The No Contact Rule After a Breakup
Maybe it would help me avoid this problem in the future. No contact is about saying: Hi Hoon, why did you break up? If you the latter, then our newsletter is a good place to start. I moved abroad just under 3 years ago and met her 3 months into moving here, so pretty much everything I have done and everywhere I have been in this city is defined by our relationship. In November I had fallen for him and let it slip in December. Someone told a guy I was seeing for 9months to stay away from me.
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And off he went. That is all I can promise for now. See my post how long to get over a breakup. We worked things out, he went to therapy for his anger this was our biggest issue before because he would say mean things when he was mad , and he changed a lot of other things to be with me again. He actually thought it was a plea to get back with him. No search term specified. I stayed in the house for awhile and cried.
We did enjoy each other when we did meet up and were very close when that happened. In the last year she changed and looking at it now we became incompatible in ways because of her decisions she was making in her life. The next day after she told me I emailed her looking for more answers etc. It was very hard and i did have some slip ups where I viewed her FB once and viewed her friends FB pages and then I was re-reading the emails we had swapped.
I stopped all that too and made myself avoid anything related to her. I did send one txt but that was too keep some of my stuff I had left in her place but that was it. Part of me is hoping she will so I can feel like I am in control again but I shouldnt be worried if she does it not.
This should be all about me now. I shouldnt want to be with someone who has changed from the girl I once knew. There is a part of me that has been wanting to meet her and express my views on the relationship because I didnt do that when she broke up with me and the emails were all about her view on it and her explanations, some of which I didnt agree with but I never said this. I have been ruminating about this in that I wasnt real to myself or her and I let her explanations be made over emails which is very impersonal looking back now.
There is something inside me saying I need to have a very open face to face conversation with her about my perspective on the relationship. Im not sure if this is just my subconcious wanting to see her again or wanting to convince her that her explanations werent fully true because they werent but I also feel this talk may end some of my ruminations and it will help me move on. Then there is also the things I read that if I do this I will look weak in her eyes and will push her further away and the possibility of being friends down the line will be damaged.
For now I think I need to wait longer and work on myself till I balance myself out. Maybe a few weeks or months down the line I wont want that talk but if its still there I might have to do it. I know I must except the relationship is now over and let her look forward to her decision but how can I refocus? If I use NC chances are she will not resume the relationship later down the line but if I keep friends I literally am stuck in her shadow?
Better to love and forget I know but feel this year will continue to always be about her and the what if. No contact is simple. It is the only way to get rid of someone for good. I suppose I cant imagine pining for someone to the point that I would compromise myself. When its over its over people…. Does making Facebook status updates about stuff count as contact? She still used to kept texting me On and Off…. If you do not react emotionally, or do not react at all, she might try again, and try harder.
So you need to be strong. What I did is make a list of all the terrible things she said and did to me during our break. And I look over the list periodically. My pride is also preventing me from reaching out to her. Once to tell me she was admitted to the hospital. It has also forced me to seek out other people to talk to.
While my ex was my only support while we were together, I have been successful in building one hell of a support system in her absence. They are the ones who are really getting me through this. If you want to break free from your emotional chains, you must find your own motivation to adhere to NC. You will be fast on your way to recovery. I always make a list of the negative things that happened during the relationship and what would happen if I return to him.
And the person who calls it off had better think twice before doing so. Happiness is a choice and no-contact is a surefire way of claiming your own happiness. The heart is a very resilient body organ. Everything gets better in time. Thanks for this blog for lack of a better word. I have just broke up with my girlfriend of over a year and a half.
Much of that time was spent living together. I have been through relationships before and really thought this was the one. However, it was not it seems.
The last fight, turned out physical, she attacked and bloodied me. I could not believe it. The venom and anger that welled up. Not the first time she had punched, slapped, etc…I have never and would never with any woman raise my hand. On top of that the things that were said to me by her were some of the most hateful and cruel things anyone could say to anyone. Hurt is what I am to put it mildly. I told her to leave and she eventually did and now has taken all of her stuff except for a few nick knacks and the puppy dog….
I dunno…but it is a constant reminder of her. However, the dog is not going out on the street. But I wonder if in some weird way that I am violating the no contact rule by having the dog here.
I do not want to call and say what is up with our pet…. I am in day two….. I cannot even think of 30 day time frame…. I am going to go day-by-day. Like an addict that it sounds like i am with her. Tomorrow will be day 3. That is all I can promise for now. I will be diligent in no contact….
I know she will make contact about that…and I do not know how I will respond. This little community here will be a part of it…and rereading the blog. I think this article and the above quoted comments are pretty cruel.
I understand coming to this point after trying to fix a relationship that was clearly not working and unhealthy, however to just jump ship and go no contact is very immature and shows no personal development. So obviously the quoted comments show 2 persons who were more concerned with power and their own feelings than with caring for their relationships. It is too bad and I wish everyone the best, but one cannot achieve a healthy loving and fruitful relationship with the attitudes shown.
In the middle of this and its hard. We were together for 5 year and lived together for 4 years. We broke up 10 days ago fwiw. After the break up, I took off and drove half way across the US to go visit some old friends and come to terms with what had happened.
When I got back she had changed the locks on our apartment with my stuff in it. Luckily, just 10 days away from that toxic relationship I already am starting to feel like myself again.
Until yesterday, my father had contacted my old roommate she still lives with X to schedule a time to move my stuff out of the apartment. I realized i have to go NC with both of them as soon as the move is complete. I also asked that communication be ceased for 6 months between roommate and myself. She wanted to stay in communication so that they could tell me when they would be in the neighborhood.
I said I can not communicate with you t all. Please respect my space so that I can start to heal!! Not sure how this will go but I am proud of myself for standing up for what I think is right. I dont want x knowing anything about my life and I dont want to know anything about her life even if I think I do when I have moments of weakness.
I have told my friends to actively prevent me from doing anything stupid, even if i have to be restrained. Sorry for the wall of text, but I am writing this as many times as possible, because venting my feelings is helping me let the anger, saddness and loss go free. I know that my resolve is not perfect, but I do feel I just want to move on with my life no matter how many days I have to live until that is possible.
I have been reading this website like it is crack, so many good ideas and philosphies on here. I have accepted all of the things I did wrong and I am beginning to stop caring about the wrongs I feel were done to me. I will never get validation from her so why worry about it!!!
Thanks again fro maintaining this great resource. Thanks for being here and I will continue to support your site while I work on moving on with a life of my own! Broke up with bf of two years for about 4 months now; have remained talking ever since break up coz we decided to remain as friends. He has a gf but I still miss him and want him back, sometimes wonder if he misses me. Will the no communication rule still work in this instance especially when we have been communicating for four months after our break up?
Secondly if the NC rule can still be applied how should I break off the communication? Should I give a reason or just zone out? So yes, it will still work for you. Whether to zone out or give a reason is entirely up to you. Both your questions are framed with your ex in mind. The whole point is making a decision for YOU. Hi Jesse, this is really interesting! I was involved with a married man who was very attentive towards me. We did many wonderful things together, there are so many memories but the hardest part is that I still have fond memories of him.
