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Using what my daughter owns as his own. In this way, you may find the abuser will just leave you and drop out of your life. Trudy June 10, at 3: Why make excuses for him? Recommended Help support the blog by shopping at Amazon via the link above at no extra cost to you. Your partner tortures animals, is mean to children, or nasty to waitresses.

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Now please understand, I only ever had two boyfriends. I know that my own social lifestyle and pursuits have been changing through time and this progression in Stages Of Life. The reality is that the sinfulness of our flesh is still present, and the freedom God offers is the freedom to resist the flesh and walk in the Spirit. I have emailed this site twice in 24 hours to ask them to ban the profile of someone I know to be a non-op ladyboy. The police have always been out to get them even though they never do anything wrong. As well as this, hard working and he works a lot now for being able to visit me in my country. Safety first but l felt Confused and full of restements.

I searched for guys in my 'age group' for men who were currently online and got farther and farther away in my search. His picture captured my curiosity, so I looked at his profile - to find we were about miles apart. We ended up chatting for several months, progressing from Cupid emails to Cupid chats, then skype. After 3 months I flew out to meet him in person. We spent one week each month together in the other's city for just over 3 years.

We have been married for 6 months now and are still amazed at how happy and compatible we are. There's no way we would have finally found each other without you!

Ive tried out many websitebefore, but i think this is the best website ever because its easy to use and many people i can chat with. Finally i met the ONE I joined this site recently, because with work and family committment I struggle to have the free social lifestyle, to find a new partner. So I decided to join this site after no luck on other online dating site And after a couple of weeks I had my first date, which went great!

And we are going to our second date this weekend I have been on this site for just 2 weeks and lots of profiles I have opened, many texts I have recieved But ONE was the nicest Both of us have found in each one what we want and need!!!!! After a jittery start with some dubious characters, I've met someone - a very genuine woman. It was my first time ever on a dating site, so I felt a bit uneasy at first, but luckily a nice intelligent woman came along whom I'm happy to be a friend with at this early stage.

Well it all started with a sweet message from him, and we started talking. The more talked and laughed together, we realized that we belonged together. We both were searching for that right person, and we both agree that it was fate and destiny that brought us together.

We are both happy with each other and neither one of us wants it to end. My pain and confusion can, in a sense, be "redeemed" if my story and my conclusions can help someone else. And there is a tremendous healing effect in sharing your story and knowing that you are not alone.

Second, we're not necessarily throwing out the godly teachings we are expressing disagreement with the way they were communicated and enforced. None of us would say that young people should throw modesty, discretion, and wisdom to the winds and sow wild oats to their hearts' content.

We're saying that the teachings on emotional purity have been taken too far. You say that you are making it clear to your daughter that having crushes is normal good for you! You're obviously a responsible and empathetic parent. But what if someone who seemed wise, caring, and kind, and who was considered a reliable teacher, someone whom you trusted, were to come along and say that having crushes was evidence of serious depravity in your daughter's life, and that they represented a grave moral failure?

What if that teacher spoke in such a way that your daughter felt crushing shame and guilt over her innocent crushes? Instead of mom and dad winking at each other and smiling indulgently over their daughter's crushes, or gently reminding her that she's not prepared to be married just yet, they punished her to "purge" her depraved soul from these unholy inclinations.

They made her feel dirty and evil for simply thinking that a certain young man is attractive or interesting. The emotions of a teenage girl are extremely fragile. Many of these girls, after just one or two harsh reactions to a crush, became terrified even to talk to a boy, in case they got in trouble again.

Please understand that I am not saying these were bad parents. I don't think so, in most cases. Their motives were good they wanted to protect their daughter, and they wanted to live in a way that pleased God. And they trusted a teacher who told them that he had seen certain things work to protect girls from the pain of broken relationships.

Sadly, the "medicine" was not medicine at all. It was snake-oil, and many of the girls suffered terribly after taking it. I was raised in an ATI home. I'm now in my late twenties. Sure, my parents didn't get it all right: They made mistakes, they were too strict at times, they didn't always search the Bible painstakingly. But I do not believe for one minute that I was scarred for life by the training i received at home. I went on after high school to have an amazing college experience.

During those years, I slowly began to see the centrality of the Gospel and how it was not just supposed to be a footnote in my life- it WAS my Life. I don't remember ever being so excited about studying God and His Word until those years at College. To this day, I am grateful for the grace God showed to me in leading me to that college.

