I think that my daughter is glad to see her dad happy. I mean I'm not trying to break them up, but i feel that if I don't accept them being together he'll eventually end things with her. And remember that your home is probably the safest place for them to get to know each other, rather than out and about on their own without loving boundaries and accountability. Now we are reading a daughter's side and still think it is creepy. I know he's my father, and I'm much more disappointed in him than I am in her. Since when do I get to dictate my mom's or friends love or sex lives?
Are You Pretending to Be Happy?
More and more people are shopping online from their phones and tablets - and while being able to buy things at 2am is great, it also means the chances of ordering a pygmy goat are massively higher. Let your dad have his young tail: It's two consenting adults. Not everyone is as convinced about their relationship, though. People insulting your dad need to get off their high horse. Am I the only one that feels just because the age gap isn't something that works for your own life then it can't work for someone else? How can I get used to it?
Another step down, dad concedes , disagreeing with her choice but passively supporting her decision to marry anyway. Finally, and tragically and most often in our day , dad disappears. The daughter marries a man without dad.
For whatever reason — distance, disagreement, divorce, disinterest — dad is out of the picture, and the wedding happens anyway. He might attend, but he had nothing to do with the union. But what if there was another approach? If dad has typically picked, approved, conceded, or disappeared — what if instead dad discipled?
Five years ago, this was nowhere on my radar. It was just regular, intentional, and real. Trade the last-minute interview approach for a real relationship of your own with him. Trade distant, hands-off fear tactics for some faithful, down-to-earth discipleship.
Nothing will help you discern if this young man can love your daughter more clearly than a relationship. And nothing will be better for him long term, whether or not he marries her. Pithy parables or intimidating mandates or climactic conversation really can be helpful, but so much more can be accomplished over time together. Let your first couple conversations be mainly about him, and not her.
Demonstrate that you really want to get to know him, not just scare him away. Ask about his hobbies. Study his relationships with his friends and family.
It probably should be said here that you might consider giving the daughter you raised the benefit of the doubt that maybe she picked well, at least before coming to any quick conclusions. This happens for two reasons.
Dad might have the perception that every man is a walking caricature of the most discouraging trends today: Or dad might have an unbalanced or unfair standard: Dad might unfairly be expecting a lifetime of wisdom, maturity, independence, or faith from a twentysomething. Either way, fathers need to hear that there are lots of young men who have believed the gospel, have been rescued from much of the worldliness around them, are demonstrating trajectories of the fruit of the Spirit, but are still immature.
This kind of immaturity might be a reason to press pause on a relationship, or at least slow things down, but it should not be an excuse for dads to withdraw altogether. What if these dads leaned into these young men at this point?
I love how she encourages her children to be responsible for their relationship with their father. I believe this is good for both sides. And thankfully, her ex is a man who respects what his children have to say.
This way she teaching her children how to self-advocate — a very important life skill. I can so relate to all of this. My FH former husband started dating his girlfriend two weeks after I moved out. They are still together and my daughter — who is 18 — has really bonded with her and her family.
She seems like a great person and so I hope the relationship lasts…however, I certainly have had some feelings about how quickly he moved into a new relationship and how that affected my daughter. I know initially my daughter was feeling badly for me and guilty that she liked the new girlfriend.
You just have to put your feelings aside and do what is right for your children…not always easy but the best behavior will always win in the long run! So I looked at as his new relationship was not a reflection in any way on his marriage. My ex and I were separated on paper, but still living together with our two children when he started dating my sons classmates mother. After I found them in our living room in the middle of the night one evening, it set things off inthe wrong direction to say the least.
I moved out a few months later. He also might be more inclined to listen if both you and his own mother were telling him the same thing? I think it's normal to freak out a little over something like this. But, they are both adults and both people are important to you, so you need to try and roll with it. Speak to each of them separately. They did try to tell you earlier, and you still are having a hard time listening to what they have to say.