Mind you, I was very calm about it because it happened before and I brushed it off. I noticed other things too that indicated that he had yet another woman in his life but he always found some way to turn the tables on me…yes, I was an addicted fool in love. I decided to end it…the incidents caused too much pain. I always allowed him to wean me back so I just went cold turkey one day. I decided that I was not ever letting anyone have the control over me again.
Sometimes I would think of something wonderful that we did and feel like texting or unblocking him, but I hold it back. It has only been one week. I miss him so but I know it could only get better and one day I would be healed. I know he is planning to come to my country soon and he will seek me out it happened before and I pray that I would be strong enough to resist when he comes. Thank you for your article, It feels good sharing this with others and knowing that I am not alone.
I got dumped by my girlfriend two weeks ago. I found out she had been sexting with some guy on Facebook and the night I found out I met her and she said she didnt love me anymore. We had just moved to a new country and she had some problems with her self-esteem and how to be confident at her new workplace. We had been together for 5 years and are both very young, she is 22 and I am I was also her first boyfriend and first relationship. After the breakup I had to stay in the apartment for two days.
Those nights after work we both kissed and hugged and comforted eachother. Right before I left for the airplane we had sex. Just before I left for the airplane she cried and was really upset.
She is now alone in that country. First days after I was really needy and told her I had to talk, I think mainly because I thought it would lead to she would understand her misstake. When I got home which was a thursday I wrote to her after been drinking saying we had to talk and all that. The following friday she wrote to me sounding really guilty. I feel as if I broke the NC but im not sure. Should I follow the NC even if she writes to me or should I write back?
What are your thoughts on this? Yet here I am 2 months later and have just experienced a week of the most raging jealousy, hate, anguish and pain I have felt since the 1st week she left me. I cant say what triggered it, actually I was doing well for weeks and even got myself on a good day run without even thinking about her much. Each time I accepted it I focused on her moving on and cried for hours, realizing the fact and digesting it.
Yet here I am 2 months in, and still occasionally find myself listening to hear if she is at the door, or waiting for that call or letter in the mailbox saying how much she realizes she made a mistake.
I regularly get pangs of jealousy thinking shes with other guys. I regularly get hurt and feelings of abandonment knowing she consciously decided to leave me, without giving it a chance or second thought. I feel constant hate that she left me when my dad was dying, and in 2 months hasnt even asked how he is.
OK maybe this had some affect on me but would it really make me regress all the way back to square 1? Obviously I didnt respond. Seriously, I dont know how you guys do it. How do you turn off the hurt??? How are you now? I read your story. I feel for you. I see the biggest problem for you and for many is that instead of looking from our side how to move on, we are looking at how they have moved on. I have that problem too. When the focus is on us and not them, the battle is more manageable.
The jealousy is just too difficult to handle. Your situation is unique because you associate your entire aboard experience with her. Obviously you love d her. Ever thought about taking a break from where you are for a long time, moving to a different home, or something like that so to not be reminded of her?
I think that would help. You tried so hard and for so long. Something new need to be tried. I hope it ends soon! Hang in there man, I hope it gets better.
I guess I have good days and bad days. That last post was written after a series of really bad days, so I guess to balance it out I can say there are certain days where the pain is numbed well enough to just focus on living. As for your suggestion to get outta town, well its not quite that easy for me due to my job which I actually really like although the long term plan is to do exactly that.
Thanks again for the support, we all need it during these times. I am having enough of a hard time trying to forgive myself for the mistakes I made in the relationship. You embrace it as part of yourself, as evidence that you loved and lost, as scar tissue that you will wear with pride.
What happened to you is very sad. It is sad that she left you at such a vulnerable time in your life. And it is sad to hear that you expected more compassion from her side but were let down.
I love your outlook on the NC rule ,Jesse. And I totally get it. And its something I am going to try to let go of the hurt and suffering I have endured, by being in a casual one-sided relationship, where I had more feelings than he did for me. But, my one question is should I bloke his number on my phone, facebook, etc.
Not having that as means of my contacting him would help me, with not being able to contact him, even at my hardest points. Is that the course of action I should I do? Am here to testify of a great and powerful spell caster named Priest Kuvuki via his email: I was so confused and devastated when my boy friend left me for another girl.
I needed him back desperately because i loved him so much. So i contacted this great spell caster for a help. He helped me cast a return love spell on him and just within 12 to 16 hours my boy friend came back to me crying and begging for my forgiveness.
I want to recommend this great spell caster to anyone that truly needs an urgent solution to a love break up. Simply contact the great Priest Kuvuki via his email address Kuvukispelltemple hotmail. Having support from your family over the phone is great. Having friends you can open up with in real life, is even better.
Us guys tend to isolate ourselves when something painful and intense happens. We retreat to our proverbial caves. Your entire perspective will shift. Interacting with others will replenish your mental stamina.
But you need to get yourself to that point. I advocate building positive momentum. Start with small positive, constructive habits. Get into the habit of doing things you know you should be doing and let being more social be one of them. Phone calls with your mom is not enough. You will see in my above posts I was cut coldly from a 2. Today marks 3 weeks, or 21 days, of pure NC. After the 2nd week I even took some extra steps of blocking her phone number, then deleting all her contact details, throwing out the rest of her stuff in the house, and also changing the locks cause she never gave back the key.
The truth is she is long gone, probably will never try to contact me again let alone let herself into the apartment and probably is already way over me considering it was a month ago she told me she had fallen out of love with me. The last 3 weeks have been hard, very hard. Here are some thoughts in no particular order: I thought I had accepted things in week 2, only to find I had hope she would come back again in week 3 fantasizing about her being at the apartment when I got home, etc , and having to accept things all over again.
Very painful and I hope this acceptance thing will stick in the near future. The rest of the time I have to admit I feel pretty miserable.
It was super painful because it was like reading a carbon copy of how I acted sometimes in the relationship. By their measure I am both avoidant and anxiously attached, and my ex was a combination of secure and anxiously attached. This brought me down for about 3 days — quite severe depression, rumination and anxiety.
Not sure I would do it again too soon. I might wait a while before going out partying in general. No contact is about giving the power back to yourself. I could not have said it any better.
The 3 first things I always recommend readers is 1 no contact, 2 exercise and 3 support network. Going out with friends is a great activity, but what about sharing and opening up? You need to vent some of your emotions and get some feedback on your situation.
It will make you feel less isolated and it will decrease the chance of you dreaming about your bottled up emotions. Great insights and great reading tips. So pretty much the whole experience has been related to her. That being said I do have an amazing family, and I get on the phone to them around once every few days. Hey man, How are you feeling now. Your story is very similar to mine.
Its 5 weeks since my breakup and some days I feel I am moving on slowly but other days I feel down and hopeless. Wouldnt mind knowing how you are getting on now and any tips you can give me based on your experience. I came across your website once again and felt like leaving a few more notes here. While reading my last post, I realized that I have come such a long way. This has proven to be tremendously helpful to identify my mistakes, my weaknesses and also regain self-respect.
I learned to accept things, and began investing more time in my future plans, learned to enjoy some time alone and meet new people. To others here who are going through tough times, I suggest them to be optimistic and continue improving themselves. Important is, to remain loving and caring to yourself and to others and one day soon you shall receive just the same. Thanks for your awesome post. Messages like these make everything I do worth it. Congrats on maintaining NC and congrats on feeling better.
