It’s Not Fear Of Rejection, It’s Fear Of Punishment | The Private Man

How to Handle Rejection

dating getting over the fear of rejection

As to why you should care about how that impacts you and society? I cared about her soo much but it hurts soo bad right now. The manner of your dress? Shelby I really appreciate this article. Take Kelly; her fear was taking over her life and damaging her relationships. I really appreciate this article. Related Articles from GirlsChase.

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Related Articles from GirlsChase. Wait until she reaches her 30s and is suddenly desperate for attention. You are all you have in this world, so be kind to yourself. Being more confident in life partly means being less sure that you know what is going to happen so you can relax and allow for the possibility of both bad and good outcomes. Ben March 6, at 1: Time to flip the switch, and start doing the things you see fit for you, even if it leads to a few rejections.

That would be nice. Take care of those issues before you even begin the process. The truth is, there are some lies you believe which obliterate your chances of even having a basic conversation with her.

Women are drawn to men who demonstrate strength—not necessarily physical strength, but the ability to make them feel safe. But, you must also be strong. Identify your limiting beliefs, rewrite them, and repeat your new declaration every morning.

Risk is a gamble, and sometimes you lose. I got a healthy dose of rejection when I started my sales career. I discovered rejection is just a ratio game. Expect to be rejected multiple times before landing your first date while keeping your eye on the prize.

I went and worked out before my first date with Kristen. Bottom line is, stop striving and find some inner peace. Dumbfounded, I watched as monster after monster jumped out at her while she paid no attention. At the end of the night, I wanted my money back! She told me she was singing songs and reciting verses in her head.

It got me thinking: You can overcome any fear, including rejection, when you keep your mind focused on a higher purpose. I believe in all of you good guys out there. I expect success stories soon! Email me from the home page. Thank you so much for posting this!

Myself and so many of my Christian girlfriends ish wonder why the amazing Christian guys seem to be scared. Nervous to even try to ask a girl out.

I understand the fears guys have, but let me just say, guys, take the risk! Take the risk…passivity will get you nowhere. Yeah, I totally agree.

I hate it when a guy beats around the bush, confuses me and everyone around me, and then never has the nerve to even try to become good friends, let alone something more. I understand that we can be a bit… intimidating.

Thanks for another great article Kris. I think you have a great page, and I pretty much agree with everything you write here. I believe your blog is one of the very few ones that genuinily has the power to change peoples lives, no matter their background, which brings me to my point.

There is nothing wrong with saying what you believe. It applies to everyone who wants to be a great man, and I do not believe that the intense focus on Christianity, even though I understand that it has greatly shaped who you are today, that your blog contains is a good way to go about enriching peoples lives.

I just though I should share what I thought with you. I only discovered your page today, and already feel as I am a better person. Well thanks Don, and I appreciate you keeping me on my toes. This site is not a Christian site. While I am a believer, a majority of the people who come to this site are not, and everyone is welcome into my Internet home; so yes, the posts are meant to be universal.

I will, however, incorporate spiritual themes because the concept of this site is based on a man with mind, body, and soul. Hope that will change one day.

The fear of be rejected is the main reason because a lot of guys stay away from some new girls because a lot of chances of be rejected. Learn the signs that she sends to you, then all is easy. Movies are an incredible tool for male bashing and female dominance….

Lewis when I say, …. I guess I never quite heard it put that way. I have a nice home and a good job ,but I cannot even imagine spending any time with a woman. There are differences between the genders,and I think that I understand that, but ANY attempt at a decent conversation becomes a horrible minefield.

You certainly got it right! Yes, I definitely see much more male bashing in movies, even recent Disney movies. Some women have always taken advantage of the dating system. With many women nowadays that are very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, greedy, picky, narcissists, and so very power money which really explains why many Good men like us Fail with women since they will Only want the Best of all and will Never settle for Less.

I can understand your hopelessness. But, when I gave up hope, I made a lot of mistakes I regret today. Needless to say, God gave me His very best. Good for you, Kris.

