I was a very confident woman. My sister told me he "adored" me, and I guess that's correct for a lot of the 26 years we have been married. On the card was a message from our four grown sons, who had collaborated on the gift. I think this is also why it can go wrong. Lust for things, lust for social lives, lust for sex, lust for unfulfilled fantasies dream vacations, shopping sprees, jackpot prizes, etc.
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No matter how much water has passed under the bridge, no matter how we may have fallen short of the ideal or let each other down, tonight is an opportunity to state in a new and fresh way our promises to each other. If you are emailing the top tier of attractive women they everything you typed is correct. Way back 50 years ago, everyone got married. Maybe there's just a Mr. Either you handle the elephant in the room or you grow more uncomfortable and distrusting.
Then you have to use the building. Then you have to pay for the building and keep the building maintained. A dedication is a nice thing and gets everyone pumped, but the work is just beginning. Can see showing this at the reception and letting everyone try it: Fly it at your wedding.
Talk about what it stands for, what it represents. Do this for your kids. Where would they be without a country? Put up a little sign somewhere where you will both see it everyday that says, "Make love, not debt.
We can't do ourselves justice by letting our tribute end in the wedding ceremony. You have to move from ceremony to sacrament. Sacrament takes up where ceremony leaves off. Ceremony is like putting a ring on her finger at the wedding, but sacrament is ringing her life with love and joy every day and every hour. But the trick and challenge I want to propose to you is that you set out with the goal of falling a little more in love every day. To do this, you have to have a plan and you have to be deliberate.
I wish for you long conversations - and short fights - which inexorably and successfully move the whole mass forward. I wish for you fidelity — especially in trying times.
I wish for you romantic marriage vacations — time away for just the two of you. During which I promise to babysit all those beautiful babies. And I wish for you, finally, the full joy of reaching the end together — that bittersweet moment when in death you shall part.
This could be a simple toast, or use it on a blank card. I used one with a time-lapse photo of white flowers blooming on the front. Now you will feel no cold for each of you will be warmth for the other. Now there is no loneliness for you, now you are two persons but there is only one life before you.
Go now to your dwelling place to enter into the days of your togetherness, and may your days be good and long together. Then smash them, crash them, and add a little water.
Break them and remake them into an image of you And an image of me. Then in my clay, there's a little of you. And in your clay, there's a little of me. And nothing ever shall us sever; Living, we'll sleep in the same quilt, And dead, we'll be buried together.
Really I began the day Not with a man's wish: But with the bird's wish: New marriage-strengthening twists on tradditional rituals: The only wedding gift I give is a marriage education class. I don't want to have to wonder who got the china or crystal after the divorce. He played the Anniversary waltz and he started by asking for anyone married one day to leave the dance floor -- which was the bride and groom. And then couples married one year, two years, five years, eight years, and so on were asked to leave.
The last couple standing were married 56 years and the wife was given the bridal bouquet by the bride. As the longest married couple was left standing my aunt and uncle who have been married 62 years - he asked them what advice they might give as to the secret of what makes a good, lasting marriage.
It was a wonderful tribute to them and an affirmation of marriage for us all. And, at the rehearsal dinner we took few moments of silence and then as a part of a prayer of blessing we called out the names of those that could not be in attendance either deceased or for some other reason not able to attend.
It reminded us of the importance those persons and the influence they have had and will continue to have on us and on the newlyweds as they begin their lives together.
Pat Ennis, Syracuse New York. Since she has experienced the divorce of her parents and is marrying young, I wanted to do more than just throw a bridal shower.
I decided to have a marriage party instead at which we will have several happily married couples--some of which married in their teens--share their stories and give advice. Instead of towels and spatulas, I will be asking the couples to give gifts of marriage books, videos, and classes to help this young couple have a successful marriage.
Anniversary Gifts Dear Diane, I would like to share with you the gift my husband, Tom, and I received for our 34th anniversary. What we got in the mail was a pretty wrapped box. On the card was a message from our four grown sons, who had collaborated on the gift. This is what went on behind the gift. All four of them sent a list of memories that they had from growing up in our family during those 34 years to our oldest son whose idea it was.
He printed them on separate pieces of paper, rolled them in mini-scrolls and ribboned each one. The card instructed us to open them over time - when we were lonely, when we missed them, or when we just wanted to smile. We have opened one each day - that's all my sentimental heart can take.
We have been amazed and touched by the joyous, heartwarming, funny, and various no duplications memories each of them recalled. We have been gifted with each and every memory. The "boys" ages 23 to 33 also enjoyed getting a list of the memories they contributed in order to share in each others.
I hope Tom and I have many more years of marriage ahead, but I can't think of a gift that will mean more than this year's.
On Celebrating Wedding Anniversaries: Before antibiotics and by-pass, birthdays were something to celebrate. Now, after no-fault divorce, wedding anniversaries should get the big hurrah.
They're the big achievement — against the odds. There are so many ways we can help create a marriage-supporting, marriage-celebrating culture. We realize there are two very important football games going on right now; and we are happy you chose to spend the afternoon with us to celebrate our parents' 50 th wedding anniversary.
My mother has never had another boyfriend besides my dad. When my sisters and I were younger, that fact really grossed us out — and we still find it a little suspect. But, I suppose things were different then; and when you find the love of your life you stick with that person.
I guess we should all be that lucky. Way back 50 years ago, everyone got married. Today, not so much. So you might ask, why do we get married? Because, we need a witness to our lives. There are a billion people on this planet. What does any one life really mean?
The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things. All the time, every day. Your life will not go unwitnessed, because I will be your witness. So how do you make it to 50 years? Well in our household the answer to that question was hunting and fishing. Every weekend while we were growing up, our dad would leave on Saturday morning for a hunting or fishing trip.
Then we would clean house, take showers and go shopping for the day — a little female bonding. On Sunday afternoon, dad would return, and the family would be whole again. So, my tip to all you newly-marrieds is — find something you enjoy doing apart. Do that thing, then come back together. It certainly worked for my parents.
