He’s with someone else – Why her and not me?
These men are not real, they are shells, they are insecure, self centered and have no idea what love is. So, to save what dignity I had left, I stopped trying. I am so angry for believing him and all the things he said. Well, he never left his wife. Continue on to part 2 of:
Getting Your Ex Back When He's Dating Someone Else
He wrecked your marriage saying he wanted you, now he doesnt, now he wants to say how good you look? I found this statement from another blog, I hope it helps you as much as it helped me. The website is National Center for State Courts, http: Mostly about me wasting my time for so long. But — he lied. Yes he is extremely selfish…it is putting me through a roller coaster ride…and something just holds me back.
He is testing his limits! How much time did you waste before dumping him? I guess I am lucky because he was a control freak,but how are you suppose to feel when you ex left you after you had a miscarriage for another woman and 6 months later she is pregnant and he is rubbing it in your face?
I feel like relapseing. Stormy— Relapsing into what? You should feel lucky in not having him in your life…you know he is bad news. God works in mysterious ways. And the current pregnancy may even be strong proof of his controlling behavior over HER. Family Man he who had the rep of a jerk and a player, which I learned after dating him one month , and Mr. Thoughtful Gentleman he acts very generous with his time and money. I do not have kids yet, and I have had problems getting pregnant.
I miscarried once, too. I live in peace, with a normal, healthy man. If we have to adopt, so be it! Stormy— Why are you even bringing up saying goodbye to him? He does not deserve to hear the sound of your voice or a glance, much less a goodbye. If any of your mutual friends or acquaintances inform him of your leaving, or he otherwise finds out that you are leaving soon e. How generous of him! A good way for you to start spring, a bad way for him! But — he lied. You know he lied. Why would you continue to be close enough to worry about how many he has in line?
With someone willing to lie about themselves and others, you have nothing to respect, nothing to honor — and his lack of respect and honesty and honor will break you down. Untruths and being undependable can also be signs of alcohol or drug abuse, or other addiction, i. So I would have bounced his butt out the door long before the question of getting close ever came up.
I am sorry about your miscarriage. The best revenge, though, is living well, or as well as you can. Choose to befriend and interact with respectful people, people that live honorable and disciplined lives. And do what you can to cut off communications with this sick individual. I wish his current baby-mama all the luck in the world. There is nothing she could have done that deserved having him in her life. Blessed be, and I pray your healing continues, and your grief comes to a gentler place in your heart.
All of these comments really help a lot!! I agree with the NC rule, it helps also. My situation is very complex at the moment. I was dating a guy for 2 years on and off long distant..
We talk time to time, and he still trys to control whats going on in my life asking me about my personal dating etc.. Why is he with her if he still has feelings for me? How can I say this. For your own sake go NC, you have nothing to gain but a low self-esteem. Yes he is extremely selfish…it is putting me through a roller coaster ride…and something just holds me back. It is surely like a game…. I dread th day if exeum contacts me.. That should get him to stop. His charm and flirting sucked me into his world and in the end, I got hurt.
Talk about rubbing salt in my wound. Funny-as I am typing this, guess who just text me to tell me about some good news about a job promo? I am NOT responding to him. Not surprisingly, she saw us together and decided she wanted his friendship back. He wanted to maintain a friendship until he decided what he wanted and I said no.
My friends now look at me as the example of how to weed out men and stay away from bad relationships. All I have to remember is that dating and being in love is supposed to feel good.
Good luck ladies, keep reading the site and heeding the advice. I only hope that I can be as strong as you in the not-so-distant future. Even after breaking it off with my EUM a couple of months ago, my heart still aches and I find myself crying once in a while. And you are right JC, if I ever find myself in a relationship where I am constantly feeling bad, I need to get out.
All I can say is thank God I found this website. It has literally saved my life. I too am in a similar situation and desperately need some encouragement.
My problems started about 4 years ago. I am a professional, moral, and intelligent woman for starters. I am so devastated and ashamed of my circumstances. My assclown lives a couple houses down from me in our neighborhood. Our families have been friends for 6 years, our children play together. Assclown left his wife about 3 years ago.