No doubt, I feel extremely lucky. I only bring that up because it was only after I received constant rejection through my job and came out fine on the other side that I realized rejection is only practice. I disagree with you. Men live under a false narrative that they have to look or act a certain way. The only act ever required is courage and confidence. It can happen, but it does require you to change your mind. The fact is though, for those like me who could never attract any woman no matter what however, this is of no consequence.

AJ, someone is out there. There is no hope for me to lose — I never had any to begin with. By your treatment of men you teach them how you want to be treated. I was referring to the actual weak males vs the actual worthy ones. Men who are dumb, weak, easily misled, lacking in resources and useless versus men who are intelligent, strong, leaders, in possession of resources and useful. Which, of course, is a bit of a tongue-in-cheek distinction, as the lines are far more blurred today than they would have been in a natural environment.

Which is why your post calling such men weak, unworthy, and essentially without value to you and by extension to anyone else is problematic. Sure, there are actual dumb, weak men out there, but they are not the norm and usually not the ones to actually approach women in the first place. That you see it that way says more about you than it does about them. It leads you to not just reject the advances of men who you find unattractive, but the need to mock, debase, and humiliate them.

As to why you should care about how that impacts you and society? You should care because as I noted, you teach men how you want to be treated by the way you treat men. And when the number of feral men without options reaches critical mass, civilization starts to crumble at the foundation.

Rome fell to barbarians from without, modern civilization will fall to barbarians from within. You are a cause, not a cure…. Alice is most likely a rather young and inexperienced girl. Wait until she reaches her 30s and is suddenly desperate for attention. Well that young man grew up, lifted weights, learned game and then pumped and dumped a number of club sluts before finding a young 21 year old lady who would become my wife.

And by the way, my salary, as are the salaries of my other computer nerd friends, is well into the 6 figures. So Alice, you just keep on being cruel to those frogs and when those frogs reveal themselves to be the princes they really are, they will not be giving their promise of commitment to you. I am soon to be married to a male who is actually an amazing guy and am happy I rejected everyone else before him, even if I hurt some of them in the process, as to so much as consider them would have been my downfall.

It is what a woman must do if she wants to get someone worth keeping. After all, the female sexual strategy, if unadulterated by radical feminist philosophy, is to invest, not to sow her oats. Also, as I mentioned further down up? So modern society has damaged the way the order works by removing the male support element of the self-improvement chain and by making the traits that make you successful character, intelligence, male-male social skills sexually undesirable.

Not under any circumstance? No, not under any circumstance. But you know what? They bundle up their courage, pick themselves up, come over to me and ask for my company as best they can. That takes guts, especially when these guys have hardly any emotional shield to protect them. They took a huge risk. Those who are capable of improving upon themselves can get over a harsher rejection.

Those who are socially aware know not to approach certain people. By being honest and blunt about my thoughts and feelings I am showing them what humans are actually like on the inside.

And, as a final note, courage is braving a lion to defend your family. Seeking out a lion is foolishness that should be corrected instantly, lest it harm them more in the future. But back to the point: It is relevant what their opinion is of you and of women. Because these men have built and maintain Civilization in order to have access to pussy. Our previous culture rewarded them with sweet natured women who understood what it meant to NOT have Civilization around them.

Today, they have to suffer through the same amount of work, but with no reward. And the women these otherwise confident hardworkinf men have to tolerate are on average ball shriveling banshees with no kindness to be found anywhere within their beings.

They may work hard, but their work is worthless. In a harsher or wilder environment, most of them would be dead and the rest would basically be woman-like or child-like servants to others and would never get a chance at reproduction. Not all humans are like you either, nor are they meant to be. But you should still be capable of informing someone they have a slim chance of X happening without completely bulldozing their self-esteem or worth.

Some of them can commit suicide when their little fantasy starts to fall apart. Many of them feel mocked just for being rejected in front of a friend or an audience. In response to the second part: They may be rusty, or pretty much undateable, or socially stunted, or even overly eager. That I can agree with. As I said somewhere else in the comment thread, modern society has entirely messed-up how women apply their natural drives. But the problem is with the ignorance, not the behaviour.

