Dating in Islam
Notify me of new posts by email. Do not consummate the marriage until their interim is fulfilled. There are clear verses in the Quran against the natural results of dating; from the seemingly innocent kiss to the more obvious. How to correct this ludicrous state of affairs.
Thursday, 28 February 2013
The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, says: Of course, the principles of Islam prohibited such barbarism — regardless of what was widespread at the time. The choice of a marriage partner is one of the most important decisions a person will make in his or her lifetime. Obviously this could be classified as a type of Halal dating or Islamic dating. In the United States, parents are left alone and cut off from these networks.
There is no dating or living in de facto relationship or trying each other out before committing to each other. There is to be no physical relationship whatsoever before marriage.
From an Islamic perspective, in choosing a partner, the most important factor that should be taken into consideration is Taqwa piety and consciousness of Allah.
The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, recommended the suitors to see each other before going through with marriage procedures. That is very important because it is unreasonable for two people to be thrown into marriage and be expected to have a successful marital life, full of love and affection, when they know nothing of each other.
The couple are permitted to look at each other. The couple, however, are not permitted to be alone in a closed room or go out together alone. As the Hadith says: Marriage by definition is a voluntary union of two people. The choice of a partner by a Muslim virgin girl is subject to the approval of the father or guardian.
This is to safeguard her welfare and interests. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: Though love is something nice, and it is recommended for a man to marry a woman whom he loves, because the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said: The most important characteristic is religious commitment. The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said: Choose the one who is religious, may your hands be rubbed with dust [i.
Dear brother in Islam, we hope that the main points of the issue have become clear. On what basis would you like to choose your partner? Does she adhere to the Islamic Hijab prescribed by Shari'ah? If the lady you want to marry is religious, of good manners, and obeys Allah and His Messenger, and both of you want to please Allah in this world in order to earn reward in the Hereafter, then you have made a perfect choice, and we ask Allah to fulfill your hopes and bring you together in a good way.
If she is not, then you should reconsider your choice. May Allah help you to do what He loves and what pleases Him! Let us understand the difference between arranged engagements and forced marriages. Islam does not allow anyone to be forced into marriage. At the same time, the parents or guardians of the youth are responsible to find the best of matches for their children. This involves knowing first of all, your own child and second of all to know about the potential spouse, and also very important - to know the family and their ways, before recommending marriage.
There is an Arabic proverb that says: Arranged marriages, on the other hand, are based not on physical attraction or romantic notions, but rather on critical evaluation of the compatibility of the couple. That is why such marriage often proves successful. The West makes fun of the Islamic way of marriage, in particular arranged marriage. Yet, the irony is that statistically arranged marriages prove to be more successful and lasting than romantic types of courtship. This is because people are blinded by the physical attraction and thus do not choose the compatible partner.
One can just bring mediators from within the family, i. But we have to emphasize that it is not lawful to compel a girl to marry someone she does not want. Salatul Istakharah the prayer for letting Allah to choose for you , is the most important and most effective way to find what will make you the happiest and give you the best partner for your life here and in the Hereafter.
I think local mosques should take the lead in organizing marriage events for the singles in their communities. We seem to have these two extremes — either an arranged marriage between cousins, which is generally unhealthy and seems to end in misery more often than not, or a free-for-all where young people must fend and seek for themselves, and often fall into sin.
As a community we must develop modern alternatives that satisfy Islamic requirements and allow single Muslim men and women to meet. Please join the Zawaj.
First of all, I am coming back after a long time so bear with me, in my attempts to learn how the site works. You have a different layout and format than you did a few years ago. There is such an option. And it simply means that an accompanying mahrem your brother, son… requirements being he is not underage and he is sane, or even a sister, mother etc. Most of us are either immigrants, or first generation immigrants.
And in the eastern cultures the way you find a bride is by networking, by family looking, etc. But, there are many dimensions to arranged marriages — one of which is the fact that your family knows you well enough to know what kind of spouse will pair well with you.
Second dimension is the networking itself, which entails the fact that you live in either a muslim country or a country that is predominantly muslim, so the chances of you finding a spouse are much higher. In the west, its a whole different ball game. For one thing, there is aspect of being a minority in a Western, non-muslim culture, where the population of muslims is significantly much lower — which also means your chances of finding someone is cut, and the chances you find someone you mesh with is cut down drastically.
And you address this in your article by saying there are matrimonial services like your own, which can help, to an extent. In fact, lots of muslim brothers and sisters, do this. They meet a brother or sister of a friend, they all hang out as a group, get to know each other, and in many instances it ends in blissful matrimony. Technically it is networking. Which I personally think is a wonderful option. I think it is important to remember that what worked best in the Eastern cultures, may not work as effectively in the West.
This is not because they are any lesser. I do not raise a distinction in cultural superiority. We are farther apart, fewer, we know much less muslims, than our parents or cousins would have known back home. We are constantly in contact and exposed to non-muslims, and we have no substantial means of finding a companion amongst the differences and mismatches. I know of plenty that have been to matrimonial sites, to events, to imams and still have not found what they are looking for.
So being able to meet people becomes all the more important, because its the question of meeting the one single person, just one single person that you know is the right one. I think one of the problems that is not being addressed by muslims is the fact that we are no more in the east. We are outside our element. We are a minority in terms of religion, culture and what we believe and what we value as muslims is our reality.
