Ask a Guy: My Boyfriend Flirts With Other Women
My goal is to debunk the negative side that it is to blame a woman but to instead attempt to empower women that they should not reward this behavior. Actions speak louder than words. Some of this makes sense to me, I get it: I tried for a day to figure out how to bring it up because to confront him would mean to admit I had indulged my childish side.
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I want to take the class. He started talking to me the following week. At least it's not United! Why would he do that now? I always appreciate when someone presents a question in a thoughtful way like you did.
I think he was going out to hang out with other girls.. He denied being on Facebook but I am not stupid I know why he was awake being on Facebook so late and lying to me that he was going to sleep..
I been living with him for six months.. When he still does.. Help me, I need an advice!!! I hope that this is behind yu now and that you are either single or with someone else. But what I am going to say refers not only to you but to me in your age and to many women of all ages: The part that stuck out to me was the part where you said you knew what kind of guy he was from the get go.
My boyfriend and I dated long distance for two years. I ended up moving to his state to further our relationship. Two days after I got here I went to get on the computer and his twitter page was pulled up. I found a particularly interesting conversation of him with a girl where he claimed we fought all the time, had nothing in common, and that he was stuck with me because I was pregnant 5 months at this time I was devestated to say the least!
I tried for a day to figure out how to bring it up because to confront him would mean to admit I had indulged my childish side. But he could tell something was wrong and when he asked I told him. I was going to move back home. I do not tolerate lies above all! But now even as our daughter is 3 months old I cant help but not trust him, and Im not as attracted to him as I use to be.
No matter what he says. So basically you dont always know what kind of guy your dealing with, some put up fronts and walls. So me and my boyfriend of three years broke up. I couldnt deal with his lying anymore. He tried to cbver up his lies with more lies. This hurt me deeply. I asked him why he lies so much nd why he doesnt take me seriously. He said he does, but then he would go right back to kying to ne again.
Hed lie about who he was with, where he was, wat he was doing. I realized he didnt have interest in me anymore wen he started to add naked girls on his IG and random chicks on his FB.
I cried , screamed, sat him down and talked to him… basically anything i coyld possibly do to make him see how much it hurt me to see that stuff. Then one day i find out hes talking to one of his sisters friends behind my back and he was going on escorts site.
That hurt me more… i asked why doesnt he love me, why myst he do that and all i gotten was a laugh in the face. I guess i wasnt the one for him. Therefre hes not the one for me. It hurts bc i spent three years with someone who can just throw me away and blame me for everything.
What do i do? This is why, it must be over: You would not give a misbehaving 5 year old an ice cream cone every time the child acts poorly would you? This guy straight up acts like a 5 year old and you should not reward him any longer. My best advice for you: Perhaps, if it helps you can decide to nickname this person that used to mean something and no longer means anything. Whatever it takes to want to puke when you think of this person and wish you could have someone burn the memories out of your soul into oblivion.
Until this person is nothing inside you any more. Why do you still have feelings for this person? Because you are highly invested, emotionally especially.
Your feelings are what they are. They are not likely to change. The important thing is, recognize, you can feel that way about others. So many before you, and so many after you have and will be where you stand now. Also, I recommend a period of up to 3 months per year you dated of possibly staying single. Discover or rediscover your independence. This statement is VERY important. It is not saying that. What it IS saying is, there is something you can choose to do moving forward to prevent similar scenarios: This may feel impossible, but it is NOT.
It takes a few things: Knowing what you want being one of them and then accepting nothing less. I hope this helps and even if not I hope it gives you some perspective to work with. You can do it. Become a strong independent woman that other women look up to and men drool lining up to be with you and you will have a world of suitors to replace this chump-change with. I have to hurry to meet people and no time to proofread this, so I ask you: I read your reply every time i start to pity myself.
Then after i read it i realize it not my fault but his own. Hes mentaly still a child and his choices are his choices alone. I really appreciate the support. I thought my world was caving until I gave into desperate measures to find out how to deal with this because I do love this boy too much to flush everything down the drain.
Thank you for a raw, unromantic, non sugar coated answer. I understand now not to blame myself or blow up something that was most likely nothing compared to what we have. You saved an awesome relationship for real. Hi Eric, I see my relation in this topic. I know he has an obsession with huge breasts, blondes, blue eyes, pale skin. In his teens he had a very made case of acne and shut himself out from the world in shame of his skin. I know that has affected him as a person. Conversations with women he long time ago met on Badoo and started talking too now.
I love him and after my pain I saw this from the perspective that he needs help. I tell him how attractive he is, beautiful, hard working and sexually desire him. All this because I think so, but I also do it extra for him to feel a little better. If we move to a town he has contact with someone, what a shame. I have him time to see what this is doing to our relation and he told me he blocked everyone he was talking to.
Yet ofcooooourse this is a bit silly I see him commenting girls pictures with hearts and telling them how beautiful they are and asking for their numbers, kiks. And I asked why he would do that after our fight. And we would be back in the same old and I would honestly change my ticket and fly back home over the Atlantic and feel so frustrated and sad.
