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He asks, "What happened? Marriage Jokes Marriage jokes about weddings, divorces, dating, husbands, wives, Honeymoons, and more! The energy in the sunlight we see today started out in the core of the Sun 30, years ago. And in return, dogs give us their all. Explaining Modern Technology Could you explaine how modern technology works. I'm thinking about opening a new restaurant and naming it peace and quiet. How come you are so sure of that distance?

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He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 's, and, to make things worse, brings his giant dog to work. Programming intern, Microsoft IIS development team. The blind man calmly replied, "I'm just lookin' around. A connoisseur of two kinds of fine music: You automatically double-knot everything you tie.

Language of Love Bob Monkhouse's humorous speech at Oxford explaining that English, not French, is the language of love. Reproductive Quirks Who says learning about human biology can't be fun? The Irish have sent two warships to the Middle East.

One of them is filled with sand; and the other is filled with cement. They are obviously planning a mortar attack!! An employee spends an average of 1.

A Scientist Explains What Alcohol Does to Your Brain Alcohol affects the brain and although it seems to affect everyone differently, there are a few chemical reactions that alcohol is stimulating in everyone's body while they're having a few drinks. Amy Schumer Stand-Up Amy talks about her mom, teen moms, her ugly boyfriend, and more!

Yadot rorrim eht fo edis gnorw eht no pu ekow I. I woke up on the wrong side of the mirror today. The Evolution Song A little humorous ditty about natural selection and Darwin's theory of evolution. You Are Doing It Wrong A funny compilation of commercial parts where they show us what we're doing wrong. Raising Kids Now Versus Then These days parents know where their kids are unlike the 70s and 80s when kids had the freedom to roam around the neighborhood. Explaining Modern Technology Could you explaine how modern technology works.

You could say the difference is just a matter of a pinion. Changing Identities A humorous prank using a brother and sister that closely resemble each other to change gender while an unsuspecting person holds the door. Hold This Please An unsuspecting person is asked to hold the line with a secret quick release connected to a log in this humorous prank. Louis CK on Twitter There is a real life to be enjoyed, but everyone is too busy posting their status to Twitter.

A blond goes to the vet with her goldfish. Bottom Percussion Music and rhythm are everywhere. Percussionist Jorge Perez plays some interesting instruments. Pure Gibberish The song is meant to sound like English with an American accent, but the lyrics are pure gibberish.

How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two One to screw it almost all the way in and one to give it a surprising twist at the end. Madtv - Apple I-rack Even though this sketch is a bit dated, we still seem to be mired in the Middle East. A Remora for a Dive Buddy A Remora fish tries to find a place to latch on, but the diver is none too happy about the Remora's choice and tries to shoo the fish away.

Horse and Wolves A brave horse decides to make friends with six wolves who are blissfully taking in the sun. However, I could put 'here lies an honest lawyer'. Police Brutality A comedy sketch by Mitchell and Webb portraying a police officer and his partner a public relations officer in not getting along so well.

The Evil Store Assistant A humorous sketch Mitchell and Webb Look with a less than friendly store assistant mocking customers choice of clothing. Taurine, the main ingredient in Red Bull, is an extract of the stomach lining of cows. Remember, this Friday, ISIS fighters stand down and wait for al Nusra to switch jackets to become the People's Brigade for Democracy After that, we have the bridge hand-over in Damascus, and a truce between the people who just lost Aleppo and the people who just won it If anyone asks any questions And for goodness sakes watch out for Putin and Eroden.

They are just killing everybody. Faster Than Light A lone astronaut testing the first faster-than-light spacecraft travels farther than he imagined possible. Devil Can't Write No Love Song - SNL Guitarist Milo Jenkins sells his soul to Lucifer in exchange for a hit song that will make him a star, but it quickly becomes clear that the devil has no talent, can't write a song and can't uphold the deal.

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue. Acklam If your dog is fat, YOU aren't getting enough exercise.

Terrorists vs Indians Canadians have been asked not to smile for their passport photo in an attempt to catch terrorists. Unusual Will Some unusual bequests in this humorous video. Grandmother Gets a Tattoo A funny story from a grandmotherly person on her one and only tattoo experience. The neighbor tries to start a conversation several times, but the older man barely responds.

