8 Very Good And Very Bad Ways To Write That First Online Dating Message
You Get What You Give Like in many things, the kind of responses you get from women reflect what you're putting out there. If you're not proud of the way you made money, instead emphasize where you want to be in a couple of years or what your goals are. Also can you also provide me with more of those opener examples in an engaging conversation? I went to school in Boston too!
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How turned on are you right now? Avoid suggesting a face-to-face date in your first message, instead stick to something you've seen on their profile - do you share the same music taste? I am 5 feet 2 inches. Have a nice day! Like in many things, the kind of responses you get from women reflect what you're putting out there. It doesn't matter if you are ugly or don't make a lot of money.
There are some approaches which seem to be really common that actually don't work at all. Learn them, avoid them, and move on. This is a pretty common conversation approach, which is like you'd use if you were meeting a stranger in real life, so you say "Hi" or "How's your day been so far?
This is definitely better than some other ways of talking to women online i. It doesn't show that you've taken any time to read her profile or figure out what she might be in to. It's a really easy message to pass up, and unless you're Brad Pitt, she's probably not going to respond.
If you really want to use this approach, at least use an unusual greeting with proper grammar, like "Howdy" or "Oh hey there. This approach, like the above, is not so bad, though you probably won't see much success with it. Just like in real life, it's a little boring to just intro your name and then ask them how they're doing.
They hear that kind of stuff every day. It's also easy to cut-and-paste this kind of message and when it's not even that interesting to start out with, it'll be easy for a girl to ignore. Another problem with this approach is that you have to get from the awkward "hello we are both strangers" to going on a date with them. That's probably going to take more messages than you want to send or she'll want to respond to. This could be anything from a "Would you rather. They're bad for two reasons.
One is that they sound like you Googled "good ways to start conversation with women" and went with the first one you saw. Two is that they don't actually get any closer to you meeting up in person. Instead, you'll know that she'd rather die by razorblades than in a fire. How useful is that? Use questions and information that tells her about you and lets you get information about who she is.
Like I mentioned above, women tend to ignore questions that start out with a physical compliment and you can safely assume that they'e already received dozens, if not hundreds, of similar messages. Make them feel interesting. You, by proxy, will also seem more interesting. Messages about how you're new to online dating and are not really sure how it works are boring. First of all, they focus on yourself and your own lack of confidence and they make her feel awkward because now she has to reassure you that it's okay.
She doesn't want to be your mom. At worst, she'll also assume she's strange for trying online dating too. Similarly, don't ask women how long they've been doing online dating. Those kinds of questions lead nowhere. Why does it matter? First messages that critique a woman's profile might seem cute, but they're just really annoying. No one wants to go on a date with someone who will be their judge for the entire evening. If you like her, talking about noticing her spelling error might be the perfect thing to bring up on your 20th date, or never.
Take an extra minute and send her a message that shows you read her profile and are interested in her specifically. You might think this will make you stand out as "not one of those guys," and it does. Unfortunately, it makes you into a different kind of guy, one that doesn't get a response to his message. Sure, most people know that women tend to get a lot of messages from men and that some of them are ridiculous. That fact, however, has nothing to do with you and her, and really nothing to do with her.
So why are you asking it? This is kind of a tricky one. In some cases, you can tell a girl that you liked her profile and it will totally work for you. In others, it just makes it sound like she passed a test, and tests aren't fun. Saying something like, "You have one of the best profiles I've seen! No woman wants to be reminded that they're just another one in a crowd.
Similarly, giving a woman "bonus points" if she likes something that you do or can guess something about you based on a hint you placed in your profile makes you seem like you are always testing a lot of women and that they're just another dumb girl you're putting through their fool-proof test. None of these are good ways to start out with someone you think is attractive. The conversation part is where many people hit a wall. They either send too many messages and the conversation dies off before they get a chance to meet in real life, or they push for a date too soon when one party isn't ready.
