Stephen F. Hayes
I did eventually get it back, but it could have gone the other way, and it was really stressful. It also lets you choose potential matches by star sign. Applying the principals of mustachianism here is neither difficult nor time-consuming, and the rewards are unparalleled. Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists. I have mad skillz. Very impressed when a guy I liked knew my fave chocolate and had some waiting for me for DVD night.
1. Choose a Dating Site That’s Good for Lesbian Singles
I am in my 20s still under 45k and being in the legal support staff field, the prospects are fair but not excellent. That shit did get old. Here, someone gains your trust to demand cash, even using your private photos or webcam footage to blackmail you. And what the heck, you might like your soul crushing job. Best for Jewish singles JDate JDate brings together thousands of single men and women from across the Jewish community. Thirty something October 10, , 3: After years of internet dating, dating through friends and trying to meet people wherever I could, I eventually met my boyfriend.
Maybe a sassy lesbian-only and no-boys-allowed platform seems just your style. The problem with such niche sites, though, is the membership is probably going to be sparse, and, especially if you live in a small town, finding an active user near you could be quite a challenge.
You can identify as a woman seeking women on a site like Match. Search personal criteria, plus get Partner Suggestions. Its user base is largely upper-income and college-educated, and the site verifies all profiles Online and mobile dating is pretty much the fastest way to meet lesbian singles in your area.
A generic dating profile will quickly and consistently sink your dating prospects. We all love fun, OK? What lesbian daters are looking for is specifics — showing, not telling. Instead of saying you like fun, for example, describe the fun things you like.
In online dating, photos are important. Like it or not, studies have shown that dating profiles with photos are nine times more likely to receive messages , which means more date options.
To make your dating profile stand out, carefully select a variety of flattering photos avoiding faraway shots that show a bunch of different sides to you. For example, you can show your fun side with a selfie of you goofing off or show your adventurous side by posting a pic of your travels.
Even online dating requires a bit of input. Sorry, no one has come up with a way to magically transport a hot girl to your doorstep. You have to go out and find her yourself. A dating site gives you the opportunity to make a lot of dates in a short period of time, but you get out of it what you put in. Dating means hustling, so we recommend setting time aside on a regular basis to update your profile, search for matches, and chat up anyone who catches your eye.
On a dating site, you have the power. You can use the search filters and messaging tools to find women who are your type and start a conversation. Sure, it takes time, but romance is an investment well worth making. Sometimes a guy can slip under the radar and end up in your list of potential matches.
The algorithm is trying its hardest, but, hey, things happen. Some mainstream dating websites may not have the filtering system down pat, so your feedback is important motivation for the team to get their act together for lesbian singles. Free Money Minute September 30, , 2: It is so difficult to make it through without gaining a few extra pounds.
I was able to save some money, but sitting in an office adds up over time. Kareni September 30, , 5: Gene October 11, , 3: MyFitnessPal helped me to watch my calories and helped me to lose 26 pounds in 2 months.
It sure kept me aware of what I was eating but it got me trying to cut the calories a bit too much. I have been eating the Grok way these days and find that the weight comes of rather quickly and I have a whole lot more energy. Kyle October 1, , 2: These excuses Lauren writes about are just the standard excuses ultra consumerists regurgitate to make themselves feel better about spending beyond their means and living paycheck to paycheck.
Lauren will be writing pieces on her debt issues and unacceptably low wage soon. Frugal Father October 3, , 9: Katie September 29, , 1: You can still take bets, you just have to be more careful about the downside. So switching jobs to one with better career prospects is still on the table but quitting to start your own business from scratch would likely be too risky.
John September 29, , 2: When the time is right, the primary income source can be cut. A great company job is nice, but that company could be bought laying off all those talented people. This is exactly what is over the horizon for me: Jim Wang September 30, , 4: You need some insurance and a side business is it. October 2, , 8: Those same new graduates will also destroy your business with theirs, through competition.
John October 27, , 2: Maxwell, exactly how does your jaded perspective make sense? I started a business around 40 and in just under 17 years it has made me wealthy.
