Mind Of Man: When It Comes To Love, Chill Out
If something comes up that either of us wants to do we just know we are going together. He said because he just wanted to let me know in case of an emergency or something like that. That was my first time to post something on a foreign forum and also get replied and I am so happy and grateful!
You should become exclusive somewhere between months. This was hard for me to hear mostly because I want one, and was under the impression he did. We see each other at lunch or outside of work at least 2 times a week, and on most weekends. We have great dates which are fun and though he reveals personal information about himself family, work.. And that I want to keep discovering about him and explore the possibilities of us forging something deeper. So he broke up with me again.
We shield them because we are afraid of being a burden. As the relationship closes in on six months however, the tendency is to trust your instinct to share. The reaction displayed on both sides is crucial.
Do you care to hear about the minutiae of her job? Is it boring when she drones on about problems at home with family members? The answer you give will determine whether you are a candidate for commitment with your current mate beyond six months. Signs that the relationship is on the decline vary from the blatant to the obscure. For example, there is no need to inform you that if your girlfriend has a slew of annoying habits after six months, the situation will not improve.
In a similar vein, if you discover that every date is degenerating into a conflict over petty matters, the relationship is not worth the investment — even if the sex is superb and plentiful. By six months, you should be at the point where you no longer fantasize about other women — in her presence. Beware of the wandering eye syndrome. Sow your oats — but not within the confines of a relationship.
If you feel the need to pimp, dump the girlfriend. Until you can deliver on the monogamy front, she deserves better. And you will never be happy with her while your thoughts are elsewhere. Roam if you want to — nobody should be chained down to a relationship.
Have you and your girlfriend made any plans for the future? Even as a fun exercise in bed after sex — do you talk about the long-term direction of the relationship? Perhaps the most important sign that the first six months were a product of ephemeral passion is the lack of discussion about the next six months.
If your vision of the future does not include your girlfriend, the relationship is in question. A final tip for men approaching the vaunted milestone. Without overemphasizing the occasion, plan a special night out with your girlfriend.
Make a reservation at a good restaurant, take her to a show and spend the night out. Take stock of your interaction throughout the evening and refer to the sections of the above article in your mind.
I see nothing glaringly wrong about your relationship and see a lot of good things. When he pulls back, how long does it last and now often?
What does pulling back look like? Has he mentioned the word "love" when talking to you? Many guys when leading up the the I love you's will throw the word around to "warm up". The rest I wouldn't worry about at this stage. It's still pretty early to get parents involved and to talk about distant future.
Many guys hate pictures. Try not to compare yourselves to others. My bf and I have taken things more slowly than others but I can't tell you the number of couples who progressed super quickly and are now broken up. The good seems to outweigh the bad. Have fun and let things flow naturally. Try not to overthink or compare.
Last edited by hippychick3; 29th April at 2: In terms of his past relationships: Before me there was a chick he dated for 8 months only 2 exclusively and none of his friends ever met her. He said he didn't want to bring her around and eventually dumped her. With me he asked to be exclusive after 4 dates and brought me to a large party with most of his friends on date 5. As for the rubber band thing. The first time was for about a week, the second was for 2 days.
He usually blames it on work because his job sucks. For warming up to ILY, he has said things like "all I want to do is make you happy", " I really like you", "I want you" So he was there for your birthday. Will he spend it with you? So he spends time with your friends. Do they know you, do you hang out together? OP, I've dated a dude somewhat similar to yours. No plans for travel, no friends of his around, literally missed to meet his parents.
It's not the parents, but the plans and not wanting to do stuff with me, like plans more than just going to see a concert together. Anyways, it is up to you to do the math.
All I know is I am over 30 and a dude who doesn't know what he wants is not for me. I am driven, I'm a goal getter and can't stand dudes who just float around. I know a lot of laid back dudes are really nice people, so you have to know what rocks your boat and what doesn't.