Give each of them a chance each will apologize for hurting you, I'm sure. Then decide how much you want to see of the two of them together that's your call, you can distance yourself from both of them if you must. While I commend you for unlike me being one of the few people in this thread trying to help OP fix the situation, I think it's unfair that she be taking the initiative here.
Every reason she can come up with as to why they are important to her, is yet another reason why they've screwed her over. I know they can't control how they feel about one another, but they've both prioritized those feelings above their relationship with OP. I do suppose you are right, it's just a question of whether it's worth fixing at all really.
I know that sounds dramatic, I just mean that if they're the kind of people who are likely to limit contact over this, then I don't think OP should be going above and beyond to keep them close. It's pretty much her dad's own fault that this is such a big issue, since he made no effort to gain any kind of blessing before pursuing her friend. For him to then throw OP under the bus in front of his girlfriend of 3 months, makes me pretty skeptical over how great a father he really is.
I guess though it probably comes down to the age old problem with this sub. It's hard to see how much OP would be missing out on based on this post alone, but I guess that's overly-simplistic. A lot probably depends on how apologetic they really are, but the respective relationships are probably never going to be quite the same again regardless.
Am I the only one that feels just because the age gap isn't something that works for your own life then it can't work for someone else? I'm not gay and can't picture dating another man but I have no issues with gay dudes.
It's two consenting adults. Who are you to get all judgy and creeped out? It's what your father and your friend want and you said he gave you a wonderful childhood so have some respect. I want my father to be happy. I want him to have a relationship that'll last. I don't want him to think I'm ignorant and that he feels ashamed of me. But I'm not gonna watch my friend and my dad playing house I wasn't gonna ruin his "relationship".
I know it won't last. His relationships never last. But I know I'm the one losing. I'm losing what I thought was my best friend, and I'm also gonna lose the father-daughter relationship we had. It's just a matter of time. This, this is what you should have said all along and is reasonable. But this isn't what you have said to him and now you've uninvited your father from your wedding. Your father, in many ways, gave up his youth to raise you.
It may be that emotionally his development was stunted around this age, and you are just now getting old enough to realize it. But you don't know. You are all "Ewww, old man, young woman, gross! If you do decide to cut him out and not "forgive him" he did nothing wrong against you. Getting rid of a daughter who makes that decision would be a gift.
Honestly, they are two consenting adults and it is none of your business who they date. Is this really worth losing a relationship with your father over? Yeah, it may be strange to you, but it isn't to them. If they are happy I don't think you have any right to dictate their relationship. I would say get off your moral high horse, and get over it. Pretty sure it is absolutely her business who her dad decides to date I wouldn't fucking want a friend my age to become my new parent and authority figure.
Even if they broke up her friendship is forever ruined with that person because of this new dynamic. I don't know what kind of magical world you think you live in that anyone can have sex with anyone without complications, but this scenario is extremely hurtful to OP and your advice is invalidating to OP whose feelings are understandable.
Okay, at OP's age this person is not going to be an authority figure. Also, let's be honest. He should just let it runs its course. What's the point if it ends up ruining her relationships with both of them?
OP doesn't have to be ok with this. I agree, he doesn't have to be anything. He can feel what he feels. I just don't believe people have the right to dictate the relationship between two adults. Calling him a creep and what not is not cool.
She is of age, and by a few years. It is not impossible that they are very compatible and happy. Weirder shit has happened. I think in a perfect world anyone could be with anyone no problem.
But this is not a perfect world. In this world, when parents have kids, their kids come first in everything. It's their responsibility to make sure they don't fuck up their kids lives. So when a separated parent starts dating, their first priority in dating should be whether or not this person gets along with the kids and would make a good parental role.
Your daughter's friend who is literally a year older than her is NOT the best choice for that because 1: Could you honestly say you'd be totally cool with your parents dating one of your best friends your age behind your back? Your ideals sound good in words, but in practice, they don't work very well in all scenarios. His responsibility became to his kids when he became a parent and he isn't upholding to that and as a result lost a lot of respect form his daughter.