Hi im dating a guy who is much younger than me woman keeps posting pictures of him on social media saying that they are with him so i confront him about it cause i was really upset so he said hes not with them they jus like posting pics of him so i then said well you need to control what people post cause its affecting me he then said he cant control what these girls post on there profile.
My question is what should i do about this? Never allow someone to treat you like a backburner fallback. Hello, I am a 22 year old women dating a 27 year old man. I truthfully dont like this article one bit. Its just not fair for us women to have to deal with a person who has a void they cant seem to fill. My boyfriend just last night told me he misses being promiscuous.
I juat dnt kno what to do.. I feel like a fool, i also feel like i wasted three years of my lie with someone whos not taking me seriously.
What should i do? He sounds bored based on what you said. Not your fault nor his. People get bored sometimes. The only way it will work out is if you both want it to. Usually, a man should say directly what he wants and if he tells you that then he means it. Most of the elements, to me, are irrelevant.. It sounds like you care about him.. I could tell you what to do.. I could tell you what I would do.. But, what I feel would be best is for you to also work to be decisive, make a decision about this for yourself and then go with that decision.
This is just my opinion, I hope it helps or if not offers you perspective before making your own decision. I could recall him saying that he wants nothing to do with her because she is stupid etc.. I know that I am part to be blame because I accepted that from the first place because I am always forgiving him because he always says that he will stop doing what he does to hurt me but in actually waiting for him to change is like waiting for rain when it comes to drought hopeless and disappointing.
Do you think me a woman who is always around and always ready to work on my weakness in the relationship should keep believing him or keeping hurting? But why does this make me feel this bad to have to seek this blog and ask for advice? Should I stop taking this personal? Is this something every guy is going to do? Yea…well im a hot girl devoted and loyal, and i cant drink for health reasons.
I treat my longtime boyfriend of 7 years awesome, in all areas. He loves to drink alot, and he makes moves on ugly, fat, alcoholic bitches, all the time. He tries to bed them. Ive contacted them and they told me he tried to get with them. One even told me he wanted to be with her LTR. I talked to him many times about this problem but he gives me straight lies every time. Conclusion is that he wants me to drink and i cant.
So i guess we BOTH will be cheating on each other, and still stay together until one of us finds a better mate. And like my mother always told me, All men are cut with the same scissors..
After a year or 2 in a relation, they start their shit…. The main reason I do, is because I believed men spend so much time trying to supers their emotions for the one they with, by asking for space that they already have.
You tlel them how you feel as nice as u can and they ate stone cold or try to find an exit. Because these are all methods to stay detached from you emotionally so they can easily lead you and avoid being hurt themselves, if u decide to treat them the same. This is so they can depart the relationships with no problem after they are done having all the sex they want from you.
Never agree to have sex with just him, never make him a priority during that time. Here is my new experience. I dated a guy who claimed he was looking for the one, not trying to sleep around and done chase women.
He knew right away I would not date a guy like that. So for the first 2 months we dated and he never once flirted with other women, always gave me a lot of attention, was a total prince charming. I thought this was wonderful, but I would find out the catch. Eventually I discovered he had two women stashed away. And the space he claimed he needed for business was actually to spend a week with each one.
Also he used me to attract new womem. After the second month he started going to the spots alone, and taking me there only after he was there alone. Now twice I broke it off for him over this disrespect. Each time he came back claiming he loved me. And every time after asked for sex. I once tested if he was shopping for women while out with him. I purpose spoke to a woman who I knew was his over all type, I then walked away from her. And left him there to see if he would break his neck to look at her or talk to her like he would normally do.
And he didnt, he actually acted aggregated and called my named loudly. Cause I called him out and he knew to talk to her would make it obviouse. I once tracked the time to show him how much he flirts with other women and disses me now. But yet once outside asked me to sleep with him who I declined.
Suddenly we are not exclusive, in love and a couple. What I have leaned ladies, is once man flirts with other women, he is already cheating in his mind, and eventually he will cheat. He will do it either by pushes you away for a while so he can sample some women or out right cheat and tell u they are friends.
And they would say other wise cause their sluts. Ladies men flirt cause they know it easier for them. A slutty woman will willing except a flirt from a man, while his woman stand by. A man will usually not flirt with a woman whIle she is with her a man, and men know this and take advantage of having the power in the flirting game. This means, no sleeping in same bed and sex. By that time he is showing his true colors.
Because 5 men have used me and lied to me and got me in drama with women from flirting and cheating. Just the other day he pretended to not know me well on a date or walk out with me but tried to get me to hold him in bed.
I saw him looking at a woman alot. I believe he was trying to get rid of me, so he hook up with her. It was mother day and he was shopping for a woman on our date. I hope you all find strength to leave the jerks, like me. I really need some advice. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year now. It is long distance and we see each other every three months for about two weeks at a time.
Recently I had caught him multiple times flirting and texting a girl he met on Tinder. Each time he said he would stop and that he loved me and wanted our relationship to work.
It has been four times now and he is still texting her. Eventually I got to the point where I told him that I can deal with the problems in our relationship, just not the lies. If he is open and honest with me about what he is struggling with or not getting from this relationship I will work to try and understand. On the third time I caught him texting her I was caught between whether to stay and work it out or to respect myself enough to leave. He said he broke my heart and wants to rebuild our trust.