Think really carefully, because RS with emotionally unavailable men tend to swallow women up, and their time with them. We're not young forever. Choose whom to spend your time with wisely. GreenCove , BlueIris , Satu and 2 others like this. Originally Posted by candie I really haven't brought up anything emotional with him, because I don't like looking vulnerable. We did spend my bday together, and the following weekend we spent is together entirely So he spends time with your friends.
Do his friends know me? Yea, I even have some of their numbers and am invited to their stuff all the time. Our friend groups have mixed and gotten along together on multiple occasions. The parent thing I've addressed. But I got closer than girls in the past. I asked about his birthday, not yours.
Did he spend it with you? Are you invited to personal, private events in his life? Being in a RS is about talking, being emotional, allowing yourself to be vulnerable and open up to your bf That's not how anyone is. How do I make him understand that I want to get to know him before? Look at his actions — do they point towards genuine interest? Brandon and myself are Christians we would not be sleeping over.
And when he would visit me the same thing. And because he lives in Texas and I live in Colorado there would be no unscheduled time together it would have to be scheduled.
Unless he is visiting near a Sunday, meeting friends will be hard too. In our situation what would be the signs that we would be graduating from dating to a serious relationship? Sounds like a difficult framework to work within. Vulnerability, telling each other personal or intimate details, talking about plans for the future, and emotional comfort and closeness are the serious relationship signs I would look for.
My question is how do I deal with this what should I do? Well it might not be called a relationship, but it sounds exactly like one. Sorry if this is sloppy I tried to spark note a year and 4 months worth of stuff. Hope you can help. Looks like you want one thing and he wants something else. Get on the same page with him and let him know there are only two options — being with you and only you, or not being with you.
At that point, you either break up with him or accept that you have a casual dating roller coaster that occasionally goes into serious relationship territory. See the second part of my comment.
I started seeing him in early July and since then our routine has been to see each other about two times a week.
We both have kids so our free time is limited. He is always the one to ask when in available next to see him. We go out on dates and also spend the night at each others house. I went with him at his request to help him pick out furniture for his place. Last week I made the mistake of asking him where things were going. We spent this Monday night and last night together. I think he should know after two months if he wants to be exclusive or not.
How much time should I give him? I think your male coworkers are right. Is there a reason that you doubt this guy despite all these sign posts pointing to the fact that he really likes you?
Rough experiences with guys before? Thanks for answering, Ryan. But then he told me he would get his kids again next weekend to make sure he and I stay on the same custody schedule.
Even as I write this, I realize how paranoid my thoughts are. Almost is better than did. If one part of you realizes the truth, that part of you can bring up the rest to a healthy level. Awareness is the first step, and being able to acknowledge how you feel and not beat yourself up over it is next.
From there, question your anxious thoughts when they come up. Use a psychological technique like reframing www. I hope things keep going in the right direction! I have a slightly different take. I think yes, two months is a short time to be asking about getting serious. We have great conversation and he seems to be a good guy. I can never have the talk about elevating to the next level without him getting uptight, or just simply ignoring the question as a whole.
Tonight I asked him if he dated other women and his response blew me away. He goes on to say there are no titles, we are what we are. I was pretty upset at this point and to end the conversation he says, One day you might get a response, but let him do that, he says he understands what I want, but I know where he stands.
Why do men find it so hard to commit? What should I do? As soon as you leave, he gets scared. He wants you there but not close enough that you can hurt him.
Guess you have a choice to make: It sucks that he runs hot and cold on you, but you also run hot and cold on him. Stop relying on him to make up his mind and make up yours. He recently is very sweet wants to cuddle after sex and also he does little things for me everyday that show he wants more.
Do you think he is changing his mind or maybe this is the kind of guy he is? It sounds like his definition of casual dating is a bit different than yours. See what he has to say. Your advices are extremely relatable and helpful, keep it up! I have a more personal question: However it kind of feels like we already are, as I know his friends and he knows mine. Depends on how long ago he said that.
If he said at the beginning he wants to date casually, but now months later it feels like a serious relationship, just straight up ask him. If he said it more recently, give it some time and see how things play out. We met through a mutual friend.