During his separation from her, he openly informed me that he had feelings for me, knowing that I was happily married. When I realized I was definitely attracted to him, I knew that being in a close proximity with him was not a good idea. I avoided him for about 2 years. He continued to pursue me. He was not remorseful and I was very hurt during that time, praying for an apology.
Well last year out of the blue, he came down to my home and apologized for his behavior saying that he missed me and wanted our families to be friends again. He said that he has loved me for 4 years. Well, I lost my faculties!
I forgave him immediately. He would only see me an hour or two a week, sometimes not at all. He was all talk and no action, promising this get away, this outing, etc. We basically had a texting relationship only.
We loved by text, had sex by text, and fought by text. Texting is not meant to be the only form of communication in a relationship. I hate to admit it but he gave me what I needed: It was a nice change from what I had been getting for the last 15 years. The only reason I allowed the relationship to start was because when he said he loved me for 4 years and with the way I felt about him, I thought we might be soulmates, I had to find out. I was so deceived and misled. I love my husband, and I am ashamed for what I did.
But I was confused and life is too short to let the love of your life pass you by. He had many personal problems: So, to save what dignity I had left, I stopped trying. The last thing I told him was that I would love him until I took my last breath and that he would always know I felt our love was worth fighting for.
This is the short version. My soul was shattered, my heart completely broken. I believe I would have left my family for this man. I am absolutely crazy in love him. He said he was in love with me long before I realized I was in love with him. I never thought we would break up. I mean, hell, he pursued me for 4 years, I figured he knew exactly what he wanted. Thankfully, I realize what I have with my husband and am putting my part of the marriage back together.
This is my problem: I have to see him every day. He was so mean to me in the end and I worry he is laughing inside at my stupidity, when all along I thought I was the love of his life. It kills me to see him with her and his wife. It hurts to breathe and I have had times where I just prayed that my heart would stop beating because it hurts so much. As each day passes, I am more devastated. After everything, my love for him has not diminished. He is a terrible person and I know deep down he is not happy.
I feel I am paying all the consequences and having all the pain while he is content with his new love interest, like he has erased me from his mind like I never existed. If anyone has any insight into my situation, please help me. I found out that my ex, who is still married, is still with the girl he starting dating after me… god, it stung a little to hear that..
I know what it was like when i was there.. Mine was like that too. Anytime I tried to tell him my feelings or talk to him seriously after all I thought he would value what I felt, had to say, contribute to the relationship, and value my opinions NOT! I was so hurt. Thanks for the feedback, I need all I can get. I just checked in here to reread this article for my own self sanity. Keep reading and reading and reading all the articles on this site.
I was hurt because I trusted, for 3 years. And he turned out to be a real jerk, and even though I know he is a jerk, it still has taken me a long time to finally get over the fact that this is never really going to have a happy ending. I have a feeling he met another woman while still married to fill my shoes when I would no longer keep seeing him unless we could do it out in the open, legitimately.
I think it is really awesome that you still have love for your husband, and that there is a chance to keep that relationship going and maybe even make it stronger. I give you a lot of credit for that and hope that all works out for you. Even though it may be hard to believe it now while you are in the thick of hurting and healing…. How long it takes is different for everyone. I have dealt with the same thing.
When I hear that sound on other computers, my hair immediately stands up on the back of my neck and I immediately think of him. Funny how the little things you think are of no importance remind us of so much. I too hope you catch the next ball. Thankyou for the encouragement. I hope I can be as encouraging to others in their time of need as well. I too am on about 4 months of no contact and it has been a difficult road.
Just when I think I am doing good, I have set backs regularly. It sounds like you made the decision to end things, and rightly so, because you deserve to be seen out in the open appropriately.
We are all too good to be stowed away in the closet until the assclowns want us. You were very generous and gave that jerk more than enough time to know what he wanted.
