9 Things You Didn’t Know About Dating for Seniors
As a result, his new girlfriend has probably heard A LOT about you. They say time heals all wounds. Same happens with men. My phone rang constantly.
Stage 1: The Valley of Grief aka Don’t Push Her Away
I felt amputated as well. All we need is good driving weather and possibly a bladder break or two. We are officially not together anymore, however we still live together because we have a kid and we own a home together, and she still relies on me in many ways. Eight months is not that long after a loss, so it is not surprising that you are still thinking of her so often. My oldest son, named Rich had colon cancer for four years. On the flip side, he might also be posting a LOT more than usual about how amazingly happy and perfect his life is now. Even if she wants to remain just friends, it's something you should take as it's already better than her ignoring your messages and gives you more room to build up a stronger bond.
I just can see you drinking, wheeping , using Kleenex, and drinking more…… Sorry to say but you are doomed in that relationship. Some girls said even more. If for the second time he did back to you without a ring, screw him over and fly free…. I honestly think a break is probably the best thing for both of you right now. My advice is stop reaching out to him and try your best to stop thinking about him. Focus on yourself for now, focus on finding happiness in yourself, focus on feeling good about who you are.
Try to imagine the kind of relationship you want for yourself. How does he treat you? How are your interactions? How do you feel around him? Just leave it alone for now and focus on yourself. How do you manage to keep your own sanity? You both seems not to be on right place. As Sabrina wisely suggests, you should focus on yourself and your happiness so you can learn from it and not call for own survival in your mind, that is the edge.
Even if that means being happier apart. Than you will become your best guide and will know what to do. Advice is just that, advice. Its not one size fits all. But I do agree that the sex thing is not focused on enough, there IS a such thing as having sex too soon and too soon for me is anytime before he asks to be in a relationship.
They should tell women to keep those legs shut if they are seeking long-term. They are mostly no good being single and any sap will do. Can you elaborate please, for me at least. But I was for a while until I met a guy who treated me great. There are struggles being single and struggles to have a relationship, neither is easier than the other.
You have classic grass is greener on the other side syndrome. And I read this article because in the past this has happened and I was intrigued by the message in my inbox.
Everybody reading this is not sad or lonely. You sound quite bitter. After being married and divorced, I have been that female that everyone envied because it looked great on the outside. I refused to obsess about that. Funny how that goes. Real answers are not found externally. Btw, your sarcasm was cute, until I realized you were attempting to insult me. You have to learn how to be happy no matter what is going on in your life.
You know what, I had now idea I was insulting you.. What is a matter with you? You sounds angry at world for some reason.
As a matter of fact, you said: I definitely understand this article. I have always noticed that guys were always attracted to me most when I was least interested in them.
However after coming out of a long term relationship I totally forgot about all this and ended up showing too much interest in a guy, which lead to things ending between us. I am now wondering will he reach out to me again? Because he honestly used a really lame excuse to contact me. The questions you are asking are fundamentally flawed because the only way to get the relationship you want is to NOT stress over it.
Nothing you say or do will make him text you. If you want to have an amazing relationship, put the focus on really loving yourself and loving your life. If you can get that under control, your relationships as well as your overall wellbeing and happiness will dramatically improve.
Hi Sabrina, This is so perfect and well written. This was one of those moments when something is explained in a specific way that makes perfect sense. The advice on this website is second to none. Whether women want to believe it or not. I thank you so much for your writings and I have found the information true and informative and invaluable.
Its cool we understand. Many things has changed. To understand the way of MEN are, is just not simply going to solve new patterns in relationships of 21 century. We need completely new model and rules. Not just to understand our sexes, but he world and where we stand in it. And thats were we would like to challenge relationship coaches to be more complex and not just men-explanatory,because men are not happy and women are not happy.
All those articles from a male coaches are just about how to make happy man. I think world has changed and guys should start to think how to make happy woman Of 21 century, as we are in charge of happiness as well. Sure,i agree, i can do that. But if i am thirty i think-it takes me 2 years to properly know him.
And by the time i am If i have want to have a baby ever, i have max 1 more shot if this was not the right choice. There are real man that are aware of this and can handle pressure. Women are who is choosing,not the other round.