Many thanks for all the articles that you had shared. It really helps to understand the psychological behind. However, I still need some more advice from you as my situation is a bit difficult for me.
My ex and I broke up 3 weeks ago. Before the break up, we had been going out together for years. She apologized for what she had done for me and willing to move on with me since then. I forgave her and continue our relationship until today. So, it seems to me like another reason behind why she can make a decision easily because she already knew someone is waiting for her. I had applied the NC for almost 3 weeks now. But my life situation is a bit difficult.
My family is separated so they all stay in totally different location. My friends are all married and they are not that free to come meet except once a week. My colleague at work are not close to me as we are different units. She also feel something too but since she already talked with someone new, it does help her to moved on.
But in the future, we still have to meet because we are buying house together. Now we have to sell the house and some of her stuffs is still in my house. Also, the selling will need both signature anyway.
I still can access all her messages. So, in my situation, can you help advice? Your number one requirement for a partner should be that they reciprocate your feelings. I cannot stress enough how important it is to open up to someone close to you. Less than 2 weeks after we agreed to a no infidelity seperation, she fell in love with another guy of course from the bar she works at.
I had sex with her a few times and I told her boyfriend about it in a text trying to get him to bail. I tried to start a NC last weekend that lasted maybe a day and a half. I would like any kind of suggestions or help.
I know I need NC to break my dependence on her. How not care about her? I mean she is taking a crap all over me and just rub it in but I still forgive her.
You need male best friends! How is your support network? Are you hitting the gym? Are you going no contact because YOU want to, or because she wants to? You need to reach your tipping point; the point where you say, nothing is worth this much pain. Have you reached that point yet? If not, why not? But it also makes a lot of decisions easier. Simply be the best dad you can be. Right now it seems like the best dad decision is getting your shit together. And to do that, you need to bring contact to an absolute minimum, and plan to fail in terms of facebook, text messaging etc.
I broke the NC rule tonight after almost 7 strong days. I feel so weak and pathetic. On top of the guilt I feel about the relationship, I now have guilt for breaking the NC rule! I had to text her to put everything down in one final message. But I was also angry. I asked how can you do this to me. How can you lose faith in my ability to fix the problems that were making you unhappy? How can you go so cold so fast, only 2 months after you showed me so much love and we were talking about having babies together and laughing about their names?
With this txt I have to say I have made a final move. There is no more contact I can possibly make, without repeating myself again. I have to reset the NC clock. I honestly do feel better that this text is out there, but I know I just delayed my recovery process. While reading your comment, I felt the urge to start reply at several points, but near the end I felt no need to.
You need to bias yourself towards positivity, progress and recovery. Focus on progress not perfection. I am completely lost and in a hole of despair. I pushed her away, it took me a full year to even properly start appreciating her, and by then the damage was done. What is this some sort of joke?? I say it to myself every day. What a sad mess this whole thing is.
They are just manifestations of your body. You are not your thoughts, you are the entity observing your thoughts. This makes you feel stuck, makes you feel like there is no end. Focus on breathing deeply with your lower abdomen. This induces a relaxation response in your body, and focusing on your breathing brings you into the now. This helps you distance yourself from your thoughts and emotions. Thanks so much Jesse. I will try to use these tactics next time I feel like this. It has been on and off over the past few days.
About 3 days ago I had 1 good day, a day of clarity. It was almost like I was on a drug, a high, where everything became super clear and I realised I shouldnt waste time falling into despair. But it was like a beacon of light. How do I marry 1 and 2? How do I draw the line between feeling pain and letting myself suffer?
For example the times I have been actively trying to think positive, push away the negative thoughts, stop thinking about missing her, I feel like I need to cry but stop myself. The pain goes inside anxiety rises and it feels like it burns there. I still have a few of her things and packed them in a bag, was going to text her and ask her to pick them up not when I was here obviously.
But then I stopped and thought — why am I texting her? What do I get out of this? So I looked at what I had packed — a few clothes, books, some trinkets and a gift I had bought her a few weeks ago but never had the chance to give her.
Who knows, maybe I had subconsciously hoped her seeing this gift would change her mind and spur her to come back. For now her things are stored way back in the closet — I will have to think of a better way to have them returned, or if enough time passes and she does not claim them I will not feel bad about throwing them out. Hope is for boys, embrace being a man! Hi Jesse, my gf broke up with me a week ago, after a 2. I moved abroad just under 3 years ago and met her 3 months into moving here, so pretty much everything I have done and everywhere I have been in this city is defined by our relationship.
By the 2nd year I was fully in, committed and we were both talking about marriage and kids. I had decided I will work on this relationship, and do what it takes to make her happy. I love the girl after all. After 2 previous long term relationships where my commitment issues got in the way, I have to say I was proud of this progress I made and thought I was on the right track.
I felt good about things. I know she loved me deeply and I loved her. It is a cross cultural relationship and we come from 2 very different backgrounds. However being from a cross cultural background myself, and living in 4 different countries during my adulthood, I consider myself quite adaptable. We had a massive argument 1 month ago about us moving back to my home town for a year or so.
I pushed my side a little too hard due to some other issues in my life at the moment my dad being quite sick. Naturally I wanted my future wife to accompany me. I even hinted that proposal was just around the corner I was ring shopping at the time.
With the argument going nowhere and 2 weeks of not seeing eye to eye, I suggested a couple of weeks break for both of us to calm down. Well for me the issues became more clear in that time and I came back to the negotiation table last week in a better state, less intent on pushing my side of the argument and more willing to listen to hers.
When I reached out to her the message she sent me was simple: You should move on, there is nothing I want from us anymore. I feel shocked, betrayed, confused and hurt. I won so many battles with myself to improve my character in this relationship and truly thought this would work out. As usual in life, it seems that everything bad came at once. I have a hunch that the real issue is something else entirely but I will never find out.
FWIW I am 31 and she is I want her to feel the same as she did prior to our argument, but at the same time I have a deep feeling of resentment that 1 she would treat me like this and cut me off so easily and 2 she would do so at a time where there is a near death in the family and on my birthday!
Anyway enough of a rant, I am back to nausea, not sleeping, anxiety, feelings of depression and loss, and trying to scrape through the day. I need to focus on myself now and am going to do the 30 day NC. Unfortunately she needs to pick up her things so I need to send one more message to tell her when I will not be here , but after that it is a strict 30 day NC.
That sounds like a terrible, destructive, irresponsible person. Giving you an update on my situation. I went no contact, meaning I stopped calling, I stopped texting, and I stopped coming around.
Have a question- It has been20 days NC after a horrible break up. Believe me I sent e-mail after E-mail telling him how he needs to get help and how is is a pothead and that we never had a chance with his love of weed, etc etc.
We had previously broken up and got back together 4 times. After my e-mails I sent him a final text telling him I had said everything I ever could say- Then I saidI loved him I was sorry for the fighting but we never had a chance with his addiction to pot.
He did not respond. Last week we ran into eachother which was about once chance in a billion as it was at a concert with 40, people there. We just nodded at eachother and that was it I as on a date He has called me and e-mailed and texted thinking I must have blocked him since I did NOT repspond.