Honestly, the issue seems that this relationship should not be simply because you don't like it. That's definitely justified since it's definitely weird on 2 different levels. However from another perspective, it seems like you're trying to get between 2 people solely because you have your own relationship with them and those aren't allowed to cross paths - Assuming their relationship is healthy of course.
That might sound mean but that's just how it is. Of course, you absolutely dont have to. They made their choice and you can make your's. I'm only trying to say that I don't see any reason why they shouldn't date - they're adults. While I think you are right up to a point, I disagree about that being the only issue.
They are adults, but they're also adults who are deciding to prioritize their own feelings over OP's, kinda like a friend dating a recent ex.
If either or both of them had asked for OP's blessing in some way, it would've shown a lot more concern, but they chose not to, because then they might not have gotten what they wanted.
That's the same fucking advice we give to all posters in this sub. He doesn't really owe her any explanation here. Firstly, there's a massive difference between blind prejudice, and having 2 people go behind your back.
I think they do owe her an explanation for that, and if they didn't feel that the relationship itself required an explanation, they wouldn't have lied in the first place. Thirdly, there's a big difference between not feeling you owe someone an explanation, and telling them that they're "ignorant", and you're "ashamed" of them. In that case - it is a prejudice. There is no backs here since OP is not in a relationship which gives her any exclusive rights or right to feel betrayed.
They do not owe her anything except for notification. Definitely two adults does not have to explain any of their actions to non-involved parts. We are simply going to have to agree to disagree on that one.
I would not feel comfortable with a situation like this, nor would a lot of other people in this thread it seems. She may not be in a monogamous romantic relationship with either of them, but she does have pre-existing relationships with both of them to the extent that this puts her in an awkward position. Regardless, it only constitutes prejudice in a definition so broad it defeats the point of the word. She knows them both intimately, and isn't discounting the relationship based on something as irrelevant as race or religion.
Which they didn't give her? Unless you're saying they didn't owe it to her to notify her until this point? In which case, we are simply going to have to agree to disagree again. In my experience, it is always common courtesy to 'notify' a friend before pursuing a close friend or family member.
They are always going to be stuck in the middle of any disputes, and any discussion about intimate aspects of the relationship will be uncomfortable. Not only that, there is also the chance that if the relationship doesn't work out, they will be forced to 'choose sides' to some sort of extent.
Admittedly there are no common ground rules for parents dating their kid's peers however, because it's so frowned upon in the first place.
For that reason I find it hard to agree that her father doesn't 'owe' her any kind of common courtesy either, under the circumstances. Once again, I also have to stress that while you can always try to dismiss all this as my irrational opinion, the fact that both of them consciously hid this from OP shows that they knew what they were doing was wrong.
They conspired to hide this from her, and she has every right to feel betrayed about that. On my side - you or her can freely feel uncomfortable, but pre-existing relationship does not give her any right to step into their relationship. I see it exactly as prejudice stronger then race or religion that society gave up few centuries ago - permission from family to form bonds.
I rather see it, that they expected her to behave like she did and told her a when they were sure it is a must b tried to do it delicately a'ka dinner. Let me tell you one more - I have been in similar situation myself - my mother having a new partner not my friend though.. I just wanted to clarify though, I'm not necessarily talking about 'permission' here.
My condolences for the situation with your own mother, but I'd argue that both her, and OP's father should be being more conscientious. OP has also said it's specifically the fact that this person is her friend that makes the situation difficult.
No need for condolences, as while I do not like T he is a step-father of my childhood friend and an old parasitic drone that I never liked ; - I can behave perfectly social about him and if my mother likes him - good for her - at least she has some fun in her life and a competent partner in her journeys. Anyway I would never dreamed of making statements about their relationship - whoever he is - I would only step into if he would be hurting her but knowing my mother my help would not be needed ;.