Finally, the neighbor asks what the problem is. But what came out was, 'Of course I do. Penguins Flying Crystal clear Antarctic waters at the edge of an ice shelf and penguin acrobatics make a good video. Right Whale Mating Logistics For creatures this size, mating is not easy.

Snow removal at New Chitose Airport Since were the video topic is snow is an interesting clip of some serious snow removal equipment clearing runways.

Catnip Trip Someone's pet cat experiences a whole new world on catnip. First Moon Party Mom sees through her daughter's little red lie, and decides humor is the best approach. Splitting Bullets with Knives In this clip Penn and Teller look to see if you can split a bullet with a samurai sword. Instravel - A Photogenic Mass Tourism Experience It's a bit crazy how so many of us from so many different countries visit the same landmarks in the same tourist destinations and take similar photos.

Whites Only Laundry Tom opens a laundromat that specializes in washing white clothes and then cluelessly gives it a series of unfortunate names. All modern horses 'are descended from one herd tamed 6, years ago in the Russian plains'.

The Golden Sea - Bali Some sun, surf, sleeping under a thatched roof on the beach and waking to the sound of the waves. Free Fall A dramatic underwater video on free diving. If Alexa was Southern The future is here, y'all. How Youtubers Help The Homeless This humorous parody follows a stereo typical narcissistic Youtuber, as they find a homeless person, donate one whole dollar to help them get back on their feet, meanwhile documenting the event in detail for their channel.

Just bought a new German electric car. An optometrist is running for mayor. He has a clear vision for the city. Some people make funeral pottery to urn a living. I lost the worm from my hook, but continued to fish unabaited.

Spider Trick A cool prank using a smartphone. Echo Parody A humorously edited parody of an advertisement for 'Echo'. Dog on my Porch Humorous video open overly excited person trying to deal with a stray dog on his front porch. With a Midget Upset when he finds out his girlfriend has been cheating on him, that is not the worst of it. What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter. Lykes Lines Shipping 3 How long is this Beta guy going to keep testing our stuff?

Programming intern, Microsoft IIS development team 4. Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company 5. CIO of Dell Computers 8. The View from Space A narrated tour of the planet as seen from the space station. Galaxy Collision A Journey into the future to witness a collision between our galaxy, the Milky Way galaxy, and the Andromeda galaxy. To determine the percentage of alcohol in a bottle of liquor divide the proof by two.

These days, you get winded just turning down the blanket. It takes Viagra just to play hard to get. You can still make her eyes roll back in her head, but now it's out of annoyance.

Pulled Over Trevor and Torian get pulled over by the police. MinusIQ A pill to lower your IQ because evidentially the world's a much brighter place when you're not too bright for it. How US 'get out of jail free' cards work. Villagers put frozen 'meteor' in fridge — turns out to be airplane poop. Chickens Prefer Attractive People. Winter Night Skies As the days shorten and the darkness progressively eats away the light, an amazing transformation happens in the northern hemisphere skies.

Volcano Calbuco Recently Calbuco, located close to the cities of Puerto Varas and Puerto Montt in southern Chile, erupted for the first time in four decades. Boat crash on Columbia River A GoPro camera mounted to the Weldcraft fishing boat captured the frantic seconds as the Bayliner Trophy motorboat speeds directly at them. How should one approach an easily startled red head? Gingerly I work on a two-person assembly line of Dracula toys You put it in the water.

White Zombies Escaping the zombie apocalypse is easier when the zombies want nothing to do with you. New American Dream Does it seem as though the American dream has faded a bit. Norway pokes fun at Australia's travel warning of polar bear attacks on tourists. Changing the World with a Nanofabricator - Think Star-trek replicator. I'm thinking about opening a new restaurant and naming it peace and quiet. Cell Phone Buying Experience Why is it that buying a cell phone and signing up for a plan never seems to be a straightforward proposition.

Using Social Media To Cover For Lack Of Original Thought The world's most powerful companies know that social media is an effective marketing tool, and Cameron Hughes knows how to make social marketing even more effective: I wonder if people who climb the world's highest mountain ever rest?

A demolition company tore down our local pub in record time. They really razed the bar. I got angry when my cell phone battery died. My therapist suggested I find an outlet. My wife wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but she couldn't find the manual. The cosmetology student missed the final day of her training, so she had to make-up her exam.