He wants to just have coffee and explain his side of everything and hopefully get to a positive place about the break up. He said he needs healing and asked me if I would see him so that we can have one last conversation and leave in peace. I did not respond. I do not know what to do. Should I text him and kindly say I am moving on and please do not contact me again? OR just do not respond at all to his request. I know he is hurting, as I am.
It ended horribly and I am sure he wants peace with it- and seeing me messed him up- and he wants us to at least try to have this be over with love. WHat do I do?? The end of a relationship is a point where both parties have to start making decisions that are good for them personally, as opposed to sacrificing their own needs to meet the others.
You seem to be avoiding that crucial question. I can imagine scenarios where a closure conversation could really help him out. Conversely, it might his way of tricking you into trying to change your mind one last time, which would set you both back in my opinion. I think your number 1 focus should be what makes sense for you, not for him. Keeping that in mind, if he seems genuine and stable, I would consider meeting up with him.
I just wanted to take the time to post one last follow up to truly place some prospective on things for everyone suffering a broken heart. Almost a year has passed since my ex wife left me for her ex boyfriend. If you look at past threads you can see where and what I felt at this time in my life. I reached out to Jessie and worked one on one at reclaiming my life and letting go of the pain…. I am very happy to say that life does indeed keep rolling forward. Jesse helped me with real world tools to not only heal from my hurt but to look at my own life to make positive choices in the future…..
Fast forward one year…. Namaste and love and light to us all…. Thank you for everything Jesse! I have been married to my wife for 27 years. This year she suddenly quit her job, started bailing on me by going home overseas without talking to me.
When she returned, which was early since I paid the change fee for her return, she bitched me out for making the return too early. We tried to make things work. This Jan I had to quit my job and move to TX. Once we got to TX, she pulled the same stunt again by bailing on me. She said she was calling my bluff on a divorce. Now I come to find out that she was not the wife who never cheated. She told me we are divorcing on the phone. So now, I am wondering how to best handle the NC as her dog and some personal belongings are here.
She is supposed to be back in 6 weeks. I have blocked her calls, txts and emails which she has about 10 of. A this point I would say, do what you can.
I would gather the personal belongings and put them in a box and place it in the garage or with a mutual friend. Regarding the dog, I would ask yourself, what would your best self do? Perhaps the right thing to do is to leave the dog at a mutual friend.
But I could also imagine that the right thing to do could be claiming it to be yours. This is an issue where you need to take the higher moral ground, whatever that is in your case. I am on my 2nd week of no contact. I blocked his emails, text and phone number. I stay busy and the only way he can contact me is by coming to my house but the problem is I am never home. The truth is I will never trust him if we were to get back together so there is no point in even considering a reconciliation.
I will just be jealous and insecure. Everyone going through heartache needs to realize that while your busy dreaming of them coming back, your not looking at reality. Ask yourself this, if you get back together will you really be happy or will you be miserable the entire relationship because you will be constantly thinking about if they really care about you and will they leave you again.
Being in a relationship like that is hell. It is better to be a little sad now then to be in a relationship your not sure of. The article No Contact does work Get you life back! Thank you for your fast response. You are right in your assertions. Considering my age, I have gone through nasty situations, yet this one has drained me paradoxically. Fact is, that around other women I am confident, playful, direct etc. Her presence however, overwhelms me, and I act needy, get emotional….
Some friends think I am joking when I explain my feelings for this girl. They think of me as a Don Juan and that me being played to this extent is impossible!
I feel I am not neglecting myself though. I am very social, sexually active, I work, go to the gym, travel a lot mainly because of work etc… I believe being physically not available has contributed in this situation.
I lead a hyper-active life and I believe she feels inferior and unable to keep up with my lifestyle, which is why I am considering moving back in the summer for some time and see what happens.
For now, I am in no contact, but I will make myself visible once I return home in a few months. I am a 28 years old male and one year ago I fell for a girl who is 20 years old. I opened my cards too fast and revealed my feelings and we had dated only several times. It was first time I felt like that.
That scared her off and she cut me out by saying she loves me but as a friend. I suffered from depression for months after that. We have exchanged emails from time to time but chances for it to work seemed vague. Last summer I moved to a different country for work. A few weeks ago when I returned home I decided to call and ask her out for a drink. She is now in a relationship with someone she is not in love with I think.
Meantime I have dated other people, but my feelings for this girl grew bigger. I understand that NC would apply to couples who have spent considerable time together and they need time apart. In my situation is different — I want us to get to know each other and see if it really works and whether something beautiful can develop!
Im moving back home in a few months and I really want to get a chance to get to know each other because I think I really love her. I think she feels for me as well because every time we meet we are both nervous and emotional. I find she is a lot more open in person, but when we contact online she acts distant and uninterested. Our last encounter took place about a month ago and we almost had sex. After that episode she accused me of pushing her into getting intimate and she felt hurt!
That was like a cold shower but at least I knew she felt for me. I am now seeing a therapist for the first time. Im unsure whether to try let go or fight this emotionally expensive battle. This pushes women away and diminishes attraction.
She felt close to you, there was some attraction, but you pushed her away by being too needy. Rationally, the best thing to do is focus on other women. Who is dictating the terms? Do you feel in control? I forgot to mention we were together for 2. Although I hate to use this as an excuse for his actions!!
We hugged, kissed, said love you, miss you, etc. I thought things were moving in the right direction, or so I was led to believe. Turns out he started dating all the while keeping up the facade!! I had some things to pick-up at his house since we were living together — which I did the very next day of finding out. He was not home. I unfriended him on FB, etc. Anyway, last week he sent an email asking for my address as he had some mail to forward. I did not answer. Two days ago he sent a text asking for address again… I do not want to break NC!!
He sees my brother at work and could easily give it to him… Am I being unreasonable in this regard?? There is no answer to that question. You need to listen to what she tells you through her actions rather than her words. No contact at all. Try and wait till tomorrow and see if you still feel the same way. Hi jesse I just went through a very nasty breakup. And I followed NC. I was in a LDR for about 3 years. My bf came down to visit me before Christmas and cut the visit short to break up with me.
He said we are not compatible. He also said he wants to be friends after we get over each other. I sincerely feel that he does care for me. He showed some concern about feeling bad every time he thought about me being sad. He slowly initiated the NC rule to let me down easier, but we only texted.
He did say he is no longer in love with me and apologized. I still have strong feelings for him and this whole break up made me open my eyes and realize what I need to work on. I am just not sure if it is too late. Passion was a huge thing holding us together as well. I feel we are compatible, but needed to respect each other more. Regardless of where you go from here, you need to realize that that is the source of your pain. Staying in the grey zone is what is feeding your pain.
The no contact rule helps you to leave the grey zone. But you need to make the decision and the commitment to WANT to leave in the first place. I can say this. Pay a lot more attention to what he does as opposed to what he says. Everyone wants to let someone down easily, but often it gives the other person false hope. What are his actions telling you?
Are they telling you there is hope? Could you delete the 2 previous comments? In order to explain my breakup, I need to describe our relationship and how was the past. I could write a book about our story. I was living abroad when I met her for the first time.