But I caught him texting her after that. Last night I did something bad and I looked through his phone. He was getting texts and I wanted to see who it was. Turns out he is still texting her and not only that but chatting up other girls on Tinder as well.
His conversations date as far back as four months. Everything is normal and our relationship is great, apart from this issue. I believes that he still wants to be with me and still loves me. I think he is going to do what he wants regardless. Not only does that feel immasculating as a man, but many women agree that men who defer to women are not attractive to women.
Many men have complied with demands like this over the years only to have their women lose respect and leave them [actual respect: Plain and simple, women too often feel complain of being bored with compliant men. But more constructively, you have basically 2 hard choices: If you choose option 2, however, you must not allow any 2nd chances. You should move forward. Additionally, any future relationships, you should not allow to get to this point and skip the ultimatums.
I only know some of his homeboys and like 1 female friend he knows other than his cuz girlfriend. I have a slight trust issue though. Like I trust him but I gotta keep my eye open type of ish. I just feel that if a man has female friends then it should be boundaries. Line should never be cross. What is the best advice to handle this situation. But he wants to be together. I also recently check his phone and I found out her name cause she invite him to Google hangout and that she works in the same business as me but in another location.
He also save her under his phone as a dude name. How should I go about to handle this situation? This one for me is complicated alot , i have been with my partner for 5yrs now. I am 23 he is 43 , we get along great as friends and lovers , however , he has always been unable to keep away from other women online , i used to find nudes sent to him all the time in his email.
So naturally i went with my threat and i did leave him , however , now this is where it gets bad. Everyone thinks i am a bitch because i am cold to him in his condition , but should i have to be nice and defeated just because he got sick?
As for the online stuff.. I think that is like a playground for adults and it doesnt bother me as much. I love this article, because just now, I found my 3 yr boy friend was chatting and flirting with other girls on his phone and one of then sent him pictures of her private parts. I am not like model type of girl but I keep working out and maintain a good shape. I dare say my figure is much better than the girls who sent him all the pictures.
I am also flirty and oftentimes slutty with him in bedroom. Out of a mistake that I already forgive him, I was pregnant wth him once and he insisted me to have a termination. I love him too much to say no and he has been caring and sweet to me as always.
The puzzle is that, I sent him all types of porn style pictures all the time, never said no, and was creative every time. Whenever he needs me I was there to talk and make him laugh. He has had ups and downs in his life and I wonder where these girls were. The puzzle is, as I beg your advice on this point, what more could I do to fill on that void?
I know guys like nude pictures, fine, I give him. Yet he is not satisfied. Of course, since the pictures and chats are ongoing, he even took nude picture on my bed and sent it to other girl , my worry is that he will meet those girls one day he used to tell me he is not interested in meeting any girls he met online, and those girls he met online and really cheat on me.
Should I tolerate his little habit because I still love him and because maybe all guys r pretty much no better, or should I let him go. BTW does this girl knows he has a gf? Anyway talk to him about it.. Let him know exactly how you feel. So before he mention about space everything was fine until he got a phone call to pick up some stuff so I asked him if I can go along for the ride he said no.
Before we used to go out often, He took me along with him sometimes when he meets his peoples. He rarely takes me anywhere. I let him go out with his homeboys I have no problem with that all I ask from him is to let me know who he is going out with and where he is going.
I do question him though so maybe he is tired of me from asking him alot of questions because he says that I want to always be in his business. He tells me that I need to find some friends and go out. I also found some condoms in the back of his car from moving it before I head out. So I ask is it a man or a female he said female.
I questioned him about his space cause I wanted to know what his intentions are. I ask him is he want space to go out and have sex with females because I just found some condoms in your car so whats up with that. I asked if I can throw away the condoms and he said yea. I just ask because I care and I do love him. I just need some advice on this so I can have a clear head about everything.
And also he went out last night yesterday to pick up stuff weed which he told me that he would be back. You tell me you want space you go out and you aint home yet no uh!
I think the dude is lucky to have a woman like you.. Some dudes do things to frustrate their woman intentionally to show her his dominance.. I have learned a bit about how my words can sometimes be misconstrued as blameful, I am not saying shit is your fault..
If you start a new one, look to keep a balance of investment Look to screen new partners up front, before you commit more and more.. Realistically, you should probably just drop this dude..
You are not wrong though, you are just too far invested versus him… I have to go but I hope my words or someone elses here are helpful in some way. He tried to talk to me saying Babes! Cause your right even though he is 29 I would expect to get his shit together because he turning 30 next year. He comes home every night no numbers in his phone.. I just feel like he think he can do better.
Dilemma…my boyfriend of six years started working at my job and I specifically asked him to steer clear of chicks there so there would be drama. So I deal with it because I love him.. Hi, basically it would be really great to get a mans opinion on my relationship please. I have been on and off in a relationship for over a year. At first things were great and I was happy, he is a very dominate man.
Anyway after a month of first being in a relationship he freely gave me his FB password, I was a little surprised and I never asked for it. After a week I talked to the people around me and they said he obviously wanted to show me for a reason and I agreed and got back with him.