I shudder to think what might have been had I worked for someone else. Matt September 29, , 1: Being in that situation myself I actually started working hard about a year before my son was born, and discovered MMM and embraced Mustachianism around 4 months prior , this is my approach: Money Sloth September 29, , You have equally valuable assets, though: JD September 30, , 8: I agree with cutting out the long hours.
Not necessary to work hard and be productive. It can actually be counter productive. VB September 30, , 2: Work life balance is great, but, as an engineer in his mid 20s, I love my research, and care deeply about it. Avoiding long hours would basically mean depriving myself of the actual fun I have writing code. Patrick October 2, , 5: I just turned 30 recently and felt the way you did two years ago. As MMM so astutely put it: Doug October 7, , 9: I also agree with the idea of cutting out long hours.
In different places I worked, I remember many employees who wanted overtime for the extra pay. Myself I would work the extra hours if it was required, but preferred not to work overtime. I wanted to have something that resembles a life outside of work. Personally, I would have preferred to work less, like a 4 day week. We would all be better off if everyone worked less hours and turned those fewer hours into more jobs. John September 29, , 1: She would need to go back to school and would probably go into something else… if she ever wants to.
Past Self; you were a god damned work horse. Justin September 30, , 7: Ellen October 2, , 2: Wow, we did the very same thing, with the exception that I started working again from home. Husband worked full-time, I stayed home with the kids. We always lived frugally. After the third kid was born I started a small online business from home, just because I was bored and I loved the internet. Fast forward 15 years: Now the oldest two are in college, we pay for their education, we live in a nice home and still save lots of money.
Leslie September 30, , Tom September 30, , It has been hard as shit for us. Wife got pregnant before finishing her degree accident…we have 2 now.
I was in the process of starting a bookkeeping business when this all happened and I had to find a job asap. Found the position I am currently in and agreed to a contract that would help me finish my CPA in exchange for staying here for about 4 years. Fortunately this time will be up in January, but due to the nature I have missed out on 4 years of decent raises.
I started at 40k and am up to Living away from immediate family, so no grandparents to watch kids. Wife not finishing her degree. Being stuck in a low paying job for an extended period of time, and having difficulties dealing with standard emergencies ER visits, car problems etc. Kids prior to near financial independence, or at the very least decent career advancement, is extremely hard to deal with. I constantly juggle with trying to build side business, work above and beyond at the job, and family time and the side business work is what falls off first since family truly is most important.
Angela September 30, , I made the wrong decision at 20 and now in my early 30s, with one child and another on the way I feel trapped.
I completely agree that raising kids can be incredibly difficult and the child care costs alone are frightening. I find that now I have to work until the kids start school so we can afford for me to go back to school to get another degree. If I could talk to my 20 year old self I would say take the risk now and put in the effort now.
You will never have the time again!!! N September 30, , 2: Hi, even with a sociology degree there are well paid jobs — like in market research for example. Debbie M September 30, , 5: My highest salary ever was 44K, with 27 years at the same employer. I had a BA in psychology and an MA in sociology. So 46 to 53 sounds awesome to me. I do live in a real city, though not in one of the super expensive ones. Jason October 1, , 6: Look into the insurance biz. Computers or health is where the money is.
Since I have started talking about kids and a place to settle down willingly where prices are pretty darn high, it does make me realize how much farther there is to go when adding all that on. I really admire your drive and attitude, and definitely sympathize even more now that some of the realities are hitting me in the face as I crunch numbers.
MadScientist September 30, , How DO you deal? My wife and I got married three years ago, we were both in our last year of school. We planned to have kids in years. Thankfully my physics degree is highly employable and gave me a pretty solid starting salary, so I got a good job a few months before he was born, but it is SO.
She just started a couple months ago, so now we can save a lot more than before. Still not really early retirement territory though. So any tips on income maximization with kids is desperately needed, I presume not only for me! Thirty something October 8, , 5: Do you mean 2nd best birth control? Last time I checked abstinence had a near perfect success rate. We are expecting baby 5 soon and with one income it slows things, but the little ankle biters are amazing. And even if we take longer, we are enjoying the ride.
But I feel pretty good about that decision and our current trajectory. Pat October 9, , 6: You did notice that they are married? Abstinence would not normally be considered a viable method of pregnancy prevention for a married couple. It used to be that IUDs were only recommended for a woman who had already been pregnant, but there is a new one out that is OK for never-pregnant women.