In fact, few days after our first meeting, I knew that I had to come back to my country, and she knew about it since the beginning. She hosted me for 1 week and then I find a place to be on my own. She came with me for one week, and met my family. For me it was obvious that she knew it. The break up was really short, only few hours. Then we came back together. Later I was losing interest in her, and I was given less and less attention so she started to feel abandoned.
After 2 years of relation she made something really bad during one party, and I was really pissed off. This time, we had a no contact period of weeks, then once again we came back together.
I never told her that I was in love her, and she did the same because she was waiting for me to say it first. The last 6 months of relation, we had less and less meetings, she asked me by her own a break up of 2 weeks with a no contact rules, because she wanted to see what she feels, and the same for me.
We had a meeting maybe once or twice a week maximum, but always in contact every day. This break up was the last one, it was in august When it happened she started to reject me more and more, and I discovered that I really love her. Due to that, I started to be really honest about my feelings, and I told her that I came here for her.
Since then she is not able to kiss me, to hug me because she is blocked. I showed her that I was in love with her, by doing some surprise, doing things but nothing changed. She is like a rock with me. During the last 5 months, she asked me for no contact break of one month. During this time I really did know that I love her.
What a crazy feeling. Then when the no contact period ended up, she made the first move and she contacted me. We had a first meeting, for few hours when I explained her all what I did wrong, and I want something better.
She started to cry, because she was waiting since a long time about it. Anyway the next meeting I told her for the first time that I was in love with her, and she told me that she is not. He just stopped, told me he needed time. He tells me he was immature for stonewalling behavior, that he wants me back. Truly, there is nothing he could say that would make me be happy unless he told me he wanted me back.
Because for me, I forget all the bs and the pain and just reminisce about the sweet good times. In any event, closure will only come from me, not from him. Good sex, no fights and spent every moment together. Paid off her student loans, bought her a house and a financial services business. Lost my job and spent the last two years building my own business and supporting hers. We made a major cutback in expenses and holidays. But agreed it was for good reasons….
My new career and our great future together. That included marriage and children and building a new house in the country and living happily ever after. Needs space and time to meet new people and explore new possibilities.
Does not want me involved in her personal or business life. Moving in with her best friend who is willing to help with her confusion. So for 5 months I give her the space she asked for to find herself again.. Still visits and puts me through hell. Has sex with me, starts a fight and leaves.
Tells me I need help. Should give up my dreams and get a job. Refuses to talk about her feelings or what happened. Also starts spending money like Crazy.
Buys an expensive new SUV. New clothes and jewelry, business trips and very active socially. Wracking up our joint debt, credit cards! Then I see pictures posted on Facebook of her and an executive from head office on a romantic vacation in Spain and France. Someone she has been texting and seeing for how long? And left his wife and kids to be with her and most importantly her business that we built, that he wants.
And he has another girlfriend! And the only way I can get closure is from within and certainly not from her. She is extremely good looking, very seductive and fifteen years younger. Keeps making excuses to see and text me. Many of them ending in casual sex, a fight and bad feelings… It drives me crazy.
And then if I stupidly agree she changes her mind and disappears. The next 90 days should be interesting. Thanks Kevin for the tips and advice. To everyone out there: You are not alone.
What can I say, everything went wrong with me as with the other people commenting. I started dating this girl back in and in the initial months I though we were only dating each other but she was screwing around with other guys, we were living in separate countries but it really hurt when I found out.
I decided to forgive her because in my mind I told myself that thins were not crystal clear in terms of our relationship. However the trust was shaken to the core. I defined certain rules to get over this, no contact whatsoever with those guys again, no heavy drinking when I was not around and full disclosure of her whereabouts and with whom she was.
Guess I became quite a control freak. We went through a honey moon phase, amazing trips together, plans, she was changing her life to move in me but step by step she stated to become agressive and we started to have arguments.
I would not fully trust her and a couple of times caught her in small lies which lead to arguments. In september last year she moves back in with her parents and screws on of her friends.
We still continued together but things became very sour between us. We were together over christmas and christmas evening she lied to me and spent the night with the same guy, I later found out. Now in january she goes for lunch and screws the bartender and then somebody from work one week later.
We broke up right after I found out and in a very heated argument she admitted to the other guys. I was 8 days without contacting her and then we spoke because I thought it might help ease my pain. She is still in love with me but going out with the bartender 12 years younger than her , the whole conversation made me feel again terrible and gave me no closure, it did however give me strength to know that I will not speak with her ever again in my life.
It is easier if you leave in different countries and dont have to cross paths again but the pain is still there. Being cheated on like this, so randomly, with so many people is very difficult to cope with.
Your mind keeps going back and trying to figure out what you did wrong, if you were not good enough, etc. I have found this blog so useful in coping with everything, the daily exercises, etc.
I do know I will come out of this a much stronger person and put all this baggage behind me to find true love. One day at a time, that is how I will get closure! I want to hear how he could pursue me seriously for months. Then after I gave him a chance I find out he never left the girl he said he broke up with and in fact married her all while we were planning our future and planning for a baby.
Basically, just expresses clearly how much he wants me back and how much it was all his fault for letting me go. But I leave anyway, telling him we are not meant to be together. It so fucking hurts, someone i gave so much too, open to and trust just got cold on me and treated me so badly with lots of rejection, spite, cussing, and bad talking me with much of her friends.
She dumped me when i found out what she did with other guys and how she was bad talking me with them. She never spoke about the great things i did for her, she never appreciated anything that i did for her, she was always unhappy, no matter how hard i tried to make her happy and feel accepted. She has so much of excuses and rational for her behavior. She says she love me even though she never showed it or said it. She says she found true love but she is not in love and she was not ready for the relationship i was ready to give her.
Like what the fuck. I have lost so much self-esteem during the relationship and much more after it. When i have gotten over her, she contacts me to see how i am going and asks me for advise and help.
It brings back feelings of hope that we can try again. And the more distance i get the more i want to have to do nothing with her. I just want to cry and fucking shout out loud cause even though i caught her i was patient and i forgave her for all the shit. She says she is amazed. Its because i love you. What i want is for us both to give each other space to look at ourselves and become friends and start back dating. My mistake is that i made her a wife in my mind before even marrying her.
I gave her my loyalty and faithfulness. And i was going for better or for worse with her to the end. And it hurts cause this the woman i saw i can take care of no matter the circumstances. Fuck Disney, that fairy tale prince treatment does not work. Held it down for 4 years with that shit, with no appreciation. We met when we were We had our first child at We married, he joined the military to support us and we started our lives together.
He deployed, came home, and then our son was born. We were growing apart because we were rarely together. I was bitter, he was distant. I want a divorce. We are divorced within a year. When I was 12 years old I knew, I really knew, I had met my soulmate. Here I am, holding it all together for the kids while he moves away with his new love.
My heart is broken. I master the ability to mask my pain and move on. He validates all of my disheartened feelings and vows to alleviate the damage. He files for divorce and moves back. He traveled back to their place to get his things. Every ounce of pain and abandonment comes flooding back. I hold it together for our kids who are equally as heartbroken. I still cry everyday, I still dream everyday literally , and I still hope. I pray every night for relief.
