Ask Dr. NerdLove: My Girlfriend Has Too Many Male Friends
Even if you have not made any of the mistakes above, no contact is still very important because you want to give your ex some time to process the breakup and miss you. Life is all about challenges. She made sure I noticed her new dress and heels and new outlook. Even if you act all casual when you text her, you will still come off as needy as your ex will see right through it. But that is most important to her but its normal to me.
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Top broadcaster on Chaturbate right now. There is possibly a new guy trying to get in the picture though so I'm worried that month away will give him time to swoop in while she's still mad at me. One day i posted my snap chat name and asked people to add me if they had it, I kid you not, not even 3 minutes after posting, he added me on snap chat. No matter what emotions she is feeling at the moment, they will all subside and the seed you have planted will start growing. So I have completed 30 days of NC other than a couple little things here, she text me on thanksgiving and I didn't reply till the next day cuz it was her birthday so I killed two birds with one stone. Bob had decided he wouldn't settle and went on a date with pretty much anyone that seemed interesting..
It may have worked before the breakup in some cases. The same goes for when you tell her you will do anything to get her back.
More commonly known as becoming a doormat. Even if you manage to convince her to come back this way, she will leave again soon because she will not have any respect for you. Not because you love her, but because you are afraid to lose her to some other guy.
Because you are afraid to be alone. Not unless she is extremely manipulative. In which case, you should still not do it because you will be even more miserable when you are back together.
She told me she loved me just a couple of weeks ago and now she is sleeping around with someone else. Her new boyfriend is not the right person for her. I need to speak to her immediately and convince her to leave the other guy for me. In a lot of cases, your ex may start dating immediately after a breakup.
In some cases, she might start dating after a week or a month. But in almost all the cases, her new relationship will be a rebound. And it will end. Read more about the nature of rebound relationships here and how to get her back when she has a boyfriend here. I hope you spend the rest of your life being as miserable as I know you are inside.
No one wants to be with a guy who is abusive. So, if you ever have the urge to say anything mean to your ex girlfriend, do yourself a favor and STOP.
These mistakes are very common. As I mentioned earlier, these mistakes are a direct result of you going through grief and acting on your instincts. In my experience, the easiest way to avoid making any of the above mistakes and heal from the breakup is to start no contact.
No contact rule is a simple rule to not contact your ex at all for a certain number of days. You want to remove your ex from your life and from your mind. When you cut your ex girlfriend out of your life, you will start seeing things clearly and feel better about yourself. You will realize that you can live without your ex and life is not so bad after all. When you stop contacting her, you will go cold turkey on this addiction.
You need to get rid of this addiction before you can approach her and get her back. As long as you are addicted to her, you will be needy and desperate. And if you are needy or desperate, you will never be able to approach her from a position of strength. Even if you try to fake it, she will smell your neediness from a mile away. She was close to you and she knows a lot about you. Even if you have not made any of the mistakes above, no contact is still very important because you want to give your ex some time to process the breakup and miss you.
When you stop contacting your ex, you will instantly become less needy and desperate in her eyes. Hopefully, she will understand and will be impressed and confused and leave you alone. In fact, in most cases, this will make her want you more. Remember how you were pushing her away when you kept contacting her and telling her how you love her and will give the world to be with her?
This is what I call the push pull dynamics of a breakup. Besides, you are not doing this forever, you will only do this for a short while as we will discuss in just a moment. Even if she dates someone else during no contact, it will probably be a rebound and you can still win her back. Read about rebounds and winning her back from a rebound. Ideally, you should do no contact until you have finished stage 1 and stage 2 of this mission to get your ex girlfriend back permanently. That means you should do no contact at least until you have stopped panicking, regained your composure and figured out how to defeat the little devils Stage 2.
It can take from two weeks to three months. Read this article on no contact rule to figure out how much no contact is ideal for you. You lost someone you truly love and wanted to be with. When you first start no contact, you are going to grieve a lot. You are going to feel all the emotions that people going through grief feel. You will feel denial, anger, depression, confusion and obsession.
Breakup Grief is a roller coaster ride. Sometimes you will feel like crap and sometimes you will feel much better about yourself. The key is to let yourself feel the emotions and still keep working on yourself. If you feel like crying, let it out.