The former is a societal ill that derails all human interactions, the latter is a natural drive designed to keep women aiming for the best they can realistically get and to keep men continually pursuing self-improvement.

There are times when you have to be incredibly direct and you can do that without crushing someones ego. Your claim of No, under no circumstances is naive and childish. Most women are approached by men who have some knowledge and familiarity with them. And, no, nothing like that between us. Did I spare his itty bitty ego? Hmn, not the clearest of comments. I still get angry when thinking about it. In other words, back when I was married, a family friend made some rather outrageous claims.

I checked out her blog before I approved her initial comment. But guys who are literally just awkward? Maybe she just has an underdeveloped sense of empathy for others? Maybe Slavishwife is trying to be facetious but has a poorly calibrated sense of humor.

Or maybe she is trying to drive traffic to her blog, but if so she is going about it in an awfully labor-intensive way. So should I mock ugly, fat women who try and rise beyond their ranks and approach me?

So yes, shaming is necessary. How long until stuff like that spreads to the common culture? As a species, we never needed our women to be powerful. Women got the vote because men said give women the vote. Women got educated because a friar argued the value of female education. However politically incorrect it is to say this: And when push comes to shove, men will always win out because girls need men more than men need girls.

Not to say men are winning right now, by the way. Just that there is a reason why matriarchies are so rare. Gynocentrism is common, but a matriarchy would require women to pave our own roads, dig our own ditches, fight our own wars and write our own laws.

My overall take away from years of reading these god send forums is that women are children in adult bodies and treating every last one of them like brats reap favorable rewards. I got banned on the main site once was unbanned later for advancing the opinion that I like women and I like sex and Game helps deal with both on my terms. And I think your quoted post from there bears this out. The salient point is fear. Which comes down to the main point that you rightly note, that the writer and men like him lack the basic social skills to be confident.

They intellectually understand the problem, but resolutely cling to their Blue Pill ways. He fantasizes about telepathic powers to find women who are interested.

But this is the money paragraph: Yet these are the people who MOST need to make awkward sexual requests. I know you disagreed with that, TPM, but I disagree in much stronger terms. They miss the point that his was never so. I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer.

Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain. Despite being honest about my life experiences, my posts were deleted and I was threatened with banishment should I ever dare to defend Game.

The whole Red Pill philosophy is a binding force. Your experience is the same as mine. There is a small but vocal subset of anti-Game men who are nearly rabid about on the main AVfM site. Nor will the brook any dissent. I still read sometimes over there, and occasionally comment, because I am generally sympathetic with the general goals: I gather that while they say they welcome discussion, even some disagreement, there is a very fine line between disagreement and dissent, which as far as I can tell is not tolerated.

There are dozens of directions one can go to put a woman on her back foot. Hell, act like it is a game. After approach there are three options: She might be a bit more human next time. A fear of punishment relies on your willingness to allow someone to attack you. Yes Alice, women make the market. Which is why when the arbiters of male value fail to transact with a man of sufficient status and attraction, it is not the fault of any man. And when those women hop the fun track to the marriage track, men like me are more than happy to uphold our end of the market: But, of course, its not just fear of commitment though there are reasons to be afraid: Quite the contrary; it is a keen awareness of the value, risks, and exchange rate of our commitment in light of the dearth of commitment worthy women who understand their feminine contributions, what it means to give, and a history of demonstrative behaviors that indicate anything remotely aligned with their stated desires to have a wedding.

Even if Cosmo says 40 is HOT. These are things no man will ever tell a woman because it does not serve him to do so. He will toe the party line because thats what drops her skirt. Hopefully she enjoyed destroying all those fragile male egos along the way because more and more of those women will have to rely on fond memories of hawt guys climbing all over them in their youth to get them through the cold winters ahead.

Indeed rejection is a natural part of the process; humiliation or a frontal assault in the ego war is not. The extent to which this plants a false sense of female options and thus her elevated view of her own attractiveness not even getting into the marriage value VS sexual value is greatly underestimated by most people and pretty much all women.