I desperately want to move on with my life. I just want to know…………….. I seriously wish I could give you the biggest hug right now.
Reading your story I felt like I was experiencing your pain. You deserve a man who will treat you right. What your ex did was terrible, you are the mother of his children. I hope you get the closure you need and can move on you really do deserve the best. Thank you so much Christine. I truly appreciate you kind and thoughtful words. When he picks up the kids I try to ignore him but the chemistry that magnetic feeling is still there and he tells me he feels it too….
We get along so well…. We can talk for hours about anything…. We grew up together. He used to be a dedicated father, I digress. Closure will come from inside me. I have to say that I disagree with the closure. I was really hurt and devastated. Before anyone lectures me on going into this kind of relationship..
I felt I needed it in getting over a very bad incident that had happened to me. Anyways 5 months after we stopped talking I was still crying and hurt so I messaged him. Yes he did respond but I never got a response back if he wanted to get together. You are right Kevin, wanting closure is just another way of clinging, it is an unwise expectation that most certainly will make an already painful situation even worst.
He comes up to me at the bar and tells me he wants me back. Our relationship was not working. I want my ex to tell me he was wrong about everything and that loosing me was a terrible mistake on his part and that he will regret it forever.
This would not bring the closure that I seek because that can only come from within me. Its been 2 years since i flirted with this girl and i really have loved her so much. She is a crush of mine that time. She was having trouble with her relationship that time thats why i was there for her and as time pass by i became inlove with her. I made a distance to her because he still have a bf and i tried to wait but suddenly i just saw her flirting or dating with his crush which hurt me so much and i tried to move on after and i really have moved on that time.
So now i have been happy with my current relationship and then suddenly the image of her haunted me and made my current relationship miserable which i didnt really want to happen. The time i courted my current i know ive already moved on with this past girl which confuses me why she still haubts my mind.
I just want to talk to her and make all things clear for i am hoping that this would give me closure and would help me fix my self and my current relationship. I love my current and i dont want this to be the reason for my current to leave me. I want to be able to talk to him. To talk things through and find out exactly what happened.
I want to tell him i feel like it is my fault for pressuring him. I should not have mentioned anything. I just want to be with him again. But now that he did this to me, how could i ever forget that he just dumped me?
If we got back together, how could i trust he wont do this to me again? I am feeling so many emotions right now just typing this.. I was in a 6 month relationship. He said a lot of things that was hurtful to push me away. I felt I took enough time to think this through. So how could I blame him for everything when I contributed also. I took it upon myself to let him know that I understand where he was coming from and despite the breakup we still had good times and appreciate that.
He actually thought it was a plea to get back with him. Now the dust has settled a bit, I feel I never expressed my side of the relationship. All I did was read explanations from my ex thru a few emails. I feel this was very impersonal and I want a face to face honest talk with her now. Not to get her back or get angry, just to give me view on it all because I never got to do this.
It was all from her perspective. Closure will come from inside you, not from something that will happen outside. And I want to know what happened from her perspective. But I admit that since she broke up with me over the phone, and since we never actually had a break-up fight, I want to unload all the feelings that I still have after a year.
I want to share my pain. Honestly, the perfect scenario for me would be a random encounter on the sidewalk. Then I could feel like it was meant to happen, and suggest that we should meet again and catch up. I know that even if this happens, it will not give me closure. But, I feel like I need closure from my ex boyfriend. We argued so much. I felt like he was cheating on me. His inbox was always full of dating site emails.
I need the closure of knowing if he cheated on me or not. But how does one go from being in love with someone one day, and out of love the next? What if he does love me now and wants to get back together? What do I do? Even if you find out he was cheating, what good will it do? If he is a good guy and wants to raise the child with you honestly forget the other guy and concentrate on what you have now. I was 7 years with my ex. We had a whole future planned out. She seemed very mature and ready for it.
Suddenly a year ago she started panicking and thinking about how young she was and all the things she missed because of being in a relationship since she was So eventually it lead to breaking up. It has been a month since the official breakup, but in reality we had broken up a long time ago. It has been difficult, very difficult. But after this I have been through a mayor revival, I have matured in so many ways since breaking up, I stopped drinking which was a major problem , I started exercising, I even started dating again.
I feel happy and renewed. I feel whole and I have realised that there is life after all this. I am not going to lie to you, I miss her, I want to be with her, but life does not work like that. If we are meant to be together we will be. I am not living thinking about the future or the past, only the present. Nothing will give me closure, closure depends on only one person: I really am trying to overcome. So I feel like three people left me at once.
Four months later I am still devastated and confused. I miss him and I miss the kids. Time I hope is on my side…just time. We were both on the rebound, in love but on the rebound and i didnt think it clearly through either did she. I just want her to talk to me so we can both sort out our mess and see if we can start over having both healed.
I know even if this happens it will not give me closure,closure can only come from within. After a year and a half of dating, my ex abruptly broke up with me 4 days before exams and graduation.
It was completely out of the blue and not like him at all to do that. I was dying inside. We were slowly taking some distant before the break up because of school and exams and our busy lives preparing for the summer, but we had so many plans and adventures ahead of us and he threw it all away.
I just wish that I could figure out why he chose to break up then and not later on, and why he lied for his reasoning. I just wish I could know if he is hurting too right now and feels terrible about what happened, however I know even if this happens, it will not give me closure. I am a Gay man, and i was not looking for anybody last year I was happy being single and being around my family and friends.
Then i was introduced to somebody with the purpose of forming a friendship. But as we got to know each other, it sort of happened- we fell in love. He had plans to emigrate out of the country though, because he wanted to join his best friend who emigrated to New Zealand years before and he always felt lonely since she left- but then i came along. I tried to see it as a casual fling. He was everything i wanted, and he talked about the uncertain future about whether he would be granted a visa.
I always knew it would not last, but i clung to hope that he would change his mind now that he found me. I was very hurt and angry that he said that during such a deep affection moment. He did not end things though- i did! I told him never to contact me ever again in the future.
Two months passed, i got over him as best i could then out of the blue he contacts me- saying he is worried about me and still cares, but wants a friendship. Reason he contacted me- his visa was refused. Did he love me as much as he said he did? Did i make a complete fool out of myself?
Does he, and did he, ever love me? I sort of wish he would come to my door and ask me out again with plans to stay in England. That would make me happy even though i do not love him now, but feelings could change like the seasons do.
I had a three-month relationship. It was fantastic, we had wonderful communication. We were very compatible. One night she said she felt very uncomfortable because I had a lot of money saved and she had very little.
She wanted to break up because of this. I thought we can work this out later on when it becomes relevant. A couple weeks later she emailed me that she lost her feelings for me. I went into shock because I fell for her hard, I was in love. At first I wanted closure but then I realized. Closure will have to come from within me!
I get the feeling that true love will come to me someday. It will be just as disappointing as the end of our relationship. We were together for five years. Over the next few weeks, she reveals it was a much longer two-month affair. I want an answer, but I am learning to settle without one. I am beginning to see hope that one day this emotional pain will be a distant memory, and I will be happy with someone else. I was with the man of my dreams for 3 years.