He said he stopped and I believed him and began to trust him again, unfortunately I discovered he had not stopped at all and had been lying to me but I was prepared to just accept it as him being him. Then he got very close with a girl who lived in the same town as him and was Skyping her on cam and phoning her etc.
I made the mistake of spying on his facebook so I was reading everything as he was writing it all. It all got too much for me and I broke up with him, however he would not stop bombarding my phone with calls and texts saying he loves me. I did get back with him and he stopped talking to her. I realise this may seem petty right now. Any who he continued with other women online regularly and it did eat at my insecurities but I was doing my best to strengthen myself to not let it bother me.
As time went on the arguments increased, one time he insisted I message my old best friend a girl if she fancied him and I got really cross and said no. He asked me several times to message her asking if she liked him and it made me feel low, I got very angry and hung the phone up on him in the end.
Anyway he said he was asking me to ask her, so that if she did he could show me he only wanted me not anyone else. Later on he admitted to saying things like that to get me out of my mood swing.
I have a son, who is very young but not a baby and he has been a great guy around him and taught him well. Anyway we broke up and everyday day he would ring my phone at least twice a day, sometimes roughly 40 times a day and after 2 months he continued and never answered until he started sending me emails, I did reply, probably very silly of me I know.
But he wants to change and make things better, he has just begun counselling and is going to go on anger management courses and depression courses. I have seen him a few times since and it has been pretty good minus a few minor blips. He is very caring, kind, helpful, makes me laugh and he is very generous most of the time, we seem to fit really well together and have so much in common.
Makes me feel very happy when things are going rather well. Sometimes I feel lucky to have him in lots of ways. He pushes me to do well, pushes me to study my theory for driving and encourages me to do well. He has suggested couples therapy to help deal with our issues.
He is also an alcoholic but has quit alcohol for nearly 3 weeks now and he also has a gambling addiction. So my main question, do you think he can really change the abusive behaviour or is it all for show? He obviously needs help, but so do you.
Get away from this man before he kills you in a crimeof passion. This sounds very serious. There is no real shame in asking for help. I think he can, but he has to choose to. Based on what I read, past history does not sound like he has been ready to do so. I respect that he drives you to achieve and that is great however, ultimately you will need to do that yourself as will he need to make those changes in his life, for himself.
Sometimes when past events outweigh everything, going separate ways is an opportunity for a new beginning for both parties, a clean slate with a new partner that does not have a troubled past..
If you go to new relationships, this is not a constructive question. Knowing that only clouds the scenario further. I just wish more people who feel the need to explore the dating world would remain single while they shop around because it is more honest with less consequences. Easier said than done. Know what you want and accept nothing less. Most people know how it feels to want a relationship to work and care about someone and not wanting to lose that but you should trust your gut, your heart and your mind all three and a new start may be in order.
I also highly recommend to people getting out of relationships to spend up to 6 months single when possible to develop or redevelop a sense of independence before dating again. Ultimately you should attempt to train yourself to know what you want and then it becomes easier to ignore and reject those things that are counterproductive to your goals. This is my personal perspective and I hope even if there are people who disagree that it is either helpful in some way or you find your path in this great world we have.
I understand you are upset about this situation. I try to offer advice. Attempt to take most of what I say literally here and not to read into it too much. I try to steer women to look at actions over words because many women get jealous over us men communicating with other women but I personally feel as long as we CHOOSE not to act upon it, it is ok. More often I see the complaints about the communication but I feel this one hits close to home from a relationship I had many years ago and partners ago.
The best I can tell you is, to decide what you want and what is most important. It is not uncommon for attraction to fade amongst partners. My parents always did though, so that varies. It is a major challenge, no doubt. Essentially, I would advise you to consider what is the best for your children. Does he provide for them an opportunity for a better future?
If so, consider some options. First, you need confidence. Obviously, something like this is a total confidence blow. I met a woman with 3 kids last night who is getting a divorce from a 13 year marriage she said was with the only man shed ever been with and he was cheating with 4 women.
What I would recommend is to find 2 or 3, strong confident women friends. Just attempt to emotionally detach a bit and find any way possible to get some space. Going to the gym is huge if possible or some sort of regulat exercise. Time apart to reflect helps. Focusing on yourself helps. Building your confidence and your body helps. If you must, use some jealousy to wake his arse up. Find a few solid strong personality women friends.
Look to separate emotionally. Also, as a man, and also as an experienced dater as well as a casual observer, one of the things we do to show our dominance is to not allow women to boss us around. How do you not be those? My goal is to debunk the negative side that it is to blame a woman but to instead attempt to empower women that they should not reward this behavior. Also us men, our friends roast us for listening to women.
Decide what you want? However, the best policy is to reward positive behavior and NOT crack down, but ignore the crappy behavior. Give him the steering wheel to your relationships future.. LET him steer the fate. Only cook him food if he sits down with you and your children for dinner.
Otherwise, just cook for them and eat on your own. However, this thing is one sided and you need to tip the scales a bit in your favor. Also, you will need to consider and prepare yourself mentally, for your children, if the final result will be that you will leave him.