But I am also grateful for my parents and the years of love they poured into me. They taught me in their imperfect way that waiting for God's best was important. And while I have to agree with others who have commented on here about the mixed up thinking behind punishing girls for having a crush, I also have to say that I never felt that from my parents. They did not exactly encourage me to obsess over boys, but they also loved me and never made me feel 2nd class if I was struggling with feelings for a boy.

I guess for me, the main point is this: I do not ignore the fact that fallacies and errors abound in much of the teachings from the Wisdom booklets etc. But I also do not think my childhood or teen years were a hopeless failure.

God is in the business of redeeming. I belive he is Sovereign. Find biblical training from other sources. Pursue God with all your heart. He can and will replace error with truth and grace. Don't keep looking back. Elena, you are very fortunate for the excellent experience you had growing up.

Waiting to be persuaded, Tim; I won't claim that I speak for the author, though I too was taught as she was, and experienced nearly every negative aspect she described so well in her article. Specifically, that engaging members of the opposite gender at an emotional level in relationships was a form of 'impurity'.

In Titus I am exhorted to 'treat the younger women as sisters, with all purity'. I most certainly wouldn't avoid emotional closeness, deep conversation, or even a shoulder to cry on to any of my sisters. What 'emotional purity' teaching DID accomplish, however, was create an area of false guilt and shame, which easily negated, or overrode the very clear command of Jesus Christ to love our neighbor as ourself.

Instead of being like the Samaritan who helped the wounded man, our 'legitimate concern' over possible emotional contamination gave us ample reason to 'pass by the wounded on the other side', leaving the wounded people God allowed to cross our paths lying in the pool of their own emotions, while we 'saw Christ hungry, thirsty, sick, naked, in prison and did nothing'.

We justified this, in our own minds as protecting 'our emotional purity'. But He knows better. And I don't want to try to explain my 'but I could have gotten hurt or emotionally tainted' when He looks me in the eye and says 'what you didn't do to the least of these, you didn't do to Me'. This would have been about the ultimate 'no-no' from our 'emotional purity' point of view.

Additionally, in weeping with Mary and Martha at Lazarus tomb, we see a man willing to share emotion with others of the opposite gender, but without any intention of pursuing either sister to marriage.

He also allowed several women to express intense emotion on him, physically washing his feet with their tears. Sexual purity is certainly something that God commends, but in my experience, both single, and now as a married man, being able and willing to love and connect with others on an emotional level makes for healthier relationships, not only with the woman I married, but will all those around me.

My wife respects my healthy friendships, both male and female, and vice versa. A friend of mine sent me a link to another article on this forum, but my eye was irresistibly drawn to the title of this article.

I set out to do everything right in the area of romantic relationships, and with all the best of intentions, and everything ended up going horribly, horribly wrong. I have spent years trying to figure out how after being raised in a good, godly, grace-filled and yet non-licentious home, and then aiming to keep myself emotionally and sexually pure, I could end up with far worse damage to myself through relationships than my peers had Christian and non-Christian alike , who took a relaxed, unplanned approach and just dated like everyone else.

First of all, thank you Darcy for being willing to be vulnerable by putting your emotions and thought processes out there for all of us to see. Your courage has enabled the rest of us to hold our beliefs up to the light of truth to see if we are living out of truth, or some skewed version of things.

It was a youth thing. I had a friend who was embracing courtship at the time, and I was very interested. I didn't get to attend the Saturday seminar, but on Friday night I picked up an article by Mr. The Biblical examples given were as follows: Outright lust, followed by an affair and a murder. We don't know whether Bathsheba married David because she wanted to, because she was now a widow, or because she liked him.

We do know the whole thing started with lust and in the absence of any other "relationship. Jacob and Rachel might have been a better pick, but they didn't really have a happy ending, and thus wouldn't have made a very compelling case.

It was still probably closer to a betrothal, anyway. Even Abraham had not met Rebekah, let alone Isaac, until she was brought home to meet her husband. Was this a godly pairing? But it was not courtship. I was greatly affected by Joshua Harris' previously mentioned book, and had my dad read it. He was uncomfortable deciding my future for me without having enough to go on, but apparently he decided I "wasn't dating" during high school, since I felt like I should be more deliberate about relationships.

