Natalie Lue – Founder of Baggage Reclaim
No ex on the first date! When you go on that first, second, or third date, just focus on experiencing the date. I love Flipboard on iPad for reading my feeds on Google Reader as well as for discovering lots of wonderful blogs and sites that they curate from various sources. Also, how much self-prep work does one need to do before engaging in a relationship? It is also likely that the emotions that are still attached to your ex will create drama in itself.
Avoid emotionally unavailable men and women Mr and Miss Unavailables as well as assclowns unavailable as well being shady users and abusers like the plague. Focus on rebuilding your life and centering yourself where you can recognise and trust yourself again. Save the blow by blow analysis of the person and the date for when you get home and speak to your friends. Put your best foot forward. Taking a month break lets you focus on you and when you come back to it, you can start afresh with renewed vigour and attitude.
At the former, I was incredibly uncomfortable with sacking off my values for the sake of a sale. At the latter, my boss sexually and racially harassed me in a rather covert manner. Never waste away your time wondering what you did to make someone treat you in a poor manner. Recognize poor values and behaviors for what they are, and distance yourself or make an exit.
Write an ebook or put it on Kindle. I do very few of the things that people insist are critical for blogging for business like guest posts or doing loads of social networking. Hootsuite is great for managing social media accounts.
I love Flipboard on iPad for reading my feeds on Google Reader as well as for discovering lots of wonderful blogs and sites that they curate from various sources. How to achieve stress-free productivity. This book is good if you need a system for not going crazy from work. An ex colleague of mine runs this organization, which provides advice and tools for designers and crafts people.
I doubled over laughing while watching the faces during a confrontation. It also reminds me of all the things for which I am grateful. Baggage Reclaim on Twitter: What are you working on right now? Where did the idea for Baggage Reclaim come from? What does your typical day look like? How do you bring ideas to life? What was the worst job you ever had and what did you learn from it?
If you were to start again, what would you do differently? As an entrepreneur, what is the one thing you do over and over and recommend everyone else do? What is one problem you encountered as an entrepreneur, and how did you overcome it? If you could change one thing in the world, what would it be and how would you go about it? Dates can often be fraught with underlying anxiety and confusion stemming from miscommunication. People do sometimes pretend to be more than what they are, but will always struggle to maintain a complete facade on all dates.
You will only notice this difference if you are not in Lala land with rose tinted glasses and the fur coat of denial. Go to the bathroom. Be in the present. People think that you need to talk a lot for good communication but there needs to be a balance between talking and listening. You will be biased to look for evidence that supports your mindset. If you are unsure about someone or there is key information that you still need to know about them, do not sleep with them.
Do not sell yourself short. Just say thank you when complimented. Speak about you with love, care, trust, and respect. Often people say they are looking for a mix of things and get a mix of people, but it pays to be very specific in your profile because even though you may get less respondents, you are more likely to weed out people who are just looking to get laid or to clock up dating numbers, and even if you do still find yourself with one of these people, knowing that you have been specific means that you can let them go because you were upfront.
If your relationship values and your needs and desire are to be in a long-term relationship, all that a casual relationship is going to do is take you on a detour and get you laid. If they seem weird, listen to your gut. Meet in an open, public place for the first few dates and keep your spidey senses alert for anything that comes across as strange, intense, or stalkery. If they come with excess baggage that involves a current partner, tell them to jog on. Stay positive for the second and subsequent dates and be careful of creating oversized expectations.
Manage your expectations and focus on getting to know them. Easiest thing is to to go into the date rooted in the present and showing up to enjoy yourself. Let the date chips fall where they may. Judge people on the merits of their own actions. Make sure that how you intend to come across is how you come across. Much of the drama that happens with dating arises from not being true to yourself and being agreeable. It comes from fear and guilt around your right to say and show no.
No is how you communicate your limit and your line. Nothing good comes from being a people pleaser. If you expect honesty, be honest on your dates. It also means being willing to step up for you and make an exit when it becomes apparent that they are not honest. Same goes for women. Avoid the dating equivalent of premature ejaculation. In fact, it takes time to discover these things and before you can even contemplate doing any of these things with anyone, you need to get to know them first.
Go on a second and third date. Seriously, there is no fire. Remember — we have often dated people with whom we felt instant rapport who have turned out to be no good for us. Date because you want to. Make an effort with your appearance and attitude on your date. Put your best foot forward. Not only will it create an impression but it will positively affect your mindset. Work out what you genuinely want from dating.
Are you looking for a relationship? Are you looking to get laid? Are you looking to pass time? If you are looking for the latter two, adjust your expectations accordingly and be careful of changing the goalposts and your expectations if the person was wanting the same thing that you originally were. Can a booty call grow into dating grow into a relationship? This is real life. Look out for you. Spend your time in the present. Be careful of Defining The Relationship Talks.
Save the blow by blow analysis of the person and the date for when you get home and speak to your friends.
It should remove ambiguity and you should both understand if there are any limits to your expectations of that person and the resulting relationship that you have with them. This can put a great deal of pressure on both you and the relationship.
What are you worried about? Which insecurities is your date tapping on? Healthy relationships need interdependence which is where you are each independent entities with your own life who have a mutual healthy dependency in the sense of being connected to and in the relationship.
