"My Husband Has Been Pursuing Ads on Craigslist Casual Encounters" | Dear Wendy

“My Husband Has Been Pursuing Ads on Craigslist Casual Encounters”

craigslist casual dating

I see your point about how the letter was phrased and worded. Why are you not more angry!? And 4 days when i returned to Poland, my boyfriend now husband called me by himself and came to me apologize that he is ready to marry me, I was excited and happy and we immediately get married. And I totally respect your honesty RR.

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One thing they obviously did NOT talk about was whether or not it was oK for him to seek casual encounters on Craigslist. ReginaRey June 19, , It just messes up their chances of meeting omeone. Can you help us by answering one of these related questions? BUT all I can really comment on it is he breached her trust and his marital vows by going on CL with that intention.

Not good for escorts because black men try to steal them from other pimps. Just one of the many reasons. Female to male transgender person. Means a guy that is biologically born female but feels and presents them self as male. On craigslist what does ftm mean? If it is an employment ad for any type of sales position it means Book of Business - like a client list.

What does bob mean on craigslist? However, along with the previously mentioned "Book of Business", someone in the pet section might also use it to refer to "Best of Breed". Using Drugs Called Ice. What does pnp mean on craigslist? Meaning do drugs and sexually "play" with eachother.

Hope this was more helpful! Email the pic to yourself then open it and attach it. Im selling something on craigslist and do not know how to send pic from my iphone to lap top to craigslist? Black women need to be strong. They arrogant, egotistical, selfish, and everything is about them. Many live off of women, I know I lived in prison with them. So, apparently you guys are very closed minded and uneducated. My guess is maybe a H. Azboy72, you are full of it with those numbers you just quoted.

AZ boy, I am well-educated just tired of the AA losers around me. What does fob mean on craigslist? Add Your Answer What does "dtf" "bbw" "hwp" mean on craigslist? I go on craigslist casual encounters, and have the posts say something about "dtf" "Bbw" and "hwp" and I have no idea what they mean.

This is easy you need to go learn basic online acronyms to stay on top. Learn more at http: Can the police track a lost phone? I lost my phone tonight: Anonymous "Also known as curvy thick and chubby but have a cute face This discussion closely relates to:. It just messes up their chances of meeting omeone. What does too short a question mean? If you cannot answer admit your weakness and fade away to obscurity ;too short a question?

Can you help us by answering one of these related questions? We need your help! Please help us improve our content by removing questions that are essentially the same and merging them into this question. Please tell us which questions below are the same as this one: The following questions have been merged into this one. If you feel any of these questions have been included in error help us improve our content by splitting these questions into seperate discussions.

Please unmerge any questions that are not the same as this one: What does dtf mean on craigskist? Ask Your Question Fast! Type your question here. Leader Board What's this? Leading Today Pts Helpful 1. Yes, I know its less scary to think that so and so was raped because she did this. I insert Italics would n ever be so dumb.

Therefore I am safe. Its a false security. Brad—by making the consequences harsh and obvious. Rapists who rape family members know the chances of being reported are minuscule. And men who rape drunk women know society will put equal blame on her and are less likely to follow up.

I think thats the first step to a better world. Brad — maybe actually hold them accountable and punish them for it. June 19, , 2: I think we are all in agreement that rape is not okay. I do know that victim-blaming does exist and it does need to change. Until it does, be as safe as you can. I agree the consequences should be stiffer, but you have to be very careful when lowering the burden of proof.

The example you raise about shaming a woman and calling her a liar because she had too much to drink is a good one. That hurts legitimate rape victims just as much as slut shaming. At the end of the day, there are bad men out there that will take advantage of women.

And as women its up to us to protect ourselves from shady situations. June 19, , 4: They turned out to be about someone being dissatified with the way a relationship ended and wanting revenge. This really trivializes real rape cases. Leroy June 19, , 2: Honestly you guys are the ones imputing blame, not Regina.

Budj June 19, , 2: Fabelle June 19, , 3: Do you also blame the college girl who is watching a movie with a male-friend of hers who gets raped? In these cases, they have carefully cultivated ther relationships with the women so that the women feel safe.

In the case of the pedophile uncle or the male friend, this process has been going on for a while. Are the women still victims? Is it their fault? All I am saying is that women should do their best to keep themselves safe and, in my opinion, this includes not picking up men in bars.

GatorGirl June 19, , 4: My little sister is going off to college this fall and I made sure to tell her about things like using the buddy system, not going home with strange men, drinking a glass of water with every liquor drink. And until that memo goes out, I will not be picking up any men in bars.