That thing is old love. A vow is a covenant commitment, a promise made in love. It lays a claim on tomorrow and all the tomorrows that follow. With a vow we assure each other that, come what may, we will be there for each other. When we stated our vows on our wedding day, we each made promises to our spouse. That may have been recently; it may have been decades ago. No matter how much water has passed under the bridge, no matter how we may have fallen short of the ideal or let each other down, tonight is an opportunity to state in a new and fresh way our promises to each other.
I promise to love you and cherish you, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live. I promise to trust you with my deepest feelings and to share with you my dreams and aspirations, my hurts and disappointments.
I promise to provide a safe place for you to do the same. I promise to accept you for who you are and for who you will become. I promise to refrain from criticism that tears down, focusing instead on support that builds up. We will listen to each other with open minds and open hearts.
We will deal with hurts that hold us apart, admitting our faults, processing our pain, and forgiving each other for the sake of new and better possibilities. We will respect the ways we are different and celebrate the ways we complement each other. We will strike a balance between our togetherness and our separateness, expressing our "oneness" without losing our individuality.
Marriage is a living thing, with limitless potential for growth. Unfolding as it does over time, marriage invites us to keep building on the foundation of our love, exercising our strengths and adding new strengths, day by day. A commitment to growth invites us to deal honestly and creatively with our shortcomings, letting go of habits that hinder and replacing them with new habits that make our love flourish.
I commit myself to ongoing growth, in my personal life and in our relationship. I will view our relationship as an ever-evolving blend of the familiar and the new. I will honor our traditions while looking for opportunities to explore uncharted territory. I will nurture a curiosity to learn new things about you and to know you better every day. I will cultivate my ability to learn from you and to bring out your best.
We will pay attention to the natural rhythms and seasons of life and nourish the kind of adaptability that makes time an ally in our love. We will learn from our difficulties and challenges and allow them to become avenues for growth that can strengthen us.
I love you, and always will. Nothing compares to the strength of a relationship woven with the gentle cords of a covenant.
We celebrate the power and joy of lifetime love! Researchers at Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland asked a simple question of 10, married men with no history of chest pains angina: Compared with their married peers, single patients were 26 percent more likely to die during the study period - even when researchers factored in patients' age, race and severity of their cancer.
Annals of Behavioral Medicine, ; vol The mortality rates of individuals with poor social relationships are higher than those who smoke cigarettes for many years. House et al, Social relationships and health. Decades of research have clearly established these links.
Marital distress leads to depression and reduces immune system functioning in adults. In addition, chronic marital conflict harms the emotional and physical well-being of children. In addition to well-established links between divorce and mental health problems, adults who experience divorce more than double their risk of earlier mortality.
And children who experience a parental divorce have their life expectancy shortened by an average of four years, according to a fifty-year longitudinal study. These effects are comparable to those of cigarette smoking.
Dawson, ; Cherlin et al. A film about marriage -- what it really is to be married. There are a lot of films about meeting and falling in love and quite a few about the pain and suffering of divorce. But we could recall few, if any, about the ins and outs, the day-to-day wear and tear, of being married.
They are picking up their kids from summer camp and had agreed they'd tell them together that they have decided to get a divorce. I think we should go to Chow Fun's. Are you saying Chow Fun's because you don't want to face telling the kids? Because if that's why you're saying Chow Fun's, don't say Chow Fun's. That's not why I'm saying Chow Fun's. I'm saying Chow Fun's because we're an "us". There's a history and histories don't happen overnight.
In Mesopotamia or Ancient Troy or somewhere back there, there were cities built on top of other cities, but I don't want to build another city. I like this city. I know where we keep the Bactine, and what kind of mood you're in when you wake up by which eyebrow is higher. And you always know that I'm a little quiet in the morning and compensate accordingly. That's a dance you perfect over time. And it's hard, it's much harder than I thought it would be, but there's more good than bad. And you don't just give up.
And it's not for the sake of the children, but they're great kids aren't they? And we made them - I mean think about that - there were no people there and then there were people - two of them.
And I won't be able to say to some stranger, "Josh has your hands" or "Remember how Erin threw up at the Lincoln Memorial? So what if that stranger listens to me? I mean, Lucas Adler listens but then he always says "between you and I" and it should be "between you and me" because "between" is a preposition.
And it's not that there's not a charming part about you not remembering the washerfluid - which I don't understand why you can't - but that's not ultimately important. I'll try to remember that those things can be mildly endearing at times and really not worth not having sex over.
And I'll try to relax. I mean is it the end of the world to have sex when you don't totally feel like it? There are all kinds of sex, aren't there? Comfort sex, tender sex, relief sex, 'I'm not in the mood, but you are" sex And let's face it, anybody is going to have traits that get on your nerves, why shouldn't it be your annoying traits? I'm no day at the beach, but I do have a good sense of direction so at least I can find the beach, but that's not a criticism of you, it's just a strength of mine.
And you're a good friend and good are hard to find. Charlotte in "Charlotte's Web" said that and I love the way you read that to Erin - when you take on the voice of Wilbur the pig with such commitment even when you're bone tired. It speaks volumes about character.
And ultimately isn't that what it comes down to? What a person's made of at the end of the day? And if you leave, I may never see her again - even though I said at times you beat her out of me - Isn't that the paradox? Haven't we hit the essential paradox? Give and take, push and pull, yin and yang, the best of times, the worst of times.
I think Dickens said it best. It's the Jack Sprat of it, he could eat no fat, his wife could eat no lean, but that doesn't really apply here. After a beat, Ben explodes with sheer joy, grabs Katie and kisses her passionately. We see Josh and Erin watching their parents stunned at their behavior. Ben and Katie start getting into the car, as do the kids. For more on " The Story of Us ". His daughter dutifully got him an apartment and he moved in. Both he and his wife seemed happy with the arrangement.
Then, after six weeks went by he decided to go back home. They lived together and continued to happily annoy each other for another seven years until his death at The first, All is Right , captures the importance of a solid, stable marriage from a child's perspective - one that they can learn from and, as Terry Hargrave puts it, one they can count on and relax into The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.