Thirty something October 10, , 3: And others who have tried lots of things to get pregnant and failed. Perhaps you are looking at the wrong part of your retirement goal. Mustachian retirement is both Financial Independance and Free Time to do whatever you want. But since you decided to have a baby accident or no, keeping a baby is a choice, so try to look at it in this positive lighting you could decide to live your Free Time part of retirement now.
Back to the subjet, maybe you want to reevaluate your goals now that you have a family: If you embrace double work, child in daycare, embrace it fully. If you decide to have one worker bee at home and one outside, embrace it fully. All the while, you can of course live below your means and save save save. What matters is living without regrets. She could still get any job at minimum wage when the child is 5 and goes to free public school, if she feels like me that the younger years are very important and fulfulling for the mother and child.
Also the salary is often double or more minimum wage. What are the first years of a child worth? Do I want to take care of a child full time or do a grown-up job and feel good about myself that way? I can totally understand if the final choice is still her working and baby going to daycare.
KharymR November 2, , Hope things workout for your family: Jessica September 30, , 1: For my husband and I it looked like this. Lots of tilting toward and then away from careers, and taking turns doing it. I traveled a lot for work worked from home the rest of the time , he worked FT also. We traveled for business as a family, often. I plan to put that on autopilot and evaluate the options in a few years….. Mary-Ellen September 30, , 2: I would love to hear more about how you were able to make career moves that complimented family time and minimized the need for child care.
We are working on making a plan before kids come and it will probably involve a career change or two. And I am a bit stressed about making good decisions in that regard. Jessica September 30, , 3: My husband still works in an office, but with more experience there are more flexible avenues he could pursue if he wanted. Going into a job search with an eye for options like telecommuting, flexible schedule, or part-time work are good ideas.
And just to be clear—we have definitely needed childcare. Mary-Ellen October 1, , We started a business from home. We both worked the hours the kids were at school, we alternated working when they were home.
There were lots of late-night and weekend-hours involved, so be prepared to work hard! It took us almost 10 years to really get ahead, like: Penny September 29, , 1: Of course networking and fostering relationships is important, but so is buckling down and getting to work.
Society excels at seizing the moment, and we suck at delayed gratification for the most part. Networking but not being able to do work, not that valuable. Mike October 14, , 8: When I was 18, my high school chemistry teacher gave me one of the best pearls of wisdom I have ever received, as a send-off to college. That has stuck with me ever since.
Lucas September 29, , 1: Way to lay the smack down! They absolutely get paid based on being able to solve problems, do things better, or see new opportunities better than others. Working hard while learning as much as you can is key.
Exploring different experiences and viewpoints is invaluable. Kathy September 29, , 1: Difference of opinion I suppose. Dj September 29, , 1: Kathy, any suggestions for moving to DC?
Kyle C September 29, , 2: Dj, try it without a car for sure. My 2 cents as a DC oldster. Welcome and good luck! Kathy September 29, , 2: It depends on your price point and what kind of lifestyle you want. The Kennedy center is in Georgetown, notoriously expensive and not metro accessible. We have the worst traffic in the US now so living close to work is ideal. Runrooster September 30, , 7: Actually KC is a five minute walk from Foggy Bottom metro, and there are lots of students and youngsters to share with in that area or Rosslyn.
If you work in the burbs, live there and commute in for the occasional evening, sure. But I was also spending crazy hours at work, like mmm says about being more productive in the early mornings or late evenings. Andrew C September 30, , 8: Barb September 30, , 6: Kathy October 1, , 9: Kris September 29, , 2: Definitely sell the cars. I lived in DC in the actual city for 13 years without a car and managed to save well over half my not-so-large salary.
I lived with roommates throughout my 20s and into my early 30s; in DC I found it to be normal and socially acceptable for people to share a house with roommates at practically any age. It is a very bike-friendly city these days too. Apartment prices are leveling off too due to a combination of over-building in boom times and a gradual reduction in the Federal workforce and contractor spending.
Meg September 29, , 2: Depends on your lifestyle, but there are also lots of group houses for young people! Bus system is great. From a biking perspective, Kennedy Center is downhill from the rest of DC so it would be an easy bike commute!