By the end of high school, I had long liked my best male friend, and my parents decided they liked him, too. They gave me the go-ahead. The other part that backfired was the idea from all of the above sources, and unfortunately backed up by my father, who made a mistake on this piece of advice that it is up to the girl to keep things "right" in the purity arena. My dad's words were that the female is "the keeper of the relationship.

The standard lines from other Christian sources point us toward things like "modesty" and even crazy measures like the misled young woman above wrote about where she was taught to "squint" at men "so they wouldn't get the wrong idea! I don't, however, blame you for listening at an impressionable age.

The trouble is that this kind of thinking often leads young women to feel solely responsible for the men around them acting properly and not lusting. While the initial intentions may have been good, the resulting thinking is an outright lie with serious consequences. Until we recognize and root out the lies we believe, though, we cannot replace them with the truth of God's Word. Am I responsible before the Lord not to be showing off parts of my body He does not want me showing off?

Am I responsible for any man not lusting? Each man I see or speak with is responsible before the Lord for his own thoughts and actions.

That is the truth. I wish I had fully realized this when I was Perhaps when my boyfriend started pushing me to do inappropriate things I would not have gotten sucked into the harmful cycle of resisting, failing, joining in, confessing, explaining why I didn't want to do that again, and then within a few days, things ending up just as bad or worse.

Perhaps if I had recognized that I was not the sole "keeper of the relationship," I could have held my boyfriend responsible to respect me. I was caught in a cycle of shame, and I did not know how to get out.

Admittedly, my best course of action would have been a full confession to my folks, but I was too stuck to see the wisdom in that, and felt responsible for keeping my boyfriend's guilty secrets from coming to light as well. This next part I will include only because I have unfortunately found that my experience has become common enough to be called a "phenomenon. If I had held my boyfriend responsible to respect me, I would not have been around to see this phenomenon, as I wanted to remain pure in every way for my spouse.

However, that was not how my story went. There are good reasons for setting out toward the idea of "emotional purity. There may be ways to mitigate those effects and keep the overall goal; I'm not sure.

I think shame is a major part of the issue. Shame leaves us in wrong relationship to Christ, and everything goes downhill from there in various ways. I remember one image I got from somewhere was to picture God with me on every date, seeing what I was doing at all times. While that is an accurate picture of things, I must tell you that it in no way proved helpful. After I had sorted through most other aspects of the damage resulting from my relationships, I was still left with this lingering issue of shame.

It was tearing me up. I was finally able to ask the question in my heart one day this way, "I know Christ paid for all of my sins at the time I was saved, but what about all of the things I've done since, when I knew better? What can be done for those?

For by one offering He has perfected for all time those who are sanctified. One offering, for all time, and Christ was done. His sacrifice was so sufficient, He sat down. There can be no further sacrifice for sin, it is true, but the key is that there NEED be no further sacrifice, for Christ is enough.

Perhaps this passage will help one of you, as well. I know, I write a lot, but it's been a long journey for me, and I don't want to skimp out on something that might connect for someone. Please bear with me for just another thought or two. I agree with Darcy that Josh Harris' picture of giving away pieces of one's heart did more harm than help for me, and appreciate her pointing us toward practicing our ability to love. The Bible does say that "two become one flesh," and I think more happens in sexual experiences than some give credit for.

However, like all other sins, God "is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" I Jn 1: While it might be said to be Scripturally possible to make and keep a vow to the Lord and have that be okay, we are human, and are not good at keeping vows.

I think that Scripture discourages us from making vows, and for that very reason. A vow is a serious matter, and in our fallen nature, we are not reliable enough to either be wise in which vow we make case in point, man vows to the Lord whatever walks out the door of his house, and it ends up being his daughter , or in our faultless repayment or keeping of the vow.

A simple change in wording can be a good start, though. I was prompted by the Bill Gothard video conference to promise the Lord that I would read the Bible for 5 minutes every day. That sounds harmless, does it not? Some years later, though, a man from my church confessed to the body that he had made this same vow, and it was eating away at him.

Each minute he had not read Scripture over the last many years haunted him. I thought about this, and recognized in myself that my reading of Scripture was tainted by this vow. When I did not read, I was plagued by heavy guilt. When I did read, I was not able to do so in freedom. I was bound by some stupid statement I had made at age 14 or I confessed the vow to God as something I never should have done, and asked the Lord to release me of it.

I was scared of the word "promise" for years, though. If anyone else is plagued by this issue, let me direct you to Numbers 30, which is a law that recognized that although vows were serious, and not to be taken lightly, there were situations where a person could be released from a rash or unwise vow, partly for the sake of the effect it would have on the rest of one's family.

