Men and Women Can't Be "Just Friends"
Though she was perpetually and involuntarily single. And there is legitimate, platonic gain and growth in their interactions. She is testing your reaction. So when a guy she went on a few dates with doesn't call her after she finally sleeps with him, a male friend can tell her to move on if he doesn't call after night number 5, while a female will go on a rant about how all men are jerks , or worse; advise her to call him. I have never being so in love.
who is this so-called "friend"?
If there is no trust there is no point. You just have to exercise your judgment and ask the right questions. I typically end up going by myself. They need to understand that all women aren't 'catty' or 'needy'. That slope is getting slippier by the day.
Tell me in the comments. My boyfriend has a girl best friend. Lately our female friends told me she liked him. On Snapchat he lets her do his streaks, she takes him places, buys him food, and walks with him in the hallways at school all the time.
I heard that they were acting a little too close at our schools football game that SHE took him to. She lied to me once so she could ride with him in the car, alone. I noticed that she leaves him alone when I come around. Lately I feel as if he likes her as well. So basically lots of things are happening right now. The worst thing is they used to like each other, they stopped liking each other bc apparently stuff got weird.
According to my boyfriend. Please help me figure this out. I really need to know the truth. She seems like a bootycall and sure acts like one. I Knew about her when we got together 16 yrs. I had to walk into a lot of this. Both partners should put in work to make the relationship work.
The gf is already doing all she can to find out what is really happening, prevent the worst from happening, feeling jealous, stomach knots. And this is proof itself from the gf that she loves her man and would do anything to stop him from walking.
The gf can scream and yell and beg on her knees all she wants but if her man wants to keep the other lady around, the other lady will BE around. He would even go so far as to show his bestie, time and again, why he chose his gf, and why it will always be his gf and not her. Deep inside, they like having two women claw over them.
They feel empowered knowing that they have a choice. They can choose between two women. It boosts his sense of pride. Sometimes these jerks take it a step further. Funny that these are the very guys who would be jumping up and down and acting like a cat on hot bricks if it were their gf who had a guy best friend who is out for what is clearly more than a friendship.
And yet here they are doing the same things. My friend was real smart in this scenario. When she saw her man acting up and denying things in her face when he was clearly being shady with his girl best friend, she went and got herself acquainted with a guy and within weeks, upgraded him to a guy best friend position and spent more time with him.
Her bf saw what was happening and was not happy at all. He did all that she had done. He pleaded with her, he yelled at her, he became unhappy, snappy, jealous, anxious, you name it. She blatantly told him to his face that he had spared her no mercy when she was the one on her knees. He apologised to her but she saw him for who he was.
RIght there and then, she ended their relationship and walked out on him. He regretted heavily and went all stalker-ish. Searching her profile for weeks and wanting to get to know her male bestie and if she had already gotten together with him. If you dont trust the female best friend then do something.
But four months down the line to now I went on his phone and read their texts.. I just feel like they have too much history for us to exist. She usually gets really depressed because shes go I through a lot and I guess uses him to comfort her. One time he called her his princess after she told him a bunch of emotional stuff.
She is testing your reaction. She wants you to tell her it's unacceptable, she will argue that it means nothing, and you're supposed to get into a fight. Theory being that if you fight with her, you'll fight for her.
If you just accept it and let her keep talking about other guys then you're a doormat. I would tell her outright that you don't want to hear about other guys and that you want to be exclusive. Have a fight if necessary, then have great make-up sex.
FreeToBe don't waste your time with a woman that has alot of male friends, not to mention one that talks about them all the time. Originally Posted by FreeToBe. Great input all, thank you. I wouldn't take issue with her having guy friends if she was dropping lines about them being interested in being more than friends This is no good - if they want more. But agreed, I have to figure out what I'm willing to tolerate. It's not cool that this woman is saying her male friends are sexually interested in her.
She is probably only fishing for attention, but you can call her bluff and suggest that she sever these "friendships" because these men aren't friends at all. Instead they are suitors. Explain to her that you would not hang out with women who were about trying to get you in bed. My guess is she will back pedal and hopefully drop this getting you jealous thing.