If you feel anger, shout out loud. But remember to always balance it out and always keep in mind that you need to become a better version of yourself if you want her back. Occasionally, you must pick yourself up and realize that there is much more to life than relationships and breakup. You must remind yourself that life will keep throwing challenges at you. You must learn to pick yourself up and get back in the game. You need to keep moving forward. That means you need to accept that your ex girlfriend broke up with you and your past relationship is over.
You can start a new relationship with her and that relationship may be an amazing one. But the past relationship is over, and there is nothing you can do about it. For a lot of guys reading this, the idea of accepting the breakup will be a tough one. You may even trick yourself into thinking that you have accepted the breakup when you are secretly still hoping that things will go back to the way they were. So, consider this as an optional objective for now.
That means, you can move on to Stage 2 without completing this objective. But you need to finish this objective before you move on to Stage 3. One of the reasons our minds panic so hard after a breakup is because of our deep rooted fear of being alone. Of being left out in the world. Of never being loved. But chances are, you have a lot of people in your life that love you, care about you, and want you to be happy. Your friends and family can be a very effective healing tool.
When you spend time with them and notice how they care about you and love you, your sub-conscious mind will calm down realizing that you are not alone in this world. That you are loved, and you will survive even if you have lost your ex.
You can still get your ex girlfriend back. But you must make a note in your mind to make new friends, good friends you can trust, when you are ready in the future. If you think like that, you must understand that even though you might be successful in getting her back, you will most likely fail in keeping her permanently. I have seen this happen to my readers and clients over and over again. And I would hate to see it happen to you.
As you can see from the objectives above, this stage of getting your ex girlfriend back is all about you. In my opinion, this is the most important stage of this mission.
If you fail at this stage, you will most likely fail at getting your ex girlfriend back permanently. Even if you somehow manage to get her back for the time being, I am quite positive you will break up again in the future. We are going to go through each of the objectives of this stage and then we are going to list out some of the common pitfalls that most guys face during this stage. The first thing after you have calmed down in Stage 1 is to try to figure out what caused the breakup. She might have used one of those bogus generic lines like.
I am going to try to list out some of the most common reasons here that you may be able to relate to. This will be the case for most of the guys reading this article. Here are a few examples of when a girl loses attraction for you. In fact, all the three reasons mentioned above are a direct result of insecurity. If you love her, you should show her. For me, there is nothing more joyful than making my girlfriend happy and laugh with joy.
But most guys whose girlfriend leaves them are not genuine in showing affection. And slowly, she is going to realize that you are not doing it because you mean it. But because you sub consciously want something in return. Again, giving your ex-girlfriend what she wants is not really a deal breaker. For example, suppose you are having an argument about you always trying to control her.
And instead of trying to understand her, you go out and buy her a necklace that she wanted for a while. You avoided a serious issue in the relationship. You avoided a serious issue in yourself.
And that festered inside her. If you want to give something your ex-girlfriend, do it out of your heart and do it because you want to do it without getting anything in return. Guys who are insecure, controlling and secretly manipulative are always trying to control the situation by giving their girlfriend something and hoping to get something in return.
This creates an unhealthy pattern in the relationship and their girlfriends end up losing attraction for them. Like I said in the above two scenarios. Insecurity, jealousy, control and manipulation are present in almost every unhealthy relationship.
As you are going through this stage, I want you to think back and figure out when you did something for your ex girlfriend that had an ulterior motive behind it. If you are just reading this article a few days after your breakup, it might be a bit too much for you to think all this through right now. So, you might want to bookmark this article and come back to it at a later stage when you have calmed down and can think rationally.
You can make your ex girlfriend attracted to you again easily once you learn how to fix the deep rooted insecurity that pushed her away. A lot of times, your ex-girlfriend may have broken up with you because she does not feel a connection with you anymore. This is usually the case when you were together for a very long time more than a year. If she does not feel a connection with you, she will leave you because she does not see a future with you. She might still be attracted to you. She might still feel that you are a confident attractive guy.
She just thinks that you are both not compatible. The fact is, your ex girlfriend does not feel a connection with you anymore. And if she does not feel a connection with you, then it will not matter to her what you are willing to do for her. Before you can show her how things have changed, you first need to rebuild attraction and connection with her.
We will get into that in stage 4 of this article. Some guys reading this page might have done something that hurt their ex girlfriend terribly. The key to winning your ex-girlfriend back in this situation is to show her a ray of hope before anything else.