While having a car is nice for the occasional Costco run, parking is hard to find on the street and expensive in a garage, so I would recommend that you sell one or both of your cars. I use Car2Go 40 cents a minute when I need to zip from point a to point b. Meowkins September 29, , 3: There is a DC group of mustachians you can hook into on the forum.
The orange line near the Vienna end Ballston, Courthouse, etc. I do have a zipcar subscription, but I could live without it if I had to. Ill second arlington and Ballston. While I am not a twenty or thirty something, we lived in the DC area for over 20 years. In face we used to live in Alexandria and when we moved we moved in, rather than out. As a family with a teenager who drove, we had a single car.
My husband biked to worth. I do need to add this, and it may apply to marrieds rather than young people. One needs to look at total costs when living somewhere.
The DC area has high housing costs. However-there are more groceries per capita than anywhere else I have lived and high competition amongs stores. As do thrift stores, yard sales and swap meets. There are free things to do almost every weekend admittedly not bar hopping. My total lifestyle cost for a family was less in northern virginia than it is in Denver.
MacGyverIT October 4, , Zuai October 28, , 1: I personally like this area of Arlington as it has some breathing room and a huge clean park nearby for sporting and such.
Its also very safe and quiet at night compared to some parts of DC. The bike trails are epic in the metro DC area. In Rosslyn a neighborhood of Arlington, called after the Rosslyn metro station, right across the river from DC people tend to work more than live, so it can be way less expensive than in Courthouse or Clarendon down the street , and very safe, and quiet. NW DC can be good, but expensive. I think Rosslyn reaaly is your best bet.
Maggie September 30, , Dj, check out Mt Pleasant too. It is cheaper than metro, reaches more neighborhoods, and will let you put your bike on the front if need be whereas metro allows bikes only on off-peak hours. Leslie September 30, , 2: I have lived in Rockville MD for 3 years. Insanely expensive rents, housing costs, taxes, living expenses in general. For example, I pay 20 cents per gallon of gas extra over Virginia prices just across the river. If you are young and single, live close enough to bike to work and you will save a bundle.
Dj September 30, , Christina October 12, , 4: Living in the area around the Kennedy Center is expensive. Expensive areas are walking distance from Metro lines e. The red line corridor. You should probably avoid any place that requires you to switch metro lines down town during rush hour on your way to work. Zipcar is expensive if you need it for a day more than once per month.
Meg September 29, , 1: I think you, Kathy, have different priorities than your friends and are more aware of what you truly value! Maybe you can spread some of your frugality to your friends… credit card debt is no joke. But overall good for you for knowing what you value and for spending accordingly! I value what the proximity gives me. I can commute to work via bike, am close to my friends, museums, nightlife, without having to own a car! But as I get older and my priorities change, maybe it will be time to adjusting my spending without losing sight of the big picture.
Props to all the twenty-somethings who are seeing the light! And thanks to MMM for leading the way! September 29, , 2: Michelle September 29, , 1: Of course, the first thing I did was scroll down to the comments. Mechjaz September 29, , 1: Having a car is supposed to be fun, first and foremost! I deserve this [multi-year arrangement in which I am charged to use my own money to pay for a new car, which is not new considering I drove it off the lot]!
He and his wife are depressed and stressed all the time. Make your mistakes, be stupid, and learn from them. Dave September 29, , 1: Conor September 29, , 1: I operate in that beautiful shade of gray.
I spend a good amount, I save a good amount. Productive people find a way to be efficient so that they can accomplish a lot in a small amount of time. Hard work is not a great answer at any age. Some of the people who work the hardest never get ahead. Efficiency, charisma, and smart decision making are much more important than hard work.
How can we discuss money making in your twenties with once mentioning graduate school? Even with many graduate programs offering stipends, participating in one means that you are foregoing a much higher salary for years while you invest in yourself — both financially and intellectually more to life than money!
I think both this article and that which is critiqued do a terrible job by making cases for absolutes and assuming that all somethings operate on stereotypes.
Instead, they might be stuck in a lab working towards a PhD while their former peers are in industry. It is not and never will be a one size fits all solution. Ramparts September 29, , 3: Why does grad school have to cause years of lost income? You can go to grad school part time while working full time — no lost income and a nice salary bump when you finish. BadMedicalAdvice September 29, , 9: Please let me know what jobs you suggest I maintain while in the third and fourth year of medical school.
Please let me know how many hours I should devote to my primary aim of becoming a competent physician and matching into my desired competitive specialty, and how many hours to devote to working part-time.
PhD candidates in bench research are in a similar boat. Ramparts September 30, , 1: For me, it meant getting a masters in computer science.
For you it sounds like something completely different. NJFP September 30, , 7: I assume you are familiar with the White Coat Investor site, if not please check it out, it is critical for you at your stage. I graduated med school in with K in loans and a five week old baby, I am in Primary Care, my spouse fellow med student in Psychiatry. We spiraled deeper and deeper into debt over the years, between paying for daycare and then private schools grades for our learning challenged child.
Have lived modestly all along and bought a very cheap house in which rose in value and I was able to pay off Sallie Mae with a 2. Do whatever you can to eliminate that med school debt asap, it can trap you for decades.
Geographic arbitrage is key, we are in NJ and on the low end of the pay spectrum for primary care, but I understand that some new FPs start at K out west. Downside—they have to live in North Dakota, but will be rolling in it before long.
For others who are considering the medical field, can I personally recommend looking into the whole wide variety of non-doctor medical specialties, such as medical physics? She is VERY happy with her career choice. The Vigilante November 16, , 2: Your job, in the third and fourth year of medical school, is to learn to be a doctor. And to do it better than everyone else so that you earn scholarship money.
And then to live incredibly frugally and, if you can, get a small part-time job as well. It is possible, but not easy. Even if school is entirely covered by scholarships. I borrowed the entirety of the tuition, books, etc. So…yeah, my twenties set me back a bit. Which is hilariously embarrassing when you consider that I owe more than 3X my annual gross salary, at the moment.
Yes, many of our friends are now multi-millionaires from stock options during the dot com boom in their 20s, and we wasted that time in graduate school when we could have been getting ridiculously wealthy. But… I have a good life now. I have mad skillz. Being a professor is a lot like being productively retired in that you work all the time on stuff you love doing that makes the world a better place.
And I certainly would not want to be having babies during graduate school in my 30s when I could be done with graduate school in my 20s. It is also extremely unlikely that I would have had the earnings potential with my liberal arts degree that I have with my technical PhD, even taking into account compounding investing what I could have made while in grad school from what I actually made….
As for working full-time while getting a PhD, you are not going to get out of a top 5 graduate school in 5 years while working full-time. And many scholarships preclude working more than part-time for the program itself. RAing part time and doing a modicum of TAing makes sense, and one should never pay for a PhD, one should always be paid.
Gyosho September 30, , 7: I mis-spent my 20s in grad school in the humanities, along with other slacker pursuits like traveling and writing novels. I learned to live well on an extremely small budget. I did not rack up a huge amount of student loans. Slacking lost its charms fairly quickly, and when I hit 30, I was ready to buckle down and do some real work.
Indeed, I am the only person I know who could retire more than comfortably today. Your situation was somewhat similar to mine. Closer to age 30 is when I started to be able to do some real work. Ramparts September 30, , 8: Nothing wrong with going the full academic PhD route! I was thinking more in terms of those fields were a Masters is sufficient, like computer science. In this case, working full time while going to grad school for years to get a masters degree is perfectly doable. MBAs are similarly achievable while working full time.
Yeah, finishing up my PhD here was working full time. My feelings here are: Hey, at least I paid off all my student loans. Though it helped that I got a fellowship, lived pretty frugally bike commuting all the time! You can expect a decent bump in initial salary from work http: So it does help. Bradford Wilcox, an associate professor of sociology at the University of Virginia and director of the National Marriage Project, told me.
With no-fault divorce since the s, that can be divorce for no reason at all. The reasons wives divorce their husbands can be legitimate or illegitimate—adultery and abuse or lack of intimacy, growing apart, or having found someone more exciting. Perhaps for that reason, or perhaps because sex outside marriage is now so readily available no one need buy the cow, the percentage of married people ages 35 to 44 has declined precipitously over the last 40 years: The percentage of children growing up in fatherless families—a chief risk factor for social pathologies—has risen concomitantly: College-educated women have significantly higher rates of marriage and lower rates of divorce than women without college degrees.
The bad news is that such women, who tend to marry late, have far fewer children. Marriage is slowly becoming a preserve of the elite, who pay a price in severely reduced fertility. Our ancestors probably had their first sexual experiences soon after reaching sexual maturity. They would pass through a sequence of relationships of varying durations over the course of a lifetime. Some relationships might have lasted no more than a few days.
Many Pleistocene mothers probably had boyfriends. Males may have given some food to females and their offspring, and may have defended them from other men, but. In other words, we have met the Stone Age, and it is us. L iving in the New Paleolithic can be hard on women, many of whom party on merrily until they reach age 30 and then panic. Some argue, though, that it is actually beta men who are the greatest victims of the current mating chaos: That is the underlying message of what is undoubtedly the most deftly written and also the darkest of the seduction-community websites, the blog Roissy in DC.
Unlike his confreres, Roissy does not sell books or boot camps, and his site carries no ads. He also blogs anonymously, or at least tries to. Purported photos of Roissy circulating on the Internet show a tall unshaven man in his late 30s with piercing blue eyes and good, if somewhat dissolute, looks.
In other words, Sodini was a hapless victim of the sexual revolution. If Roissy has anything resembling a mentor, it is F. The dubious nature of the venue aside, Devlin deftly uses theories of evolutionary psychology to argue that the sexual revolution was essentially aimed at restoring primate-style hypergamy to human females and freeing women to try to capture the attention of and mate with the alpha males of their choosing instead of remaining chaste until their early marriage to a decent and hard-working beta only the very best looking young women stood a chance of snagging an alpha in the old days.
Under monogamy, 90 percent of men find a mate at least once in their life. The aim of Mystery-style game is to give those betas better odds. In a series of interviews, Devlin declined to disclose his own marital status or lack thereof. Nonetheless, his writings—and those of many of the self-styled alpha bloggers who have taken up his theories—can also be read as cris de coeur. Underlying the bravado is a deep and understandable anger on the part of many men at having to live through the sexual and familial wreckage of the New Paleolithic.
My parents divorced when I was 8, and for the next twelve years or so I visited my dad two nights a week. This has happened because Western society has not demanded that men act like men. The comments section to that post was an echo chamber of rage and sadness: I never saw my dad once after that. Right now marriage as an institution is still reasonably intact—but mostly for the demographically shrinking educated classes.
The decision to halt the advance of the New Paleolithic ultimately lies with women, the mate-choosing sex, just as it lay with women to bring the hypergamous sexual revolution into being. What are the chances of that? T he whole point of the sexual and feminist revolutions was to obliterate the sexual double standard that supposedly stood in the way of ultimate female freedom.
The twin revolutions obliterated much more, but the double standard has reemerged in a harsher, crueler form: Gorgeous alpha women fare fine—for a few years until the younger competition comes of age. But no woman, alpha or beta, seems able to escape the atavistic preference of men both alpha and beta for ladylike and virginal wives the Darwinist explanation is that those traits are predictors of marital fidelity, assuring men that the offspring that their spouses bear are theirs, too.
And every aspect of New Paleolithic mating culture discourages the sexual restraint once imposed on both sexes that constituted a firm foundation for both family life and civilization. A week after Courtney A. We all reap what we sow.
Imsges: dating websites in your 20s
Yes, but on a separate site, Compatible Partners. I think Rosslyn reaaly is your best bet.
It just makes sense to arrive and leave separately. Mary-Ellen October 1, , The comments section to that post was an echo chamber of rage and sadness:
There's no stress over daating to broach the subject of little'uns, as you're dating websites in your 20s in the same situation. After, it converts to a basic version that doesn't let you send messages, though you can respond with some preset messages. Insurance News Insurance News Household bills rising slower Mike October 14,8: One place I really struggle is clothing and appearance costs dragon age 2 dating merrill skills. Hey, at least I paid off all my student loans. It can even show users where and kn they crossed paths.
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