Savannah June 19, , 1: A great way to get raped is to be near a rapist-thats actually pretty much the only way to get raped. Nina June 19, , 1: Rapists come in all stripes and are good at camouflage. Are you willing to risk your life on your ability to spot one? Also, if we want to use your logic to be applied to another situation, that is also blaming a woman who stays with a partner who has hit her.

Kristina June 19, , 8: That is victim blaming. Lili June 19, , 8: But Katie, who decides that arbitrarily going home with a stranger is dangerous for a particular woman? Also, can we please agree that the majority of crimes including rape and murder are committed by someone the victim knew, so classifying going home with strangers as more dangerous is just false. Because most people are raped by people NOT their hookup.

I can start citing studies if that proves my point better. The victim blaming came from that one comment, and of course like any online discussion it grew legs with additional comments added on by other people.

So lets just leave it at that. Kristina June 19, , 9: I just wanted to throw this link out there.. CatsMeow June 19, , 9: And never on the men who rape. Would a man be judged as severely for going home with a strange woman he met at a bar? Would a gay man be judged as severely for going home with a strange man he just met?

And society as a whole condones and tolerates it. It ALL went back on her. What else might someone say? Yeah, people say that all the time. LadyinPurpleNotRed June 19, , In the real world men get applauded for taking strange women home from a bar and from what my gay friends tell me… They do too.

Hot chicks loosen lips in more ways than one…. Savannah June 20, , 3: Kristina June 19, , 7: When I saw this comment earlier, I thought it was completely asinine.

And as someone who has been raped and sexually abused many times, it blows my mind to see some of the reactions on here and that people think that some level of victim-shaming is okay.

In fact, nearly 9 times out of 10, the rapist is NOT a stranger. Leroy June 19, , The ads on Craigslist casual encounters are definitely creepy and pathetic. GertietheDino June 19, , Morgan June 19, , I think his rationalization for his behavior might actually piss me off more than the behavior itself. He has no remorse. Bossy Italian Wife June 19, , The sad fact is that you love and trust your husband SO much that you are buying the load of crap he is trying to feed you.

Divorce is an ugly thing, and I loath to recommend it, but Wendy is right. Print out those emails, take them to a lawyer and take his sorry ass to the cleaners. He can look at whatever he wants. He can also have sex with whomever he wants. His reaction to your confrontation is manipulation pure and simple.

Your husband needs a serious attitude adjustment in order for this marriage to survive. Hope it works out. Amanda June 19, , This is great advice! If your husband is unwilling to go, then I would begin preparing for divorce. Has your husband always been so disrespectful towards you, or is this a more recent development? If he has always treated you poorly, I would recommend that you get some private counseling to figure out why you allow yourself to be treated this way.

Where is your self respect? I fully believe that a marriage where cheating or borderline cheating has occurred can be saved. It is hard, of course, but I like to believe in forgiveness and healing. I like to believe that love can overcome. But, where one partner refuses to admit wrongdoing when it is plain as day! She should try it- you both are right. I just doubt that this guy wants to make changes or even cares to put in effort for his marriage.

All signs point to hopeless. Yeah, the fact he never felt bad about what he did is a big fat red flag. He was more pissed he was caught than actually upsetting his wife at least it sounds that way.

Rachel June 19, , There are clearly problems with their communication and respect. Counseling is a necessity if she wants to save this marriage. Not my high school kids, my middle school kids. The ones who throw tantrums and steal my candy. Also, get tested for everything. Pinky June 19, , MarkD June 19, , It does sound like the LW is married to a sociopath. Fabelle June 19, , And understanding that there are consequences— or at least drawbacks— if you do not.

Yes, I agree on the sociopath idea. They have no remorse or true emotions. Looking to cheat is cheating. You should really consider whether or not it even matters, because he clearly has no respect for your monogamous relationship. Kristina June 19, , If you stay with him, it makes you both idiots.

You seem almost oblivious to the situation, as if you should actually believe that nothing is happening—but he already crossed the line and showed an utter lack of respect for you. Accept what has happened, and make a decision based on what you want and expect from a relationship, instead of trying to tell yourself that you should just believe your husband.

LW, please listen to Wendy. This man sounds like a real ass. This really should be a no-brainer, even 6 years in. Dump his lying ass. Grilledcheesecalliope June 19, , Your husband is a grown ass douche, kick him out! Just kidding butreally, kick him out! Tracey June 19, , 1: MJ June 19, , 1: I was waiting for you to come blame the woman! That said, NONE of my sexually satisfied friends have ever resorted to Craigslist… The sexually frustrated and disappointed ones? Although all of them have complained that the actual hook up rate there is like nine times out of a , tops… And looking through the ads there are people who really do just want to watch….