I wish I had been the one to end it with my jerk, and really I am not sure which scenario is easier to deal with, but it would beat feeling like I have been — feeling used, discard to the side of the street like litter, with no control over how things ended.
But, God has a bigger plan, and this may have happened because he knew I would never be able to end things with him. I am having a very hard time, but I can only believe your advice that things will get better over time.
Every day is just another slap in the face when I have to see him and see him with O. He watches me regularly, but there is nothing in his eyes anymore, and that just breaks me to the core. Just so hard to keep my head up and act like I have moved on and am happy. But that is all I can do to keep what dignity I have left. This whole nightmare has made me question who I am to the core of my being, what I have become, question the very essence of myself.
I will keep you in my thoughts and pray for your situation as well. Nothing good ever comes out of affairs, cheating or feelings like that. I have a huge motto, i live by it and continually preach.. There are red flags that these men wave and we, as women, fall every time, despite the red flags. The bottom line is that it never lasts and most of the time the men, who are habitual cheats, liars, selfish and emotionally unavailable, eventually move on and cast their dark shadow on another girl.
What you have to keep going back to is that it was not all great. The highs, the lows, the anxiety etc…. There were days I truly wanted to die, but you get thru it, and come out the other end a better person and much more wise. It will never happen.. Move on and learn from your experience.. It took me 4 months after changing my phone number, blocking his calls, booty calls, and disppointment after disappointment that i finally turned and NEVER looked back.
I had reached such a low point in my life from it, i could not do it to myself anymore, and I chose to move on. My XEUM is a serial online dater, extremely promiscuous and a lying cheat. Nonetheless, I think about him often and about the 27 year old that he was texting while we were on vacation and sending pictures of our vacation.
Suddenly, I realized how true all of this is….. YES, that part is absolutely true! So, there you have it…. In fact, she has everything I had — the rollercoaster ride, the lying, the cheating, everything XEUM has to offer in the way of aberrant behavior!
Most importantly, she also has the heartache and pain that comes with this guy. Thanks for the encouragement. It is nice to know I am not totally alone. Everything you said I totally agree with. My love is and was real and the strongest emotions of my life, but unfortunately his supposed feelings were short-lived as you pointed out. I am not built that way. I was led to believe that I was the love of his life like he made you feel the sun and moon set and rose with you.
Then just like that, nothing else. No remorse, no contact, no care, nothing. Gone in the blink of an eye. And you are right, the majority of our relationship was NOT great!
He hurt me, was cruel to me, lied to me, misled me, and made me cry so many times. He was a mean asshole. I can understand and relate to you when you say that there were days you just wanted to die. This has also been the lowest point of my life and the grief took over every aspect of my life. I was reduced to a state of despair, let myself go, let my work go, etc.
I stopped carrying it after the first week, then stopped checking it after the first month, then finally took a hammer to it and crushed it into a million pieces.
He could still contact me through my email if he chose or could get off his lazy ass and walk 2 houses down to my house to talk to me like a decent human being deserves.
I totally understand and empathize with you and your situation. Unfortunately, the thought of him holding, kissing, or making love to another woman is not something I can handle right now. The thought of it destroys me. And I feel selfish and guilty for hoping that his relationships crash and burn.
Why am I the only one paying consequences? He pursued me for 4 years, got what he wanted, dumped me on my rear, and appears to have no lasting consequences from his actions? We went from texting several times per day and night to nothing, cold turkey. How can a person not care that you have lost that closeness? How can he not miss me? Thanks for sharing and encouraging.
You said something like you found yourself in a situation where you never expected to find yourself. These guys, on the other hand, are sort of skilled at what they do.
They tend to pursue hard, and then get what they want, and then after they are done, they pull away almost as fast as they started the pursuit. Women like us who are kind of naive and trusting are left wondering what we did, or what is wrong with us….
We just made a mistake. Pursuing married men is not a life style for me. You are going to be the one to benefit. You can pick your life up and be a better person after this whole chapter is over…. You are on this web-site seeking help and working on changing yourself. He is just going to continue looking for the next woman to fulfill the void in his life. Did you say he is now involved with a woman in the neighborhood.. I was not strong enough to ignore his texts and was definitely not strong enough to not reach out to him, so i had to block.