On the first date, we were really open and honest and said we could tell each other everything. We even browsed our Tinder profiles together. At first, I wanted to take it slow and really see if we fit, but things went crazy intense really fast. In 3 weeks, we saw each other times. When I sleep at his place, he leaves for work and I let myself out later.
And he even implied I could go wait for him to come home at his place next Sunday. Because things got intense real fast, I stopped logging into my Tinder account about a week and a half ago. But 3 days ago, he added one of my friends without knowing on an app POF. He might even be somewhat addicted to dating apps. He was casually seeing someone on and off this summer for 3 months and at some point he was seeing other girls as well.
When she said she was getting attached, they cut it off. I want to know if he is considering seeing other girls or if he just goes on this app out of habit or boredom. I want things to develop naturally and see if we can take it further when the time is right. But I am not comfortable with the idea of us seeing other people. I feel things got so intense that even if this is very recent, we are past the non-exclusive stage. How should I approach this?
Thank you for your advice. As for me and my guy, circumstances led us to have a good long talk. Mostly, the app is just a habit to pass time. I met his friends last week and his aunt and uncle this week.
The only way to find love and have a great relationship is to risk getting hurt. They go hand in hand… thanks for the update! On the second date, after seeing a movie, she invited me to her place.
I later returned to my place wondering if I did the right thing or not. Not with words, anyway. If transitioning feels awkward, it probably is. Think of it like a natural progression. Snuggling is a good intermediate step. Watch a movie on the couch with your arms around her, and see if things progress.
I was seeing this guys for 6 months. So we did the casual thing for a while, but after a bit the relationship seemed to have changed. But I really like him and we are so happy together. The reward of a serious relationship will be worth the BS that comes along with dating casually. She and I hit it off pretty good a couple months ago and had a real connection.
She bought plane tickets to come see me even! Where things fall apart? I want something serious and she knows it. We get close emotionally, real close. How should I continue? Should I pull away? No one deserves to endure a roller coaster of emotions, the ups and downs of not knowing whether or not you have a secure relationship is extremely stressful. It can develop into different forms of anxiety and can even continue into other relationships should this one not work out. Hi there, I will try to make this as succinct as possible.
I met a guy not long after my divorce. We met online but discovered we had many mutual friends. He has been divorced for about 4 years. We have discussed exclusivity. Neither one of us is dating anyone else. About 5 months in, I got upset because he was only seeing me once a week. I got frustrated and ended things. He contacted me the next day to say he was confused and wanted to discuss in person. We went out to dinner at which point I explained that I was confused. Did he want to casually date or was he looking for serious?
He said he wanted to casually date but eventually become serious. I made the decision to keep seeing only him. Here we are almost 10 months in on the same path. We have gone on trips together, discuss the future, text all day every day, have met some of each others friends, etc. But we are still only seeing each other once a week, sometimes less due to a few different life issues. He says he feels we know each other well but that he agrees we need to work on seeing each other more.
I should mention that we both have demanding jobs and when he was on vacation, I saw him several times that week. I just cant tell if this guy is a commitment phobe or if it truly is just his regimented work schedule. He wants to get married again and have children. Basically I am massively confused. The question you need to ask yourself is how much longer are you willing to put up with seeing this guy once a week?
I met him online though a non-hookup site and from day one I had made it clear to him that I wanted a long term committed relationship. He reassured me that he did too. I told him No and we said our Goodbyes.
A month after that he contacted me again with a new proposal. I was flabbergasted by this proposal. Did i do the right thing? Thank you in advance for your advice! Kudos to you for sticking to your boundaries, you absolutely did the right thing! My best friend is a male and I am female. He has told me he does not see a relationship but he does love me and hopes we can stay good friends.
We hang out most every night by his doing. If something comes up that either of us wants to do we just know we are going together. Yes, he knows how I feel. What I would like help with is changing how I feel so we can remain best friends.
I want him to be happy and he deserves to be. Everyone has needs, ranging from shelter to intimacy. If your needs for intimacy are inadvertently being met by your platonic friend, your brain is going to trigger emotions as though he was your intimate partner.