It is the only thing. The second, I Get That All the Time , puts marital and family love up there where it belongs - as the only kind of drug we need. The third, If I Should Fall Behind , by Springsteen, captures the importance of remembering that we're two individuals, each who "steps so differently", and that we need to learn to communicate and learn marriage education skills so that "we can each make our steps clear, so the other can see".
I listen to you laugh outside my room You're whispering your nothings, And you don't think I can hear you But when I go to sleep I know That everything is right With the world, with the night All is right. And I can rest my head upon The thought of you still going strong And I can dream of days I know will be When a love like yours will find me Tonight I watched you dancing in the dark To music from a stereo you set beneath the stars Now I can go to sleep and know That everything is right With the world, with the night All is right.
Music and lyrics by Erika Chambers; performed by Erika Chambers at: He stopped me on the street, he was wearing a backwards baseball hat. I'd never seen the devil smile but I bet it looks a lot like that. From his coat of worn out rags, he flashed me a plastic bag and said, Hey, this will get you high tonight, and I said, No thanks, I get that all the time. When I walk into my kitchen, kids are screaming, dinner's burning, and I'm reminded we've got PTA tonight.
When I'm kneeling down and feeling all those little arms around me and my wife has got the bedroom in her eyes, Yeah, Buddy, when you get that kind of love, it's the world best kind of drug, and I get that all the time. She wore a cotton dress so thin the sunlight came right through.
I've been a man for long enough to know that come on look she used. She sat down next to me, brushed her hand across my knee and said, I'll give you the best night of your life, and I said, No thanks, you see, I get that all the time. When I'm kneeling down and feeling all those little arms around me and my wife has got the bedroom in her eyes.
Yeah, Buddy, when you get that kind of love, it's the world's best kind of drug, and, man, I get that all the time. Yeah, Buddy, when you get that kind of love, it's the only kind of drug, that gives peace of mind in this crazy life of mine. I get that all the time. Yeah, I get that all the time.
Due West - listen on You Tube http: Mary Chapin Carpenter YouTube: T o Daddy Emmylou Harris http: I think of this as "dance me until death us do part" http: Grow old along with me -- the best is yet to be When our time has come -- we will be as one.
Grow old along with me -- two branches of one tree Face the setting sun -- when the day is done. Spending our lives together -- man and wife together World without end -- world without end. Grow old along with me -- whatever fate decrees We will see it through -- for our love is true.
You would laugh at all my stories Then at dusk I'd walk you home. Who would guess we'd walk a lifetime, Growin' up and growin' old. We've got an old love, one we never will get tired of, One that fits us like an old glove, one to warm the winter day. We don't have to say I love you, quite as often as we used to Old love just goes without saying, we still say it anyway We may not leave this town we live in Life's not as easy as we planned. I always meant to give you diamonds, You still wear a plain gold band That old river keeps on rolling, We don't know just what's in store.
But in spite of all of this, I don't love you like I did, I love you so much more. Give me your arm as we cross the street Call me at six on the dot A line a day when you're far away Little things mean a lot. Don't have to buy me diamonds or pearls Champagne, sables, and such I never cared much for diamonds and pearls 'cause honestly, honey, they just cost money.
Give me a hand when I've lost the way Give me your shoulder to cry on Whether the day is bright or gray Give me your heart to rely on. Send me the warmth of a secret smile To show me you haven't forgot For now and forever, that's always and ever Little things mean a lot.
Your not just time that I'm killing I'm no longer one of those guys As sure as I live this love that I give Is gonna be yours until the day that I die, oh baby. I'm gonna love you forever, forever and ever, amen As long as old men sit and talk about the weather As long as old women sit and talk about old men If you wonder how long I'll be faithful I'll be happy to tell you again.
I'm gonna love you, forever and ever, Forever and ever, amen. They say that time takes it's toll on the body Makes the young girls brown hair turn gray But honey, I dont care, I ain't in love with your hair And if it all fell out, well, I'd love you anyway. They say time can play tricks on a memory Make people forget things they knew But it's easy to see, it's happenin' to me I've already forgotten every woman but you, oh darlin'. I'm gonna love you forever, forever and ever, amen As long as old men sit and talk about the weather As long as old women sit and talk about old men If you wonder how long I'll be faithful Just listen to how this song ends, I'm gonna love you, forever and ever, Forever and ever, amen.
I'm gonna love you forever and ever, forever and ever, Forever and ever, forever and ever, amen Claire had all but given up When she and Edwin fell in love She touched his face and shook her head In disbelief she sighed and said In many dreams I've held you near Now at last you're really here Chorus Where've you been? I've looked for you forever and a day Where've you been? I'm just not myself when you're away He asked her for her hand for life Then she became a salesman's wife He was home each night by 8 But one stormy evening he was late Her frightened tears fell to the floor Until his key turned in the door Chorus They'd never spent a night apart For 60 yrs she heard him snore Now they're in a hospital In separate beds on different floors Claire soon lost her memory, forgot the names of family She never spoke a word again Then one day they wheeled him in He held her hand and stroked her head In a fragile voice she said Where've you been?
I'm just not myself when you're away I'm just not myself when you're away. Performed by Kathy Mattea: Excerpts from the lyrics: We need fathers to realize that responsibility does not end at conception. We need them to realize that what makes you a man is not the ability to have a child--it's the courage to raise one. Barack Obama, Fathers Day One night a father overheard his son pray: Dear God, Make me the kind of man my Daddy is.
Later that night, the Father prayed, Dear God, Make me the kind of man my son wants me to be. Clarence Kelland My father died many years ago, and yet when something special happens to me, I talk to him secretly not really knowing whether he hears, but it makes me feel better to half believe it. Josefowitz It is much easier to become a father than to be one.
A father has to be a provider a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?
Healthy marriages are not always possible. And so no marriage and no family is perfect. Collection of Mother's Day quotes and ideas It is the nightly custom of every good mother after her children are asleep to rummage in their minds and put things straight for next morning, repacking into their proper places the many articles that have wandered during the day.