She needs to realize that her comments are not only insulting to you, but also to these men she considers friends. This sounds like an insecure weakness on her part rather than a terrible deal breaker. Perhaps you can forgive it if she's willing to try to stop talking about them in that way. I'm a big proponent in forgiving certain things because people aren't perfect.
We are muddling through the best we can. If you intend to continue seeing her, there's nothing wrong with suggesting you meet up with some of her friends, go out for drinks, etc. Since she considers these guys buddies, she really has no excuse to not introduce them to you if a relationship progresses. They should be just as welcoming towards you as her women friends. Observe the overall tone of her interaction with these guys. What's the background of their friendship?
Does she socialize with these guys significant others? Women who have legitimate, platonic male pals generally would not have brought them up in conversation in that manner. Last edited by O'Malley; 18th January at I'm looking for a woman's perspective here Do woman really feel that bringing up other guys will motivate their significant other into seeking an exclusive relationship with them? This would simply never occur to me. It's not a strategy in my register I belong to those that think it's possible to have friends of the opposite gender, and I have some male friends although I am married.
Although she doesnt shrug me off. Its not that she is shy with guys, but I think she has a problem with me which she doesnt agree to. She says she doesnt like couples getting cozy in front of their friends. In my absence, on party occassions, she is ok hugging her male friends , although not too often. So i am utterly jealous and confused whether i am right or wrong in my thinking. And you re right, we cannot win in arguments with the ladies. This is first time i am sharing something.
I am in a relationship from past 2 years. We used to meet on weekends and have some great memories captured. Suddenly few weeks back i was woke up in the middle of night and i called her to say that i love her but what i got was my phone was on waiting list , firstly i thought there must be something serious at this time.
I called her again after 10 mins but same thing happened. It happened for 3 hours i kept calling her and she keep on disconnecting.
Next morning she calls up and say she was talking to one of her female cousin and her cousin was upset about something. So i trusted her. Few days go by, same kind of thing happened again i called her like times back to back and she keeps on disconnecting. This behaviour of her drove me mad. Somehow from her call logs i figured out whom she talks every night after we say good night to each other it turn out to be some guy from her college.
I directly asked her about this guy, and she came up with her part of story that this new guy is friends with her from past 6 months and this guy has always been with her when i was not available, he used to be with her to support her all the time, at that moment he was just a nice friend to her. I was completely blank on what to say, on one hand i was really mad who this guy is , never heard about him n all and on the other hand that guy has done a good thing by supporting her.
I was completely blank. I said her that it is ok to have friend but you should not have hide this from me.
She was like , if i would have told you ,you would feel bad about it, i said i am even worse now. Few days passes by now i am completely messed up with what to do, i finally came to a conclusion that what she is doing is wrong, she must not be doing it by choice but this has to be stopped so i asked her to stop talking to that guy.
She agreed but asked me to give her some time, i said ok. Few days after i got a call from her and she says to me that she feels for him and does not wanna loose him as that guy was always there with her when i was not and asked to break up. I talked to her calmly and asked her decide again keeping in mind both part of her time and choose the one which was best. I asked her to meet me and we met that same day and came up eith the same thing that she will stop talking to her as she said she sees a future with me and me with that guy.
Now days later i was talking to her and she keep on telling her college daiy happening life and in her every line it was that guys name.
I was really pissed. I said her that we came up eith a solution that you eiwill stop talking to him, this time she says give a list of the people whom should i stop talking.
We had an arguement and she won as i was not there for her before. From that day till today same kind of thing happens everyday. When she talks to me she says she is going to stop talking to that guy, she loves me and wants to be with me but again am hear stories about him daily.
Not i have started thinking like i am coming in between of them i should stop talking to her. She is not happy with my this decision. I am not sure what to do next. I just know that i love her alot and i just want her to be happy. Please tell me what i should do now, should i let her go or try to bring her close.
She has been loyal to me from beginning this is the only thing which has happened beteeen us. And now every time we talk we fight. Girls do this because they want to keep their options open, this is all it is really. Also, if one relationship goes sour, they can move onto the next one while at the same time minimizing any pain they may feel in the process relationship breakups hurt less when you can bounce onto another person very quickly. Tell them that you refuse to get serious with a girl who insists on having more options because that will lead to more pain for you later.