It worked for me, plain and simple. You will eventually get tired of being tired. It will wear on you and then you will turn the corner. That is what happened to me, but it was about 4 months til I finally had to take action and do something for myself. I have not seen him in almost a year.. I did see his car at a place once in December but opted not to go in. Why put myself thru that.. You can see his condo from the highway..
During his separation from her is when he started pursuing me, and continued to do so even after he moved back in with her. He and I started seeing each other last July, after I could no longer resist his pursuits. Well about 4 months into it, I noticed that the neighbor woman across the street started visiting him and hanging out at his house, in his garage, with him etc. I asked him to stop participating in that behavior, which he assured me nothing was going on with them.
Other neighbors have seen him sitting in the garage, then when she comes in, he closes the garage door. He hands out with her at her house too. She carries cups of coffee down to his house for him.
So yeah, I know I should run away fast. That is what I am trying to do, my heart just keeps getting in the way. You are right, and I am already tired of being tired. I am tired of him being in my every thought, every breath. I am so disappointed in myself and feel so stupid to have gotten myself into this mess and believed his lies and deceit.
He is a scumbag! I hope one day I can be as strong as you are. Thanks for you advice, I need all I can get. I can totally relate your story. The jerks only tell you what they want you to know and be a part of. You are doing so well on your NC. The OW across the street is also about 25 years younger than him, not attractive, also married, etc.
And you are right, it has felt good to have less drama in my life without him causing it, wondering every day if I am going to hear from him, if he will want to see me, if he will start up crap with me or make me feel bad, etc.
That part I do NOT miss. Life has been a bit less complicated without him in it. Thanks for your insight. It was nice outside today and I was sitting outside with my laptop working.
I saw my assclown, who lives two doors down from me on our street, drive by with his wife and family. Hopefully everyone has read my story to understand the details.
I really miss him so much and hate that SHE even though she has every right since she is his wife gets to go places with him, eat with him, see him in the morning and at night. He stopped talking to me in Jan with no explanation, just cut me off cold turkey. Since I feel things are so unresolved, seeing him with her completely destroys my heart. Remember this assclown also has a relationship going on with the woman across the street, and I have to watch him with her as well.
I am also having a really time understanding why these types of men can treat us like this after we have been nothing but kind and generous and loving and patient, and not have to pay any consequences.
WE are the ones who pay the consequences, and they carry on like they never knew us. Miserable Love… you will never find the answers, trust me on that. I have read so many books on this and still never found the answers.. That is not how it works, and it will take some time to see that. These men are not real, they are shells, they are insecure, self centered and have no idea what love is.
The fact that you have to see him everyday sucks.. I remember when i broke up with my ex assclown last year, we had a very good mutual friend, a guy. He asked about a month after the break up.. I will never forget that..
You will be better, you will rise above this and he will still be doing the sam sht. Jump on your lap top on the back deck next time.. Try to take small steps to avoid little setbacks.. Thanks for the advice. You are absolutely right. My assclown is definitely narcissistic and probably bipolar with his mood swings.
What you said about him being a shell and not real is the absolute truth. What I fell in love with was a facade, and does not exist. He was faking it or acting the whole time, just to reel me in.
I am slowly pulling away from the habit of watching him, looking out the window, etc. I just miss him and feel happy just catching a glimpse of him. So, I might as well sit in the back with my laptop or stay in the house, like you said.
He has been out of my sight for 4 months and I love him just as much as I ever did and probably always will. I am really bitter about being the one who is paying all the consequences of our failed relationship or both of our poor decisions, etc. He persistently bothered me for 4 years like a perpetrator, relentless, pushy, etc.
I am really stuck on this. Does anyone else struggle with this, and can anyone else see when their assclown pays consequences?? These articles are always like a kick up the backside for me. This is exactly true: I understand everything this article says and logically, I agree with it. The reality is this.. Trust me on this.. I used to say the same exact thing. He will be with this girl til she starts asking questions or until she sees thru his facade and moves on.