The best advice for engaging in conversation is to stay positive, ask her specific questions about herself with information you got from her profile, and ask for a date as soon as possible within three messages. This is why the best openers start with a combination of showing the girl you read her profile and are interested in her and introducing yourself in a way that make the girl feel comfortable. The more words you say, the more likely you're going to say something stupid.
Remember, you're going to make mistakes, and that's okay. The important thing is to make sure that you learn from them. The opener is just part of the equation. If you have a killer opener but your profile looks like a dud, the girl's not going to message you back.
If you want women to talk to you, you gotta look like someone worth talking to. I've seen too many disastrous profiles that make guys look undateable. This is something that can happen even to good guys who are "just trying to be themselves" in online dating. Your profile picture is the first thing a girl's going to see when she sees your message, so make it count!
It also appears in a lot of places on most dating sites and will definitely be your first impression. Your profile picture should be a pic of your face, nothing else. If it's blurry, if you're wearing sunglasses or a hat, if the picture is too dark, it's likely going to be a pass for her. Ideally, you'd also be doing something and looking away from the camera but a nice photo will do as well. If you think that this is the perfect time to be holding a dog or a puppy, think again.
If you love dogs or have kids, she'll learn about that in your profile. OKCupid had a great blog post about how to find your best face for online dating. Some of the main takeaways:.
For the rest of your photos, you'll want at least one clear body shot and some pictures that give a hint as to who you are and how you spend your time. Do you have hobbies? What do you do with your friends? Don't post too many pictures of you with alcohol or with other women. Those can give the wrong impression.
If you're not proud of your body or your face, use the photos as a way to show off your personality and something that you are proud of about yourself. If women feel like they don't know what you look like or that you're hiding something, they will almost certainly not agree to go out with you. It's also a good idea to test out a couple of profile pictures and rotate them every two weeks or so.
What you think is a great photo might not actually be that attractive for the women you're trying to attract. All pictures should be within the last six months or so, maybe a year. If you don't have any recent pictures, this is a great time to go do something fun with your friends and have them do a photo shoot with you. Remember that kid in middle school with the weird name that everyone made fun of?
Consider this round two. Choose a profile name that talks about your interests or how you define yourself. Putting a little thought into this will go a long way. Avoid anything sexual, cocky, or stupid. Filling out your profile description can be daunting. If you think it's hard, you're not alone. Tons of guys don't know how to talk about themselves or do it in a way that sounds attractive. Luckily, there are some proven ways to make yourself look good when you're trying to tell strangers who you are.
Don't talk about how awkward you feel filling out a profile or say anything like "I don't really know what to say or how this online dating stuff works. That's not how you want to come across, is it? As tempting as it may be, you shouldn't lie about the hard facts.
Don't say you don't have kids if you do. Don't say you're a lawyer when you're a paralegal. Should you end up meeting a woman in person, it will be hard for her to accept the fact you lied to her even if she might have liked you otherwise. Dishonesty is a turn-off.
That said, if you occasionally smoke but wouldn't mind giving it up, it's okay to say you don't smoke. You know if you're being deceptive or not. Don't lie about your profession. If you're not proud of the way you made money, instead emphasize where you want to be in a couple of years or what your goals are. That shows that you're driven and that you have a plan for your life. Women are into that. Be open about your intent. If you actually want to meet someone, don't be shy about saying that.
Downplaying your reasons for being online by saying that you don't have time for a relationship will only deter women from engaging with you at all. This should go without saying, but your profile is not the place to complain about women or past relationships. In fact, it's not the place to complain at all. Talking negatively about women or anything will make you seem negative and unfun, and ultimately uninteresting. Talk about what you do like. A laundry list of what you're not looking for is really unattractive too i.
Talk about what you are looking for instead. Talk about your quirks. If you're not sure what quirks you have, then ask your friends about some of the things they notice you doing.