And we have to make that work for us, within our current realities. The best analogy I can think of is a rubix cube. You have to do the right things in order to get all right colors on each face of the cube. And for muslims in the west, many of us are struggling and isolated. But, that is going into a whole different dimension, perhaps saved for another day. All I am saying is, we have to integrate ourselves into the new culture, whilst holding fast to our beliefs and values, and that is not going to come by sticking to the old method of making things work.
It worked for our parents, it works back home, it will not work here… not to the extent it does there. And we simply need to find the middle group, the intersection, where all our needs are met without compromising our belief system and values. Siddiqua Haswarey Senior Undergraduate student of Psychology. Pacific University, Forest Grove, Oregon.
At school, at work, in you neighborhood etc. However, it is not allowed in Islam to take a non-mahram person or persons of the opposite gender as a very close friend.
Such friendship often leads to Haram. The Prophet - peace be upon him - said, whenever two strangers of the opposite gender are alone with each other, Satan becomes the third one between them. It is a common thing to see a white woman marrying a man from a Muslim country. A question arises as to how they met each other before their marriage? Was it a marriage arranged by their parents? They had probably met at work and dated each other.
In the past Muslims did not date because of arranged marriages. Are parents in North America going to arrange the marriages of their young children as is done in some Islamic countries? In Islamic countries there are matrimonial brokers and agents who work to match the brides and bridegroom. Parents have the support of the community in finding spouses for their children.
Relatives, networking, social gatherings particularly weddings, make arranging marriages easier. In the United States, parents are left alone and cut off from these networks. The more educated the girl becomes, the less contented a parent feels in arranging for her marriage.
African-American Muslims, as well as Arab and Asian immigrants from cultures that practice arranged marriages--are now unenthusiastic to do the same for their own children. In an arranged marriage, a Muslim family usually investigates the prospective candidate further - talking with teachers, professors, employers, friends, family, Imams, colleagues, etc.
It is a well-known fact that Islamic religious or cultural events are often segregated by gender? So how are the young North American Muslims supposed to meet and marry each other? The first group is "Strict Muslims" who date halal in an Islamically permissible style.
The second group I call "Eid Muslims," because many are not strict in practice and attend mosques only on holidays. While technically they are dating haram unlawfully in Islam , without chaperones, they're keeping physical intimacy to a minimum and parental involvement at a maximum.
The third group dates "Sex and the City"-style definitely haram , openly and freely leading a non-Islamic lifestyle, having premarital sex sometimes in a series of monogamous relationships. These non-Muslim women sometimes convert to Islam and marry their Muslim boyfriends. But some are unceremoniously dumped when the man's parents arrange a halal marriage.
The woman's family is naturally upset at how she has been treated, resulting in a misconception that Muslim men treat women poorly. Ironically, the "Sex and the City" Muslim man can date freely without risking his standing in the community, while a Muslim woman with the same dating pattern would not only gain a bad reputation but risk losing a good arranged marriage proposal.
This double standard and poor treatment of women is not endorsed by Islam but by a general patriarchy that pervades many world cultures, including America. They insist that their girlfriends, with whom they once openly had sex, will now have to wear a cover and stay at home, and that their dating relationship was haram.
A friend of mine who had such an experience broke off the engagement with the Muslim man but retained her commitment to Islam.
But she told me she is now committed to waiting to have sex again till she marries. Halal dating is the first cousin of arranged marriage, with young people finding their own mates--within the guidelines of Islam--instead of their parents arranging marriages for them. Because the Qur'an advocates equality between the sexes, it does not permit premarital sex--since all the negative consequences fall upon the woman, including pregnancy, the social stigma, and the raising of the child.
Premarital sex is also forbidden for other reasons, including learning to discipline oneself and practice self-control. Under Islam, when a man has sex with a woman to whom he is not married, he is being disrespectful of her, whether she is consensually participating or not. So young Muslims who engage in halal dating seek a commitment first and are vigilant about staying true to their religion.
Less often they meet at school or in their local community. They spend time talking over the phone or on the Internet and even going on dates, though for Strict Muslims, a chaperone is always present. Once they have decided they like each other, the couple is married under Islamic law by signing a marriage contract. This event, called the nikah, is as binding as a marriage.
However, the couple is seen as engaged in most Islamic cultures and in American-Islamic culture. The signing of the agreement allows them to spend more time together. Strict Muslims still have a chaperone present and do not even hold hands.
One views the other as a life partner, not a hot prom date. Eventually they will marry in a ceremony attended by their friends and family members. Sometimes, though, the betrothal may break up, but, because the couple was engaged in halal dating, no disgrace attaches to them.
Many Muslims marry non-Muslim women who convert as a result of halal dating.
Imsges: dating in islam
This is purer for them. All of you shall repent to GOD, O you believers, that you may succeed.
However, it is not allowed in Islam to take a non-mahram person or persons of the opposite gender as a very close friend. How could we ever think that a better system could exist than the one prescribed by our Maker and the master of the universe? Once they have decided they like each other, the couple is married under Islamic law by signing a marriage contract.
When young people are getting to know each other, being alone together is a dating in islam toward wrongdoing. Up til now I and my wali, who I chose, dating in islam struck out. Both of you are operating on your hormones. In order for me to datihg him does he have to convert to islam or he can stay in Christianity and still get married with me? Relatives, networking, social gatherings particularly weddings, make arranging marriages easier. So if dating is putting you at a higher risk of sexual abuse, sexually transmitted disease, and unwanted pregnancy, datihg it makes you no more likely to find a successful marriage partner — but in fact less likely latin american dating customs what logical person would dating in islam this option, sating if it were not prohibited by Islam? They consult with each other to narrow down potential prospects.
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