Online Dating Etiquette: Not Interested, Here’s What to Say
I can deal much better with the straightforward approach when there isn't some sort of evaluation of me involved. I guess I'm a people pleaser. I was looking at my OKC inbox last night and realized that over the years I had skipped over a not-small amount of messages If a former prospect is dogging you, but not seriously enough to report him or her as an abuse, on some sites, you can search in Invisible or Stealth mode.
I am not one to ignore emails or messages if someone is nice enough to contact me. Unlike you, I also teach in the town where I live so sometimes I'd be getting asked out on dates by men whose kids were my students. He is taller than advertised. If you do call for help, supply actual e-mails or other data giving the supporting facts. Follow our YouTube Channel. At that point, I stopped attending the events I would see him at and never again returned.
I am known for joking around a lot, making people laugh and complimenting them. I am realizing more and more how often this gets confused for flirting and has begun to lead to a lot of misunderstandings. I think it's just some need to make people are at ease, to make sure they're having fun. I guess I'm a people pleaser.
Anyhow, I don't think my online dating profile is anything great, but I continue to get messages from women who want to chat. In some cases, they're women I've actually met around town so they already know me and know I can be gregarious. But I feel like a jerk when they say, "I remember you, I thought you were very charming, would you like to get a drink? I'm sensitive to hurting people's feelings and I have no idea how to say, thanks but no thinks in a diplomatic way. Should I bite the bullet and just go on these dates anyway?
I am not one to ignore emails or messages if someone is nice enough to contact me. But I am very sensitive to leading people on. Ladies, is there an acceptable way for a man to tell you, thanks but no thanks, and not think he's a jerk? Seriously, that's the kindest possible way to turn someone down online. She'll get the hint. You are not the Infinite and Eternal One that she is hanging her hopes of romance and happiness on.
I'm not sure exactly what you should do, but it absolutely should not be this. I agree that ignoring the emails is the way to go. I'm in a similar situation, and the part of me that values kindness and tact tells me I should respond to the messages I receive.
Logically, though, I've come to realize that when I'm not interested, there's nothing I can say that will feel less bad to the person than ignoring them. Conversely, I'm pretty shy to message someone, and when I do, I'd much rather not hear from them than get some canned "sorry, I'm not interested" or "sorry, you're not my type. If it's someone you know in person, and you'd like to be friends with them: If they persist, just ignore them. Being direct is not being a jerk. If you are vague, you will be perceived as a jerk if they think you're leading them on.
Anyone who's been dating online for any amount of time will recognize a lack of response as the most polite way of indicating a lack of interest. It's still not actually polite , per se, just the least unpleasant way of indicating it.
It sucks, and it's a little maddening when you're on the other end of it and waiting for someone to reply, but it's a skill one must cultivate. There isn't really a way to tell someone you're not attracted to them in a way that will land as softly as you're hoping. The exception is if you're already met them in person.
If you want to reject someone that you've met in person, you first dump praise on them "you're a really awesome person, a lot of fun," whatever and then you say that, while they are really cool people, you just didn't feel that in-person chemistry that you're looking for. Emphasize that this is not a fault on either person's side. They'll feel a little deflated for a half-hour or so and then it's on to the next profile. Yes, ignoring is the polite signal for 'not interested' in online dating culture.
The scenario you mentioned is pretty much the exact reason I stopped dating online. Like you, I was getting contacted by men I knew in my town.
Unlike you, I also teach in the town where I live so sometimes I'd be getting asked out on dates by men whose kids were my students. That was really weird. Even though most people in the online dating thing know that no response is fine, I never could do that because y'know, I'd see these people in town and at work So I ended up replying by saying thanks for the offer but I just met someone and want to see where it goes.
It seemed less harsh than saying I wasn't interested in them in particular, and I think most people understand that you're really just being polite. I disagree that you should do the ignore thing. You've met them in social situations around town, you're likely to meet them again.
I agree with desjardins that "I don't think we're a match, but Also, they have friends. A people pleaser indeed! You do not owe anyone a date. It's important to learn that for your own well-being, sometimes you have to say no, and I agree with others who have said that in this situation the best way to say no is just not to reply. If you've met them face to face before and want to be friends but not date, then just tell them that. If they want an explanation, feel free to say "I would prefer not to", or simply not reply, as you prefer.
If you don't want to risk burning a bridge with them, you could offer coffee in the daytime, but that's really optional. Yeah, if you've met them in person you can't do the ignore. I like desjardin's advice "I don't think we're a match I can deal much better with the straightforward approach when there isn't some sort of evaluation of me involved.
This is the best case scenario, a situation that everybody assures you will happen, regardless of how dire it all looks. Emboldened by these testimonials, maybe you find someone, or something, that just works for you. A first date that you were dreading exceeds your expectations. He is taller than advertised.
He is intelligent, and asks all the right questions about your career. He does not balk when you adamantly insist on paying your share of the bill. You have to accept the bad guy or girl role unless you want to create an even angrier person out of your former prospect. The following line is pretty darn effective but only use it as a last resort: Afterward, break off the communication. From then on, your approach is no reply, no comment, no nothing.
Your safety is paramount. The pay sites have a serious interest in protecting their customers and maintaining good public relations.
If you do call for help, supply actual e-mails or other data giving the supporting facts. Remember that nothing is ever completely erased on the Internet, so made-up abuse is pretty easy to expose. And if you report inappropriately, the site will monitor your mail. If a former prospect is dogging you, but not seriously enough to report him or her as an abuse, on some sites, you can search in Invisible or Stealth mode. Note that at Match.
Imsges: how to reject online dating email
However, it's also really important to be as straightforward as possible. You need to know how to dish out rejection in an appropriate way. Do not go on dates with people you are not interested in dating -- that is awkward at best and potentially disastrous at worst.
If they want an explanation, feel free to say "I would prefer not to", or simply not reply, as you prefer. The fear of rejection is the reason a lot of people eschew dating completely, preferring to limit their interactions to encounters that require less emotional commitment and effort.
By how to reject online dating email the counsel of a depressing number of mefites above, you would be actively making the world a shabbier, more broken place to live in where people have value to one another only if they can be rejecr use. Match does, but it doesn't stop the truly persistent. How to dating profile translations decline people on internet dating sites? Best of luck in your search. Thinking that disabling my OKC account had anything to do with him whatsoever:
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