And the best way to show her a ray of hope is to accept where you screwed up, figure out why you did it and work on understanding yourself. So, work on understanding yourself and learn to trust yourself. Getting therapy or joining a support group sex addicts, alcohol anonymous, anger management etc. This will show her you are serious about change and it will give her a ray of hope that things may be different in the future. Get your ex back after you cheated.
Long distance relationships are a tough one. If you and your ex girlfriend broke up because of long distance, then you are in for an uphill battle. Long Distance often causes a couple to lose attraction, lose connection or betray of trust. But you are seeing her through the rose colored lenses of post breakup denial.
This is why I have included this task in stage 2 of this mission. Once you have accepted the breakup and have gone through grief after a breakup, you will need to figure out whether she is worth it. Here is one article that will help you do that. And read below for some actionable tips about this.
What happened in your past relationship with your ex-girlfriend is past. Because YOU are going to be a better version of yourself. In fact, the insecurity that pushed your ex away and caused her to break up with you, is the result of years of negative feedback you received from the world and yourself.
And if you fake it, your ex girlfriend will eventually see through it and start thinking of you as manipulative. Thankfully, you have enough time to work on your confidence during the no contact period. So check back on this space later to figure out how to rebuild confidence during no contact. This is very important if your ex-girlfriend broke up with you due to loss of connection.
Or if you both argued constantly and could never come to a reasonable conclusion. One of the most important relationship skills you can learn is proper communication. If you can be a pro at handling conflict with your girlfriend, each fight you have will bring you closer together. If you learn to empathize and understand her on a deep level, the connection she will feel with you will be unparalleled.
So, work on these two skills as they are very important in not only getting her back, but keeping her permanently. This objective is optional for one very simple reason. Your ex girlfriend was physically attractive to you at one point of time. So, she will be attracted to you again. But it sure helps. If you spend time with your friends and other girls, you will feel better about yourself and realize other girls are interested in you as well.
Your awareness level is the most underrated skill. But it can have a huge effect on your happiness, your confidence, your well-being and your relationships. Needless to say, it helps you become a better version of yourself and will increase your chances of getting your ex girlfriend back. If you are working on something you care about, your mind will focus on only that and you will forget about everything else.
Moreover, working on things that you care about will give you something to speak with your ex when you end no contact. Guys who are passionate about things other than their girlfriends are instantly seen as more confident and less insecure.
This objective is again optional. The reason is simple, the no contact period is more about you and less about your ex girlfriend. Getting her to miss you will help you in the short term but is not very effective over the long term. If you sacrifice your priorities because you are trying to get her to miss you, you will suffer in the long run.
Getting her to miss you is a nice side effect you can achieve by putting in a little more effort. If you try to play this game of social media jealousy with her, you will lose. If you find yourself obsessing over this, do not do anything to make your ex miss you.
Instead, just stay away from social media altogether during no contact. The truth is, everyone can and should strive to improve themselves and become a better version of yourself. The objectives of this stage are pretty straight forward. Get Her to speak to you again normally. Get her to smile or laugh at something you said at least once. This stage is called the dragon of resistance because there is a big dragon which is guarding her from opening up to you and giving you a chance to rebuild attraction.
These are all very valid reasons to not speak to you. In fact, if any of that is true, I would not advise your ex gf to reply to you if you contacted her. But hopefully, we have taken care of this in Stage 1 and Stage 2 of getting her back. By now, you are a better version of yourself.
You are more confident and you are sure that things will be different when you both get back together. In this stage, your goal is just to address the first three assumptions that your ex-girlfriend has.
You can show her how things will be different later when you are speaking to each other regularly. If you mess up here, your ex girlfriend will put up her defenses instantly and you will have to do no contact again for a month or two before trying again. There can be two scenarios in this case. Either you and your ex left on good terms. Or you acted in a way that left a sour taste in her mouth about you.
I speak about this in my article on texting your ex-girlfriend again here. I call this the elephant in the room approach. You acknowledge the elephant in the room by stating everything that happened and apologize for it. At least for five days. If she does, you are free to talk to her. She still might have her defenses up and if you act desperate or needy in any way, it will confirm her doubts. Just end the conversation on a light note and make her feel good about it.
If your ex girlfriend laughs or smiles at something you said, you can be sure that she has eased up around you and will give you a chance to rebuild attraction and connection. Think of something that you both enjoyed. And use it to your advantage. This could be a TV show, a youtube channel, a videogame or a coffee shop. Think something funny about it or think of something a pleasant memory. And then just text her about it. Well, I just remembered how I once almost reached the hall of fame for finishing the super large burger when we were drunk and threw up all of it only minutes later.