If you could keep awake but of course you can't you would see your own mother doing this, and you would find it very interesting to watch her. It is quite like tidying up drawers When you wake up in the morning, the naughtiness and evil passions with which you went to bed have been folded up small and placed at the bottom of your mind and on the top, beautifully aired, are spread out your prettier thoughts, ready for you to put on.
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. In the interest of poetic economy and truth, I have succeeded in concentrating my deepest feelings and beliefs into two perfectly crafted lines: You're my mother, I would have no other!
Then in the next instant, boom, there it is. It grief has various ways of presenting, as doctors say of disease. Only 8 percent of the families who do this are poor; 79 percent of those who fail to do this are poor. Expanding access to such services to low income couples, perhaps in concert with job training and placement, medical coverage, and other services already available, should be something everybody can agree on What good will it be for a man if he strengthens all the marriages in the community and loses his own way?
There is no social problem Americans dare not attack. No problem, that is, except one: That may be the case, but the truth is that it takes a lot of solid, stable marriages to create a village. It takes a real man to have a trophy marriage. It wasn't then - but it sure is now. Someone must be there to know what we have done for those we love. Why is it that people get married? Because we need a witness to our lives. Your life will not go unwitnessed - because I will be your witness. Seventy-two, in one case.
Or the only person , might be more to the point. I wish someone had told me that earlier. You move into marriage in the springtime of hope, but eventually arrive at the Minnesota winter, with its cold and darkness. The problem with giving up, of course, is that our next marriage will enter its own winter at some point.
So do we just keep moving on, or do we make our stand now — with this person, in this season? He wears sturdy shoes. Everything is vivid when he is around.
It is wonderful to sit and have lunch in his gardens around harvest time. You can taste in the vegetables that the soil has been cared for. We still believe in commitment, because we know that committed relationships are good for us, but powerful voices coming from inside and outside tell us that we are suckers if we settle for less than we think we need and deserve in our marriage.
Most baby boomers and their offspring carry in our heads the internalized voice of the consumer culture—to encourage us to stop working so hard or to get out of a marriage that is not meeting our current emotional needs.
Sometimes it's necessary but it should be avoided if at all possible because it brings about a permanent disability. The secret is removing divorce as an option.
Anybody who gives themselves that option will get a divorce. But it's also the case that marriage doesn't make us happy every day. No marriage does, but your marriage serves as so much more than just a vehicle for immediate individual adult needs. It makes one world for your child, and children will tell you that means everything to them. Remember, sustaining a pleasurable, long-term marriage takes effort, deliberateness and an intention to learn about one another.
In other words, marriage is for grown-ups. It's not the way you do your hair, But it's you I like. The way you are right now The way down deep inside you Not the things that hide you Not your diplomas They're just beside you.
But it's you I like, Every part of you, Your skin, your eyes, your feelings, Whether old or new. I hope that you'll remember Even when you're feeling blue, That it's you I like, It's you yourself, it's you It's you I like! The best is yet to be - the last of life for which the first was made. Some months ago, you printed a letter from a reader who was disturbed that the spark was gone from her marriage.
I asked my husband whether the spark is gone from our year marriage. It lights a fire. When the flame burns down, we are left with the hottest part of the fire, the embers, which burn the longest and keep the fire alive.
Just as a tree is affected by the quality of the air, water and soil in its environment, the emotional health of children is determined by the quality of the intimate relationships that surround them.
Such a design, in theory, would not only ensure that children had access to the time and money of two adults, it also would provide a system of checks and balances that promoted quality parenting. The fact that both parents have a biological connection to the child would increase the likelihood that the parents would identify with the child and be willing to sacrifice for that child, and it would reduce the likelihood that either parent would abuse the child.
If one goes down the list of these programs… the need for each is either created or exacerbated by the breakup of families and marriages. We have a public stake in healthy marriages and two-parent families.
Our society suffers with the collapse of the relationship of the couple who brings a child into the world. There is scarcely a dollar that the state and federal government spends on social programs that is not driven, in large part, by family fragmentation: Defend and promote it as the basic cell of human society; nurture it as the prime sanctuary of life. Give great care to the preparation of engaged couples and be close to young married couples, so that they will be for their children and the whole community an eloquent testimony of God's love.
Too many people are getting married at the infatuation level and when hard times come, it falls apart. But we must remember, they are incredibly important for children. Our hearts know this and our nation must recognize this. None of us is perfect. After all, we all are human. Yet, we need fathers and families precisely because we are human. I am not one of them. No disrespect to 40 somethings, but has it EVER occured to you that some men would like to be able to start families some day and that women do have an age limit when it comes to having children?
In their 30s a majority of women are looking to settle down and have a relationship that leads to marriage and family. In their 40s a majority of men are ready to settle down and have a family. If what you say is true for most women…then women in their 30s need to seriously consider dating men in their 40s since both genders are at the same life stage at that time. There might be something to that Karmic. Actually, a lot of times I even forget about our six year age gap and it feels more like dating a peer.
I have personally found that in general, men are looking down at younger age ranges. Most of my something peers were either looking for something casual, or were looking for women in their 20s. Maybe you might have to do the same thing and increase the upper limit of your age range too.
Kyra — I agree. To make matters worse, they all seemed to think a relationship was a women to work AND do all of the cooking and cleaning, i. That group of single men is still out there!! Online dating has not been too fruitful for me since then. Too many babies who: One of my last experiences was as WeshWesh described above, hours of talking he was a salesman, so no real surprise and when I finally met him it was not even possible to correlate the person in front of me with the one I had been talking to, so that was all pointless.
Just set up a coffee date and find out quickly whether they are for real. Anyone… at any-age can have children. It a fact that more young woman today then ever because of infertility complications use insemination to implantation to fetal development to childbirth. And most women, of course, would never do this, right? I mean, certainly not women in their fifties and beyond?
Incidentally, I have one question for all the 50 and up ladies here; if confidence and character are the things that really attract you to a man, just how is it you can discern those from a photo and an age, without even reading a profile?