We are not bound by the Law, but in this case, I felt that the Law showed me that my concern about unwise vows was a valid one. Thank you to Darcy and to all who have added your voices to this discussion. PS, my next chapter has been a happy one. I am incredibly grateful to the Lord for my husband, who treated me with kindness and patience as I sorted through relationship and purity issues, and who respected my need to save kissing for our wedding day and engagement day, for his sake , and who took me to himself as his pure and virgin bride, even with all my messy past.

His grace and sacrificial love have taught me much about God's view of me as pure and set apart to Him. Using wisdom is a good thing, but when it is time to love, love deeply. God was always faithful to carry out that request, except with me. He and I just had to keep praying and seeking wisdom, and had to keep our hearts open to one another until we knew we were good for each other.

Sarah, thank you for sharing your story. Despite the lack of formatting, as you pointed out: Great points and poignant honesty. Thank you for pointing out how women are responsible before the Lord for being modest, but they are NOT responsible for a man's lustful thoughts. Oh, Sarah, I could just hug you right now. You have perfectly expressed what happened to me as well, and reading over what happened to you helped me, for the first time, to let go of my death-grip on the guilt of a painful "courtship" history.

I, too, believed that a family-approved courtship was THE WAY to go, and that keeping things pure physically was my sole responsibility. Now that I actually am married, I see how very destructive the very idea can be to the foundations of a happy marriage--namely, wives are told to RESPECT their husbands, but what woman in the world could respect a man whom she believes to be merely a slave to his lust?

How could she trust him, either, when he goes to work with the cute secretary while she's hugely pregnant? And if she's the "leader" in the moral department, how is she supposed to submit to him??? It's a VERY backwards idea!!! I, too, was in a "courtship," with all the little boxes checked off. I had a nagging sense that something was wrong, but didn't want to go against the system; and when he bugged me for physical things, it never occurred to me that this was a sign of what a weak and foolish man he was--my failures to "stomp the brakes" were ONLY MY responsibility.

He, too, ascribed to the school of technical virginity--and before I finally broke things off, I racked up quite the list of things that I wished I could un-do. Only God spared me from having pushed the envelope even farther. I never could figure out where exactly I went wrong--if everyone approved of it, why didn't it work out?

And I hated myself for having been too weak to say no, since it was only up to me. This is what men do," and excusing the behavior as something he couldn't help. A little anger at being so thoroughly disrespected might have gone a long way towards keeping me a little more pure.

Thankfully, my husband is a very forgiving man, with a few things he's not proud of himself. But Sarah, you are SO right. While I wholeheartedly agree that following a formula for anything--whether it be child-rearing, romance, religion, etc. The Bible tells us to guard our hearts. The third paragraph of this article says that popular homeschool leaders have defined emotional purity as "guarding our hearts. God also tells us to be careful when it comes to romance.

Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. God also tells us to take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ and to keep ourselves pure. By living according to your word. Who may stand in his holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not lift up his soul to an idol or swear by what is false. God tells us to guard our hearts, tells us to remain pure, tells us to keep even our thoughts pure, and we know this task is impossible.

Our hearts are evil, there's no use in denying it! We can become impure with just a thought! But when we fail, we can simply turn to our Savior who is our righteousness, holiness, and redemption 1 Corinthians 1: The answer to this problem is not found in man's rules or formulas.

Neither is it found by denying God's standard of guarding our hearts and being emotionally pure. Instead, the answer is in having a personal relationship with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and allowing His Spirit and His Word to guide and rule our lives.

There is no one right way to apply these Scriptures. God wants to apply Scripture to your life in relationship with Him--that's why He doesn't want us following formulas. When we follow formulas, we don't have to spend any time with Him seeking His face and reading His Word and talking to Him. We just follow the pre-set rules and miss out on the true joy of the Christian life: One of the best books out there for learning to undo the trap of legalism, formula and ritual and instead walk in grace is a book called "Walking in Victory" by Dennis McCallum.

I highly recommend it. This verse us about guarding the seat of understanding and the place where the sayings if the father are kept see preceding verse. It is not the heart in the sense of the seat of emotions or romantic feelings.

The command is given so that the son may avoid the path of evil. To make it about avoiding emotional entanglements is ripping it out of context. First of all, many translations render these verses to clearly refer to a person ie do not waken my love till he pleases. Secondly to take a particular rendering of a passage from a poem filled metaphor and allusions of various kinds and then read that verse literally in order to derive a specific principle is a highly questionable hermeneutic.