Dirty Cooking A parody mash up of cooking show host Nigella. Mommy Rhapsody A parody of Bohemian Rhapsody, a humorous take on the daily life of mothers as they deal with kids. The energy in the sunlight we see today started out in the core of the Sun 30, years ago. Celtic Music in America It's good to see these young men dance a jig to some Celtic music - or maybe someone switched the music.

The following dialog ensued: I beg your pardon? Sir, I request that you bring me Cakes and Ale. Sir, I really must insist. I request and require that you bring me Cakes and Ale. At this point, the student produced a copy of the four hundred year old Laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally in effect, and pointed to the section which read rough translation from the Latin: Three weeks later the student was fined five pounds for not wearing a sword to the examination.

Happy Bear Nothing like a nice swimming pool on a hot summer day to make a bear happy. Midnight Take-out Big ole bear decides she wants take out from Edelweiss restaurant so she walks in and strolls away with a bin. Overtime Plus For those hoping to get ahead of the work week, look no further than Overtime Plus, a humorous parody of a fictional app that lets you work for your company even as you sleep.

Opt Out Village Concerned about your privacy while using Google? Bit of Fun gratefully acknowledges and deeply appreciates all the material sent in by email and posted to the forum. Without you, we would not be able to keep up the pace. About Bit of Fun. You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.

There are 2 cowboys in the kitchen. Which one is the real cowboy? The one on the range. Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat? Cut off your head. Where do you find a one legged dog? Where you left it. What's pink and fluffy A. What's blue and fluffy A. Pink fluff holding it's breath. Two muffins are in the oven.

One says to the other "Wow it's hot in here" The other one replies "Oh no It's a talking muffin". Baskin Robbins Two robins were lying on their backs, basking in the sun. A mama cat and her kitten were walking by.

The kitten complained, "Mama, I'm sooo hungry, what can we eat? To which the mama cat, spying the two robins, replied, "How about some Baskin Robbins? Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire. Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates. There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years.

Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt.

That's your flavored water. Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: In the dim and distant past When life's tempo wasn't so fast, Grandma used to rock and knit, Crochet, tat and baby sit.

When the kids were in a jam, They could always call on Gram. But today she's in the gym Exercising to keep slim. She's checking the web or surfing the net, Sending some e-mail or placing a bet. Nothing seems to stop or block her, Now that Grandma's off her rocker. I sure wish men could experience the miracle of childbirth. The Glamour Shot photographer will be here in fifteen minutes.

Did you have anything planned for dinner? Just relax and enjoy the moment. Which cord was I supposed to cut? You're not using the right words. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.

What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner.

Blonde jokes blond joks n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them. Gotta get married in a church. An appliance designed to eat socks. The last two minutes of a football game. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.

You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus, On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear! Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card. The longest sentence known to man: Bush orders 15, FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this. Does that mean my job is a crime? This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog!

Now read without the word dog. Why were males created before females? Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy. What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup? Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup! Why don't aliens eat clowns? Because they taste funny. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Two snowmen are standing in a field.

One says to the other: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted. Why did the fish get kicked out of school? Cause he was caught with seaweed. The fight we had last night was my fault, my wife asked me what was on the TV and i said dust. Boys are like parking spaces the good ones are take-in!!!! What did one ghost say to another? Do you believe in people?

Hold mouse up to ear like a cell phone and yell "I can't hear you!!! You're going to have to speak louder! Play Pac Man and state to person next to you, "These new games are incredible!

Practice 'spinning mouse mat on index finger' globe trotter routine. Put your monitor's contrast and brightness on full. With wide open eyes yell "It's going to implode! Tell the cashier you wish to redeem your free hours and hand him a bag full of collected AOL promo CD's.

Sit at the web terminal A plumber attended to a leaking faucet at the neurosurgeon's house. The neurosurgeon exclaimed, 'I don't charge this amount even though I am a surgeon. The plumber replied, "I agree, you are right. I too, didn't either, when I was a surgeon. That's why I switched to plumbing! A good flush beats a full house every time!

What is the difference between a Ph. A large pizza can feed a family of four What is the difference between a mathematician and a philosopher? The mathematician only needs paper, pencil, and a trash bin for his work - the philosopher can do without the trash bin What do you get if you add two apples and three apples? A high school math problem! What does the zero say to the the eight? How does one insult a mathematician? Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?

Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don't need the sun! Why do mathematicians, after a dinner at a Chinese restaurant, always insist on taking the leftovers home?

Because they know the Chinese remainder theorem! What do you get if you divide the cirucmference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter? I'm the ballot-eating champion!

If only there was a way to make it last a few more days May I help you? Oh, hello young man. I was wondering if you offer online banking? We're an Internet service provider, ma'am. You can certainly use our service to connect to online banking. What do I need to do that? You just need the modem in your computer. That plugs into a phone jack. Sign up for an account, and sign up for online banking with your bank.

But where does the money come out? I'm not sure I understand? Does the money come out from that slot on the computer? What did I tell you? That's one of the largest banks in the state," he said. One of my husband's duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them, "There are three rules in this mess hall: As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter's office.

There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation. The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, she simply asked, "Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning? A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave.

I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another line! As a member of the organization that installs computer systems aboard Navy ships, I am mindful of how important the off-ship e-mail capabilities are to sailor morale, especially when some vessels are deployed for up to six months.

One day while shopping at the base commissary, I noticed another crucial aspect of my job. I was behind a frazzled mother with two active children, and as I watched, she stalked over to where her young son had perched himself on the rail of the freezer case. Did you hear about how quick the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? He's all right now. Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing? He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef. Where do you find a no legged dog? Right where you left him. Where do you get virgin wool from? Why do bagpipers walk when they play? They're trying to get away from the noise. What does Star Trek and toilet paper have in common? They both circle Uranus looking for Black Holes. How do you double the value of a Geo Metro? Fill it with gas.

What's the definition of mixed emotions? When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car. Why do chicken coops have two doors? Because if it had four doors it's be a chicken sedan. What do you call a cow with no legs? What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? Did you hear about the new "divorced" Barbie doll that they're selling in stores now?

It comes with all of Ken's stuff. What does a skeleton get when he goes to a bar? A beer and a mop. Two blonde carpenters were working on a house. The one who was nailing down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in.

The other, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away? The first explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed toward me, I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the house, then I nail it in! The second blonde got completely upset and yelled, "You moron!

The nails pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house! A carpenter was giving evidence about an accident he had witnessed. The lawyer for the defendant was trying to discredit him and asked him how far away he was from the accident. The carpenter replied, "Twenty-seven feet, six and one-half inches. How come you are so sure of that distance? So I measured it! Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic genie's lamp.

After rubbing the lamp to make the genie appear, he said, "I will grant three wishes, one for each of you. The first said, "I wish I were smarter. So, she became a redhead.

The second blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than she is. She became a brunette. The third blond ordered, "I wish I were smarter than both of them! So, she became a man. Why do Blondes wear earmuffs? To avoid the draft. Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours? Because the can said "concentrate" on it. How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Tell her a joke on Wednesday. What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?

Trying to hold on to a thought. Why don't blondes have elevator jobs? They don't know the route. Why do blondes work seven days a week?

So you don't have to retrain them on Monday. How does a blonde commit suicide? She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off. A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight! Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet. Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said "Why did you put up such a fight? A couple was having a discussion about what to see and do now that they were safely in Florida on their honeymoon. Trying to assert himself rite off the bat, he exploded, "If it weren't for my money, we wouldn't be here at all!

What do you get if you cross a sorceress with a millionaire? A very witch person. Thanks - but half the pages are missing. Isn't half a million enough for you? Smart Success Targeted Market: More Success in Love Brief History: Milestones completed and future plans: Woman begins by loving a man and ends by loving love.

More Successful Marriage Values being created: More Financial Success Values being created: Funds required and uses: More Great Communicator Targeted Market: Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.

Imsges: fun dating jokes

fun dating jokes

First Moon Party Mom sees through her daughter's little red lie, and decides humor is the best approach.

fun dating jokes

If viewing such material is illegal for you or you do not to wish to do so please leave now. The workers put down their lunches and gathered around.

fun dating jokes

A farmhand is driving around the farm, checking the fences. Tell the cashier you wish to redeem your free hours and hand him a bag full of fun dating jokes AOL promo CD's. Smart Ass Answer 5: This project is so important, we fun dating jokes let things that are more important interfere with it. When the dog you have dies you just go out and get another datung.