It might help to realize this is likely temporary? That big of an age divide is not easy all on its own- plus this is your friend. Dating someone your daughter's age is unlikely to work. Ya, not going to last- especially in light of how immaturely they handled your reaction. What were they expecting? What daughter is going to be ok with good ol' dad dating their friend?! This girl wasn't someone you grew up with, was it?
This was someone you met later in life? As others pointed out, even if he was ok with you dating someone his age, how happy would it be if it was his friend. There are multiple lines being crossed here, and age is only one of them.
I get why you are upset, but this is so immature. They aren't doing this to hurt you, and they don't sound like toxic people. You are not the center of the universe, and your father is a human being who is capable of falling in love. Maybe it won't last, maybe it's a bad idea. But they are handling this with dignity and grace while you squeal on the floor because they are finding some satisfaction from having a relationship with each other. I also am a little appalled by the responses on this thread.
I get why it probably won't pan out and that it is unconventional, but since when did a relationship have to be perfect for it to not be "creepy"? Trying to shame either one of them for having this relationship is futile, sexist, and immature.
This sub is an echo-chamber, plain and simple. You seriously need some consideration for other people feelings and boundaries because if you will not stop that your dad may go NC. Your father has sacrificed better part of his life for you and now since you are grown up he does not owe you anything - and definitely he does not owe you the right to tell him what to do or not to do.
You do not like their relationship - fine - you have the right to. It still does not give you the right to tell other adult people what to do with their lives. Because of your action - now you are - for your dad - a spoiled brat who transgresses his personal boundaries and for your friend you are - some former friend who tried to tell her who she should not f..
Talk about blowing this waaaaaaaaaay out of proportion. It's not the end of the world. Unless someone being together is literally going to end your life learn to deal with it and move on. Those events hits home for her.
Your feelings are exactly who you are. This is a cultural issue that is deeply ingrained with trust. All you can do is work towards accepting them one day at a time. It was probably very hard for them to tell you. I am not saying it is right, but they are not going to change just because you want them too. It's pretty ridiculous that her dad doesn't at least see where she's coming from and called her ignorant, which worsened her response. He's gonna need to accept her totally normal reaction if he expects her to accept his totally abnormal relationship.
If it even lasts, that is. I told him that I don't care about the age difference but rather about the fact that he's dating my friend. They said it wouldn't matter who hes dating then. I should've suspect something. I want to make clear that I do want my father to be happy. He's a great great man and I'm thankful for what he did for me, but I can't wrap my head around this! I think a good start would be a little empathy from him rather than demanding you wrap your head around it right now, no?
If either of you want to resolve this, there needs to be give and take on both sides. I hope you can get him to understand this. Could you get a family member to represent your interests? Maybe some space, as well. I don't want to tell anyone from my family. He should be explaining this. I'm not taking this from him! A bit of space, first, to get your head together. Hopefully if you tell him you need space to get your head together, he will do the same.
Get off the high horse. This was how human relationships worked for centuries until about the s or so. You mean before women had the right to vote and Jim Crow laws were still around? If only we still did things like we did back then! When i'm 40 i might have to look for a 20 year old The people who say the age range is gross are weird people to begin with.
Their thinking is drowned in ideological bull Sh-it. It does suck that she happens to be your friend, but she is just a college friend It wasn't like you all grew up together, then that would be a creepy situation. We are all human we all have relationships with people we meet.
Let your dad have his young tail: Go find another friend. Life is messy, but that's life.
Imsges: dating your friends dad
It's nice if you tell people that are giving you advice, "thank you. She only barred him from the wedding after he called her ignorant, and told her he was ashamed of her.
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If either or both of them had asked for OP's blessing in some way, it would've dating surabaya indonesia a lot more concern, but they chose not to, because then dating your friends dad might not have gotten what they wanted. It's the person he dates. Dating my friends dad Please help us? That's the datin part. The thing is, based on your father's reaction, there's no guarantee he might not twist this against you somewhat.
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