The way to counter this is by redirecting your intimate needs somewhere else. I have been friends with a colleague for four years and was shocked when he told me during an afternoon cocktail hour that he wanted to sleep with me. We see each other at lunch or outside of work at least 2 times a week, and on most weekends. He has a key to my house and I have his garage door opener. He tells me he loves me and I am head over heels. That said, he compares me a lot with his ex.
He told me that he stayed with her because of the life, friends and home that they built together. He said it made him feel like a hedonist because he sometimes feels like he should have just settled for a lifestyle — one that has now drastically changed.
This weekend we traveled to Seattle together, and on our way back we got to talking about this. The subject came up again at dinner and he basically said the same.
Nothing says serious relationship like dog stuff and bathroom shit. The references to his ex could be motivated by many different things. We met on an online site and we chatted for a bit before exchanging info. His profile also said he answered a question in a series of questions on his profile he wants the next relationship to be the last ideally. We have gone on dates still do he waited til our fourth date to kiss me though he showed other types of intimacy and he never pressured sex.
That happened some weeks after our fourth date. He usually has a valid excuse work or being tired due to work but it still hurts. I knew in the beginning things would be somewhat difficult. We live about a min drive away on a good day and our work schedules are conflicting. He typically works mon-fri overnight, sometimes Saturdays and sleeps during the day. His off days are usually Saturday and Sunday. I often feel unsure if his occasional inconsistency is due to our schedules or something else.
When we are together I know he likes me and cares for me…I can feel it. I know something is there but whenever I feel him drawing nearer to me he pulls back some. I deleted my profile several weeks to a couple months in, but his still remains more on his later. The next day we were on the couch laying together and he whispers in my ear that he wants me to be his lady.
After a little silence I talked about it and let him know what my expectations are as far as a relationship and he backed out again. I pryed a bit and asked him what his reservations were and he claimed that our difference in religion is something he needs time to really consider. He claims the religion thing is still the main issue but that we need to actually have a conversation about it instead of him coming to his own conclusions about my values.
Things were cool between us, but because of pressure from friends I HAD to bring it up again and now the uncertainty is getting to me. We went to the gym on Monday together and spent the rest of the day together.
I noticed him making more effort to get to know me on a deeper level, asking me situational questions which turned into the two of us spending a couple hours asking each other questions and being more open than we have in the past.
We talked about our fears our futures what we want out of life etc. Of course there is so much more to learn, but when we parted ways I felt closer to him as a friend, which is nice.
The next time I saw him was yesterday when he picked me up from the airport in the am after work. I told him to make concrete plans and let me know. Am I wasting my time or should I continue to be patient. What advice would you give me? Check this out, specifically the part about fearful-avoidant attachment: Ive been speaking to a guy for almost two months.
It started very slowly since i was dating others when we met. Ive stopped dating other guys because frankly i dont feel comfortable and my memory is terrible at multi tasking and i get my facts confused between the guys!
I decided to really just pay attention to him because he is really cool and i get a really good vibe from him. The thing is im use to a guy being vocal and not having to guess how interested he is. We have great dates which are fun and though he reveals personal information about himself family, work.. The modern smart girl assumed at first he may just want to keep things casual and simple.. Maybe just wants sex. We did actually sleep together on date 3 because the physical chemistry was so intense.
We didnt hang out again till a week later and barely spoke up tp then. Naturally i was in full remorce mode. Then i figured well if this guy got what he wants and hes done well better i know that now and farewell. Two days later made dinner together yay it was fun and we snuggled..
Day after that just a random hello but didnt actually engage far into conversation…i tried encouraging but his responses were distant between.. So i just cant read him! Just when i feel like were getting closer and on cloud 9 his distance makes me wonder if were on the same page. He doesnt strike me as a guy who wants to waste time. Hes 35 and closed his online dating profile cause he didnt find serious ppl there until he met me.