Learn to walk away and get space to yourself. My boyfriend is one year younger than me, we have been datin for 3 months buts it feels longer. Thanks for this post! The comments here also provide valuable, inspiring advice. Some men cheat because they need self-validation or an ego-boost from women, do you want his pride to take him THAT far? You better leave him ALONE for a week or two and see if he comes back if he disagrees to respect you.
It should be about respect. I discovered few days ago that my boyfriend has been flirting with a woman online. He was so quick to hand out his mobile numbers and they had a major flirting session. I confronted him and he basically told me im a drama queen and he cant have such drama in his life. He really made me out to be this paranoid insecure woman. So now ive told him since he has set the standard for our relationship, i will also be calling men by pet names and handing out my numbers.
But honestly, who wants that kind of relationship? Ive never been the kind of girlfriend to just flirt around and hand out my number. But I just feel he needs to see what kind of impact such behavior has on a partner. When a man sits there and ask a barmaid about her sex life and what she does in th e bedroom is that flirting?
I ask this because after 20 years of marriage to a man who was verbally and mentally abusive I am new to the dating scene. Even though I had dated this man 32 years ago I feel a little uneasy. Wasnt sure what he was doing or trying to prove or if he just wanted my reaction. Depending on the dude it may also be beating around the bush unless he is screening for your tastes in the bedroom.
Easier said than done, I know, but try to recognize your new partners as a fresh start and a chance to have fun. I especially recommend trying someone very different from yourself and your ex. People often look for commonalities, but dating yourself would possibly be boring, but someone very different can be very interesting and fun… exciting even.
When Ive been single, I am single. Therefore, I will be dating and meeting many women and I expect nothing less of women. Talk a little smack, look for chemistry with a guy that you feel meets your wants and respects your boundaries. Wow…having read these comments. Typing this on my phone and its going crazy. Sinosed its become a crutch at times. He…has lied about things in his past. Everyone has a past and they are entitled to it.
However, when you lie about it and it comes to haunt youm.. He slept with his friends wife when he lived with them. Lied to me about it…. Had told me that she would get jealous of he dated someone or brought someone home…a friend would not get jealous over that. Red flag there, right? So one day…he stupidly leaves pics open on his computer…I walk into the room…and see them. But…learning he lied about the married friend…well that got me thinking what else has he lied about….
We had a huge fight about that. He has few friends…joins facebook, adds a lot of old high friends…lots of girls…. He starts school and makes a new friend. He starts lying about her…giving her rides to and from school.
And I flat out asked him, do you like her, want to be with her? Tell me, ill leave , no hard feelings. My main questions would be: Are you IN love with him and if so, enough to move past the lying.
Based on what you wrote, I dont feel so. Also, most importantly, are you getting what you want? Then just ask yourself if you feel, overall, this is what you want? If no, rip the bandage off and get single long enough to reflect and heal and find yourself. Then, decide what you want and dont and screen, up front, dudes for what you feel you want.
Take your time and do not rush into something just because you feel lonely. You may just find that you are stronger than you may or may not feel you are already. It might also be better for other parties too. Ive been angry before at women who rejected me but in many cases Im better off and stronger because of it. Confronting him about it and asking, how come such a great girlfriend as i am is not enough for him, is useless. I know, what a scared and insecure boy is behind all this womanizer mask.
I could never talk to him about it, because it would scare him even more and make things worse. So how can i benefit from these insights? Well men are all cheaters by nature, nature designed them to want to stick their manhood in anything that walks including fat, skinny, other men and yes animals. The The truth is men are whore by nature. They were genetically designed this way so that they could procreate and make babies.
Animals are this way to, so in a sense men are more like animals than women. To men sex is simply a physical act. A man could sleep with a countless number of women and care about none of them, he just uses their bodies. All they care about is getting laid, and busting a nut. Why because men enjoy sleeping around it makes them feel like men.
There is nothing wrong with men being this way because it is their nature. What upsets me is when men make false promises and pretend like they really care about you, love and act like they are committed to you. This is quite annoying because women get disappointed when they find out the men were lying and were just using those lies to get laid. Women often have trouble with men because they are designed to be nurturing and caring which is the opposite traits of the common man.
Most women porn stars excluded lol view sex as a beautiful act, as a bonding of two people, as a way to show their love for a man. So, they are really disappointed when they find out that the man they choose to be with only used them to bust a nut. It is really sad. Just use men as toys, or let men buy you things, thats all they are good for. How come the recurring theme in your posts is YOU the woman is doing something wrong..
You must better understand and accept that he flirts with everyone. What kind of BS advice is that? How come you never sham the guy for his wrong behavior and just blame the woman? No guy or girl likes their partner flirting with others. How come you never advise the girl to stand up for herself or to take control of the situation?
Some of the advice given on the site is spot on that being said, thanks.. I saw your post before but I just returned from two awesome weeks in Italy with my amazing girlfriend now fiancee! It is that life is about choices. They are looking for answers. They are looking to decide what to do next in their lives moving forward, etc.
Many do not recognize it yet. Where the line is crossed for ME is when it moves from talk to actions. However, not everyone agrees with me on that one.