I think this is also why it can go wrong. You could have bagged yourself a true stunner, there. Maybe your self-confidence is low. Why do people only settle for less, every time? You have to be practical about it. Go for the jugular. Sooner rather than later.. Takes lots of time, little payoff Internet Porn: Takes little time, big payoff. Identifying multiple personality factors that ensure compatibility Internet Porn: To find that special someone who will love you for being you Internet Porn: To never worry about that special someone turning your life into a living nightmare.
I entered into the experience with an open mind, viewing online dating as an opportunity to meet men outside work and my social circle, and was looking for friendship first, with the possibility of a relationship if we clicked. Yes, you are absolutely right, Ruby.
And this is even true with men: In fact, I could litterally put any type of description in my profile, and the only thing that seems to make any difference is the picture I post. And, of course, this is just human nature, and we all do it. I have tinkered with my profile too. The only real impact has come from altering my height and income.
The higher my income, the more replies I get. You have much more value to women. Obviously the taller you are and the more you make your value increases. You really want to get crazy? Throw in a Masters or PhD…. Guess I never messaged you. Or you get my messages and ignore them. I present myself very accurately online.. I do not get messages.. This is not an exaggeration either. Changing my profile around does nothing. Most women I see put hardly any effort into theirs.
Since I still meet girls out and about I only use online dating as another way to meet people. I was getting so many messages from so many men, reading their profiles, seeing what matched for ME. A lot of the women are looking for something in particular.
If you say you pick up attractive girls while you are out, consider this: MOST women can pick up guys all the time. They do not need to go on the Internet to do it.
It is not a pick up site. It is a dating website. Not a pick up. If the in person thing is working for you, I would just stick with that. I tried Internet dating I am a woman because I was having no luck in person lately.
I had no luck on the Internet either. I am really looking to meet a serious partner. And if you read it and you are not all that interested, then what difference does it make if she replies or not? The problem is a numbers game. If you ever have an interest set up a profile as a woman. One you would email and then just sit back and see what happens and you will understand. Want to really get a feel? Post a picture of a very attractive female and pretend to be her.
See how many emails you get in an hour and see how horrible some of them are. Then you will understand this is not about you at all. And while I really want to and at first tried to send a no thank you to every guy that emailed me it was just too much and I found that it prompted an increase of nasty follow ups from men wanting to know why I was rejecting them or why no one liked them or why I was being such a well you put the nasty word in there.
Plus, expectations are too high going into an online date. But a good date should make you feel the opposite — elated about the potential and possibility! The best way to meet people to date is through friends — BBQs, parties, clubs, social groups. The common bond is a great starting point. What do you have in common with someone else who online dates — you both subscribed to the same service?
Though what if, like myself, you have moved to an area far away from family and friends. I do not dance 2 left feet is an understatement so clubs are out.
Sans friends there are no party invites. Any bar I have found in the area is filled with married couples or people years older than me. Where do I then go to get a jumping off point? I am told I am a good looking man and have attractive eyes.
Will women get more dates and spend less money? Will most men never get a response let alone a date? Does online dating work?? Women no longer have to leave the house and they can have 10 dates a week. They can put up their blury picture from 5 yrs and 30 lbs ago and get tons of meaningless attention as well as deicde who they interact with and for how long… usually 2 or 3 emails..
This is kind of funny, but also kind of sad. I split up with my ex boyfriend who turned out to be too insane and not nice over 3 years ago. After crying myself to sleep for months, I decided to get myself in gear and go out. I got on the Internet.
I could not even get a coffee date. So I took myself out. To everywhere I was invited. I usually went by myself. I almost always paid for myself. Sometimes I paid for my friends. I am beautiful, kind and smart. I have never been married. I have a few nice male friends I know from the YMCA I swim almost everyday and am in great shape, all natural, attractive features.
I commented earlier about how nervous I am about Internet dating. It has been a real mixed bag for me. But it was the first time in 3 years that a man actually took me out to dinner. Before that I went out with my girlfriends or simply dined alone.
It was so stressful after the meal the man practically pounced on me. I was courteous, thanked him and said good night. Too many creeps on these sites ruin it for the good ones. My only reason for being on the two major sites match and eharmony are to find a lasting relationship. Nothing needy, nothing rushed, but that is surely my goal at any rate.
I seem to be what a lot of women are looking for, at least as stated in their profiles. My not-so-scientific conclusions for the women range. Criteria — body type is slender, athletic or average. All other criteria open. Weed out the plastic queens — the black eyebrows and unnaturally blonde hair, usually accompanied by very tan real, UV, or spray-on skin, fake nails, etc…see also attention whores and money hungry above.
It comes to them. Vino is absolutely right, good, attractive physically fit women or men are not dating on line as they usually have a life! This is a common misconception. Good attractive physically fit women, at least in the upper tier of attractiveness are more often than not sitting at home alone on date nights.
I suggest this to men, look on women that are not 8s and 10s and you will have a better shot. And only email women that you would actually approach in person. As much as my experiences as a man have thus far been very strange and disappointing, and as much as I wish I could justify giving up to myself, I am going to politely disagree.
I have met a number of very desirable women. Granted, none of these situations has worked out and I would concede that I think that each of these attractive and successful women have unrealistic expectations. But my anecdotal experience is that they are out there, even if the ones with their heads screwed halfway normal are few and far between. Yet I married a man who had children from a previous marriage, and a previous relationship.
And that was not what split us up, either. Many things not just a wife can make a man feel deprived in this world. But a man who loves porn is not merely a victim of his surroundings. But I agree with you, maryJean: Just wondering if any of these men were driven to porn as a way of getting stimulation from a source safer and less damaging to the marriage than there wife was getting from affairs with real people.
I began watching porn to find out what I was doing wrong to drive my now EX wife to have affairs. I admit I became addicted and it has affected my libido but hey its free and no different to reading a love story and expecting your partner to be as good as the caractors depicted. I fail to see your point.
You fantasize to images of women and now expect real women to live up to something only possible with clever film editing and scripting. Neither of these scenarios sound like the ideal. I caught my husband two months ago fantasizing on porn then I started asking him questions why?
I just wanted to leave a comment for you, Euly. I am happy that your husband has been willing to give up electrical devices in order to stay away from pornographic sites, etc. I also wanted to mention that promoting the idea of self-stimulation masturbation to your husband is also something harmful.