My patience with his mixed signals is running thin. Im affraid ill come off too strong if i ask him how he feels and ill be rejected. Whats ur barometer reading of his behavior with me? I dont initiate txts very often but sometimes i do. I feel we keep a pretty even keel. The shoes are on my feet now and i suck at this! I welcome all theories.. Sounds like he likes you and wants more than just casual dating. If you have an expectation like that, it needs to be communicated.
I get the fear of turning someone off. If you want a satisfying serious relationship sometimes that means talking about what you want.
So I was in a domestic violence relationship for a year, when I left, I was at my lowest, I felt worthless. I quickly found someone new to lean on, who pushed me for sex and I did to get over my prior relationship, it Only happened a couple times, I knew this guy was bad news. He was using me. BUT I recently confessed to him tht I had slept with this guy between my last relationship and him. I had lied previously And said I hadmt , because we would see the guy Around and I felt so ashamed of the casual fling that I lied and told my Boyfriend we had only kissed.
So a week after the last sexual encounter me and my now boyfriend at thois point were already telling eachother we really liked each other and felt really strong for eachother , about a week later my now boyfriend and I first slept together and confirmed our relationship as official. I know if he knew these details of the timeline, he would leave me for sure.
But we see a future together. Should I feel guilty? Can this still work if I keep this a secret? The knowledge that he still loves me and can forgiven for the actions that I have already taken: We never said we were exclusive at this point, but we were saying we meant a lot To eachother and saw this going a long way etc.
And what are your thoughts if I can accept this set of events and keep it to myself, but my boyfriend would not be able to? Is it then still okay to keep it to myself even if I know he would not have the same opinion as me? I am 53, he is He really does not want to be with me as much as I want to be with him.
He is busy and an serious hunter. During hunting season, he travels to hunt- he hunts all day, eats, dreams- lives hunting! I feel uncomfortable with this because in my past relationships- we just always hung out naturally and I didnt have to ask. I know he wont marry and I am kind of okay with this. I admit, I am insecure.
I try to stay busy. He is a true gentleman. We are intimate and it is very good. He is the best man I ever me- but I still feel like something is missing. He is serious but wants to keep it casual. Dump him girl friend! Be with a man who appreciates and respects you. Finally, a few weeks ago he told me he needed his private time but still wanted to be with me.
I ended up talking to him on the phone and it was awful. I started and instantly burst into tears. It took a week of talking to myself to get to this point. At the next meeting, it turns out he was rattled by our previous conversation.
I kept my head and listened to him. He also did that for me and we came up wirh a solution that we are happy with. He also told me that he is committed to just me. Talk to this guy or live in limbo — Your choice.
Talking and expressing your needs is scary — the other person may not reciprocate. He has 3 children from his marriage and he says he lives for his children which is a great quality. He calls me every morning and night and we see each other almost every weekend sometimes during the week but he works late. However I am afraid of getting hurt and him just stringing me along and nothing coming out of this.
But how long should I wait to know if this is real or not? Enjoy your time together. Be cool and easy to be with. I kind of want it to stay fun without it losing its feeling because were dating and potential relationship. What should i do to keep it going? I am regular visitor, how are you everybody? This paragraph posted at this site is truly nice. Hi , i met somebody on a dating site 3 months ago.
Lets just say the way in which we hooked up was purely for sex. How ever i like him a lot. He told me he married your had 3 kids and then divorced from his wife in , He has since had another relationship , but she always accused him of looking at other woman. I do find he gets alot of female attention , the odd text that comes through etc. We see each other once a week and i enjoy his company. He has told me he has reached a stage in his life his age 53 mine 47 where he is at a Plato and is happy with his life as it is.
In his words he said if we get close then the relationship will develop. At the moment i see him once a week and not on Fridays or Saturdays as he prefers to do his own thing. I am looking for a relation where i am happy to see somebody twice a week but im looking for a relationship that could lead into something serious , so do i stay where i am or move on?
Now which you have your list, go through the shape of each horse. Knowing some in the basics may help us appreciate what these animals need to go to provide entertainment for us. We started communicating often then we would text every day and call.
