#992: “My husband is dating my mom.”
Andrew Macia - June 7th, at We both work during the week so we only see each other on weekends. Must you be able to speak Spanish to teach English there?
Advice. Staircase Wit. Faux Pas. Movies.
Can you please possibly send me your correct e-mail address to my e-mail at: They will love the kilt. Hello, my name is Andrew Macia and the Medellin Buzz is my blog. Thanks for all the info you provide, on were to party and hang out Reply. Oct 31, 5. Not even her mom knows about it. You can come out of this!
Maybe leaving the husband was…self-preservation? A fumbling towards happiness and safety and a place where people treat her well? Maybe not a good or functional one? I agree with all the people who say the house of the relationship is burning. Who set it on fire? Time to get to safety. The two who were closest to you came together to figure out what was going on with you. Also if you had moved that far away from them emotionally, they might not have thought that you cared.
Showing up together where you were known to be to get some kind of closure was cowardly. They should have told you to your face separately. But people do cowardly stuff all the time when it comes to dating a best friend or a sibling. The Captain is right about still being young and having a chance at a better life and a happier you.
Try to take this as a wake up call so that things can be better. It sounds like the LW started the dysfunction. I mean, becoming an alcoholic and it sounds like because of that choosing to move out of your house to live with your lover and abandon your husband for months, well of course he found somebody else.
I have a suspicion! And he chose to pursue and develop a romantic and sexual relationship with that specific one and not mention it. LW is also in an inappropriate relationship with alcohol. Sure they went about it wrong but LW is also not going about things perfectly?
Do you have to be perfect before you get to be upset when your husband falls in love with your mom? Nope, no one has to be perfect — no one even can be perfect. Did they have a conversation that was forgotten? Did they know where she was? Ultimately what it comes down to is: If she does NOT actually like her lifestyle with the drinking and lover, she needs to work on that before she can build healthy new relationships.
I have to admit, my initial, knee-jerk reaction to the letter was vastly unsympathetic and entirely unhelpful. But having read her comments on reddit, I just feel sorry for her.
Being in an open relationship does not mean your partner has carte blanche to date literally anyone in the world. Any decent person in an open relationship would talk to their spouse before embarking on an affair with a relative or close friend of the spouse.
I mean, who does this?? Listen to the captain, not to Reddit. Things that were seismic in our family life, and also things that were said, or happened, when I thought he was sober. And I know my attitudes and actions seemed hurtful and bewildering to my husband, because he had forgotten things that would have made sense of my behaviours. This is absolutely true. One of the things that I think may be difficult to understand if you have not been around someone who regularly got blackout drunk or if you have not been someone who regularly got blackout drunk is how much it affects your brain.
It can do very strange things to it. It can cause you to not be able to create long-term memories of certain periods of time—periods of time where you seemed to be entirely lucid. It can also cause you to remember the words and actions of a particular interaction but to forget the emotional underpinnings. It can erase memories that had previously been indelible. My step father was initially a positive influence in my life, and loved as a parent. As his drinking became worse, he became progressively more abusive.
By the time I was a teenager it was survival mode for me. Avoiding my home as much as possible kept me sane and alive. Her Mom and Husband are being flamingly awful people, though.
When I was still with my most recent ex, who was dating other people, I asked that he not date anyone in my family, on my dissertation committee, or in the class I was teaching. There was still a world of people remaining. It gets so much worse than described here…but my point is that people really do experience soap opera worthy plot lines in their own lives.
LW, I agree with CA…you need to let your marriage and your relationship with your mom go and take care of yourself! Please take care of yourself and do what you are able to change that. Take yourself away from people who hurt you and break your trust.
When you feel ready to, seek some help to reduce your dependence on alcohol. Find some means to support yourself and some supportive and nice people to surround yourself with. That you value relationships that revolve around long talks, and not spending every night in bars. Actually, to me anyway, it sounds almost as if the husband wrote this. It feels more likely somebody out to make polyamourists seem as awful on both sides.
I got the same vibe for the same reasons. The level of self-hatred and denial in this letter seem pretty consistent for someone who is in a very self-delusional phase of addiction. Before I managed to extricate myself from my shitty abusive parents I described myself in similarly awful language all the time. That was more how I read it—suppressed anger, hatred, self-loathing.
Assuming the wife did indeed write this, one small piece of advice—stop saying these things. LW, whatever is going on, you are in pain. Try to avoid negative self-talk; no need to hurt yourself more. Granted I read a lot of dubious story ideas so am biased, but this sounds exactly like them.