My husband and I have been married for 7 years and together a total of 12 years. We have huge fights that last days and he promises not to do it anymore but then after a month he does and lies about it when I ask and the cycle starts over. He has said that he has always had an issue with it and that I just happened to find out about it. It affects my self worth more than he can understand.
Lately he has had issues with becoming aroused by me or staying aroused while we are being intimate. I am at a loss for what to do. After our last big fight he said he would tell me if he had the temptation so I could help him but he wt and if I ask he lies to my face about it. For those wondering we are intimate at least once a week. I feel rejected in our intimacy, he does not have affections for me as he used to it, especially in bed.
I tried my best to be hot for him at all times. Victoria I have my sympathy for you and all about this is our feelings as a women and wives, I feel embarrased to talk to friends for an advice, my husband is a good man but with a really nasty habit.
Have you read Porn and Your Husband yet? It will help you determine the next steps for your marriage. By the way, porn rewires the brain so that it is only turned on by more porn.
You can read more about that here. I am a Christian, struggling with porn. My wife has discovered this, and has been terribly hurt. Can some tell me when and why, in th Bible, that it became a sin to have more than one wife? It seems that many problems with porn would not exist if a man had wives plural as David did. There are no passages in the Bible that condemn polygamy outright.
This is good because many cultures, especially ancient cultures, practice polygamy, and Christianity can enter those cultures and not break up established families. This would mean that polygamous men would never be allowed leadership positions in the church, and over time the church culture would be impacted, thus weeding out the practice of polygamy over time. This has been the trend in all cultures where Christianity established an influence. Also, keep in mind the two great models for marriage we see in the Bible.
The first is Adam and Eve, established as a paradigm of marriages one man and one woman. The second is Christ and the Church, a divine marriage that establishes the same monogamous pattern. I think when you take these observations in as a whole, we could say God does not condemn polygamy, but he endorses a model of marriage that is non-polygamous.
For the person striving to be like Christ in all regards, polygamy is an unwise option. But to get to the heart of your comment, I disagree with your premise entirely. Adding to this, I believe it is important to recognize for any Christian what idols in our hearts drive our deepest desires. This is a no brainer only one Eve was taken out of adam.
It is as wrong as homosexuality. Women arent created to be one of many. It would probably hurt her feeling you cold man. And as far as David is concerned his family was messed up because of this.
One kid rapeing another kid and than one kid killing another because of it. And Solomon he ended up with a temple in Jerusalem that burned human sacrafice to please one of his many wives. He should have just stuck with one good one. You need to read your bible dude. And try to understand it. Also the lineage of Seth no multiple wives are mentioned. The lineage of Cain not the first polygamist a murder. All I can say is your poor poor wife haveing to put up with your ignorant self.
Kyle Hansen makes some excellent points. Note also that the world is not the same as it was 50 years ago. This woman is not familiar for ex, past cultures in Europe, where a mistress might be invited to the dinner table with wife present. This is shocking to our culture, but what needs to be contrasted with that day and age is women are a much more demanding group, with instructions about every conceivable thing in the marriage..
Women have lost their role of primarily raising the children, and being homemakers. And so do most women.. It is considered a healthy behavior by the medical community fwiw. A strange irony is that 50 years ago, there were more attractions in cities luring customers like Burlesque shows. Technology has changed things, so that most men need not visit such places or be out. In that light, for a wife to be disgusted because her husband viewed erotica on his laptop — is rather hard to believe.
Guilt linked with prurient interest dates back to Puritan doctrines in this country, and still appeals to society today. Educating oneself, would help in such an emotional state. Not to mention, one day, even participating with your spouse, to spark the mariage in a creative way would be wise.
As his wife, that should be a primary interest alongside him -rather than shaming him, or shutting him out of the marriage. Regardless of our own cultural proclivities, the desire for true monogamy is something that predates and transcends American culture.
But for most men, it will tend to make life difficult…if he stumbles upon phenomenal photos of Heidi Klum wearing lingerie on the internet, and his concious is racked with guilt because he checked them out? Not to mention, that libido is not the simplest thing to occur in a human, but requires work. Btw, if you take the word aphrodisiac, you find it is derived from the Greek, who also worshipped Dionysus many centuries ago. There were festivals in his honor and such. No internet at all.
Not that the world needs to worship these cultures, but to realize that they took it seriously. I completely agree that monogamy is difficult when you your very nature desires to look at other women. I also agree that sexual sin has been around for ages: I did everything the porn girl do, and for nothing. You will never overcome the fantasies because human nature, its a choice to look at pornography, its a choice to cheat and its a choice to love,. Kyle is right the general state of humans through history is not monogyny, and it is even not know.
It is the desired state for children in this age and a farness to woman so the load is shared evenly. No one makes anyone look at pornography other than its ease of availability on the net. Its a self indulgent, selfish act. Its not the act itself that is wrong, but the implications on others paired with you. And to that I also add that Jesus states in Matthew 5: If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better to lose one of your members than to have your whole body go into hell.
It still carries the same meaning when he says lust in the heart or mind. Lust is lust regardless. Lust may have been persuaded, tempted and taunted but never forced on us. They are just symptoms of the problem. I hope my view could be of some help to those who WANT help instead of quarrelsome web conversations that are purely useless and of no value.
Let me clarify myself, at the conclusion of my earlier response I stated that quarrelsome web conversations are useless and of no value. I was implying that to those that live just to argue their personal opinions when they have no concern to help the hurting. This just shows the maddening cycle of this habit. He watched porn from a young age probably and then gets into a relationship hoping his partner will meet all his porn-created fantasies.
He withdraws into porn to get his fix. She finds out and feels less attractive or desirable, so she emotionally withdraws. He senses the withdraw and escapes into more porn, blaming her for not giving enough sex.
She is even more hurt, withdraws more, and he keeps going back to the porn. Men like this need someone to slap them upside the head metaphorically speaking. Is this the kind of man you want to be? Do you want to be the kind of guy who runs off to the bathroom in the morning to jerk off in front of a screen? There is help available for men who feel like they are addicted, but these men need to take the initiative. They need to say: This is not the kind of man I want to be, and I will do whatever it takes to stop this nasty habit.