Being unique is how you're going to be able to attract attention in a sea of men. Avoid going into a speech about your likes and dislikes. Imagine you're at a bar and a girl comes up to you and starts listing every single one of her favorite songs. Instead, think of your interests as potential conversation starters. Just a little bit will do. A longer profile is not necessarily better, and it doesn't have to be perfect.
Your words, while helpful, are secondary. Keep your answers short, upbeat, and unique. Meeting up in person is always the best way to get to know someone. Assume you'll really get to know each other then. Use spell check and proper grammar. Obviously you should still sound like yourself, but you don't want to sound like a dummy or like someone who doesn't care enough to put a good impression of themselves out there.
Like in many things, the kind of responses you get from women reflect what you're putting out there. Did you put time into your profile? Would the kind of woman you want to date be attracted to the person from your profile? Did you put time into your messages? Are you sending messages that the kind of woman you want to date would want to respond to? If you're not having any luck, talk to a close friend female friend if possible and get their input on what you're doing.
Be open to their suggestions. Remember that part of the fun is making mistakes AND learning from them. Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites. Thanks for the great article. My main rule is 'dont say "hey" or anything like that'.
If you're curious I met several very attractive nice woman from that site: This work like a charm for me. I live in a small mountain town and I'm pulling women from all over the place. Here is a tip I have never seen before today. Message ONLY women online now. Here is how to do it and how it works http: Spend a few days asking yourself questions like "If I was a type of cheese what cracker would I best be served on? Buy expensive tickets to events you have no interest in, get dressed up, drive miles to the event, wait around outside in the parking lot for about an hour then go home.
Great advice for meeting people online. I think many people are challenged when it comes to creating dialogue. While I am all for the short term success which can be achieved by negging, it seems like a poor basis for a genuine human connection. One opener that gets their attention that I made up similar to something I heard from Richard La Ruina is, "I have two felonies, three kids from separate women who I never see, herpes, a drug problem and a penchant for drunk fighting.
Also I hate puppies and fun. Dude thank you so much. I've been using the 1st opener a lot and it's been working very well.
And it's so much fun trying to figure out what else to say after lmao. But it really has been working like a charm. I already got a girls number and I'm hanging out with her next Sunday and I'm still talkin a bit with a bunch other really attractive girls as well. Guys, insulting her does not work, maybe for young girls but not a women. The jock one is okay but the shy thing would not get me to respond, then again im 30yrs.
It worked perfectly for me I'll say that the first opener definitely works. In a day and a half i've had about 20 beautiful women respond to me. All of either black, hispanic, or mixed race.
But my suggestion would be to change the wording a bit. Works better for me. So guys do anything it takes to make yourself more attractive. Get in shape if you're not already. Write a better profile. It will all help. Women have many guys trying to talk to them. I am interested in movie s, music I am fast cool brave smart I love thin white girls that where short shirts and blond girls. So I've been using these, and you're right, they do get a response more often than not, problem is I seem to be just pissing the girls off:.
I reply to guys who are either cute or piss me off? Guess which category you've fallen under? Shame because had you attempted to message me something civil you would have fallen under the first category! You're spot on, but there is a larger issue here that you need to consider when picking up girls online.
The culture around dating from a female perspective can be terrifying. As awesome as that sounds, she'll make for a shitty girlfriend.
What you need to do is create a safe environment for any girl online. Don't joke about things like rape or real life violence.
These are legitimate concerns in dating culture for women. Similarly, you need to be respectful about any reservations she has. Not giving you her facebook or twiter, though rare for online dating, is not a personal rejection. It can be a simple protection of her privacy until she gets to know you better.
Most importantly, if you get a first date, then don't assume you'll be picking her up. Dating someone a woman doesn't know personally takes more preparation than looking good. If you are dealing with a responsible, self-preserving woman, then she will have her own transportation, she'll have given trusted friends her location information for the night, and may have taken other precautions.
This sounds like a lot of things for one woman to do before one date, and it is, but it's also both necessary and so normal to women that it shouldn't be obvious on the actual date. Just be aware, gentlemen, and don't be personally affronted when she turns down the ride home.