You made fun of me for hours. But I am sure you can do something better than that. More importantly, you probably know what tickles her funny bone. So, think of a joke that you think she will find funny and send it to her.
A deep connection is the difference between lovers who stay together forever and lovers who are together for only a short while. If you can learn to develop a deep connection with the woman you love, you are going to etch yourself in her heart like no one else before you. You will be able to turn even the biggest flaker into a loyal, loving girlfriend.
You want to slowly increase the amount of time you and your ex girlfriend speak. Once you are able to make her smile or laugh, she should be open to hear more from you. To do that, you must first make an effort to understand your ex girlfriend better than anyone else. Better yet, you need to understand her better than she understands herself. If you can achieve that level, you can rest assured that your ex girlfriend will want to stay with you forever. Here are a few topics that you should speak about to make her feel understood and connected with you.
Talk about things she is passionate about. About the things she cares about. To get her to start talking about things that she cares about, you should start talking about the things that matter to you and you are passionate about. I loved that show you did at the club house.
Man, I wish I were that good. How did you become so good at it? Our childhood is the deepest corner of our psyche that pretty much rules our adult life. Talking about your childhood and how it affected you is a great way to understand yourself and your ex girlfriend on a deeper level. Again, use creative questions like,. It was an amazing family time for me. Did you have a place your family went to for summer vacations?
Finding common enemy is a great way to make friends. You can use this to your advantage. Speak about the person she likes the least and try to understand why she dislikes her or him. By validating her negative emotions about this person, you will make her feel understood. Chances are, your ex still has feelings for you. She might also have some negative feelings about the breakup or the reasons that lead to the breakup.
Getting her to talk about these things can work to your advantage if you do it right. Even if she talks about something negative about you or your past relationship, you should not take it a bad sign. You can prove to her that you have really changed by remaining calm and handling conflict and negative feelings like a pro.
But, it can also affect you badly if you are not prepared. Getting her to meet you should be easy if you build a strong connection with her over texts and phone calls first. Just tell her that you want to meet up with her for a coffee. A face to face meetup is your ultimate opportunity to increase attraction, connection and trust with her.
But you should not rush into it. You should be speaking to her for at least a couple weeks before you ask her out. If she refuses or is hesitant, give her a little nudge.
In this case, just focus on rebuilding connection with her on phone and ask her out again after a week. If you suspect she is dating someone else, read this article to figure out what to do. If you are in this stage, you risk ending up in the friend zone. This usually happens to guys who are too afraid to speak about difficult topics and try to stay in the safe zone.
In other words, this usually happens to guys who are too scared to lose her. Who are scared that the wrong move will make her stop talking to you.
Who are scared that if you screw up, she will block you and never speak to you again. If you look at it from another angle, this happens to guys who are still insecure at this stage and have no confidence. Guys who have put their ex girlfriend on a pedestal and refuse to let her down. If she feels that you are too timid and really want her in your life to feel good about yourself, she will keep you in her life, but as a friend.
She loved you and probably cares about you, but she will not get back with you out of pity. She will keep you as a friend and use you for emotional support though. The first thing I will ask you to do is read Stage 2 of this guide.
If you are confident and secure in yourself, she will probably not think of you as friendzone material in the first place. But, if you still feel like she is using you to just dump all her emotional baggage without giving you anything in return, do the following. Have an equal relationship: If she uses you for emotional support, use her as emotional support. If she talks about her feelings, you should also spend enough time talking about your feelings.
If she asks you to pick her up from the airport, ask her to do the same. Instead, set a boundary. Yes, she might stop talking to you for a while, but she will respect you more for it and will probably start talking again when she misses the connection you both have.
A lot of guys make the mistake of asking your ex-girlfriend out as soon as they start speaking to her. If you ask her out too soon, she is going to put up her defenses and will become reluctant. In a lot of cases, your ex girlfriend will do or say things that she knows will make you angry. She will try to get you to react and act the way you acted in your past relationship. If something makes you angry or upset, you should address it, but you should not do it the way you used to do.
You should breathe, calm down and tell her clearly what makes you upset and what are your boundaries. Alright mates, this is the final boss. The moment you have been waiting for. Because when you meet her, you will have the ultimate opportunity to show her how much you have changed and how things will be different this time. She is going to be skeptical about a lot of things.