Take the verse in it's larger context and making it to be a command to avoid emotional entanglements is highly unreasonable. Your reasoning here depends on the fallacy of begging the question: How do we know emotional entanglement is wrong? Because of all these Scriptures which speak of being pure of heart? But how do we know in the first place that emotional entanglement reflects an impure heart?

We don't - you have to first assume that emotional entanglement is wrong before you can use these verses to show that it's wrong, begging the question of why you make that assumption in the first place.

So yes, those are all good verses but what do they have to do with emotional entanglement in the first place? David, you take heart out of context. Yes, Proverbs is talking about the words and sayings of the father, but in the Hebrew culture, the heart is very clearly the seat of emotion. If our hearts do not embrace evil, it is much easier not to act evily.

Life comes from the heart, in that a person follows their heart. Where your treasure is, there your heart will be. Evil can appear very attractive, and it is against such attraction that watchfulness must be had.

I appreciate your references to scripture. I am raising 3 teenagers right now. This is most certainly a heavy subject. I know that as a teenager I gave my heart away too readily to boys who were willing to snatch it up.

Time and again I'd end up breaking up because ultimately they wanted sexual favors. Those relationships were damaging, but I wasn't guarding my heart. There is most certainly a balance. I personally see the wisdom in going out with groups of people as friends. But I also see the danger in not allowing any interest unless you think that person might be the one you marry.

That's a lot of pressure! But I agree, this is more about hearing God's wisdom. Each situation is going to be different. But I do see and have experienced the wisdom in having boundaries not alone with the opposite sex even while married. We still have mutual friends, but we keep common sense boundaries, because I believe we can be tempted in any moment.

We would be foolish to dismiss the fact that we have an enemy waiting for a moment to use our sin nature against us. I understand what you are saying, however when the author said: This in itself is not sinful. The thought would have been, 'What a handsome guy! I wonder if he's single, I wonder what he's like, I hope he's a Christian, I think I'd like to get to know him, find out who he is' etc..

I appreciate your points and think that you pointed out the real issue. I too was raised on Joshua Harris and Bill Gothard's teachings, but we did not follow them as the gospel. I studied the scripture for myself to see what God had for me.

As Christians, we are not called to follow man, but Jesus Christ and should strive to honor him with our lives. The bible has much to show us about our conduct with the opposite sex and relationships. Overall, in the area of formulas, IBLP has helped me in my life and I would still recommend Bill's teachings to others. I'm sure that IBLP has helped many more than hurt; and many who have been hurt may have just needed a place to vent due to their own failures or the failure of their churches or parents to help them to understand how to live their lives by God's grace, and not through legalistic means; and how to confess our sins or failures shame to God when we fail to keep vows or fall into sin.

Shame and guilt are positive things, just like pain is to the body, shame and guilt are the soul's way to warn us from spiritual and emotional dangers. I realize that if formulas principles are taught legalistically, this is bad and if taught to the young and impressionable, it can be difficult to undo, but again they are principles to guide us by God's grace, and Bill Gothard's teachings should be seen as helpful guides to practical Christian living. If he taught them to be strictly adhered to with no wavering, then I suppose that's wrong, but I never viewed them that way.

Missionary to Lithuania, and Father of Keep reading and you may find that you perhaps will not be able to continue to recommend IBLP. There are some very heartbreaking stories on this site. I am an ex-ATI dad, second year My testimony is very different than yours. Ah, BG and the Gothardites have hurt more than helpedwith legalistic pride instilled in them, they simply don,t realize how hurt they are and how many people they have hurt.

My heart isn't wicked or evil. It's washed, sanctified, made pure and clean and is now the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit.

He's given me a new heart, one that is "circumcised" of evil and made holy and blameless in His sight. I am a new creation, the old has passed away, and that includes my heart. If my heart were still wicked and evil, then Jesus' sacrifice is weak and incompetent My heart is no longer wicked, it has been re-made!

God is sanctifying me and my new heart from the evil of so many lies that I have believed. Your heart isnt circumcised. That is a promise that was not even written to you. It is written for Jews who will live on the earth following the tribulation. You claiming that promise would be like me claiming that I will have children in number like the stars in the sky or the sand on the shore a promise given to Abram.