Your Quick question, why come on here if you're going to ignore all the guys anyway. Gets a response every time almost immediately its awesome but I've taken to it more of a game and at times even lectured a few of the chicks about their choices ha just having fun run care if I get a positive or negative response its all about fun in the game. I googled this out of curiosity, philosopher, nice work! Couldn't have done better myself You have to pay attention to the profile to decide which opening line to use.
Makes it easier to build on their responses. The philosopher has given you some great openers which I have tried myself and had continued success with. Pof has become more of an entertainment thing for me. I'd like to go on and on and tell you what to do because I honestly feel sorry for you, quite frankly I don't have the patients to type it all right now.
I've used his lines word for word and they work but you have to choose which line to use on who. Take his lines and make them your own as well. Look at what they are in to and research it, google it if you have to, after their response, change the subject and inquire to their interests with an intelligent question or ponder her response for a while and think of what she means by it.
Try to come up with your own lines. Think of what is going on right now. I have 3 options, that's a good take! Be patient, don't respond right away, wait a few hours or even a day. Think of what you are going to say. But urz wz amazing plz give sme mre open up lines n wt to do after getting a strange lines frm her.. Lol i want to use the jock line,but I kinda do already look like the jock type from my pics.
I think that would backfire on me haha. Im going to try anyway. You will learn this as you go on, and like I said, that is as far as I can lead you, as, you need to create the building blocks for yourself. I tried the 1st line opener, and I DID get responses from girls However, all of them seemed negative Hate to admit it but you know what you're doing!! Used the line about ignoring all the guys..
Can you give me a few more good openers that you use because i've rinsed out all of the ones you given out lol. I was on pof and noticed a girl I recently seen on Facebook too. Should I message her on pof or fb? Hey my man, sorry it took so long to reply, but Also, because you "naturally" don't have the skills to converse with her, no matter what you say, the conversation will probably What you can do, is forget about having the perfect words to say, and forget about getting her completely Girls always love to talk, no matter how inconfident you are..
I encourage you to build your conversation skills with anyone.. Hey Poetic Philosophy, there's a girl I really like but i don't know her and i was wondering if you could suggest me a few topics i could talk to her about in order to keep the conversation flowing.
It doesn't matter if you are ugly or don't make a lot of money. Girls won't talk to you if you are ugly. Hey I love to talk to girls they are so cute and I love there smile I wish I had a girlfriend. You're cute, it's too bad your one of those shy girls. It was literally seconds at most. Dude, your openers rock, I've adapted some of them for my own use. It's fun trying to come up with different answers to the "Why are you ignoring all the guys", I'll nail it.
Mate, I used a couple of you're most used line and this girl caught me out. She said at least 3 people have said the same exact line and reckons I was part of some advertising scam haha. Hey PoeticPhilosphy, just wanted to thank you for this article.
I was never good at messaging girls online just because I couldn't figure out how to make it interesting. In person, it is much easier for me. But online, even when girls do message back, it just isn't fun, it was always boring cause it just wasn't an interesting conversation. It got to the point where I myself would stop messaging.
Anyway, I literally copy and pasted your first line five minutes ago, and I already got replies. My old self might be begging for more information - Part of me really wants to, but now, I actually like the dance. It's fun trying to figure out what to say or do. So yeah, thank you, I was literally almost done with online dating just cause it was boring.
These lines just made it more interesting. Drizzle, as I said, figure it out. You'll have a lot of mess-ups. The whole point of "Not-getting-attached" as I say in my bar-graph, is to not care if you lose the girl by what you say.
A way to solve that "contemplated-stifle" would be. I literally just made that up, and once you go through more and more girls, you will be able to keep convos going like nothing. Like I said, you have to suck before you get better ;. But what if after I tell the girl, "You're cute, it's too bad you go for the jock type. Hey man, if you could post some of your text conversations or whatever, and go over what your thought process was for every response and what you were trying to accomplish, that would be really helpful thanks man.