In many cases, their choice should be to get space and in some of the cases to move on and look for men that fit better. Men face similar challenges, because we have women that we find attractive but do not share our core values and goals and we have to also learn unfortunately often through trial and error of poor and failed relationships that not every person we are are attracted to physically is a good match for us.
Much of these behaviors can be screened out prior to investing into longer term relationships but many do not do that up front. We all have different perspectives, experiences and are at different points in our lives so many will have experiences that others have not yet or never will experience. Of course, if you really want to see why I write why she needs to take action is in this article here, entitle: This last advise is absolutely ludicrous.
Women always have to play the fixer upper or we lose. Dear Eric, My boyfriend and I have been dating for little over a year and so far things have been okay.
Lately though i have contemplating about leaving him because of his flirtacious nature with other girls. I have found facebook messages and texts of him giving his phone number away as soon as he is even introduced to a girl. Now i am already an insecure sometimes needy girlfriend and i have been trying to change for myself because i hate being naurotic. Well the incident happened about 2 weeks ago, he was hanging out with his friends, one who is a known cheater of his girlfriend, and his was this guy his girlfriend and another old friend, they all know eachother from highschool.
Now this all sounded good reasonable, but still i have my doubts. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thank you. Lets start with 2, you. So the million dollar question is: What do you want? You want that guy but you want him to yourself, it sounds.
How can a woman accomplish this? Its called self respect and you must respect yourself if you want others to. He either never cared about you or thought he did but after getting closer changed his mind but doesnt want to lose you. They want to string you along while weighing their options. Again, back to you.
What type of relationship do you want? What type of partner do you want? I guess with our relationship, he does care, I go to meet his best friends, i hang out with them all the time, right now he does live with me and we are working on making the best of it. I guess I am just trying to decipher if he really is cheating or if he is just a dumbass and actually believes that his responses are innocent.
All the other scenarios he has never called them baby or babe or beautiful or sexy nothing like that at all, it usually just sarcastic jokes and then they ask him to hang out and he says no. If you feel it with him then it is your life. My goal here is to not sway your perspective. It is to break you free a bit emotionally from the situation. He might spill more info. There are people who are open to this idea. I personally am not offended by the concept.
The problem is where people are not direct and honest about it. Which is OK, with a decent human being but if you have a dishonest mate, youre being walked all over. What CAN happen Im not saying it is this case is that a person can become codependent and because of this, theyll justify anything because they care. My parents have been married about 35 years. There is a certain level of codependency, but they respect each other so it works. It sucks and I choer I couldnt allow that and moved forward.
Just look for a little space to reflect. CountMackula- Seeking some man advice… My boyfriends friend girl has really disrespected me and our relationship. She used to send him nude pictures, and questionale emails and texts. We broke up in the past because of this type of stuff, and when getting back together he promised me it was all going to end.
He was no longer going to talk to this friend anymore. Things I felt were going great between us and this just threw me waaay off. We argued and argued about this, to no compromise or conclusion. But he still emails her. And you are absolutely correct. Hmmm… do you think, when you ask yourself really honestly, that he wants the kind of relationship that you want? We have years of history together. Deep down I want to say yes, he does want the same kind of relationship that I would like to work torward.
Or is it him? I mean he says I make him lie about this situation. In my eyes lying creates much more drama than being honest, and more importantly it eats away at trust. How do I learn to trust him, if I decide to continue? After reading all of your comments, I concluded that intentionally being blind suits some people.
One conversation in particular was very sexual. Mostly on her side. It was one of the girls. Last weekend he said he was going out to his guy friends house when he actually went out to meet one of these girls.
The explicit conversation he had with the other girl bothers me the most though. We were even intimate a few days ago. How should I confront him about this? I personally disagree, but these people think that way. I have no patience for liars any more. I drop women like 3rd period French if they lie to me about something like this.
Trust me, guys go through these same scenarios with dishonest women too. You are young so you have plenty of time to date. If you confront him, just lay out the facts and try to let him do the talking. Problem is, you cannot change people. Personally, I think you should decide what you want to do on your own but if it were me, I would simply tell him you are breaking up with him. My gut told me she was cheating. I checked her phone and later her Facebook and sure enough, she was.
She acted angry with ME because I went through her shit and tried to act like I was the crazy one. The worst thing I ever did was allow it to linger. Go meet some new men and use this experience to screen out men who are not looking for the same thing you are with the same core values.
So I was dating this guy, we both attend a pretty too notch university. We were best friends. And we rushed into a relationship out freshman year.
We had some issues, mostly on his part. We brake up over it in feburary. And now were in talking terms. He wants time for us to mature. He was my first boyfriend and first everything. I did neglect him emotionally around the time of the incident. However I broke up with him because that shit is backstabbing.
Sorry if that was too long but please help. Everything throughout the relationship is great. I believe this was reported in the Toronto Star.
This woman is Veronika Lukacs. I will link to her research in the show notes. Veronika found something really interesting about exes, breakups and social media. This is why it matters. Your ex-boyfriend is looking at you.