You need to "rightly divide your Bible. You have a corrupt body. The Holy Spirit dwells in you, but your sinful flesh hasn't been changed. That's why Paul said "the things that I wouldnt do, I do, and the things that I would do, I dont do" obviously I paraphrased. Your opinion is meaningless without it. Also, make sure you know the context, and who the passage is speaking to.

Otherwise, again, your opinion is meaningless. All who are "in Christ" are the true Israel. For they are not all Israel, which are of Israel: The true Jew is known by the fact that his heart is circumcised. Therefore we can conclude from Scripture that the believer has a circumcised heart. This is confirmed when we contrast the verse you paraphrase and its surrounding context Rom 7: So, in Rom 3 man naturally hates good, seeks evil and has no fear of God, but in Rom 7 Paul a believer wants to do good and delights in the law of God yet can't on his own power.

What better way to describe this contrast except in terms of a circumcised heart ie. The body is corrupt but the heart is circumcised. The flesh may be bent toward evil such that one cannot do the good they desire on their own power thank God for His grace and the indwelling of the HS - we DON'T have to try and do good on our own power , but the inward man of the believer now wishes to do good and finds delight in God's law. So, while you may disagree with my interpretation for whatever reason, there is clearly good and solid reasons in Scripture to hold that believers have a circumcised heart.

Oh man, can't believe I neglected this verse Col 2: The circumcision of Christ is said not to be of the flesh, thus, the OT scholar would readily conclude that this must be a reference to the circumcision of the heart. Sure ties in well with Rom 2: We are made new in Christ and given new hearts! But perfect redemption has not yet come. God has seen fit to allow the flesh to live alongside the Spirit while we are still on this earth.

He has redeemed us from the power of sin but not yet its presence. His promise to remove sin completely from us is a promise that will be realized in eternity. I'm trying to say what Paul says in Romans 7: For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.

I am just as incapable of being righteous without Jesus Christ right now as I was before I was saved. I think that Rom. We are no longer "prisoners of the law of sin" according to Rom.

And I never said we are perfect and never sin. I only said our hearts are not evil or wicked any longer. That magnitude of the ignorance of the statement astounds me. Your incredible lack of Biblical understanding truly scares me. The fact that you are given such an influential position by the site is very scary. Scripture, would you care to clarify why you interpret the passage differently, vs attacking?

Your comment is scary. First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean. Oh pompous one, why don't you open your eyes and see what she's trying to say? Perhaps you didn't understand the way she worded it.

She's saying that Paul was describing who he was before Jesus saved him, as an accurate description of mankind before salvation anyway. And you talk as if you are the only one who truly understands Scripture, you aren't BG himself are you? What you have just said raises a very serious question. If our fleshly hearts are not evil or wicked, why do Christians still sin? Where does that sin come from? Isn't sin the very definition of what is evil and wicked?

There are many reasons why I think Romans 7 is Paul as a believer. I won't go over all of that here except to recommend that you read "Walking in Victory" by Dennis McCallum. It is an excellent exposition on Romans 5 - 8 and a powerful description of just what you are talking about, no longer being prisoners to sin. We are no longer prisoners to sin, meaning we now have the power of the Holy Spirit to resist sin and choose righteousness. Before salvation, we cannot free ourselves from the power of sin at all.

But now as believers, we have the power to choose to sin or to follow God. The reality is that the sinfulness of our flesh is still present, and the freedom God offers is the freedom to resist the flesh and walk in the Spirit. James chapter 3 addresses believers he calls his readers "my brothers" throughout the book and calls our tongues "a world of evil among the parts of the body" and "set on fire by hell.

For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. How come believers still have fights, quarrels, bitterness, and anger? Why is the New Testament filled with admonitions to believers to rid themselves of these practices and to walk in the Spirit?

The Bible addresses believers in this fashion because there is a battle going on in our hearts, a battle between the flesh and the Spirit. And I love how James encourages believers, also in chapter 4: That is why Scripture says: He gives us all the grace we need when we humble ourselves and come to him for his power to defeat the sin of our flesh.

I'm pretty sure I've read more theology books in the last 10 years than most people read in a lifetime. I am quite familiar with all the different viewpoints on just about every aspect of theology.

I also am very familiar with scripture and can quote as many verses as you just did to support my beliefs. But this is not a place for debate, so I won't keep this conversation up. We will have to agree to disagree. I have very different views than most mainstream evangelicals, and don't feel like this is the place to write a theological dissertation on the dual natures of man.