She will try to argue that girls can have male friends who are just friends, do not let her get away with that. Eventually, she will be conditioned like the slutty dog that she is, that whenever she makes mistakes, she will get stung by the zapper ie: Eventually this dog of a slut will want you more and will learn how to make you happy and when she makes you happy she will get more of you — and she will learn this and live by this.
As you can tell I still hold a lot of anger for that slug of a sex in the city slut that I dated. Also, one last advice I received from my uncle when I was younger. Or, just keep fucking her as much as you can until you find another girl, and make the move when you do.
When I got this advice and I was 18 I found it disappointing that my uncle would be so brazen with his advice, given how my gf at the time my first gf, different girl was very important to me. I cant believe how needy men r this side of the hemisphere……gosh men here need to be men period. Men with good-looking women tend to be insecure and needy of constant affirmation and wouldnt mind if they were the only one in their girlfriends world, but lets be realistic…she willl go to work where they are men, she might get sick go to hospital where they are men….
Yeah you are right. No complaining, no insecurity, no screaming. A real man will not tolerate other thirsty dudes playing the friends card and moving in on the woman they love. We know how these guys operate, we know what they are thinking, and we know we are public enemy number 1 to them 9 times out of Whenever the tables are turned, you all flip the hell out and get so pissed that we have girl friends, so we drop them when we get serious.
So, if you have a gf, you must be secure about her intentions? What if she is capable of doing the upgrade, then you must just feel secure no matter what even when she is cheating on you? Women, and men, lie — they betray in order for you to see them in the ways that they want to be seen, not the way they really are. Has it ever occurred to you that men might not be interested in a girl who is keeping her options open because they are not interested in sluts or girls who are constantly seeking an upgrade?
Hi, My GF has had a male friend for a while since I was around. It never bothered me in the beginning except that he was persistantly sharing his feelings and they were close friends before she moved away. I let this all go over my head for a while because he was far away. That is about to change and he is coming to the area as he has family and he wants to meet up and so does she. Except in his head as he fancies her then he is hoping for something and it is no longer friendship in my view.
I saw a message whereby he declared his feelings and continues do so. The woman seems to have no respect for me and is unable to commit into an adult relationship. I would expect behaviour like this from a teenager. She too has said to him how she is unsure of me and other things and thus encouraging to share.
She use to say she loved me but I feel this was a cover and part of the characteristic of a Narcissist. I have put my foot down with the relationship and put distance expressing quite clearly to her how I feel and in written form so she can digest it all. I feel sorry for him as he has been led on and holding on for years and not been looking at other women as far as I can tell. He is persistant in sharing his feelings and not being told otherwise by her.
I have warned her she needs to deal with this or I will contact him and deal with it. He knows of me but clearly this is not enough. I feel she has done nothing to discourage this and now caught she claims I make her miserable. I have not spoken to her since and I am prepared to walk away from this. My gf once pulled a move like this on me: But I found out that she invited her ex bf to hang out with her when I was away because she was feeling lonely.
So I made it clear how I felt about the situation. They had been separated for over a year. She gets horny after a few cups of wine. I then asked her if she would like it if I asked my ex gf to hang out with me. She never pulled that on me again. So we promised each other her idea to not have any new friends of the opposite sex unless we both approve, since after all, we are a unity in this relationship.
Men, for as long as history can tell, have always played the role of seducer. This is even common in MOST male creatures in the animal kingdom. So why should men trust other men around their chick, especially when we know better? I came upon this blog after looking for answers and googling because of what happened last night. I met this beautiful girl, everything I ever wanted etc… We are together just over a month now and looks like she is crazy about me.
She however has lots of male FB friends, and every day I see more male friends being added. Currently she is on a week holiday. She told me she met two Brazilian men while on a guided tour. The one man is 38 and his father is the other. She mentioned Brazilians are beautiful people. Later the evening she phoned and told me she is going out with this guy and his dad. That the son is married. But the wife is not with them. I did not hear anything further from her the whole night. I sent a few texts but no reply.
Seems she did not read it. So they walked all over to find food. Until they found a take away place. She said they offered to pay for a room at their hotel so she did not have to drive back so late, but she decided to drive back because she missed me and wanted to speak to me. I was and still am boiling inside about this. Ate her hotel half hour later she text me and say hou she missed me the whole day and wanted me next to her and hope I dream of her and such things.
What am I to make out of this. Am I to worry or not? Must I try to discuss it with her? Because I know if I discuss something like this she gets extremely upset and angry… Must mention that she also have a few male friends she told me about.
I am very very jealous at the moment and very angry. But I really love her. Its all so confusing…. Write out what you would say before you say it. Read it over and then remind yourself. Dude what are you doing? If she expects you to keep your female friends at bay and close them off, then you must demand the same thing of her, and she cannot have it any other way, what is this nonsense of her hanging out with other men and having all these male friends? WTF she goes out with these two men she just met on holiday?
They offered to lease her a room so they can have sex with her dude. You have allowed her to get away with all this. Why is she going on holiday without you?
If she is going out and not inviting you to come along, be suspicious, if she asks why all these rules, tell her that you are not required to and WILL NOT explain. Thanks for sharing the story. A girlfriend is not a wife. She used another man to escape from you and it sounds like you are lucky to be rid of her. I been having a problem since me and my girl been going out for a year and couple of months and for the last two months she been ignoring me from sex and talking to me like she use to do and I enjoyed being with her everyday and I love it but then one day she change alot.
She been sending photos of her self to them and emoji like a blushing face or a kiss face.. Usually she want to do it but she want to have her fun and left me with no fun. What can I do I need help or opinions on what to do. Tell her, confront her about it. And stay the hell away from those guys, drug dealers are bad news, and will beat the shit out of you and take everything on you. Drug dealers are desperate pieces of shit. Me and my girl worked in the Same place, I ended up becoming aa supervisor, and brought her in.
She ends up working in a less labor orientated place. She talks and becomes good friends with the supervisor on that side. Two weeks in and our relationship is down to bell, always arguing, mostly over that friend of hers.
She keeps insisting he is just a friend. Some could just be insecurity and fear though. Ive been with my boyfriend for 13 years. Started dating when i was 15 he was 18 We had a breakup once when i was 18 due to trust issues. He thought i was cheating on him i wasnt, but i can see why he didnt trust me. There was a guy that was in my circle of friends who obviously became my friend, because he was in my circle of friends, but i was never alone with him, i thought my boyfriend was friends with him too, and never became personal like that where i would be just hanging out with him..
I brushed it off because i wasnt going to just stop hanging with my friends because there was someone there he didnt trust. Anyway, the nagging and assumptions and insecurity just made me oppositional — this has always been my nature — with friends, family, autority figures.
And he knows that. So i just stopped trying to justify myself. I know i wasnt cheating on him, and i had no intentions of a backup plan or whatever.
I enjoy having friends. Again, i stopped trying to verbally justify myself. Its not like i wasnt paying him attention — i was just not giving him ALL of my time. Which in my opinion nobody should shut themselves off from the world. Thats just fucked up. So he thought i was cheating. And broke it off. Yeah that really hurt me. I continued to be this guys friend. And you guessed it. He tried to pull a move on me..
We were still friends. And i still didnt fuck him. Eventually my boyfriend came around begging me to take him back and i said no for awhile because i felt betrayed that he didnt trust me and i didnt want to have to deal with that shit again. Eventually i came around though because i did want to be with him, we have always been ourselves with eachother and we kind of just mesh..
So that was my random stupid teenage story. Now fastforward to the present. Trust is the foundation of a relationship and every time is dwindles a relationship will fall apart.
I have made a new guy friend, my girlfriend was seeing him, and hes a cool guy. He is one of those people that like to talk — alot — and im one of those friends that listens more so than talks. We were aquainted a long time ago but i never made friends because he wasnt really in my group of people when i was younger.
Anyway… me and my husband have went out with them a couple times. Weve all hung out and drank and had a good time. He called me when he was having problems with my friend and i listened and talked. Whatever hes my friend right? My hubby was around when he was on the phone. I also was transparent about our convos. The other day he needed a ride to home depot so i drove him over and we hung out for like an hour and talked.
He was talking about hos new girlfriend and how hes much happier with her for the most part friend stuff, goddamnit. My hubby even talks to him. I do admit he is needy i guess socially, but hes like me and my hubby, where we dont have many friends anymore you lose touch as you get older i guess? But yeah — that hangout has caused such a rift he is indirectly saying im cheating on him and he doesnt trust me with him etc.. I have never cheated or thought of friends in that way but he has always assumed im a big whore when he feels threatened.
Its funny and sad at the same time. There are no words or affection towards him to justify him trusting me i can only break friendships off or he breaks up with me. There is already enough writing here here so ill stop.
I just want your opinions.. I have been with him all my life and i could not see myself even having a fling with someone else, let alone a person i consider a friend. I enjoy my alone time too — without my hubby and with company of friends, male or female. Am i completely fucked up and in the wrong here?
It is riddled with bias and misogyny. Women are not hardwired to seek external validation, you look for the wrong women, Alex author. Maybe take a moment and see where you seek your own validation. This article is disgusting. If she sees her male friends in a group and ONLY in a group that would be ok, and if she sees that friend while the bf is there that would be ok too — but what is the reason she wants to see him one on one?
My bf and I have been together for 2yrs and have a great level of trust. I would never even think about cheating on him and the though of hurting him the way some of u have been hurt really makes me feel physically sick.
I do have male friends due to the fact I was always bullied by girls all throughout my school life, but my bf understands this and I would cut all ties with everyone of them if I even thought for a second it was hurting him.
God bless all of u, I honestly hope u find a girl willing to stand by ur side through thick and thin. What would you think if I was seeing girls who are more attractive than you on a one on one basis? If you exchanged numbers after, then that is not ok! I married my Chinese wife in China 11 years ago when i was there working and met her.
Very prim and proper lady when we met, in public that is, when we first had sex for me it was like Wow! Completely different woman in private. She of course said he is only a friend and that is all, we did nothing ever together. So i said, then why did you not introduce me to him, and she said he did not want to meet me. So i said nothing else, i showered after confronting her as i just mentioned, she showered, came to bed and I fucked her silly for hours, knowing for sure she was far more than a friend with this guy.
This happened on a Wednesday. And i think it might be important to mention that my wife has a very high sex drive and had not long before that during sex one night had told me when i asked her that sure, she would not mind having sex with me and another guy if i knew someone i would be comfortable with and she approved of. So, the next day i took the day off from my office, i own my own company, and i searched for this guy and found him at the bar he goes to lots, around 5pm i found him.
Sat down at the table he was sitting at alone, introduced myself, and told him ok, so now u and I are going to talk and u are going to be honest to me as her husband. So without going into a long drawn out discussion here about our talk, he did admit they had had sex, and in order for me to ensure he was not lying to me, i asked him 2 things about her. First, her nipples are very very long, like her baby finger from the tip to the first joint, are hard as rock always, and real dark color — so i asked him what her nipples are like and he described them to a T.
And second i asked him was she hard to orgasm, and he said no way, easy as can be and had more than one always, so bingo, i had her caught. So i said to him, cause he also told me she had told him she was separated from me, so i told him well here is the deal — Friday night you will come to our place, and in front of her admit to me you fucked her and many more than one time, then because as she told you she would love 2 men together for sex, you and i are going to give her that.
So he showed up Friday night, told me in front of her they had lots of sex, she was totally stunned, then i just undressed her total nude, told her u can fuck around behind my back, and going on about having 2 men together, so your wish will come true now and the rest you can figure out i am sure. I left her and I am done with her. A wife has a male friend that she sort of hides?
She is cheating, no question about it. So I now have an update to my original post here about my Chinese wife. He had never met nor seen me so he had no idea who I was, let alone knowing I was her husband. So we chatted and I said i had just come back from China, and he said wow, he was seeing a married Chinese woman for months until her husband gave her an ultimatum, stop or get out.
So i said in China, many Chinese women have slim tight bodies and also real nice other body parts, and he then said oh same with the married woman he was seeing, and described a certain part of her body, nipples to be precise, which in her case are just really really long and rock hard always.