The only problem we had was that mu teenage daughter hated him which made it very hard to have family functions. It was a big problem though. That in and of itself did not make me leave him. He said he loved both of us but I said I wont come in second to anybody. Problem is every single relationship I have ever had, including family has abandoned me. I have serious abandonment and rejection issues and he KNEW this.
I figured if this kept happening over and over again with different people it must be my fault somehow. So I asked him why? What did I do. In the meantime the new girl kept posting online and tagging him to make sure I knew she was there and I lost. Bitch kept rubbing as much salt in the wound as possible.
Which made everything worse. He is still saying he loves us both so I finally left for my own good but the feelings of rejection put me in a very bad way. I kept asking him what was wrong with me and it made everything so much worse to talk to him.
Everytime he called saying he was worried about me, it hurt me more. Honestly, I think the situation with my daughter was the death of our relationship but I would never tell her that. So I know now this will not give me closure.
I need to find it within myself. I have already forgiven him. I always forgive everybody because the only person it hurts is yourself to carry that around. I was hoping that I would get to see him in person and get closure that way. But because it was such an unexpected ending I still think that a proper goodbye would help me accept this more and by seeing him I would be able to tell if he still has feelings for me or if these have just suddenly gone away as well.
And a part of me likes to think that if he saw me then he would realize how much he still cares about me and that he was being a fool for pushing me away. I thought i finally had the love of my life. I kept my past from him and lied about it. He was my future; why bring up the past? The yelling, the name calling, the take backs, the humiliations.
My self esteem is gone. I know even if this happens. It will not give me closure. Closure will come from inside me not from something outside. After the breakup I kept hoping that she will come back. I was doubting myself. I was thinking all the time, playing scenarios in my head.
I was feeling as if I needed her to be happy. Sometimes I was waiting for some action from her side which would gently close the chapter of us two. Make me accept it and look forward again. Fact is that I need to start valuing myself. You cannot love anyone unless you start loving yourself.
I was looking for a final talk to get closure. Now I know even if this happens, it will not give me closure. A month later while I was out of town and not seeing him but skyping him every day, he tells me he made out with another girl because he wanted to out of the blue despite him saying that he only likes me.
I miss how secure he makes me feel and I miss our time together. I want him to tell me that he was wrong and feels how hurt I am and he sympathizes with me. Sorry to hear that Anna, know it hurts now, but you sound a better person than him.
I messed up big time. To cut the long story short, was seeing my girlfriend for past 2 years and so. She has been very loving, caring, affectionate and all the words you could use to appreciate her. I moved abroad after staying with her for 3 months. Somehow her love felt smoothering to me and i could not be myself. I tried to explain it to her but i kept on drifting and tried to end it.
To not break her heart i ended up dragging it when she was the one doing all the work. Now i did a reality check and tried to get backto my ex, she supported me still.
Eventually i was in two boats and couldnt decide and to not make things more complicated i told me ex no for the second time, which pushed me into a big guilt and she was broken again. Now i started to look for closure as the second time break was not clean rather ugly, which i deserved.
She called me after 3 weeks of no contact and told me she was expecting me to call and close things properly and i was under the impression i would hurt her more by calling in no contact period. I started to look for forgiveness from her and what i realised that i need to forgive myself first before asking her. I asked her but she would not forgive me. But i am trying to find inner forgivness and have apologised. Forgiveness is a big step to move forward. Inner peace would lead to closure a pnd cant expect it to come from anyone else.
I think I might be dreaming that would happen, but if not I need to remember closure will come from inside me, not from something that will happen outside. We are the better people, despite their flaws we loved them good and bad and wanted to work on the relationship. The end started rather oddly. He was extremely upset by all the stress he is under.
Then when he saw that I was hurt and unhappy. He said your not happy and I am not dealing with it. He said he was done and was ordering me to leave in front of his family. I did not know he wanted to break up till that moment. But I know I am ok and I will learn and move on from this relationship. So, yes I did not get closure. He cheated on me then dumped me. No matter how hurt I feel meeting him will not give me closure. Closure with come from inside me not from something outside.
I find it very hard to not contact someone. I love very much. This website has helped me a lot to realise that we were not compatible and much as i tried it was never going to. After a three-year relationship, he remarried his ex-wife. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4. It started off when he started acting differently and was distant from me. He started giving me the cold shoulder, so I thought if I gave him some space he would come around.
But that just made it worse and he broke up with me. I will try not to let his decisions affect me in the future.
Thanks to this article I finally see what I need to do. I want him to be truthful to me I want him to tell me exactly why he did what he did I need to know why he went about things the way he did when I was so willing to let things go I need to know why he led me on to believe that he still wanted to be with me I want him to tell me why he lied when all I wanted was the truth I need to know if I was the only one really in this relationship with genuine feelings I know that even if this happens it will not give me closure.
Closure will come from inside me , not from something that will ce from outside. Things ended so abrubtly in my relationship. I want to know what happened so I can give up hope that it was all a mistake and we will work things out. I know that even if this happens it will not give me closure.
We had an amazing relationship. At points he would fiercely defend our chances of staying together even though I was moving to a different State. It took me a while to buy into it, but by the end I was fully in love. For the first time in my life.
Right after a depression that he helped me pull out of. There is no other wait to put it: When I left, I missed him more than anything. But he started pulling put. At first it was subtle. In the last few weeks, his withdrawal escalated dramatically. Not only was he not sending any letters back-he never did-to my stream of flowers, chocolates, even his favorite takeout soup when he was sick; it was virtually impossible for us to talk on the phone, let alone FaceTime or doing anything together remotely.
A week later, he broke up with me without a warning. While I was at a public place. I became very confused. Asking myself what went wrong, how did I not notice it, and how could he do this two weeks before seeing me in person.
So all I wanted to do was to get the information from him. I sent him letters. Long, thoughtful, honest and involved letters. I asked to see him when I was visiting. At this point I was still thinking it would give me closure. That I would suddenly gain this amazing understanding of what went wrong. Of what he was feeling. How could I get that from him after breaking up, when it was hard to get him to talk to me at all when we were still together.
I know even if this happens, it will not get me closure. Okay, He left about 2 months ago, he left out of the blue. One day he just took forever to respond to my texts and calls and from one day to the other , he stopped altogether. I want an explanation as to why he left. I was in a on and off relationship with an older man. He was taking with a much younger girl from another country on line since two weeks before I met him.
I found out about her last November. I think that was the start of when he was falling for her. He and I were very close, both very attached. We broke up in June and started seeing each other again in August. Recently I found receipts of thousands of dollar worth of gifts including a 3 caret diamond ring he gave her while we were broken up.
When I confronted him, he said it was a promise ring, a promise to take car of her. He never apologize, I did for snooping and carrying on that day we broke up. I sad and full of all the emotions of betrayal. I feel guilty for not being a lady and fir snooping. But I still want closure and for him to tell me the truth. This was my longest relationship yet and it made me incredibly happy. I did everything in my power to make the relationship work and as far as I knew everything was excellent.
I doted on her constantly without being suffocating. Or giving her a lift home from a night out despite her living on the other side of town. The truth is that we are both kind-hearted, pleasant people that were able to resolve arguments easily and peacefully, and communicate very well at least I thought so up until now. She told me today that she needs to be alone because she has still not gotten over the fact that her ex of 2 years cheated on her which happened a few months ago. She asked me if I would want to try getting back together in a few months but I said no, even though I wanted to say yes.