I also think you missed the point of what I was trying to share in this article, and made the mistake of projecting a false dichotomy onto my beliefs. I would encourage you to read the latest article posted here under my name, to get a better picture of what I am trying to say.

Darcy, thank you so much for saying and confirming what I have watched from the sidelines and witnessed in the over of so many. But never have I seen someone who has come out on he far side of it give such a well articulated expression of the damage that it can do to both mind and spirit to supress such a huge part of who God has made us to be. Thank you, I hope people find strength and wisdom in your valuable insight.

I followed the courtship process and ended up marrying an emotionally abusive super-controlling molester. I was married to him for Elizabeth, I am so sorry for the abuse and pain you have suffered as a child and an adult. Gothard's opinions on certain subjects were just that. Courtship has been there long before Mr. Gothard has talked about it.

However, I did go to certain programs that were affiliated with it as life continued. I know it was from God to help me grow closer to Him. I did have a fear of guys for a long time, but it never had anything to do with Mr. At this age most of my friends are gone too. I guess God has no need for me yet. In the meantime it would be nice too have someone to talk with instead of only the girls at Mcdonalds.

I was married for over 40 years when my wife decided she wanted to go in a different direction as we were very young when we married. I was very hurt but after being divorced for a year I realise she was probably right and we remain close. I am quite fit and active for my age and would love a companion with similar interests and outlook however I am terrified of dating sites and as I live in a very small community the opportunities to meet anyone are very limited?

Every time I have thought about online dating or the like I have backed away because I do not have the confidence to progress it. Probably writing to ladies in the first instance is my only way of eventually getting out there and building that confidence. I noticed in your testimonials that some people got together or became friends after corresponding.

Thanks so much for sharing such an honest and open comment — even posting a comment on a forum like this can be challenging, let alone trying online dating! Hi, I believe I will be the only person you have heard from who says I am 90 years in age. I feel very lucky to be in good health and still drive and do my own errands.

I was married for 68 years and had a wonderful husband who I lost two years ago. He was a fantastic dancer and I miss dancing now. I would like some one as a friend and likes to be active and dances and likes playing cards and enjoys life like I do.

I also believe there will never be a man in this category. You sound as if you had a wonderful marriage, thanks so much for sharing. Most are even better after hip replacement. Personally I can now hike over 7 miles with a few thousand feet of gain and still feel great. And the golfer, Tom Watson almost won the British Open with hip replacement on both hips. And that includes walking the course, usually 4 plus miles. Really, get educated folks. I am a Michigan raised woman ,I like the arts and also go to a theatre going to see real people act.

I have went to grafting school. I would like to travel in my retirement years and watch the stars. I am very honest person,and I am looking for a man who knows how to treat woman with respect and honesty. And has no other woman to hide. I am a British male in his 70s, in excellent health and solvent, who would like the friendship and company of an unattached lady — fairly close to me in age — looks of no importance. Trouble is, I live in mid-western France, and practically all my friends here are in happy relationships.

I have wasted my time with other dating sites who could only suggest members living three hours drive or more away — a long way to go for that first cup of coffee. Hi, I have just discovered Stitch! Am a 74 female, who speaks English and French and is looking for male friends, female friends I have lots.

I am in the middle of changes at the moment and am trying to reconfigure my life. I like to travel, read, write but am trying to overcome a fractured knee at the moment. I am also the proud grandma of 4 grandchildren.

So glad you found us Marie! I sent you a message about half an hour ago. Could I please slip in one more word: I have also met younger men and seem to enjoy their fresh attitude, just not sure about how life looks at younger men. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Notify me of new posts by email. For a limited time we're giving away free copies of the e-book we've written for our members, 'How to Stay Safe Online'.

Emphasis on age on Match. Where To Go From Here? Ric June 3, at Andrew Dowling June 3, at Jasmine August 24, at 2: Andrew Dowling August 24, at 2: Jasmine August 25, at 6: Shirley September 21, at 9: Ji Li February 17, at 4: Carmen December 23, at 1: Tom September 5, at Linda November 20, at 8: Chambers December 3, at 2: No — life is not fair to mature women.