Who wants to live like that? Sharp and to the point.. Thank you for being my friend and listening and understanding. I will get that book and read it. I am so glad to have found someone who knows exactly what I am going through. And lots of people on this site have had similar issues with assclowns. I sure hope you are right about the fact that he is paying consequences. The hope that he is is the only thing getting me through each day right now.
I do have another question: The last time I talked to him in January, he had already cut me off cold turkey, stopped responding to my texts, so I tried one last ditch effort to walk down to his house when he was out so that I could get the truth to my face. I still to this day have no idea what happened, what decision he had to make, etc. I asked him if he wanted to talk, he said NO, so I turned around and walked away and never looked back, never have spoken to him again.
So needless to say, I felt kicked to the curb, slamblasted. I have done an excellent job, but inside I feel like dying and crawling under a rock because I worry that he is laughing inside at my stupidity and that he thinks I am an idiot. What can I do to let him know that I am better without him, happier, and that he lost the best thing he ever had?? Any advice or insight into this?
Miserable Love, why do you want to know that you are back on top? He is married, you are married. He has a perfect shield — his marriage that he can hide behind. He got money from you, right? What do you think he wants from her? This man is nothing but a user, he used you, the other woman on the street, the other woman 2 streets over and so on.
I apologize if I come across too harsh, I had my own experience. Astelle, If you had your own experience it is likely you understand what I am going through… I have no intention or desire to contact him, walk to his house, wave at him, etc.
I feel so victimized and violated by how he treated me. He was so cruel, mean, insensitive, never caring much about my feelings, then to top it all off, he said he had too much going on in his life to put up with me and my demand for respect and for him to value my feelings and opinions. How does a person come back from something like that?
Especially when I have to see him every single day, as he lives two doors down? It is hard to go outside knowing that you were violated in such a vile manner. It has been really hard for me to hold my head high. I gave him everything that I am, my soul, my heart, my love and was left with nothing from him.
Yes, he is seeing other women. I am not sure what he is looking for. Sex for sure, maybe he is looking for someone better than his wife?? I understand that he is a user and that he used me, all the more reason that it is important for ME to somehow know that down deep HE KNOWS what an ass he is and that he knows I am a better person and better off without him. That is what I wanted to know.
Miserable Love, I feel like you need to try as much as possible to breathe and bring your sight line back to you. While he may be physically proximate, you are allowing him to eclipse your every thought as well.
And the reality of him is he is a MESS and not in a sympathetic way! It is so, so painful to lose love, no matter how it revealed itself. But your words describe such a toxic situation with you as its captive audience. It is time to reject that mess. Any of those things introduces the possibility of interrupting the obsession, and refocusing your energy on you and your recovery.
Healing includes getting angry. And you have every right to be angry at all aspects of the situation. And then the right to let it go and live your OWN life, not his. You deserve you own love and compassion most of all. It sounds like your situation was one thing and now it is another. In all of his situations, he is triangulating his relationships and feelings, lighting fires on every corner, staging crazy Shakespearean-style star-crossed tragedies, pitting people against one another, and overall just making a total disaster of his life, other peoples lives, and the neighborhood.
You deserve health, joy, honesty, consistency, clarity, confidence, and the love of your friends and family. Looking for revenge only returns the focus to him and good grief, he certainly has enough attention as it is! You have no control over what he thinks about you.. I remember when i was in therapy, i was so obsessed with talking about what HE was doing, what HE was thinking, HIS behavior, when finally my thereapist told me that she did not know HIM and was not there to analyze him, but to work on me and stop the obsessing..
I did it all.. It was one thing after the other and it dug me deeper and deeper into a hole i will never go back to.. I lost myself, felt like i was not worthy, could not put my head around what went wrong, how he turned, what i did. I have never felt so insecure in my life and it started while we were still together and the it was almost over.