And for good reasons. You both had a relationship and it ended badly. If your first meeting ends up with both of you just talking about the breakup and your past relationship, it will look like that you are both meeting just to get closure.
Instead, you should use this time to talk about what has changed in your life since the breakup. You should talk about the good times and good memories. And you should have a good time together and create good memories together.
If she wants to talk about something that happened during the breakup or your past relationship, you should be willing to talk about it. You should be able to resolve the issue swiftly so you can get back to having a good time with her. A lot of time, guys try to avoid any difficult topics because they are scared their ex girlfriend will become upset and the date will go badly.
Instead, learn how to handle arguments and negativity in a conversation. Learn how to understand her without patronizing her. Learn how to be an adult in a difficult situation. If your date goes well, try to extend it to a different venue.
You should take the lead and ask her to join you for something else. Kino is simply a term that is used to describe the art of touching. You want to have physical contact with you ex girlfriend as much as possible during this date. You should also use intimate actions as much as you can. Actions that only couples do with each other. Your job is to show her a great time and show her that you have changed and are well equipped for a healthy relationship.
Instead, you want to let this experience linger in her mind for a while. Hopefully, she will talk about doing it again herself. If she does, set up a date and time immediately. If you have done everything right till now, it should be easy to get her to give you another shot.
This is like the final boss fight in a very long video game. Just like you would stock up on potions and ammo before a final boss fight, you should stock up on attraction, connection and trust before asking her to be your girlfriend again.
Ideally, you want it to be her idea to want to get back together. If you have done everything right till now, then your ex girlfriend probably wants you back already.
In most cases, she will start talking about the idea of getting back together, about how your relationship will be if you get back together. But if you and your ex girlfriend have been going on dates for a long time at least a month , then you should take the plunge and ask her.
And I am as skeptical about the future as you are. But spending the past few weeks with you have been very nice and I have a good feeling about this. Do you want to give us another try? Maybe take things slow, and see how it goes? You want to ask her to agree to take things slow.
You should be as skeptical about getting back together as she is. After all, you both broke up once. So, if you two decide to get back together, take things slow and analyze your new relationship before committing to it completely. Like I said before, you should stock up on attraction, connection and trust before asking your ex girlfriend to get back together with you. To do so, you should follow this article in its entirety. Specially Stage 2 and Stage 4.
It will send you an email everyday for the next 30 days to help you become a better version of yourself. You can subscribe by taking this quiz. In a lot of cases, your ex girlfriend might say no initially when you talk about getting back together.
But sometimes, they change their mind after a few days. Give her a few days time and then start rebuilding attraction and connection again. Now that you have your ex girlfriend back, all you have to do is keep working on the relationship and making it stronger.
You need to work on developing a deep connection with her so she never even thinks about leaving you. Romantic connection is like a plant. Having someone love you is a great confidence booster. But if you are just depending on your girlfriend for validity, approval and love; she will eventually get tired of it and leave you.
Read Stage 2 of this guide to understand how to do that. Honesty and good communication is the key to a healthy relationship. If you learn how to be honest and communicate effectively in your relationship, then every time you both have an argument, it will just bring you both closer. Yes, you will get closer every time you have a disagreement.
So, learn the skills needed for that. Getting complacent is the number one reason most guys end up losing the love of their life. You may get complacent about yourself. Or about your relationship. Life is all about challenges. Even if you successfully win her back, you should still strive for bigger and greater things. You should strive to build a stronger foundation and a better relationship with her.
Even if you think you are confident at this point, you should still strive to become a better version of yourself. You should still work on things that matter to you, including your passions and your life goals. This article is long. If you have read it so far, I commend you for your dedication.
It means you are truly serious about getting her back and keeping her. I share a lot of information over emails to my subscribers. You will not regret it. Take this quiz to subscribe. We have an active comment section. Scroll down to read the comments. Before commenting, read commenting guidelines. Hey, bit of background first..
We were together for just over 6 months, both admitted what we had was different and we both said We loved eachother, the way we felt was different and better than previous relationships. We were both abit clingy and got a little jealous about others exes, things were abit complicated as her recent ex13 still had her number as to contact about animals they owned together..
Everything was great went on holiday together and having amazing relationship, talking about the future etc.. Then a month and a half ago we broke up, over phone.. I begged and pleaded for the first day and then I stopped. I asked about giving her some space and then 5 days later I messaged and got negative reaction.