You need to understand it logically. The odds are in your favor there. This fascinating to me. Here is an example. He unfriended you on Facebook. You go to your best girlfriend, who is friends on Facebook with your ex. Seventy percent of people who went through breakups did this. Sixty-four percent of people overanalyzed wall posts and messages from their ex. For example, if your ex-boyfriend posted on Facebook and you saw it, you are going to overanalyze it.
This is important because, if you flip the script here, that means your ex-boyfriend is probably going to do the same thing to you. Thirty-three percent of people quoted a song about their ex. In my opinion, I think it is about you. Thirty-one percent of people posted a picture in an attempt to make an ex jealous.
He still cares about you. He was really embarrassed about it, but it happens. If the temptation is there and you had a shared password with your ex on Facebook. I understand the thought behind that. There is a high chance that your ex will log on to your Facebook account and check you out if the temptation is there.
They will check out your messages, pictures, likes and notifications. Understanding all of this, Ashe, we have our work cut out for us. This makes social media relevant when it comes to getting exes back. I understand, Ashe, that you said that you unfriended your ex on Facebook.
I am not a fan of this. Those statistics that I mentioned prove how relevant social media is to dating nowadays. It was a lot different. The fact that social media exists now means that you can indirectly influence your ex and improve your chances of getting your ex back.
I understand the temptation is there. But it is such a huge asset to you, if you use it correctly. You can really improve your chances of getting your ex back. I understand that you unfriended your ex. This may be hard to hear, but the last thing you want to be looked at is a flip-flopper. A flip-flopper is a person who friends their ex. Then after the breakup, they unfriend their ex. Then a few days later, they send a friend request to their ex. Their ex declines it.
They send them another friend request. For those of you who are friends with your ex, this episode is more for you. Keep this in mind. I understand this episode may not be geared towards you, but it kind of is. You can still use all the information here because there is a high chance that your ex is still checking up on you. She said her ex-boyfriend liked one of her pictures. In my opinion, here is the importance of a like. It equals that your ex is trying to get attention from you.
He has that fallback. I just liked your picture. The moment he pulled his mouse over the picture and clicked the like button, he knew that a notification was going to go to you and you would know that he liked your picture. Doing something to get your attention is bigger than just liking a picture.
Yes, sometimes I see pictures that I like, so I like them. It may be small significance. It may not be the biggest thing in the world. But there is still significance there.
Facebook is the most popular one. Nothing comes close to Facebook yet. The first thing I want you to understand about influencing your ex on Facebook, or other social media, is that pictures are vitally important. They are more inclined to read things that are attached to pictures. A lot of you are always wondering why I attach these funny memes to the in depth articles that I write about ex-boyfriends, situations and what it means. They keep you scrolling down the page.
If I had a page full of white space, there is no way you would read all of that. But the pictures, gifs and funny videos make it interesting. They make it interesting. Pictures have this amazing affect to influence people more than the written word. I talk a lot about the un-gettable girl. Pictures through Facebook are your best way to display this. You are having the time of your life. If your ex sees this stuff, it will make him a little jealous. It hurts his ego a bit. But it works to get him chasing you.
He sees you going out. He sees you other people with you. He sees you experience the world. Maybe you visit a beautiful city. You see a skyline that is just gorgeous. You post that to Facebook. Your ex is going to be interested in that.
The more you can get him hooked on going to your Facebook page, the more likely he is to have those feelings for you again. Use pictures as much as you possibly can. I want to be really specific about the type of pictures to use. You want this to be subtle. You want this to be natural. You want it to be really natural. You always want to look amazing. You want to look as hot as you possibly can.
Remember, men are visual creatures. We like women who are very attractive. It creates a snowball effect where they keep coming back to the website. As a result, word of mouth spreads. I get more people to come. You kind of want the same thing to happen with your ex. You want him to keep coming back to your profile, checking to see if there are any updates. Your pictures are the best way to do this.
Post pictures of you having the time of your life. Use pictures of other guys to make your ex jealous. How do you do it correctly? That is using jealousy in the wrong way.
You can use jealousy. A little jealousy here and there is an amazing thing. It can work wonders. The best way to use jealousy is to pick a good guy friend and take a picture with him. Side-by-side pictures or selfies are perfect for this. The last thing you want to do is lead this guy on in an attempt to get your ex back. Then this guy is going to have feelings for you.
Then you may lose a friend. Why do I say this? You and your ex are broken up. You can do this. There are no rules forbidding you from doing this. It will get posted on Facebook. You may cause a rift between him and his girlfriend.
Take a nice, single guy friend. This is meant to make my boyfriend jealous. Can you help me out? A good way to do this is to bargain with him. I have this idea. I want to take a picture with you in an attempt to make my ex-boyfriend jealous. Potentially, he may chase me a little more. I can influence him to get him back. If you do this for me, I will help you get a girl at this club. I will introduce you to one of my friends.
That would be my advice on how to get a guy to take a picture with you. Remember, if this guy has a girlfriend, do not do it. That is what obsessive people do. Ashe, I hope that answers your question. You can stay relevant during the no contact rule with social media. Facebook has this amazing ability to keep people coming back for more.