I feel like if people take more ownership of their wants and desires early on, and then cultivate relationships where they are free to talk about their wants and needs this will be less of an issue.

One I firmly support! That is a huge incompatibility and for people to just stuff that inside thinking they can deal with it usually ends up in worse situations than the other parties friends finding you shallow for dumping their friend over a lack of sex….

Libidos under normal circumstances should be a match on average over the life time of the relationship. I agree that matching libidos is a huge issue. Its ok to break up over sexual differences. It absolutely is a MOA situation. Sorry I like sex more than once every two weeks? And that once every two weeks was a chore for her…. Lili June 19, , 3: MJ June 19, , 3: Yeah, totally a legit reason to break up.

That sort of libido mismatch is going to doom any relationship. Roxy84 June 19, , 3: Perfectly sound reason to break up. Neither party wants that, really. Caris June 19, , 7: Anna June 20, , 4: And the more out there it is the harder it is to tell someone that you really want to respect you about it, and the greater the potential it could have a negative impact on your overall life.

Say for example a guy secretly wanted his wife to do him with a strap-on one of the kinkest things I could think of at the moment.

But Brad, if thats his kink he should be with someone who is open to it. Its only embarrassing if she reacts really negatively, but that means he should MOA.

Lemme dig up the savage love podcast where Dan goes OFF on the callers judgey gf…. If the spouse is NOT interested in fulfilling the kink, the couple needs to talk about what avenues are ok to explore. Its a part of being open and in love with a person.

Accepting all parts of them. At least, thats how I view love and a life long relationship. Brad June 19, , 3: He might never find someone open to it if he did or risky getting a reputation getting back to his job for example. Just look at those poor teachers, for example, that have gotten fired just because someone with a grudge? Using a different example, a friend of mine broke up with a woman almost 2 years ago now and he was with for a LONG time 8 years?

Not exactly something I think would be fair to expect a person to divulge early on. Some fetishes are in my opinion in a catch 22 category. It was one of the main reasons they broke up. Well, citing Dan Savage again, the best way to roll out your kinks is early and also positively. I mean he was open and honest with me about something he enjoys sexually, its my job as his partner to consider without any judgment doing something that pleases him.

Seriously though, do you all NOT listen to savage love podcast? It should be mandatory for ALL sexually active adults. Brad June 19, , 7: And the confidence to move on from partners who shame you for it.

I was just trying to raise the point that not everyone is comfortable discussing their darkest fantasies with people that are relatively new in their lives. There is a certain comfort level that has to be reached, and that level is different for everyone.

Education might help some, but there are a whole plethora of other factors that could hold someone back. A job being an easy example. Not to say that your friend was in the wrong for it being a deal-breaker, Brad.

Just basically just disappeared on him. He says going back that maybe he should have done it to her heh. No, its not easy. And boy am I feeling more disillusioned about relationships now because I want complete an utter honesty and openness with my partner from the get go. Oh and SATC had a pee fetish episode actually it featured roger from mad men her question for him in trying to meet it was—can i pour tea on your leg.. So see, its made its way through pop culture.

KK would have literally eaten shit to be famous, I think. Which is ironic as all of america, if not the world, now eats up all the shit she puts out…. Yeah, you really DO need to bring out your kinks early on. Maybe not on a first date, but if you have a kink— and an inkling that it may not be well-received— mention it.

I mean, how is that supposed to improve their sex life for the better? I do agree that individuals have a responsibility to satisfy their partners. One wrong does not justify the wrong of another. Lets go to the gay pride parade together ele4phant! I heard it was great. For all we know this has come up hundreds of times in their relationship… Hey, if I was penning a letter to DW where I wanted everybody to take my side and boy, did you!

I would be damn well sure NOT to mention that my husband and I had a lousy sex life. Yes, curiously, in a letter where the main problem is extramarital sex, we coincidentally know nothing about their sexlife… Instead, all we know is that he is responding to Craigslist ads, and that he is doing precious little to hide that fact — which is of course a bold message in and of itself.

Even then, she still appears to be too dense to comprehend his meaning…. And it drives me NUTS that the bad behavior of one person can somehow justify the bad behavior of another. And if its maybe not about cheating or being unsatisfied, but if this is a kink of his, well the same protocol applies.

But she IS doing precisely that. I think it is a big assumption to say he actually did talk to her about this. My comment meant he was right about both sides of the argument projecting, not his overall opinion. It is just as much as assumption to assume their was no conversation as it is to assume their was. Lili June 19, , 4: Speculation is natural, but when advice follows the speculation…then it gets tricky. I mean, person A still deserves to be in the shit, but if person B reciprocated, well so do they.