And went on about them having sex, etc, etc, and so on, so I finally had the truth that I had believed revealed for once and for all.
I never bothered to call her and tell her, what would the point be, she would simply call him a liar. But it is interesting, we are apart now for over 3 months and she still calls me if i am not in contact with her at all for a few days or so, she always ends up arguing with me, and i simply say goodbye and hang up.
So a question i do have, she says she does not love me and we can never be husband and wife again, but she will always consider me a member of her family, and on and on, so my question is simply this — if she is truly done with me for good, why the heck bother to call me and argue and stuff? My thinking is when it is over, it is over, and there then is no need to keep calling and taking.
So just inputting my situation here after reading the comments. We both have tons of it towards each other and there has been open channel of communication throughout our whole time together which has helped us establish trust in one another. We are in our late twenties and everything about us has been pointing towards a future together as husband and wife some day.
That is fine with me, someone can have friends of the opposite sex, no problem. She likes to have close connections with friends just like we all do. Now my gf told me this guy was a really good friend and they eventually turned it into a relationship just to see how it went. Long story short, it was ended by the guy and she never loved him, she viewed him more as a friend.
My gf came to me saying she was going to be transparent, as she always is, and told me the situation. She even told me that she told her ex from the beginning that if this was anything other than professional then she would remove herself or him from the situation and he agreed. So we all seem to be in agreement here but I still cant help but question this guys motives. Am I out of line here assuming things? There have been other guy friends whom I have met who my gf has once made out with or got a little hot and heavy with whom she was very good friends with and they got drunk one night things happened.
So from my point of view, my gf has guy friends whom she considers very close to her from throughout her like before I met. At one point they may have kissed or hooked up but since I came along, none of that has happened. My girlfriend has shown me nothing but trust and has talked through each of these men in her lives and why she keeps them around as close friends because that is exactly what they mean to her. I have seen my gf put her foot down, and she is not afraid to, in situation where met have hit on her.
I keep playing hypotheticals in my head…say I go out of town and my gf goes and hangs out her guy friends drinking, she end up staying at one of their places for the night to crash. It makes me wonder what those men would think to do if I am not there. Btw, all that I have typed here has been discussed through and through with my gf and she is aware of how I feel.
She has shown me no signs of mistrust. Hi JP, your comment is interesting, because basically it seems that although you trust your girlfriend, you feel insecure. Not because she gives you any reason to doubt, but because in a way you know how men feel around women, even friends. Because if you start putting restrictions which would in this case be unreasonable, since her behavior is respectful , then you might break the amazing bond you have. I think in this case you need to work more on yourself, and just learn to accept it.
It might be hard at first, but it will be worthwhile. And, do you know what? If she were to cheat, that would mean she would have regardless of you accepting her seeing those guys or not — it might even push her to do so if she feels caged in.
You seem to have a beautiful relationship based on trust and honesty. Just let it be. That slope is getting slippier by the day. Quiz her on it. Ask what they talk about. What she gets out of it. Maybe they both love Charles Dickens novels and have an ongoing duo book club.
And there is legitimate, platonic gain and growth in their interactions. Sorry to be obtuse here, but no, men and women, with very few exceptions cannot be friends. Could you imagine if you met a dude who had no male friends? What would you think of him?
Imsges: dating a girl who has guy friends
Would you do it if you felt it would hurt him?
So i said, then why did you not introduce me to him, and she said he did not want to meet me. I typically end up going by myself.
He has witnessed it first hand again and again and has heard all of the datnig trying carbon dating fake counter his findings which have been found all over this post. It's not a strategy in my register I belong to those that think it's possible to have friends of the opposite gender, and I have some male friends although I am married. But the relationship has just turned into some struggle to keep going. I never flirted with those guys and failed to see why gkrl was being so insecure. If that's the case, then you dating a girl who has guy friends to know what you're getting yourself into and not act surprised when she mentions all her guy friends. What if she is capable of doing the upgrade, then you must just feel datng no matter what even dating a girl who has guy friends she is cheating on you? She keeps insisting he is just a friend.
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