants to overcome his alcohol abuse and reclaim his life, there is help. If you want to be happier with your life, there is also help. But you may have to confront your beliefs about divorce. I know from hard experience how tough that can be. What you are doing would be more appropriate at 75 that at Is this the life you want? Some people are happy with a pro forma marriage. What would you like your life to be? As far as the stuff goes, you built it, so you can do it again if you so choose.

If you want better, see a good lawyer. Sometimes a settlement can be reached where stuff replaces alimony. I am married to a wonderful man who has a terrible disease. He drinks whiskey on a daily basis. I too have drank but have since stopped. He gets home before I do and is usually drunk when I get home. When he is in this state, he is hard to talk to, deal with etc etc.

He becomes the martyr, everything is his fault and he gets mad and irrational and behaves like a child, throwing things down and slamming things. I am at my witts ends.

I love this man more than anything and will not walk away from while he is sickend with this. When he is not drinking, he is nice as nice can be. A very kind and caring loving man. But the mere smell of alcohol makes him into a mean, wanting the world to end man. He is not physical other than the words he uses. I have contacted my church but have not yet gone that route. I would love to go to Al-Anon meetings but do not know how to do so without him knmowing.

He would go through the roof if he found out. Is there any help for me out there? Where does one start to find answers? I love my husband and want to save my marriage. Thank you so much in advance! Calling it a disease provides a very convenient excuse to drink. And if he believes he has a disease, the he probably also believes recovery is hopeless. However, the brain tends to heal itself after the drinking stops. If he knew there was hope, would he clean up? Eileen and I have been married over 30 years, and we really care about our marriage, so I understand your commitment to your marriage.

If going to Alanon is looking after yourself, you do it regardless of his reaction. If you want individual professional help check this out. I guess I am confused now. I have always been told that alcoholism is a disease. I thought we were suppose to help those that had it. I am working on myself and doing what I need to do but I do not want to alienate my husband in the process.

He is a great man with a heart of gold, when he is sober. Unfortunately he is only sober when he is at work. What does one do?

This is new to me as I have recently stopped drinking and finally woke up. I thank you for any and all advice. I can understand your confusion, because alcohol addiction has been promoted as a disease by AA not by the medical profession for so long. I suggest you inform yourself by getting and reading my book. Unless your husband is seriously into control, how could it alienate him for you to look after yourself?

Perhaps if you start looking after yourself, he may too. Ive been married to Pat for 25yrs and he is not abusive or mean he is very friendly. He will drink about a 6 pk a night and once he opens one beer he does not know how to stop. He just keeps drinking til he falls asleep. About two years ago he went to a bar and I had a biopsy done on a lump in my breast and two night later my husband went to a bar and got so drunk he did not come home til the next day, I found out he stayed at a girls house because he could not drive home.

Still he would not tell me why he could not call me to pick him up from the bar. I talked to her and she said she was doing him a favor and not letting in drive home drunk. But she seemed so angry at him about something but would not say. The talking does not work any more.

What do you suggest? The deep loneliness is the most frequent complaint from women with alcoholic husbands. But the alcoholic is never the one to make a move. If he left you, he would have no one to blame for ending the marriage. And giving up victim-hood is unthinkable for most alcoholics, even the nice ones. Give him some incentive to change. He has none now. If there are changes, great! If not, it will be up to you to make a change.

It has come to the point that the more he drinks the less I drink. I am disturbed when he has his first drink at nine in the morning, but his rational is that he only drinks wine — never liquor! This man is a retired university professor whose hands shake in the morning before he takes his glass of wine.

And, of course, he drinks all day. But, again, he argues that it is not hard liquor and the Europeans drink wine all day too. I have given up drinking for Lent — he was going to give it up but changed his mind. My own alcoholism was at its peak during my university professoring days, so I know how much we academics could drink. However, France has the highest rare of cirrhosis of the liver in the world. It will accomplish nothing good…and you could become resentful.

Hi, I am glad I found this post. I am a 26 year old mother of one boy 5. My husband who is 30 drinks and average of 28 beers on the weekends, and 14 beers a night during the week. We both come from alcoholic families..

He has never been the same since that day. He tells me hes going to die young just like his father, how can I help him? What are the best steps to take? I left him for a year once, and he still drank. I feel so alone. My heart goes out to you Laura.

One way of looking at what he is doing is he is committing suicide. With professional help he can deal with his demons from the past and live a happy life. Meanwhile you have to look after yourself and your son. If your husband takes action to turn his life around, great! My husband and I have been married for 7 years. We have an 8 year old and a two year old. My husband suffers from degenerative disc disease in his back.

Something inherited form his dad. Anyhow, 2 year after we were married, he hurt himself at work and got unemployment for about a year. We were having lots of problems at this point already but we decided to stick with it. I had been working 2 jobs for most of the time we are married. He had a tubing accident while we were separated and he tore his ACL and had knee surgery.

Anytime I called him or came by to see him, he was drunk or drinking. I moved to an apartment with my daughter and he eventually moved in with us. He drank a lot. He was out of work and he was majorly depressed. He was on pain meds for his back and was not taking those properly at all. I came home one day and he was trying to commit suicide in the bath tub.

I called his mother and we admitted him for detox. He was in the facility for 1 week. It did nothing unfortunately because he still drank. He started hiding it in the house, because I told him it was not allowed. He finally got a job and probably worked for 6 months before he hurt his back on the job.

He was again still drinking, hiding, sneaking around. He started stealing out of the bank account large sums of money and would lie about it. One day, he picked up my daughter from school and there was an accident. I had to go pick her up because he was drunk, high, and non-functioning from combinations of who knows what. DDS was involved in our lives for the next year because when he was tested… he was positive for cocaine also.

I was completely overwhelmed.. Just afterward I had my 2nd daughter. He stayed in our home while going through treatment and he watched the girls for me when I worked… supervised only. He was in treatment and was able to go to another facility for drug rehab for a month. DDS ran from Jan -Jan. We fight like cats and dogs… I cannot trust him but I need a sitter for my girls.

I work long hours to make sure everyone is alright. No income at all. He was supposedly sober for the last year, but in November he was drunk on the cruise we took, and then I found out in Dec when he came home for a week, he was still drinking and in Jan when he wanted to come home again. I have a big double wide on his parents land and just want to leave it.

I make good money and I could just move and find another house. I want him to be OK, but I want to be happy too. He comes home from fishing trips drunk and picks fights.

The girls have to go through all the yelling and fighting. I told him that he could have the house but he has no money. What do you suggest.??? What you have been modeling while together or when fighting is stay together no matter what. Perhaps he and his parents can handle it. Babysitters can be found and they cost money.

You might believe he would never do that, but there is no predicting what a future partner might push him to do. Then as you move forward, get some professional help in unburdening yourself of the inevitable shame and regret. When we started living together is when I noticed the real issue. We have now been married for almost 4 years…and things are rapidly deteriorating.

My husband will be graduating from college at the age of 28 in one month with a degree in Marketing. He is by far one of the friendliest people you will meet…and unless you are very close to us, you would never be able to tell there is a problem.

My husband has always drank every night from the time he got home until bed…but recently he has switched from mainly drinking beer to drinking massive quantities of liquor. He knows hes an alcoholic, but believes there really is no problem since he continues to go to school maintaining a 4. The problem is…when my husband drinks, he becomes incredibly mean. There have only been a few instances in which he became physical an never towards me or our 2 daughters, but rather things like punching the wall, etc.

His typical MO is saying incredibly hateful things to me. I actually came on this site because this evening because of a fairly intense argument we had in which he LAUGHED at my hurt feelings and belittled the situation. Anytime I try to share anything with him that is less than positive…he becomes incredibly defensive and starts naming all the things he DOES do. He then told me he would be home later. I would definitely agree that I have become an enabler…and readily admit I am co-dependent…but I refuse to leave my husband….

There is always hope that he will decide he wants to leave the alcoholism behind and get the help he needs. Whether or or he decides to deal with it before your marriage deteriorates beyond the point of no return is the question, and you have no control over that. That popular belief is simply wrong. I hope he never buys into it. I was in my mid thirties when I left it behind, and I was drinking at about the same volume as your husband or a little more.

He drinks 6 beers a night without fail. I asked him before we got married if it was a phase or if he planned to always drink. I need to know what I should do at this point.

I do maintain my own life, complete with friends, family, work and social events, and he does work, he bought our house, and do things around the house.

He started drinking in order to sleep after his leg was broken in a car accident and he never stopped. What do I do? Your quite right to be worried. He is heading down a dangerous path. I have lost two adult children to liver disease related to alcohol. Be open with your friends, family, doctor about your concerns. He may not like it, but you have a life and you can talk with your friends about anything you want. That way you are not enabling his alcohol abuse, and his chances of choosing to leave it behind are increased.

You might find the book helpful. About 6 months ago our relationship just died.. Then the other night he finally confessed to having a drinking problem. He explained the amount, how often and how he felt about his drinking. I was gob smacked! The best you can do for your family is detach emotionally from his problem. If he deals with it, great. If he continues on the drinking, minimizing, lying, hiding path, then without visible emotion, take your children and leave.

Neill, I have been with my husband for 9 years, three years married and six years living together. He drinks only on the weekends, during the week his behavior is melancholic and rude. He exercises regularly to try to balance out his moodiness, and most of the time it does work. He has a bad temper and tends to throw fits every now and then, all of this is non-violent. I feel soo horrible, I have to put up with his moods and now this extra stress.

What should I do Dr. Please I need your help! What I said to Shannon applies to you too:. You are navigating through a major transition: Privately, you may cry your eyes out. Every doctor, therapist, helper, healer and pastor has to learn how to detach in order to avoid burning out.

Parents have to learn to detach. I just wanted to thank you. I finally hit my own bottom a week ago with regard to my husband of 15 years who has been a functioning alcoholic over the past 10 years.

I found this blog post and read it and the comments over and over. I also got support from Al-Anon. I realized what I must do to save myself and our children from being pulled into the abyss with him. Today I asked him to leave. We have a lot of live for, and a lot of good still in our lives.

Do you feel angry, confused or depressed most of the time? Do you feel there is no one who understands your problems? Did you grow up with a problem drinker?

A lcoholism is a family disease. If you answer yes to some of these questions, Al-Anon may help. Do you constantly seek approval and affirmation? Do you fail to recognize your accomplishments? Do you fear criticism? Do you overextend yourself? Have you had problems with your own compulsive behavior? Do you have a need for perfection? Are you uneasy when your life is going smoothly, continually anticipating problems?

Do you feel more alive in the midst of a crisis? Do you care for others easily, yet find it difficult to care for yourself? Do you isolate yourself from other people? Do you respond with fear to authority figures and angry people? Do you feel that individuals and society in general are taking advantage of you?

Do you have trouble with intimate relationships? Do you confuse pity with love, as you did with the problem drinker? Do you cling to relationships because you are afraid of being alone?

Do you mistrust your own feelings and the feelings expressed by others? Do you find it difficult to identify and express your emotions? Do you think parental drinking may have affected you? I s Alateen for You? Has your life been affected by someone else's drinking? Alateen is for young people whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking.

Sometimes the active drinking has stopped, or the active drinker may not live with us anymore. Even though the alcohol may be gone, and the alcoholic gone or recovering in AA, we are still affected.

Many of us have received help from Alateen or Al-Anon. The following questions are to help you decide whether or not Alateen is for you: Do you feel neglected, uncared for, or unloved? Do you tell lies to cover up for someone else's drinking or what's happening in your home?

Do you stay out of the house as much as possible because you hate it there?

Imsges: recovering alcoholic dating drinker

recovering alcoholic dating drinker

I did nothing to this man and he has just shoved me out of his life and totally ignored me. I feel so beaten down and so messed up in the head and feel so guilty. When we have enough money to pay the bills and support his habit, things are easier.

recovering alcoholic dating drinker

When we came back from our honeymoon, everything was different. Guess I will just have to see what he does for a while. He gets out of work befor I do.

recovering alcoholic dating drinker

I found a bottle of liquor hidden among clothes in the basement where he spent time recovering alcoholic dating drinker the computer. But, our son would want to be with him over me. Archived from the original on 28 October I had to realize I was not obligated to be unhappy. He says my new friend is a bad alcohoic on me because she is open minded and will tell him what she thinks but that hurts me, my only frind. We would have drinks together on dates and everything was datimg. The only time he free indian dating site mobile up is recovering alcoholic dating drinker use the bathroom and grab something to eat, and right back down he goes.