I would love to help you, but as I said in the article, that is as far as I can lead you. You know how to open the girl, you must now "learn" how to engage. If I told you step-by-step on what to do, you would just be using a script and when it came to real-life you would be blank, because You used a script and knew nothing and are now in the blue.
Just keep going my man, I provided everything you need in this article. Take a look at the "Graph-bar" where it says don't get attached. You will have to go through 10s, 20s of girls. Also can you also provide me with more of those opener examples in an engaging conversation? Hey it worked she replied. As in, i was kinda being different at the start but how do i change it from her saying "you don't know me" to having a good convo?
I was really stuck on that part.. Thanks for sharing with us this experience. I m going to use POF maybe I will get some fish tonight hehe. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners.
HubPages and Hubbers authors may earn revenue on this page based on affiliate relationships and advertisements with partners including Amazon, Google, and others. How to Talk to a Girl Online: Proven Openers Updated on March 30, Dating Online According to Pew Research , online dating has lost much of the stigma it used to have.
This article has sections on: Opening lines General approaches to starting conversations online Tips on engaging in conversation Tips on making a great profile. Getting a Date Online I'm going to help you boost your game and give you proven openers that get women talking to you like nothing else.
But you're here for the good stuff, so here we go: Quick question, why come on here if you're going to ignore all the guys anyway. You're cute, it's too bad you go for the jock type.
Go out-the-box like Pandora with it. Think beyond your comfort zone be intriguing, coax her into letting you in and reacting to your first email. Forget about being a stand-up comedian to communicate on a hookup dating site. You just need to be funnily crazy for her to break a grin. Check out her profile and come up with a topic you can latch onto. Make jest of her introduction. Your initial message should be straight and to the point nothing beyond that. Keep it for when you actually see who you like.
The main target with all these hookup tips for the 1st email you send is to get her number or make her add you on Facebook. You need to work towards anything you can use to contact her in a more relaxed or informal atmosphere.
This lets you take the chit-chat to the bistro, restaurant and ultimately your bed. Read these carefully and tweak them to create your peculiar email messages. When you know what to say on a hookup dating site, you increase your feedback and chances of getting some pussy.
We tested over 50 different ways to send a first email on a hookup dating site. Here are the 3 worst emails you can ever send. Never send these type of emails.
Even if you have a gun pointed at your head. My name is Mark. I am 5 feet 2 inches. I have blue eyes and brown hair. I am a simple-guy who loves to exercise and eat healthy. This type of information is most likely in your profile, so it does not need to be copied and pasted into a message, dumbo. Here are the three best messages that we sent out. I would leave out the online date procedures and invite you for a nightcap. But, you are aware that Net can be an unsafe place to play.
I came up with some cautious questions for my protection in case…. This type of message might look funny, but this is the type of killer content your potential date would be looking out for. It sticks out like a sore thumb. Most dudes would send general Hi-i-want-to-meet-you messages. This will prop her up, and she will definitely reply. I would prefer to just skid across all the online formalities and take you to see a movie, but you are aware that the Net is filled with sickos and weirdos.
So I pose to you a riddle question was used by a famous psychologist to find out if we are nutty or not:. A chic at a party and suddenly she sees a hunk standing alone.
She has set her eyes on him before. She feels a sense of instant affection. She abandons the party without getting to know his name or meeting him.
Imsges: cute things to say on a dating site
I think I love you more than anyone's ever loved me. Latest Fails Funny News Awesome. Here are 10 dating websites in the UK and how much they cost a month.
Ur right, I guess it takes time to get to know "some" girls. This is a great message for three reasons:
You're cute, it's too bad you're one of those shy girls. Dishonesty is a turn-off. If you're not having any luck, talk to a close friend female friend if possible and get their input on thinfs you're doing. I went to school in Boston too! This is not just a dating profile. It also appears that we have similar music tastes too.
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