You will never find the answers. The best way to proof anything to him and yourself is to move on.. Chances are he is not thinking of you, he has too much other sht on his plate.. Once you heal within, your actions will will speak volumes to him about what a loser he is!!!
You have to want to move on.. These feelings must be getting old?.. You are doing good, no contact, but stop obsessing and get to therapy or a bookstore and start some self help…. I am so thankful that I found this site! I was recently devastated by an assclown and reading this and all the fantastic advice has actually begun to help me see what he really is!
I am still in the friend mode, but I realize now that I need to do NC. I just cannot bring myself to do it. I am tired of the roller coaster of ups and downs. I hurt for the loss of my future with him. I need some help putting a plan into action and going forward with it. I think the only way to do this is with NC.
Everytime I decide this is it, I cave when he calls, which he does times a day. He acts as though nothing is wrong and inside I am dying. I switched phone plans to block his.. I was not strong enough to ignore the calls, although it was not to that extent, but was also not strong enough to not call him especially after some cocktails.. I am so confused. I know this is the right thing to do in my head, espically after reading all the others that have done it, but how do you tell your heart that?
Why do I keep holding onto hope? I am so much better then this clown and I know this! I get myself all prepared and ready to do it. I pick a date, then he calls! Like a radar goes off. I have already begun not to see him as much. There is no sex anymore. I feel so stupid for feeling this way. When we ended things I was crushed, he called me 30 times that day to make sure I was ok. Then he tells me he loves me and I am the most amazing women he has ever known, and we have so much fun when we are together and he can talk to me about anything for hours and hours.
Then why do you not want a gf right now? This is the statement that I cannot get out of my head to convince myself to stop talking to him altogether. I did the same thing with the phone.. I really wish I had done the NC 2 months ago. I know that I am going to miss him so much. Even the thought makes me tear up! I also know that I cannot continue to live my life in this craziness. I am so happy then so sad in a matter of minutes. I am driving myself crazy. As I type this he calls me and wants to see me tonight?
Part of me wants to see him so much, but the more I do, the more pain I feel when he leaves. I cannot understand why these clowns cannot see what they are doing to us. When I brought up the idea last week of taking a break from each other…. I feel like I need a plan to occupy my mind. We are here for you! But, we texted all day as much as we could. All you can tell your heart is that you are taking your life back. It is painful and excruciating. I held onto HOPE for the last 4 months.
To this day, I naturally hold a little hope that he will come back around, but I have realized that after the first day of NC, he was too late. I have to live with that the rest of my life. It was then I knew. Please read my other posts. I heard the same crap from my assclown: I love you, want you, need you, all the day before he stopped talking to me!!!
He gives you just the crumb you need to keep you hanging on! If you are really ready, you could even tell him that it is over, then you have to be strong enough to maintain the NC, or if he has been an ass to you, just start the NC without an explanation. We can help you. My assclown who is 54 years old cried once too. I thought it was genuine at the time. He no longer has a need for me, because I finally demanded that he respect me and value my feelings and opinions.
Guess he decided I was too much work. He has already moved on to the woman across the street. Let us know how you are doing.
Your needs need to start being met. I had to check my calender to note that it was officially week eight, earlier today i thought it was three months. NC is hard but it is empowering. That does not mean the obsessing is magically gone, but I think you will notice a positive enough change, after two months, that you will want to continue NC. Meanwhile if you do so some thinking, walking, writing, reading here…you will probably have plenty of many amazing insights.
If, however, at any point, you feel that you really made mistake, surely you must have done somethign wrong, and thus should initiate contact….. The time spent with [your ex] was the happiest I have ever been. Aphrogirl is absolutely right! I am not the one that initiated it, and I wanted to run back to him and get him back.
The NC is the only thing that has given me a few ounces of dignity back! We have to have some pride! I am still obsessing, but I am working on taking advice of the posts. What aphrogirl quoted at the end of her post is wonderful and will help us heal. Nothing in that quote can I say is true about my EUM. He was hardly ever loving and was disrespecful and definitely thought of himself before me.