Since we live several hours apart it took us a couple months to actually meet each other. We have a great time when we are together. Laugh, go out dinners,movies, mini golf, bowling, comedy shows, etc. We started dating casually the week of his divorce. His ex wife cheated on him and deeply hurt him deeply. We live an hour apart and spend every weekend together alternating between his place and mine.
I have 2 older children, he has none. We took things very slow. Not even becoming romantic for over 3 months by mutual choice. About 5 months in he told me he loved and I told him I love you back. Things have been coasting along smoothly until recently. I am starting to get tired of the traveling back and forth and want more or at least an idea if there will be more.
I also recently lost my job but am independent and not wishing to ask him for help. Last week he stated he wants to keep things casual and light. IMO we are way beyond that. I fear I have made it to desirable for him to have just a weekend girlfriend. Having his cake and eating it too kinda scenario. He says he is comfortable with our current arrangement. I will table the topic for now but will reevaluate it upon our 2 year anniversary. Do you think I am being fair by giving him 2 years to figure things out about our future since he is so back and forth?
Incidentally he says I treat him better than anyone in his past. Divorce is hard, and I think you have a point about him being commitment-phobic — and also part of your couple-like activity being a continuation of his marriage-feeling.
Does that make sense? Stuff you do with a spouse — looking at houses, etc All that said, I think you need to consider walking away from him, for now. You do not, from your letter. Let him read this letter, let him know you want more, and that can be with him, or not with him. I have been seeing this guy more than 4 months. We are both 40s and have kids around 10 to 13 years old. I told him right in the beginning that I was looking for a serious relationship. He liked me a lot when he first met me, and chased me hard.
He asked for exclusivity on the 4th date and I agreed. We recently went on to a vacation together and it was great. He treated me very well and would check in w me via text everyday. He always hold my hands in the public and starts to say Im his gf in front me though.
He said his life was bouncy now he and his ex wife fighting on some financial things. He loved to be around me but he had to take things very slow. I know he likes me a lot, and so do I. But is he stringing me along? He had his kids every other week, so I can only see him during his off week, maybe two to three times the most. What can I do in this situation? We hit it off the first night and i ended up sleeping at his house and then leaving early for work in the morning. Since then, we have seen each other every weekend but only at night and usually only with his friends also.
I always end up staying at his house over the weekend, going back to his house from wherever we were and leaving in the morning. Well, a couple weeks ago he told me that he was busy the next couple weekends concerts, camping so i did not contact him and he didnt contact to me. I wrote back and said no worries and hope all is well with him too.
I just dont know where this is going because we havent talked about being exclusive but i know we like each other and have a great time together his friends all tell me how much they like me too , but its been 5 months and i dont want to rush anything, but i would like to know if he sees things going anywhere, because the longer this goes on, the harder i am falling for him. I am trying to keep it light and airy because i dont need a big serious commitment from him, but i would like to know what he is thinking.
Any advice would be appreciated! I have decided that I have to either accept it as primarily occasional sex, or get out. If I find my heart getting involved, I have to get out. It sucks, but there it is. So my advice to you is this: From my experience I was on the same boat like you, however he called me daily, seen eachother on the weekends did what couples did for 10 months!
Imsges: dating for months no relationship
If we move past casual dating, it has to be because it makes sense, and not because one or both of us feels cornered into doing so. I feel like a real relationship is developing except for the fact that he hasn't ever invited me to hang out with him and his friends, and Have only once been to his brothers but never met his mother.
I felt like maybe he does care because every time I get busy, he starts to freak out.
The modern smart girl assumed at first he may just want to keep things casual and simple. In all honestly, the best sign of interest anyone can ever give you is an honest declaration of their feelings for you. My dating for months no relationship datin, does this sound like a guy who will just need some time to develop and understand his feelings, and we may move to being authentically serious, or am I setting myself up? He claims the religion thing is still the main issue but that we need to actually relationshio a conversation about it instead of him coming dating for months no relationship his own conclusions about my values. It's just too early to tell eating him. There's nothing more comforting then falling asleep next to someone you care about christian online free dating sites they stroke your hair or even wrap their arms around you.