In the field, I rarely see out-of-league approaches by men, but I see numerous situations evidencing female preference for sharing top men and a lot of women who think they bring far more to the table than they really do. Even coldness can be spun into laughter with some proper teasing. The caveat is Feminists with other Feminists. When in a group, their social-hatred of Men overrides all other dynamics. Bigots will always reinforce their prejudices when grouped with other bigots. So we keep the thread on track: They are almost hind-brain default behaviors, which may or may not stop as the woman matures or she learns discipline when called out on it.

Meaning, they are semi-conscious actions at best, whimsical in nature. I think that article from AVFM highly perceptive, in fact I kick myself for not realising its point before now. What I suspect we have as so often with women is projection: It is however very true that men are punished — firstly by women who will see the man as a loser and who tend to regard every last piece of nonsense that they are told about him by another women as having the veracity of Holy Writ — secondly by men only too happy to white-knight and to mock their brothers when they are down as they jockey for position in the male pecking-order.

Some women feel the need to punish any man who in any way does not please: A woman risks social punishment by making the approach in the first place, regardless of rejection or acceptance. Social skills and charm are required to pull off …. A not coming across as DLV B Not coming across as slutty C Deflecting female orbiters who will try to socially punish you with the slut label D Deflecting their male orbiters who will do the same E Deflecting disgruntled males grumbling amongst themselves.

This is one of the reasons men objectify women: Before my self improvement and game the only way to get thru the pain of an approach gone bad,I had to become cold,calculating and objectifying toward the women I approached,being treated cruelly by a human was very painful. I find this argument very persuasive.

For example, if she is a beautiful woman on an empty train without a camera or soul in sight, even an omega will approach. If there is no one watching men do not fear rejection. This is why it is easier to approach in dark bars than crowded subways. Either way, they really feared punishment.

The fear of punishment trumped fear of the unknown. We are just putting you in your place. Bring on the savages. How we frame our interactions with others reflects how we feel about ourselves. By saying punishment is the fear, we declare defeat at the outset. Just wanted to let you know I included this post of yours in one of my own.

Do Women See You as a Leader? Thank you for moderating my comment on your newer post. If you approve of the post it links back to, could that comment be moderated as well?

The state is not going to tell huge numbers of men that getting laid is a privilege reserved for only dirtbag alphas, and a crime for everyone else. I cannot imagine a applying the true meaning of the term here feminist exacting punishments for solicitations. Which is why I wish people could just be humane. Posts like this are why I love your blog despite being so far removed from your core demographic.

That makes so much more sense than a fear of rejection. I made some commentary here: Many of the fears are overblown and unfounded. While possible you will most likely not be laughed at, shamed, or harassed by white knights. Only experience can permanently cure these fears, though willpower, leadership, or context can temporarily alleviate them.

You need to learn the specific rules and techniques to attract women, not just general social skills. I often use a baseball analogy. Rejection is like a strikeout. Understand my perspective on men in general. I deal with re-entry daters and many technology guys. Learning Game without a solid foundation of confidence and social skills makes guys look socially awkward.

Sounds like a lousy deal. Yes, it is a lousy deal. And just how does a man improve his social skills if failing the initial test results in being punished for trying?

I liked your article. Some more than others. Can we blame all related social norms and mores on women, or do fathers, etc. Do we not apply our own pressure, expectations, and punishments of ourselves internally?

Imsges: dating getting over the fear of rejection

dating getting over the fear of rejection

Being authentically confident is fully accepting where you come up short as well.

dating getting over the fear of rejection

Sign up for our free newsletter and get a free chapter of our book,"He's Not That Complicated". You can find some good TedTalks on how posture and demeanor can influence confidence.

dating getting over the fear of rejection

About Does He Like Me? You are who you are. You don't learn to jump rope by dating getting over the fear of rejection telling geting you don't want to fall on your face. Kris Wolfe May 13, at 7: And feel that is my fault inviting him only bring me to rejection cycle… Hes changed to be good one i just cant understand myself why i keep asking him when i knew he keeps say no to my invitation… This is my fault…. That would be nice. The day comes and the colonies give really weird results.