It is really distressing. I fought him for two years telling him to stay with his wife, as it was the right thing to do. He persisted and assured me I was the one he loved, wanted, and needed. I fell into the deceitful trap and let my senses take over.
Now look where I am. Just hang in there! Thank you for all your comments. The EUM that I am dealing with is not married, never has been. I just wish I could snap my fingers and be done with this. I have been addicted to this site since finding it a few days back. I smile, laugh and cry when I read the different blogs and comments as they all sound like I could have written them.
Is this true with anyone else, that as soon as they feel you moving on, they try harder? I have not made intial contact to him since last month. He has been the one calling and texting. When I talked to him a few weeks back and said that I thought that maybe I needed some space from him to heal, he was ok with that, he cried and said that was not whathe wanted, but if it was what I wanted it was ok with him.
Even though I know I need to. I feel so helpless to this clown. I have never been this way before?? I hope you stay connected to this post and provide more advice and feedback! You are so right! I have been having a terrible time with the fact that EUM lives so close to me. This has been my biggest obstacle in getting over this man. Thankfully, I stay pretty busy with my work, my kids, etc.
And we have taken a couple vacations away, which did me a world of good except I know I worried about what HE was doing and with whom. He is a MESS in every sense of the world, everything he touches lights on fire. But apparently he can and without remorse!! But I get up and go to bed with the same questions on my mind, and hope that the next day will be the day I finally get some answers.
How could it be, I was everything he wanted when he wanted and not until did I start demanding something in return did he break up with me. He laughed when I called myself that. He wanted someone to be there for him, but who had no brain, no feelings, and was mute. He would get mad when I did so. I have never met a man who would get mad when you asked them how they were doing, but he did!! I was so stunned and hurt, I just cried for hours. Of course, he later apologized.
He has told me how he feels about his wife. He said he loved me because I was strong, a professional, independent, liked my personality, thought I was beautiful, loved everything about me, etc. I was totally his subordinate, and that is not my personality at all. Last night, I saw him sitting outside talking to his wife. I immediately broke down.
I guess to him I am like litter on the side of the road. Can someone tell me how a person can be that way? Love us one day, not the next? Texting love one day, then pretending we are dead the next? No feelings left in one day? I have to live with the knowledge that he did this to me the rest of my life and it is the most worthless feeling in the world.
Devastated, Have you tried putting the ball back into his court? If he wont, then tell him to stop contact you, then you can maintain no contact. Only you can decide if it is time or not. If you have exhausted all efforts and he is not responding appropriately, it is time. You need to decide how many times he has cried, you conceded, and he has still let you down. For some of us it takes only once, but for others it will take many times. You have to do what you are comfortable with.
If you know deep down that nothing is going to ever change, it is time. He needs to pee or get off off the pot! It hurts inside because you cannot comprehend how another person could behave this way.
But reality is that there are sick people in this world who instead of facing their issues drag others into their sorted messes. The stories are different but the pain, suffering, and heartache are the same for us on the receiving end of assclowns. These questions above which you posted — unfortunately you will not get answers for.
Their behavior is not normal, and in some ways asking all the questions is a form of control. Trying to control a situation or incident of which you are powerless to change because it relates directly to EUM. There are no magic tricks here, no pill to take, no high powered drink mix, to wash away the pain and sorrow of what has happened and how devastated you are.
Find acceptance that he is who he is, that by remaining NC with him you are taking back your own life and rebuilding yourself. Betterwithouthim- Thank you, I know you are trying to help me. You are right, I want answers to those questions, because I am a woman of control, and he took that away from me by cutting me off with no remorse. Fortunately, my happiness is slowly returning and so is ME, the person I was before this horrible tragedy in my life.
Thanks for all your insight. I am not the subordinate type, but when it came to him I was his subordinate, how much happier could he have been? I just remind myself hourly that he is not happier without me.