I want to love one woman well. I want to be a great lover, friend, spouse, and a respectable man. Judge not, lest ye be judged. Some things in life are trickier than others. Did God gave us physical bodies to associate with misery and shame only, when looking upon another, to be guilt ridden at all times?
Each situation is different. Take a different example…if you had an attractive wife, who enjoyed sports with great interest. She went to games, found athletes appealing, and one day has a fling with one of them. If however, she desires to be with the athlete more often, then things are vastly different. You make it seem one-sided, but if you bother to check porn usage by gender this is misleading. Women view porn also, maybe not as much, but they do.
And at end of the day it is entertainment. Just because I view porn hypothetically does not mean I want to cheat. You are justifying something that is harmful to you and your marriage by comparing it to something that is worse actually sleeping around.
I am a wife, fighting for my husband, whose life has been severely affected by this addiction. If you are a Christian and do not believe that lust is being unfaithful, then you need to read your New Testament again. Our Savior was quite clear on this. However, I also have educated myself to the nature of the addiction itself and am working with my husband to free him of this.
He wants to be free of it, that is the key. If you are the wife of an addict, please go to my blog: Nice blog; lively interaction. May God help us who desire to marry to find partners who will assist us to be faithful. As to those who make issues with the assertion that wives can actually drive their husband to pornography, i say: I am a Christian woman and have been married to my husband for three years.
We were married for a month when I found out that my husband was viewing pornography. I was devastated, hurt, broken, felt betrayed, and unattractive. He apologized and promised he would not do it again, I forgave him but found him viewing it again a few months after that. After that he became really good at hiding it.
I forgave him again but found him viewing pornography again when I was eight months pregnant. Anyways he claims not to be viewing porn anymore and I have noticed that since he stopped viewing porn his desire to be intimate with me has decreased greatly.
I feel so broken, that I do not know how to heal from this. I know in my heart that I have forgiven him but every now and then I bring up the whole porn thing and he tells me that I should not bring it up anymore if I have forgiven him.
He acts like it is no big deal and that I should be okay since I have forgiven him. Does anyone know of any good Christian books or a Christian Counsellor that can help me? I am really struggling with healing from the hurt and pain and betrayal and as a result it is really hurting our marriage. There are many Christian counselors available. First of all, this is what you can tell your husband: But I do not trust you.
They are very different things. Forgiveness is something given freely, but trust is something earned. You can also download this free book. It might be a great help to you. Thank you so much for these articles. It gives me hope. It is nice to have a source, other than the downer non understanding wife, to give to my husband. I hope he takes it all to heart and actually tries to stop.
I just read this article. I found out that my husband was watching porn two years ago. He told me it had been going on since before we were married. We have four kids and I am not sure that I can stay with him. The overwhelming feeling of not measuring up is still as strong as it was when I found out. Has he been working on recovery for himself? Have you gotten any help or support for yourself? The pain and loss are REAL, when you go through this, and healing takes time, even under the best of circumstances.
I think you CAN recover your marriage, and I think it CAN be better than it ever was before—but it takes a lot of hard, hard work and support, I think. Have you looked at our free download, Hope After Porn?
The American Association of Christian Counselors has a directory for finding counselors in your area. Some of the comments on here is the reason most women feel disgusted. There are two people in a relationship. Men are not the only ones that find sex enjoyable. But please, for some women this is infidelity.
Porn leads to other forms of infidelity. Just because he wants more. So what if he masturbates without porn or another image of a woman. Media today has shown the world what they feel most women should look like to be beautiful. Then maybe the men need to be judged the same way women are. Only by their looks. How many men out there would stand up to that type of judgment? Based on looks alone.
Come on men use your brains. Women can have a good soul, a good heart, but not perfect body and she is bypassed because men have it in their head that a woman should be a size 6 or less to be beautiful. Honesty is always the best policy… if you have any problems be totally honest — yes it may not fix solutions but it nevertheless lets everyone know exactly where you are at.
She had enormous problems and I felt overwhelming compassion for her and in my caring for her i fell in love with her and we got married. Marriage felt for years the worst and best choice of my life because unable to have sex well what can you do? The church condemns sex and even the Pentecostals take the line that lusting after a woman is eternal damnation; but in the end I realised I had no option so I turned to pornography. Contrary to all the religious groups — wow i didnt become a sex maniac but I did become addicted and i was entirely honest to my wife who was completely understanding.
This article started out good. You are so much more than a collection of body parts! Get with some people who can support you in the truth, and treat you like the beloved person you really are. Find a counselor who can help walk you through. Read up on how other women have managed their recovery. Decide what healthy boundaries will look like for you. Pornography skits are not usually written around a fairytale, where there is a wishull meeting, followed by mutual respect.
The images and dialog often seem to encompass verbal and sometimes physical abuse, rough sex and demeaning name calling. Some porn watching husbands will want the wives to role play what they saw on some smut flick. Addiction is created often by easy adrenaline rushes. The images are often combined in a manner that creates the person to carry a similiar stupor of demeanor of which many crack, gambling and other addicts dsplay with distracted dialated eyes, always on a jones for a rush.
Basically, it can make you freak. Next we see some of these guys trying to get off on a 20lb ham plugged into volts. They desensitized themselves so much they created impotence. If your man says he has to vew porn because his private parts require more consoling attention than his colicky 2 month old baby, it may be time to move on away from the Zero. Some men permit sexual codependence to ruin lives. Have never really given much thought to effects of porn until the incidence that occured in my life recently.
Statistics is really scary. Plus my case is a bit complicated. Will keep praying for a miracle. Well, first of all, congratulations on making what had to be a very difficult decision to break off your engagement. Because I think that really is the key: The stats are intimidating, for sure. Almost nobody is porn-free these days. Emotional trustworthiness is an enormous giveaway as well.