I started NC and then 2 weeks later she messaged and we met up to swap stuff over. When she messaged I took my time to answer and she answered in the same minutes I replied, she was waiting with hee phone. When we met i was confident, happy, smiling, not letting her know how much it hurt. I am still in NC but I have been working on myself during this time, I know what went wrong during our relationship and have been working on it.
Stopping my neediness, clingy behaviour, seeing my friends doing my hobbies like I wanted to, working on myself and getting a positive attitude and improving my mindset.
I am going to follow the steps of the elephant in the room text, I am blocked on social media some but only removed on a couple others, don't think my number is blocked, but I'm thinking of writing the letter form of the elephant in the room text. My questions are, is there a way yet to send a draft of the letter for pointers and improvements?
And does it sound like a good idea? When we broke up she told me she does still love me, but doesn't feel the same anymore, we agreed to be friends days after the breakup but not just yet.
It happened out of the blue as the communication wasn't great towards the end about any problems between us, during the phonecall things came up from weeks before that if she had told me about them we could have talked and she wouldn't have got the wrong end of the stick so to speak, for example: This sort of thing happened a few times..
But I want to get her back try. I'm going to write the letter today, try not to send it until you reply.. You could post your letter under our forum for feedback regarding the content. It definitely sounds like a good idea but perhaps wait until after NC is completed before sending the letter.
It seems like communication is one of the key issues here, and it should be something addressed in the letter as well, since there was a clear difference in frequency regarding the issues between the two of you.
Thanks for your quick reply! I'm drafting a couple of letters up just to compare, I've mentioned what I realised was wrong in the relationship that contributed to her decision, the fact that I have and am continuing to work on those bad habits etc, the main ones are communication and neediness from insecurity, apologised for how I acted during the breakup and am including in the letter the fact I am a better version of myself and am doing the things I normally do and wanted to do giving a little glimpse.
I have been in NC for a while now, it stopped for the day when she text me about swapping stuff and we met up, but then slipped right back into nc. Been a month now, how long should I stay in NC for? She is stubborn, but I don't want to miss the stage where she will miss me and go straight to moving on and forgetting about me, I know timing is important.. Or should I engage in conversation if positive and follow steps in this post? Im in a messy situation and i need help. I'll give you as short a story as possible, and hope you can help me.
So me and my ex had been together for about a year, but things started to turn badly the last couple of months, and we would constantly fight. She had a hard time see things from my point of view, and i really believe i tried to the opposite to her. At one point the fights became so frequent, that i decided to break up with her. Soon after i realised that i still really loved her, and that i wanted to give it a last shot. So we came back together, and everything was great, but then the fighting started again and she wanted to take it slow, and i truly respected that.
We had a great time after that, more or less. But then she got really drunk at a party, and cheated on me, and told me so.. In the beginning the shock really got to me. She wanted me back to begin with, and really truly was sorry. I said a lot of mean stuff, i really did not know how to handle the situation. Of course i got drunk that day, and she was out drinking too, so we met up.
I begged her to give our relationship another chance, but she wouldn't, and said it was best this way. That same night i sent her like 15 desperate messages, all of which she didn't respond.
The day after, i wrote really stupid things to her, which might have pushed her even further away. Later i wrote an apology for my behaviour since we broke up, and we decided not to contact each other for the time being.
I really love her, and i am ready to forgive her, as i have been prone to neglecting her these last couple of months, and i deeply regret it, i realised i have to change for her, and i will. Should i just follow up with the no contact period, is there a chance for us? Sorry this didn't turn up to be short anyway. At this point, you can't look at things as you forgiving her and ready to give her another chance because she's no longer chasing you or trying to make things up to you.
Given how things have turned out regarding your actions in pushing her away, it might be a good idea to go into no contact right now to give her some space to let go of her negative view on you, and for you to pick yourself up from the recent events and work on a plan to win her back.
My ex and I broke up on Monday and she used her daughter as the reason to finish it with me. Her daughter spent the night with her ex for the first time on Friday night and this was painful for her. She said if this happens more often she will just want to spend time with her and not me. The other week she said we had a future and she said she loved me on Monday just before she broke up with me.
What do I do? I have not contacted her since the break up and she hasn't me. What is the best way to win her back if any? You should prove to her that you're supportive of her choice in wanting to be there for her daughter since her daughter would always come first.
Show that you're capable of that, and still be patient and loving to her in spite of her not spending as much time with you, and sooner or later she would open up to trusting you more and allowing you into her family. For example, she showered me with gifts on my bday and now it seems only fitting that i respond since her bday is literally one month later same day.