He has his miserable marriage and the less fortunate OW idiot across the street who is a twit, ignorant, uneducated, alcoholic, eating disordered witch, so my thoughts are if he is happier with that arrangement, more power to him. Love is actions, not words. In my case I think I was with a man who wanted to love, but was not willing to work to overcome his significant and deep rooted issues that brought resistance to his loving anyone.
He knew all this, sometimes reveled in his clown nature, sometimes was clearly tortured by it. But reality is, he never really did the work of loving me, with both feet in, and thus could never could give me what I wanted. It took me a long time to give up on him. Being with is not loving. I have to see the EUM twice a week at a 2-hour long meeting. I feel I make a mental note of where he is in the room so I can move to the other side, or keep myself from accidentally meeting his eyes when I happen to be smiling.
His newest soul mate is also at the meeting now so get to ignore him as he plays the role of the solicitous, attentive boyfriend. I feel working this hard to ignore him just keeps me stuck. Also, I admit that it was satisfying to know my ignoring him initially confused and rattled him.
Miserable Love, I have decided to confront him tonight for the last time. I am going to doexactly what you suggested as it makes the most sense. I know he will not give me what I want right now, so I am prepared to start NC. I cannot do this to myself any longer. He was so sweet yesterday at work and I thought things would be good, the he went missing until this afternoon.
With no real explanation. He is coming over this evening to see me and I am going to have this talk with him tonight. This sucks, as I know I will have to start the heartbreak all over again.
I have never in my life been this low and depressed. I read eveything I can on this and nothing seems to work. I only hope that I have the strenght to see it through and when I see him on Tuesday at work, I can continue with it. I just know I am going to miss him terribly and I cannot figure out why?? I was so lonely while I was with him. Sitting at home depressed will just make the situation worse.
Dating can sometimes produce unnecessary pressure and premature emotional attachment. You must be logged in to post a comment. Posted by Shawn on September 6, at A very big problem occurred in my relationship 5 months ago between me and my girlfriend. So terrible she had to break up with me and later moved out of the house.
His name was Dr Philip and he assured me that i will get my love back in 48hours. What an amazing statement!! I never believed, but was optimistic. Posted by schwetzbb on August 15, at That happened to me, and I told him that I liked him sadly it rouined our friendship… I shut down for a while after that but now I just pray for him, there is no point in hurting myself by trying to fix our friendship. Posted by sparkleandshine17 on June 8, at She knows that I like him and she got one of her friends to see if he liked her or anyone.
I am in a group chat with my friends and they keep on telling her that he likes her and they would be cute together. I just read this article and it made me feel so much better.
God will always be there even if boys or best friends are. I have plenty of time to date. Posted by YarnPrincess on June 5, at Everone to give thenselves comletely to someone to have a deep,loveing relationship with another, to be love thoroughly and exclusively. You will never be united with another untill you are united with Me, exculusive of any other desires and longings. I want you to stop planing, stop wishing and allow Me to bring it to you.
Just keep watching Me,expeting the gratest things. Keep experiencing that the satisfaction knowinf that I am. Just keep looking on Me, Or you will miss out on what I want to show you. Then you will be ready, I will surprise you with a love far more wounderful then you whold ever dream of. You see untill you are ready, and untill the one I have for you is ready…I am working even this minuet to have you both ready at the same time..
Know that I love youeternally. Believe and be satisfide. Posted by Taylorselph99 on February 3, at
Imsges: i love him but hes dating someone else
I told him we could never go back to the way things were before we got together. He could still contact me through my email if he chose or could get off his lazy ass and walk 2 houses down to my house to talk to me like a decent human being deserves.
But it should be driven by Christ: The problem is that since assclown pursued me for 4 years, I figured once I finally gave in to his advances, we would never break up. I lost myself, felt like i was not worthy, could not put my head around what went wrong, how he turned, what i did.
Miserable Love, why do you want to know that you are back on top? You have want to help yourself first before getting help from others. The fact that this is happening is great, but don't always be there for him. Their behavior is live normal, and in some ways asking all the questions is a form of control. I love my husband, and I am ashamed for what I did.
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