This is entirely different to being codependent, which is where you are excessively emotionally reliant. Acknowledge and confront any code red and amber issues. If someone that you met online this morning is already sending you penis shots or trying to get you to talk dirty, you can trust me when I say that nothing more than some sexual flirtation and possibly a wet screen or seat, is going to come of this.
The worse thing is that even though they invite you to participate, these people often mark you down for participating. This is both your single and attached friends. Learn to feel good about yourself so that you act in accordance with how you feel.
Treat you well, be considerate of the thoughts that you feed you and make sure that what you profess to believe and want is reflected in your actions and attitude. Read my tips on self-esteem. Find out who you are, what you like, what your interests are and what your goals are, and then find events, clubs, places etc that not only reflect these but give you the opportunity to meet like-minded people.
Be open-minded as you will be surprised at what you will enjoy while trying out new things. It also gives you an opportunity to practice your social skills. You will not meet people on your sofa or burying yourself in the illusionary world of the internet. Taking a month break lets you focus on you and when you come back to it, you can start afresh with renewed vigour and attitude.
Obviously avoid repeating the past — relationship insanity. This is carrying the same baggage, beliefs, attitudes and behaviours, choosing the same people different package and expecting different results. Dating without sex can be wonderfully liberating. You will quickly weed out people who are just out for the chase and looking to get laid and you can focus on getting to know your dates in reality and discovering common values. I am not personally secure.
Unless you are in a relationship, you trust them, and there is a healthy foundation to your relationship, no lending to or borrowing money from dates. If you lend it, consider it gone! If you borrow it, pay it back asap. Playing games creates unnecessary drama by manipulating people and the outcome of situations.
This will render your relationship unworkable. Resolve your Florence Nightingale and Fixer Upper tendencies and raise your standards. One could potentially leave your wallet empty and the other could leave you emotionally empty. The more you try to convince and perform is actually the more questions you raise about you. Start as you mean to go on.
Be personally secure, have boundaries, treat you with love, care, trust, and respect and live by your values because being yourself is what makes you attractive to the other person and it also gives them a birds eye view into what you will be like in a relationship. Be careful of multiple dating. Multiple dating, emotional unavailability and commitment-resistance go hand in hand.
You cannot be emotionally available to all of these people. The fact that you or someone can be jealous is not a sign of love — it is a sign of control. You also cannot keep up the ambiguity and jealousy on a medium- to long-term basis — it would be exhausting!
In life you will find that a lot of things change when you come from a place of congruency and integrity. How would you feel if someone used you to make another person jealous? People who try to Fast Forward the relationship from the get go often rush you through the early stages so that you miss vital signs that all is not well.
If you date from an unhappy place when you already have low self-esteem, you will invite people into your life that reduce your self-esteem even further and cater to the insecurities that you already feel.
When you treat and regard you with love, care, trust, and respect, you will not accept less than what you can already be and do for yourself from someone else. Saying these three words to someone who for instance, struggles to remember to call you, is a recipe for disaster. Avoid emotionally unavailable men and women Mr and Miss Unavailables as well as assclowns unavailable as well being shady users and abusers like the plague. This means striking a balance between meeting people, socialising, and the potential of finding a relationship.
Not every date has the potential to turn into a relationship. Baggage Reclaim is a guide to learning to live and love with self-esteem by breaking the patterns that stand in your way. Number one and two are definite! I am so afraid of dating I know I have to force myself to go out there. God, I really hate that I go for the wrong types of guys, Even when I thought I had the perfect guy he failed me.
First guy that I thought he was special. I was so blind and only heard what I wanted to hear. But, I know it is also me and not always them. I let it happen. Anyhow number 38 really hits home for me, I always go for unattainable guys. Thirteen too, because I fall for the hype the fantasy of having a really fun and happy times. Sometimes it is more in my head then the reality of the relationship itself. I also agree with number because I let them fool with my head and I am a part of the whole process.
So I need to work on myself. I also liked 19, 55 and sixty five. The good thing is that you know your weak spot — your imagination and denial. You just need to force yourself to be very realistic and be very wide eyed with open ears. Thank you so much Nat I will download it for sure.
I have been telling everyone about your blog.
Imsges: dating baggage reclaim
If you date from an unhappy place when you already have low self-esteem, you will invite people into your life that reduce your self-esteem even further and cater to the insecurities that you already feel. You just need to force yourself to be very realistic and be very wide eyed with open ears. It comes from fear and guilt around your right to say and show no.
I am so afraid of dating I know I have to force myself to go out there. If you date from an unhappy place when you already have low self-esteem, you will invite people into your life that reduce your self-esteem even further and cater to the insecurities that you already feel. Go on a second and third date.
Of course once you are dating someone, be careful of anyone who is afraid to even think ahead to the following day. Actually, like aphrogirl, this dating this is essentially new to me. If you are going to date online, you need the hide of a rhino, good detective skills, and a willingness and ability not to dating baggage reclaim your imagination run wild. The fact reclaom you or someone can be non dating friendship sites is not a sign of love — it is a sign of control. Sometimes it is more in my head then the reality of the relationship itself. If you could change one thing in the world, what would it be and how would you go about dating baggage reclaim You will also struggle to decipher whether they are dating baggage reclaim playing games so it just basically puts you on the wrong footing.