Your ex will log into Facebook multiple times a day. My wife logs onto Facebook more than two or three times a day. I think everyone who has a Facebook account and is engaged in it logs on multiple times a day. This can be used across all social media. I would apply it to all forms of social media. I hope this episode was really educational for you. If you have any questions, please feel free to comment in the show notes. You can find that at www. If you have not already gone to my iTunes page and left a review for this podcast, please do so.
Everything you do helps. I hope you have a great day. What Are The Red Flags? Your email address will not be published. Hey, I have been trying to do the limited contact as we are in same college.. If I dont reply he gets a bit furious.. He says I am confused about us being together again because you are hanging out and drinking with boys which I dont like. So I was never officially with this guy but we were close for a year. It was very intense and we both spoke of real feelings.
We met a few months ago, he kind of freaked out because it became real and I picked up on his distance and tried communicating to ask why. He said he needed space and time but would keep contacting me and making plans to spend time together. I am working on myself and starting to feel a lot better but have been posting on snapchat and he is viewing my stories. That means if he gets curious he has something to social media stalk on..
Sounds creepy but it helps in making him miss you more. I met someone online but we never met be cause before the month we were suppose to meet he said goodbye to me. I went into no contact for over a month. I reached out casually via email and he responded casually back which I was not expecting. Our interaction by email was positive and short. This photo is pretty much just a regular selfie by himself. He still has not responded to my email but instead he posts up a selfie of himself on fb a week later.
Hi… Thank you SO much for your podcast. My situation is sorta strange. I have been going out with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We live 2 hours from one another and he works A LOT of hours. He drives a delivery semi and is home every night, but he works very long days and is in and out of the weather all day.
But, about weeks ago, he stopped communicating. We have never really had a fight, maybe one little spat, where I sorta lost my cool. But I had been feeling neglected in general. We had such a good time together. Well, I got thru the holidays. And I found your website.
My 30 days are almost up — with the exception sending him a small package at christmas which he thanked me for…and me telling him a simply Happy New Year…. He has begun to like posts on my facebook again and I have been planning on what i will write when i can text him again. Was in a brief but intense relationship about a year and half ago that ended abruptly and ugly after he acted like a complete jerk, but the feelings never went away.
A few days ago I gave in and looked at his profile pic. This is a guy who changed his pic at least 4 times while I was with him in 3 months. I feel like it means something. Not sure what to do, I did the dumping it was well-deserved.
I think my case is just over and honestly, I gave up on it a long time ago after no contact of almost two years. I just decided to stop thinking about my ex and move on. The other day, I got a message from his best friend.
I have met his best friend before and he and his girlfriend are engaged. If my ex wanted to see what I was up to, then most likely he would directly ask. Should I take this as a sign that my ex is gaining some interest in me again? Or detach all emotions from this and assume that his friend is just being friendly? My boyfriend and I are high school sweethearts. In the beginning we wanted to move in and get married and move quickly, eventually we started breaking up and making up and arguing.
Eventually, recently he said he was done and obviously I cried and told him we can make this work. He said we will see and that night I stayed at his house. The next day, I give him space.
Obviously I proceed to stalk his Instagram only to find he changed his password. I called him after a day and a half of space trying to invite him to dinner when he returns from his trip. At this point I think he is ghosting me into breakup by default. What do I do? I have been talking to this guy I have known casually through out the years. There has always been attraction between us but I was married and he was in a relationship. He has been out of his reaction ship since June.
He is currently going through some legally issues from where he had gotten into some trouble and he is fighting for custody of his children. The second time I saw him he was acting different but I just blew it off he told me what he legal team had said and he told me we have to be careful.
But after that night we just kept our conversations through text only. Where he would talk to me all the time and initiate conversations I found that happening less and less and i was doing it. Last Friday I just felt like I need to know and I asked him if he knew what his lawyers had said when he reached out to me.
He was offended and really upset with me over it. He always told me he was sorry for bothering me and for upsetting me. Of course I did the begging thing a couple time over the two days asking him to not be upset with me with the last message going out Sunday evening it was a total of 4 messages.
I have not reach out to him or anything starting on Monday. I really like him and I want to be there for him. We had great chemistry and we made each other laugh. How can I get him back?
I broke up with my ex-boyfriend again over 3 months ago. We were in a long distance relationship full year. We are still friends on Facebook. Since the breakup happened, I put my time and my energy into my work and hang out a lot with my friends.
I have been feeling good about myself.
Imsges: ex boyfriend is dating an ugly girl
I truthfully dont like this article one bit. Amor September 27, at 8:
Is not they are choosing us no matter how much they go gym or get a fake tan. My boyfriend and I started living together 6 months back and thought it was going really well.
He has assured to me that he will not cross the boundary, But I m ex boyfriend is dating an ugly girl insecure. I started dating my boyfriend when we were 16 years old. Where the line is crossed for ME is when it moves from talk to actions. I feel truly betrayed. Let me get back to you after the dust has settled. Alicia Vikander is subjected to vile sexist abuse by online trolls as they compare her to the original Tomb Raider Angelina Jolie 'You've pushed me to this You go to your best girlfriend, who is friends on Facebook with your ex.
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