Is he able to take resonsibility for himself and that includes, does he have a job, does he take care of himself physically, etc—those are all components of personal responsibility , and is he able to connect with you emotionally and care about you, not just expect you to care about him? I have no doubt that porn is a probably a bad thing if a man looks at it too much as he will have less physical desire for his wife.
However, I suspect that a large number of husbands look at porn because their wives either refuse to have sex with them or rarely have sex with them. What is the man to do if his wife decides for apparently arbitrary reasons to have far less sex with her husband than she used to do?
Turning to porn for sexual satisfaction is NOT a solution; in fact, it just makes whatever is wrong exponentially worse. When either partner makes that choice, it is not a good choice for the relationship. The real solution would be to work on the marriage. The best marriage resources available in the world are from Dr.
That book is based on the very best research on what makes a marriage successful and long-lasting. Gottman just came out with a strong statement against porn use in marriage. Never, no way, no how. So the act of watching porn is a means to an end. Now, men masterbate because they have a drive to, much like women have parallel drives. Some women misinterpret this act as a man watching and wanting to be with other women. It is the farthest from the truth. Even if a man has sex with their wife regularly a man will masterbate with or without porn.
Think of it as cutting a steak with out a steak knife. Women masterbate to, they just are lucky they can do it without visual assistance. If men only knew what women fastisized about this would be a different conversation. You women fastisized about other men etc.
Most of these feeling come from within, feelings of insecurity can be brought out due to porn, but they are there and will rise to the Surface regardless. This may be why a man turns to masterbation more and thus to viewing porn.
Remember it is a tool to an end result. Men are ultimately attracted to confidence. If a women looses her confidence or shows it a man becomes less interested. It also works both ways. The worst thing a women can do is continually spy on her husband and make him shameful of fulfilling a need. Ultimately he is exercising his sexual desire.
I guarantee a man will not tell a women to not masterbate because we understand its purpose. Just understand viewing porn is nothing but a tool. I want to be sure I understand correctly before commenting further. I agree with Mike. As a man, I have the exponentially higher sex drive than my wife. We are in the throes of mid-life right now.
Having an orgasm feels great. It feels like a ton of bricks have been removed from my crotch every time I jack it. We used to have very passionate sex when we were dating and the first few years of our marriage. We are both Christians. She was my first and only sexual partner.
I was notch 3 on her belt. You better believe that, within the past two years, I have started to make this an issue on our marriage. It took years off my life. Do I enjoy having sex with her more? But only if she is a willing participant. This recent occasion was the last time I approach her saying I need to release some tension. Why do you think so many men in history had concubines and mistresses? First, what if more of us dismissed the lie that we are sexual beings, and instead, believed that we were spiritual beings?
A great gift you can give to your wife as the Christian leader in the home is to be fully engaged with Christ and to let your actions show them that you are hopelessly in love with Jesus, intimate with Him, even in the midst of a lack of intimacy with her. See, our behaviors give us away almost every time. Do you truly believe that Jesus is the Lord of your life? Including your sexual drive? If so, behavior will follow. If not, then the underlying belief that sex is ultimate will play out in your behaviors to masturbate and watch porn.
We were created to worship. What we choose to put in the throne of worship is our choice. Second, what if that same sexual energy was directed elsewhere? Even Paul recognized the fact that sometimes it does no good just to suppress urges. He suggested a redirection. So, a question for you would be, how can you redirect? The cross of Christ is not powerless against your struggle.
It contemplated it and conquered it long ago. Can you live into that truth? What about the mans responsibility in all this? I, too, was diagnosed as having a sexually transmitted disease because of his actions.
Tara, I am so, so sorry. Sometimes it is possible for a relationship to be restored, and other times divorce is clearly the best option. Whiel there is no one-size-fits-all, I would never recommend that a woman stay in a relationship where she feels unsafe for any reason—physically, emotionally, sexually.
Having contracted a disease, you were clearly not safe in your marriage. I am so, so sorry. I would recommend finding a counselor who can help you process through this. A trauma-focused group could also be helpful. Chris, I read this article with the purpose to find out if my feelings are normal.
A couple of months ago I found out my husband was watching porn quite frequently over the last 2 years. I had noticed that his interests in sex with me had gone down to the point that he rejected me.
His answer to my question: I was a very confident woman. I knew I was not the most beautiful woman ,but I looked good. I liked myself and thought until the discovery of my husband secret that I could handle any problems coming my way. Why would he do that? I feel devastated and totally insecure now. Was I not attractive to him anymore? I wanted to have sex with him regularly and often and also initiated sex. I struggle with my self image now. I look nothing like that woman in the web. How can I compete with an perfect image.
I had three kids. I wonder about what I could have done different to prevent this decision from happening. I feel so lost. We have been doing worship together every morning for the last two month. Not to forgive him but to move on and to repair my self confidence. I totally lost it. I question every move of him. Get anxious when he travels for work.
He has the perfect christian image to everyone out there. He stopped doing it. Thank you for listening to me. We have some women blog authors who have written some excellent material for women who are in the recovery process, like you are. Ella Hutchinson is one who I recommend — here is a post from her: It might be time for some self-care.
I heard Vicki Tiede http: Your own feelings at the moment, as well as the damage to your relationship with your spouse, give a good example of the harm pornography use can cause. My husband looks at porn and i hate it. It is disgusting and sick.
Unfortunately for many men it does start in their teen years. It is an addiction. Unfortunately because it is increasingly acceptable in society i. Sorry but looking at porn regularly is immoral and wrong. You should train yourself to have eyes only for your wife.
Imsges: does online dating lead to happier marriages
It is the desired state for children in this age and a farness to woman so the load is shared evenly.
It is not your fault your husband looks at porn. You really want to get crazy? When it happens on a massive scale, the community itself is crippled.
Dating Online is not perfect. And it's not that there's not a charming part about you not remembering the washerfluid - which I free iphone dating understand why you can't - but that's not ultimately important. It feels good, but you never know what's going to work and what's not. Most women I see put hardly any effort into theirs. He withdraws into porn to get his fix. Onljne if you does online dating lead to happier marriages it and you are not all that interested, then what difference does it make if she replies or not?
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