I have struggled with anxiety and depression and I was actually suicidal a few months ago because I reached a low point of loneliness, but it all seemed to come good once I was in this relationship. We were LDR for about a year. After few months of not seeing each other, struggling with unsuccessful fight for getting visa for him, I went for a visit. I came, he took me to meet his whole family, to make connection with his daughter, dog, friends.
He gave me whole accesses to his company, allow me to drive his car. He was carrying, loving, spending all the time with me. When I delicate ask he denied everything. For about weeks I was trying to handle it. I tried to talk about it with his friend, but then my ex saw that conversation and went how could I go behind his back and try to make his friend to spy on him.
He got angry and it was over. Why it happened, how many times, with how many? And why did he was telling all that? Why he made me come, spend energy, money etc? For what he involved family? Why he was saying all that, making plans?
I feel betrayed, used, naive… he wanted a doctor position , whitey, good naive woman who loves him and will help him get out and send money when he needs. But shit I suddenly become a better man and then we find out its twins at her 3 months point she just becomes distant blames hormones. And she was slowly becoming my idol now 3!
She says she needs space. I figured she missed me but I just started to pour out my heart to her how I almost got over it and once I do that it is always some for good. And that I started to obsess over her and the kids safety and location. So anyway we made up that night and we cruised straight on through to the day the boys were born 7 months later neither of us were really the mushy gushy lovey dover type more the joke making antagonistic person you hate to love but it worked the boys came they were beautiful we both commented lovely worrds and posted pics of our lovely birthing experience that took 4 days at the hospital with twins.
Once we got home everything changed I aimed to please working full time and staying up late into the night doing feedings. My little girl now she had become.
Anyway back to home from the hospital. I had left my work cell phone home one day and it had a later alarm set to it. I also had a personal cell on me. Well this must have been the main turning point she had gone to turn off the alarm on the bat line phone I never put a lock on but had some selfies I had sent a girl harmlessly during her pregnancy I never cheated but during her doubtful time I became obsessed with her being with other dudes with my children inside her I began chatting with one or two ladies to ease the pain.
I knew I was caught. Wow she was going to let me mend this. I really really felt a strong sense of loyalty for her and obviously got someone to watch the kids and took her for some gifts and long apologies that I was scared and I truly love her.
Sadly I still would. I wanted to check her phone and whispered that into her ear she said I was crazy and her friend finished her makeup and they continued out for the evening. I knew something was up. So I texted her I hope you twoo drive off a bridge. She had returned in minutes I believe she was shocked at my words because I had never said anything huertfull to her prior to that. Whatever a night off I figure. Later that night she texted me she was sorry. I knew this but it was just validated.
I think she liked being pursued by anyone. That same instance occurred twice more before I called dyfuss on her for hitting me in front of the kids. No contact until court and parenting agreement. After we reconnected the night of court I obviously am renting a separate apartment at this time I asked if she had been with anyone.
And wow she fucking admitted to it. This was shocking because she at least always illuded the truth in the past or lied straight up. But now she had gone out with friends and made out with a guy at a club. I still say damn baby girl its OK I love you and we are going to be a family. But never bringing the boys. This was odd because I! And I adored watching her be a mom.
Not much a little over a hundred dollars a week. The full time single mom duties. But we always wound up in my bed times a week. And it was great. My apartment burned down and I was given a DUI while sleeping in my car after drinking on a night she had me waiting for her to cancel on me. Still this my mom lived even closer to her and the boys then I did the same mabe. Anyways she appeared at my moms a few times after the fire.
And I was glad to see her finally stand by me. Then came her 21st birthday. We left but I could see her kinda resent me that I was there. But she was distant and I could tell again her phone was vibrating under her side and pillow late into the night. I chased her begging. I wish I never saw what I had seen.
Her mother drover her to pick up her phone later that morning as it was my visit day with the boys. Well I was hurt to say the least but I knew she had to honor the visit. I acted concerned for her at the time I dropped the boys off to her. She said we were done and that it had gone to far. I wanted my family.
I called I cried I left vm text. I begged her mother to let me know what was going on with the kids. So after 2 weeks of my wighning I decided to go no contact. It hit me that she was not the pure little angelic mother I imagined her to be. But boy the thoughts. Well I went no contact started reading about love lost I found you.
But man I still wanted her and my kids all together under one roof. She called after 2! She had to tell me because the courts demand that the co parents know where each other reside and here how the call whent 2 days before my 29th birthday today. Required to tell you by law I moved. I asked where to. She replied with the town name.
I told her I had a feeling. She presided to tell me that her boyfriend rented a house there her exact words were he makes a lot of money. I broke down on the phone a broken and beaten man. Or even who is this this guy to desperately! Then it hit me. That phone call the way she stated it. Great full for him. And opertunistic rude little confused girl. I feel bad for her she will never achieve anything on her own and probably destroy that poor guys life.
I needed to share this. I was able to provide her with so! In therapy but nothing was as good as the calm that came over me 10 minutes after the last call from her. I will somepne who deserves it so happy and that person is me.
We broke up probably once a month since then and got back together every single time until a week ago. Its been the worst time of my life, personally. It was abusive in many ways, awful. Needless to say this is a man I need to stay away from for good. I dont want a closure anymore!!! Because i know his answers will never satisfy me!! I have realised that he cannot love me!! Rather then asking him for closer.
When I first found out I thought that was it. Turns out it was just the tip of the iceberg. I moved out and am staying with a friend. I filed for divorce. I went over to our house where he still lives on Saturday and we talked for a while. But then he had to leave to go to the bar. I stayed in the house for awhile and cried. I realized that I was missing my house and the life I thought I had, not him.
I really believed in the relationship and felt I would have closure if we got back together. I also value communication, so I felt talking about things would help as an alternative. I now realise that, even if we were to rekindle something or talk about things, it will not give me closure.
I would prefer to do no contact but we have a 5 year old daughter. Every time I meet him our relationship is raised. It screwing with my head. I want to know if our whole relationship was a lie? I only dates him for too months. We both had heavy life issues get in our way.
It got too hard. He became too unavailable and unreliable. I tried to address it with compassion. He wants to still do dinners and be friends. For me the hope of us being together is too strong. We were together 18 months. A 19 year age gap and 4 children combined. Mine young, his teens. I loved him, and still do. I loved his children and still do. He could never tell me he loved me.
Imsges: how long to wait to start dating after breakup
I just broke up with my boyfriend he finished it and he rang 6 times yesterday. Hi Richa, You can still use social media, just make your posts public because he will still probably get curious about you..
It will make you feel less isolated and it will decrease the chance of you dreaming about your bottled up emotions.
I recently started a new job with great pay and have lost alot of weight more so to do with the loss of our baby girl What advice besides no contact can you give or is there really no hope. In other words, you stop getting curious about each other. Go to the library and borrow some books on communication if necessary. I told him you left me,yu dont want be in a relationship wth m ,whats should i do? I only dates him for too months. The no contact examples kampala dating all very skewed.