If i get her flowers and gifts to reciprocate, would that positively move her closer to bringing up getting back together? You could use her birthday to soften her up with meaningful gifts, and that would probably increase your chances, but based on what you're saying - you seem to be doing fine even without that opportunity given that you've gone out with her a couple of times since NC.
Just continue working on that and building up the level of comfort and bond you share with her. At what point do I try telling her if we can take it slow again or something? What if she is expecting ME to make the move?
You could always progress things along in a casual manner, similar to how you would progress when dating someone for the first time. Instead of just asking, why not go with the flow and let things happen on its own when you're out together with her. I have another question. Typically, friends split the bill and each pay for their own food and tickets to whatever with some exceptions of course. Should this be my behavior? If you were trying to win her back and you think offering to pay might continue to further impress her, you could always consider that.
However, if it's genuinely more towards building just a friendship up for now first, split the bill. I stuffed up after 2 weeks Nc.. Knowing my ex she is always after my to react.. I have been blocked on social media she has been deactivating and reactivating her Fb First a little background.
I have always been a little clingy in my relationships and she had the same issue so we became codependent. Fast forward to two weeks ago when she says she wants to slow down and just date we had been talking about the future, marriage and kids a lot. I tried to stop all of the future talk but it was hard to go from talking about it all the time to never mentioning it.
Well she broke up with me because I was clingy and got worse when I felt her pull away. When we broke up admittedly I was crushed and did the begging and negotiating thing that just made me look worse. Since I had been almost living with her half a week or more I got all of my stuff and she came the next day to get hers from my place.
By the time I got home she had deleted and blocked me across all social media. She did not want to see me so she asked if I could leave her stuff outside. When I knew she had left I went outside and she had left a box of all the gifts I had given her from jewelry including at Tiffany necklace that she adored to stuffed animals.
My questions are why would she give back all of the stuff that was gifts and how can I show her I have changed during the NC period since she had blocked me everywhere? NC period would not act as a continuation of the relationship in your case but rather a fresh start, as if you were dating someone for the first time.
It seems that she wants to cut off all contact with you and make a clean break up right now, due to whatever that has happened. The best thing you can do is to let the breakup happen and slowly learn to accept it. By begging or asking for her back, you'll only push her further away and ruin your chances. Give her some time, and work on your issues in the meantime. At the end of NC, if she still does not want to respond to you or responds negatively, you might have to be fair to yourself and consider walking away from this.
Is there a way I can ask her casually without seeming like i am just still my old self? I am currently on rebuilding attraction, we have gone on a couple of dates, and already even have plans for two more.
It depends on how your ex is as a person. You could always casually mention it in passing as a joke or teasing her, but in all honesty, if she's only just dating someone casually, you'd stand a better chance given your connection with her, and by bringing the topic up, you risk her getting upset with you.
Are there any signs to know if my ex is playing hard to get? I know my ex well and I know she is prideful. They can work in similar reasons as signs they love you or want you back mean they have feelings but have made it not very obvious for you to tell for certain.
And probably so, that she would not allow you to touch her if she had 0 feelings for you or felt uncomfortable with it, but the fact that she didn't reject it meant she probably still feels something towards you. Continue to take things a step at a time, and see how it plays out. Ok so here is my situation. Me and my ex were together for a while and we both agreed that that time was the best time of our lives. Then one day she just said that she wasn't ready for a real relationship and said that she still had feelings for me, but she didn't think that we should be in any sort of serious relationship at the moment.
I was very confused by this, but I didn't ask for any clarification because I took this as her asking for a bit of space. Instead, I went to a friend of mine who is also my ex's closest friend and asked what I should do and she also told me to give her space.
I did this for about weeks where we had minimal contact and I gave her space. She texted me a few times during this time, but I still didn't talk to her very much. She didn't want to talk about anything serious and I respected that until the end. That's when I just told her that I couldn't go on not knowing how she felt about me and I asked her to be more open when she talked to me all of this was done as gently as possible.
I told her that I wanted the relationship to work, but I couldn't go along not knowing how she felt anymore. After I said this she told me that she had lost feelings for me and that we should just be friends.
I said "I have nothing against being your friend and I hope that we can continue to be friends and one day work towards something more, but I don't think we can do that at the moment. I acted visibly mopey for the first week, but I'm much better now. I talked to my friends and they helped me feel better and then I decided that I wanted to get beck together with her. I spent 4 weeks making a plan, but then one of her friends told me to stop and that my ex just wasn't interested anymore.