CatsMeow June 19, , 4: Assume they talked a thousand times! One thing they obviously did NOT talk about was whether or not it was oK for him to seek casual encounters on Craigslist. When she found out, she was surprised.

Now, if she decides she IS ok with it, then they can negotiate the terms and the rules. I see your point about how the letter was phrased and worded. BUT all I can really comment on it is he breached her trust and his marital vows by going on CL with that intention.

That is not right, he violated her trust and their commitment vows. Then he was dismissive of her it seems, so if she wants support in leaving him, she has it. Now, he should call DS and ask him how to be more forthcoming about his kinks. He dumped his girlfriend and HE was the Bad Guy! He was the horrible beast that actually wanted sex. He should have been more sensitive to her and her meager rejection-laden needs….

You have no proof that she froze him out sexually. Which is why Dan Savage would say that he needs more information and he would probably mutter that this letter was perhaps on of the most deliberately misleading that he has received in a long, long time… To write in with a sexual problem as loaded as infidelity and not provide ANY of the pertinent details is in and of itself very telling….

And whatever the issue is, it appears to be chronic. So, he would completely be justified in leaving. I still say that letter is the most selfserving one yet. Now go dump your husband and set him free…. I like you BGM, and I appreciate your different perspective. But comments like this make you lose all semblance of credibility in my mind.

Funny though, people only seem to notice the lapse in logic in my post… although that could be because I take a more radical point of view with this letter.

But I still very much doubt that somebody who is just thrilled with his sexlife is acting out on craigslist. DMR June 20, , 6: Come and find out! I mean its not til Sunday. Thats plenty of time to get up north: No, I cannot go. Somehow I thought it was very down the line.

I love summer here. Before they get married everything is usually just great… and they foolishly assume it will stay that way. For some reason, MANY women lose interest in sex. Some women lose interest in sex for physical reasons: Men gotta do their part too. I mean, sure I expect lulls after a kid is born. BUT I expect it. SweetsAndBeats June 19, , 4: And I end up feeling WAY better afterward. I have yet to feel worse off, or regretful, afterward.

For many women it just seems to be a lack of perspective. And It gives me hope. Cuz In my last relationship, when I did a majority of those things the initiating I mean , my ex made ME feel bad for having a high sex drive. Still not in a relationship though, so yet to be seen how its effected me in the long run. The second a guy makes you feel bad for wanting to be intimate with him, he never deserves to see your tits again. Sorry for being so blunt! That is ALL on him, not you.

SpyGlassez June 20, , 3: SweetsAndBeats June 19, , 3: There is more evidence in the letter to suggest that, when it comes to discussing intimate matters in their marriage, he speaks to his wife in a boorish and condescending manner. He sounds like a great catch. You can have him. SweetsAndBeats June 20, , 2: I have observed that men acting like this man grow more and more childish over time, as the relationship deteriorates. A man like that would not get a woman to the altar of her own free will, at least.

Therefore, I think it is a fair supposition that his horrible reaction to her concerns is from a building up of tension in the relationship, not a fluke. I do not condone cheating in a relationship between two people who committed to monogamy. But nothing is black and white, and it will help the LW to see her part in the problem so that she can learn, grow, and hopefully have a better results next time.

Brad June 20, , 7: SweetPeaG June 20, , 9: I take pretty good care of myself. Was willing to try new things and whatnot. Elle June 19, , 4: Do you know what they tell physical abuse victims? Because it will happen again. And it will escalate. Do you notice the pattern here? Your husband is trying to cheat on you. It happened three times already that you know of.

Can you put yourself in his shoes for a second? He probably already checked out of your marriage. He learned how to cover his tracks. As hard as it is now, it will get harder. DMR June 19, , 8: What Wendy said is right. And you know the clincher is the lack of remorse. He has contempt for you, and for the concept of marriage. DMR June 20, , 1:

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I wanted to thank you for a lot of this in depth explanation! That hurts legitimate rape victims just as much as slut shaming. This past September I found he had responded to casual encounter ads on Craiglist.

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I feel I will betray his wife who is very dear to me. He is not a man. MJ June 19, , 1:

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What does pnp mean on craigslist casual dating RR, people use ALL kinds of sites to look for casual sex encounters. They turned out to be about someone being dissatified with the way a relationship craigslist casual dating and wanting revenge. He can look at whatever he wants. That is ALL on him, not you. Unfortunately, there have been examples of dickhead assholes, too. Savannah June 20,3: