Marriage is not a natural thing that you can be good at just randomly or by accident. So before you follow that road, look at the destination. Love is not enough. Why do we work so hard in premarital counseling and why do we talk so much about dating and doing it the right way?
Go to mobile site. Love is not enough for marriage! You would expect these qualities to be most pronounced in the religious Jewish world. Because of what I said in verse 21, because of your fear to God. This is not to say that all things are hunky-dory. Ten Commandments of Love Sunday, August 27,
You're a girl, he's a guy. You have a pulse, he has a pulse. So a mutual friend thinks, 'Wow, what a great match! What often happens, therefore, in the religious dating world is that it becomes a game of trial and error. Since people are introducing you almost randomly and without a lot of personal information to justify the introduction, you decide to go out anyway on the off chance that it might work.
And even if it doesn't, at least it will teach you about what you're not looking for. But the more you date, the more desensitized you become. Men and women slowly lose their mystery. You're overexposed to something that's supposed to be just a little outside your reach, thereby inviting you to cross over to the other side.
After a while, you've dated so many people that not only do they become a blur, but you're reduced to using the most superficial criteria to distinguish them. It looks like she made them with an eyeliner.
Because of these flaws in the religious dating mechanism, we're beginning to see something that the orthodox Jewish world expressly preaches against: And the matchmaking system is getting worse in our time for a number of reasons. First, the orthodox Jewish community has exploded and the numbers are now enormous.
With so many men and women looking to get married and so few matchmakers to assist, the system is buckling under the load. These huge numbers might have been remedied by internet matchmaking, which has worked well in the mainstream culture with companies like Match. But orthodox Jews are suspect of online dating, due to its reliance on superficial items like photographs and because of its casual dating reputation. Also, those who have profiles on internet dating sites are often treated as though they are desperate.
This issue bothers me greatly, not only because I am raising six daughters, thank G-d, within the orthodox Jewish world, but because one of the principal Jewish contributions to the culture is the sanctity of marriage and the strength of family.
You would expect these qualities to be most pronounced in the religious Jewish world. But if we don't address this crisis soon, we will no longer be known as having a superior dating system that leads to blissfully happy couples. First, the religious Jewish community must immediately set up a professionally run matchmaking organization, administered by top professionals, whose purpose it is to gather profiles of nearly every man and woman who wants to get married and to employ leading relationship experts to email one person per week who may be a potential match.
For this to happen, the stigma of providing details to professionals must be obliterated by rabbis giving sermons in their various communities encouraging all to participate and send in their details. Yeshiva and seminary heads must sign on if this is to work. If the orthodox community succeeded in getting nearly every man and woman in Yeshiva and seminary to register for Tay Sachs tests, surely they can get them to register for a potential match.
The service will of course be highly confidential. Second, part of the religious Jewish education at all seminaries and Yeshivas should be that by the time men and women reach marriageable age they should focus not only on getting married themselves but on introducing their friends to potential marriage mates.
In effect, the religious Jewish educational system should make every young man and woman a matchmaker in training, thereby vastly expanding the matchmaking pool. Third, the religious Jewish world has to rethink the separation of the sexes. To be sure, my daughters are raised to be in a single-sex environment up until marriageable age. And even my daughter who has reached that age continues in a religious women's college with limited exposure to men.
The bible does have principles on relationships and especially marital relationships that we can extract out to see how this dating model should go. But do you know the hardest thing to believe? Is that God has a better plan, not for you but for ME.
That God does have better. We talk about a better path because we want a better destination. One of the best promises in all the bible. All the needs that you have in life will be supported by his riches.
The bank can pay all my debts really really easy. You want to know what causes problems in marriage? One of the two partners has taken their eyes off God. This promise says that God will supply all your needs, but when there are problems in marriage it usually happens where I meet the other person, I love the other person, the other person is perfect, the other person is the best, the other person is this or that and then the honeymoon finishes and then real life hits.
Your spouse is very very important, but they can at best be number two. Look at the following verse and I want you to think…. Can you say this to your spouse? Can any spouse give that to you? No human being can give this to you, only Jesus can.
Your spouse is not supposed to meet your needs, you know what your spouse is? Your spouse is the icing on the cake. Said another way, pursuing marriage more than pursuing God is idolatry. It has become marriage. It can also be that way in marriage if you hold your spouse higher than God.
There are people I know who cannot live without a relationship, or pursuit of a relationship. They have to be either in a relationship or pursuing one. And as soon as that one finishes they have to get another one. Now all of you hopeless romantics are probably going to start throwing things at me right now…. Love is not enough for marriage! How can he say that? That was back in the 80s….
This is what TV teaches, and this is what music teaches and this is garbage. This is why marriages stink. This is the bad fruit of the dating system because we believe that love is enough.
Love is not enough. You know in the bible where it gives commands, Ephesians 5 gives commandments to the husband and to the wife on how to have a successful marriage. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Ladies…is that an easy command? So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.
How did Christ love the church? He got beaten and killed for the sake of the church! Husbands…is that an easy thing? Is it easy to lay down your lives for the wives? These commandments are not easy, these commandments are difficult, how in the world am I going to fulfill these things? You know the key to Ephesians 5: The key is in verse 21 that happened before all these verses and is the key motivator. Because of what I said in verse 21, because of your fear to God.
When Christ gave the golden rule it was not in regard to marriage, it was in regard to this relationship: Do you know what the Golden Rule of marriage is?
Marriage is not two people coming together and sharing everything. Marriage is you coming to die! Some husbands are like.. What about my needs, what about my my my….?? And trust that you will do the same thing for me. Our motivating factor should be our love for God, not our love for our spouse. As we go along in this series, I will just kinda give some personal experiences. Even my wife, at the time she thought I was going to be a monk or something like that.
I pursued getting to know God and I spent a lot of time whether it was here in the church with service or whether it was in my own time. The end result is the same, either way I end up with ten bucks right? The same thing comes to relationships; a lot of us do that. A lot of us are only pursuing the ten dollars, only pursuing getting it in any way possible. There are two ways of getting into relationships I feel: Which one are you?
I need a relationship okay? Give me the thing. Or…do I have a mentality where God is the one pushing me? Make God your One and trust that he will give you the Two at the right time and in the right place. And I certainly would have screwed it up. If He had brought her to me earlier than that, I would have made a mess of everything and I probably would have lost her forever. This comes down a lot of the times to an issue of Trust.
Are you able to trust God to give you the Two or no? Something magical happens right here. Real Dating - Part 1.
Imsges: orthodox sermon dating
Do you agree with that statement or disagree? I truly believe that.
You can just tell from the look in her eye what it was that happened today. His upcoming book, 'The Kosher Sutra,' will be published in January.
Let me tell you what SOME people do. The service will of course be highly confidential. Those third-parties are often professional matchmakers or friends who set them up. If He had brought her to me earlier than that, I would have made a mess of everything and I probably would have lost her forever. It is an open orthodox sermon dating that in the world of Chabad many matches result from the Lubavitch summer camps where, although the male and female counselors work separately with boys and girls, there is still overlap and after datlng into each other over the course of a summer, a orthodox sermon dating many orthodox sermon dating to date. Sioux falls sd speed dating do you know the hardest thing to believe?