Glen January 5, at 6: T January 17, at 4: Miz Kitty March 6, at 8: Elizabeth April 5, at 2: Andrew Dowling April 6, at 4: Johanna R June 22, at Earl July 24, at 8: Denise March 30, at 4: Leslie July 10, at 8: A J Silberbusch September 14, at The real gorp September 20, at 6: Rudy December 21, at 8: Nancy June 4, at 6: Landou November 26, at 7: Doug August 3, at Christopher June 5, at 1: Andrew Dowling June 5, at 3: Hi Christopher, Thanks for such a thoughtful and insightful comment!

Eileen June 6, at 3: Andrew Dowling June 7, at 3: Nancy June 7, at 8: Cynthia June 8, at 9: Andrew Dowling June 9, at 1: Maya June 9, at Andrew Dowling June 9, at Trudy June 10, at 3: Toni June 11, at 5: Maybe you are on to something. I would give it a fling. Deby June 11, at 6: It would be fun to have friends to go out to dinner with, movies, and etc.

Bethany June 12, at 9: Cynthia June 12, at Andrew Dowling June 12, at 3: Hi Cynthia, I got a lot of feedback from people about the age I chose when I first wrote that post, so Stitch is actually open to anyone over Cynthia June 12, at 5: Don October 10, at Andrew Dowling October 11, at 5: Hi Don, The only rule we enforce is that you need to be over 50 to join Stitch. Anne June 12, at 6: Keep up the good work. Deborah June 12, at Andrew Dowling June 12, at Brigid June 13, at 5: Alba June 13, at 8: I will like to.

Martha June 18, at Andrew Dowling June 18, at 4: Stephanie G June 25, at 6: Andrew Dowling June 26, at 6: Hi Stephanie, Whereabouts are you located? Lorraine October 17, at Aimee March 3, at 9: Freda March 11, at 7: LovApp March 31, at 3: Michelle April 12, at 7: Andrew Dowling April 12, at Andrew Dowling April 14, at 4: Hi Violet, Thanks so much for such encouraging feedback!

Howard July 31, at Ellen April 28, at 6: Andrew Dowling April 28, at 7: Susan August 13, at 9: Age 71 Regards Susan. Jenny May 11, at Helpful post, I like it….!! Margaret June 12, at Marcie Rogo June 13, at 9: Thank you so much, Margaret for bringing up that point.

Email is a great alternative! John July 8, at 3: Judith July 20, at 8: Stitch seems promising and certainly different than the other sites. Andrew Dowling July 20, at 6: Jane July 25, at Andrew Dowling July 26, at 6: Denise August 6, at 5: Mark August 8, at 6: Denise King August 9, at 6: Jennifer August 12, at 8: Andrew Dowling August 12, at 9: Wondering August 13, at 2: Andrew Dowling August 13, at 3: Arnie November 23, at 9: January 18, at 6: David March 23, at 2: Hola Andrew Dowling, Would you please use the word sex at least once in a while.

Andrew Dowling March 23, at 2: Hi David, Great comment! Andrew Dowling October 31, at 6: David March 25, at 7: Cathy May 10, at 9: Kathleen July 17, at 8: Sue August 12, at 4: Andrew Dowling October 9, at 3: Sally Harris October 23, at 9: Anthony November 24, at 2: John S Hawkins November 28, at 6: Andrew Dowling November 28, at 1: Hi John, Yes the current state of pretty much every dating site out there is quite horrible.

Cheers, Andrew Stitch Community Founder. Suzanne December 9, at 5: Andrew Dowling December 10, at 8: Hi Suzanne, Glad you found us! Regards, Andrew Stitch Founder. Jan Chambers December 11, at 2: Marlene December 26, at 6: Mary Jacobs January 26, at 2: PastIt February 27, at 1: Connie Douglas March 28, at 2: Joan May 14, at 4: Jim July 8, at 2: I noticed in your testimonials that some people got together or became friends after corresponding Is Stich the forum I am looking for.

Andrew Dowling July 11, at 8: Hi Jim, Thanks so much for sharing such an honest and open comment — even posting a comment on a forum like this can be challenging, let alone trying online dating! Dating After 50 July 21, at 1: Beverly October 2, at Andrew Dowling October 2, at 2: Eileen October 12, at Andrew Dowling October 13, at 7: SAM November 12, at Are you connected to all the other dating sites?

Andrew Dowling November 12, at 3: Joe December 24, at

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The message of Proverbs is clear: I could get sick sooner than he and maybe he will not be able to take care of me.

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You may have to get a peace order against that person, so that the threats are being legally recorded. We have also shared some Tinder related articles that you can try on an other app so make sure to check them out.

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