Oh, LW, I am so sorry, but, I think that marriage is dead. Please take care of yourself. I highly recommend living in your own space for a bit. Choose it yourself and make it yours. You deserve a space that you control. I also highly recommend a therapist to talk things over with.
Get this stuff out of your head and talk it over with a professional so the space in your head is also yours and belongs to you.
LW, a therapist is a good place to start, a healthy place to vent these feelings and start trying to find some solutions that will help you claw your way out of the pit. I wish you well, and I hope that you can build a happier and healthier life. Second on the suggestion to get your own space, LW. Not with another lover, someplace, however small, that is under your control, for you.
I had exactly the opposite reaction: Not to tell you how to run your website, Cap, but LW or someone who lifted her letter and reposted it, who knows? Thanks for the warning. I gave into curiosity and went over to Reddit. The comments are actually not that bad — I was expecting some really nasty stuff, but for the most part they were shorter, less compassionate versions of what you said, CA.
The top comment when I just checked was compassionate and also advised against revenge. But I did see the LW posting — she said that she did end up confronting her mother and husband last night? As always, thank you for your advice, CA. I think you do a great job keeping things balanced and in perspective. When they arrive, they post these rants on every board and thread, over and over, until they get banned; every now and then they find a way back again.
It was kind of a relief to find out the stories posted at length under the various handles were fabricated. This is an hugely upsetful thing.
I really hope you can get maybe some counseling? Because this is an incredibly painful thing and you need someone to talk to who is trained to help you grieve. Please, please, please be safe and take care of yourself. And stay off Reddit, if you can. LW, please stop saying mean things about your body. I struggle with self compassion A LOT. It is so hard. You want to take better care of your body?
Start by acknowledging that your body deserves being taken care of. I needed this for myself really badly. You can come out of this! LW, please free yourself from wanting the good opinion of people who decided to be mind-blowing assholes. Granted, they were much younger right out of university and the mother had just gotten divorced, but there should pretty much never be an excuse for this. It was awkward for a year or two all around. Once the ex-boyfriend was an ex to both, my friend and her mother have been able to rebuild their relationship.
I hope you can prioritize getting away from this junkiness and getting to know yourself. Please grasp whatever time and space you can to process this. You definitely need to stop stalking them, as you called it, LW. I agree with Captain that you should just get it all out in the open. Oh, LW, this is so messed up, the only part of this triangle you control is your side; I hope you can cleanly and openly remove yourself.
There are many ways you can do this. Good luck to you! It is, rather, a way of thinking, and continues long after you have stopped drinking.
It is a voice in the head: I certainly see it that way: I care about your continuing to live. I hope you find help. I hope it comes soon. It seems like you kind of left your marriage by degrees, or at least, shoved it to the back burner, and your husband decided to force your hand, as it were. Your marriage is over. LW, as the Captain said, take care of yourself.
You are at a crossroads. You can let this push you further down into a bottle, or you start fresh, clear away the ashes, and build a new life for yourself. Best of luck to you. This is what gave me red flags too. The heavily implied drinking and driving needs to stop ASAP, and also the stalking.
They are frightening and dangerous. Because two narcissists in a relationship without an outside target will either devolve and split quickly or try to kill each other, I would think. Untangling the relationship between trauma, abuse and addiction and figuring out where to put blame and responsibility is super mega hard.
No one chooses to be an addict; pretty much by definition addiction is a set of maladaptive damaging, undesirable behaviors. And if the mom is 54 and the LW is 34, that means she was born when Mom was nineteen or twenty. By submitting the form, you acknowledged that you are or over 18 years old and you will follow local policies and laws. Posted Sep 1, Anonymous RawConfessions user Login required. No part of this website can be reproduced in any form without prior written consent. Recently Commented Confessions 1.
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Imsges: dating my cousins best friend
I met her as a camgirl, yes I know, red alert, but wait. It seems you are still paying attention to this blog of yours and I take the opportunity to ventilate my roller-coaster feelings after writing a Colombian girl via hotmail.
I will keep adding names in this WhatsApp group names list.
I definitely have a interest in visiting Medellin soon and exploring life and business there. Possibly go disco dancing with few of your fiends but of course all drinks are on me. Commented Aug 25, And he chose to pursue and develop a romantic and sexual relationship with that specific one and not mention it The reviews free dating sites is not cake Dating my cousins best friend would want in my house, dating my cousins best friend alone in my mouth. How many years do you want to be recovering from this? Regardless, the new Beaks dolls become popular among the bears, including Best Friend. When I recently got angry at her for asking for money, she pointed out to me that I was the one offering her to go to English classes, not her.
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