After that I decided to restart my plan, but be a bit more subtle about it. Before I began trying again, I apologized to my ex for planning behind her back and that I did want to still be connected to her and us being friends is fine for now. Now I'm 5 days into no contact and I don't know what to do next. I already know that this is going to take a long time, and I'm willing to take the time because she is worth it, but she seems to have moved on in less than a month and she doesn't seem to care about me anymore, and I'm a bit discouraged by that.
What can I do next? Just because someone has lost feelings for you, doesn't mean those feelings can't be regained. The fact that she fell for you in the first place meant that there was something about you that attracted her. Understand what that is, and when NC is over, include that in attraction factor with your plan and win her back as if it were your first time chasing her.
I dated my girlfriend for almost seven years We'v had a few but major problems in the relationship n I ended it for 8 months. Then the girlfriend tried numerous times for us to back together, but jst ignored her attempts. And she says we can still communicate cos she still loves me but we can't be to together anymo and that she has developed the luv for other guy I would know what should or can I do to get her back to be my girlfriend.
There isn't much you can do at this point because she's in her rebound relationship, and it's best to let it self-destruct on its own as opposed to you interfering and causing feelings of hostility towards you.
Bear in mind that you were the one who broke up with her and rejected her attempts to reconcile, resulting in her rebound relationship, so it's something you would probably have to live with. If you're convinced it's a rebound, it'll be over eventually. However in the mean time, work on improving yourself and your life in general and keep distracted.
I finally decided to quit my old job, and finally got a job in something I like doing I now work from home. Been focusing on improving myself to be the best me I can be.
There are no signs of someone else or anything. I tried to keep it going although i often ended it since the advice on here is to slowly build up the texting. Did i do something wrong? Perhaps meeting you brought back negative feelings relating to the breakup, which caused her to act this way.
I would suggest you give her more space, and to continue with NC again for awhile longer, before contacting her a second time. But she set up another date herself not sure if you missed that part.
Please reply to this if there is any more input or at least some words of encouragement would be apreciated. Do you think there's a chance you did something to upset her during the second date? People would have different reasons to back away, one possibility could be that, while another may be that meeting you was more for closure than reconciliation, or even that she's simply busier during this period to maintain small talk with you.
Either way, hang in there and give her a little space for now, and maybe drop her a text again in a couple of days to check in with her. First, I have to say that you are awesome! I am learning so much from your articles. However, i found them too late. Here is the story: The last year or so went downhill because I didn't appreciate her anymore, took her basically for granted, and started to neglect her and her needs because of my new job, which was very stressfull, and I worked very long hours.
I wasn't doing it on purpose, i loved her very much, she meant everything to me, and she still does. She decided that she wasn't in love with me anymore and left me on September 23rd of last year. Just 2 days later, she came back crying, saying she made a huge mistake and we got back together. But within the next 2 months, it all started coming back to her, she said she is again feeling trapped when she is in my house.
She left for 3 weeks, she went on a holiday with her sister and her boyfriend. During that time she was away she called me because she missed me.
When she came back after new year, she again came back crying, saying she missed me a lot and couldn't be without me. And again, everything was ok for a couple of weeks, but then, she decided she needs some space, and we should not see each other for a while. About a month later, it was valentines, which was also our anniversary.
My emotions got the best of me, i called her, we met up and i broke down crying ang begging her to take me back. She said she doesn't love me anymore, that she got used to living without me, and she was okay with it. See More Don't look more With all the great things that you will get I want fun Do you have dirty secrets?
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Imsges: my hookup has a girlfriend
I knew his situation from the get go, but I chose to ignore it because he has never once in the entire time we have been talking has he mentioned his girlfriend or the baby. Now I'm 5 days into no contact and I don't know what to do next.
Out door hookup with slutty gorgeous dame She also told me her mother was pretty much a borderliner, and alcoholic. I also recommend that you don't try to act casual this time since it failed the last time.
I begged her to give our relationship another chance, but she wouldn't, and said it was best this way. I did the 30 days no contact rule even though we live together, and after 30 days I sent her a elephant in the room text with no response. A knife in my heart. The first thing I will ask you my hookup has a girlfriend do is read Stage 2 of this guide. When you stop contacting your ex, you will instantly become hookkp needy and desperate in her eyes.
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