Most men are just a bunch of cowards. We have right to their money after divorce, no wonder they fear. We are quite in power. An average man will rather stay with non opinionated girl that will boost his ego so he feels like a man? Wish I could give you a hug for your comments!!! In fact, he should be flattered! Personally, any man repelled by an assertive independent woman who wants the cards on the table to avoid time wasting ….. What i miss in these articles is — fair enough if you explain me how men think, but explain me please,why I am anxious too.
And most importantly-how to get rid of this anxiety? I miss equality, clarification, and solution. Shall all women go to therapy or pay for the coaching? Do u think if Sabrina and Eric would write for a men they would have as big market?
I am sorry for women that blames themselves, they have put pressure, or did this and that. And many of women i have known or heard about are on therapy cause they really think they are just not getting this right. They pay for it and some of them think they are crazy cause they suspected a guy that they bled so much was in fact genuine. Or was just bachelor or whatever. They think its their fault,that they are lonely, unsafe and anxious.
Its 21 century, i must repeat things has changed and I call for equality. And i think that would just be too many women not bright enough, which i doubt. Women claim to be the superior thinking gender all the time but constantly find themselves playing the victim role in relationships with men. There is nothing you can do about an immature man. Either you can put up with it or you want happiness and leave it.
I understand this article to a point. I still do not understand why guys lose interest so fast in the beginning. I am not lucky with guys at all. They be nice and sweet and give me compliments to laughing and flirting for the first two days but after that they leave, be M. I been single for an year now and its been going on and on every since. I have gave up on love cause of it.
I been hurt to being taken advantage of. I just wish one time a guy would not leave even its just only in the friend zone. Is there a solution or its just how life is???
Guys are just spoiled by choices. Is easy for guys nowadays as we made it easy. Someone else will be happy with less. Just find a real man and let them know thats what u r after.
The reason why men generally have the upper hand in the beginning is because women give it to them by obsessing about the future and also women are on average much more interested in creating a relationship than men.
A females protection from being used and discarded is to create her own standards and rules. The female is not law. If they thought the way we did then relationships would be a breeze.
Also, you should start a blog that addresses how women should look outward to have better relationships if you truly think looking to try and change men would be helpful. But the variable I have control over is me, so I will stick with looking within. When we become stronger and smarter women we attract stronger and smarter men.
And we begin to learn the difference. Relationship anxiety is a female driven issue. Some women want to keep approaching this topic from the outside and nine times out of ten our recurring issues are because of our own doing.
This is not about fight of sexes. We achieved rights,but men developed new ways how to get to sex, which are more sophisticated. And that is where we go trough vanishing acts etc.
I am not blaming good or honest men that say what they are up to. Is hard to generalise women what they should do. Some have been so used that they feel really bad. I think i miss a bit of empathy there.
So i cannot have a blog and advise women in their biological peak off HOW to be on their own. Its not about sex-we can have sex too soon and stay detached as men do too. We have right to be super horny in our peek off. Where we feel used is where men apply strategies like pampering, saying all those words and then disappear without explanation. They developed this as women became more powerful in their choices.
To explain things honestly and from the start is about being human and fair. And trust me honest men who can say what they are up to, are out there as well. Depends what we are choosing as u said. There is a big demand of being a super woman. We are still women, and we still need to feel safe. Normal man tells me: So we are not hurt cause we are used for SEX. I have no option but to be single. I hear you… It because we know what we want, ans it is not possible, or maybe call it destine, fate, etc to be single.
That was a very good article from start from Finish and I really needed to read some of that to understand some things! The best way to determine if he really is a good man is to ask some questions. I know from experience — if a man is really a good man, he will answer your dumbass questions or just tell you to stop asking. It seems like you guys always defend men, no matter what they do.
I realize that only women read your messages, but please try to empower women to just simply move on if a guy is wrong. And women SHOULD run some tests let them be called tests, who cares to see if a guy is a good guy or not — one of them being to ask some questions!
Claudia- I think you are misunderstanding what I was saying in the article. Until a relationship is something, you have nothing. When I was younger and getting my heart bashed in over and over the one thing I wanted was clarity. I wanted to understand why he did what he did. When I created this site, my mission was to give women the kind of clarity that I was so desperate for, to give them answers to the questions I spent years trying to find answers to.
Men are not the enemy. Women are not the enemy. We all need to focus on finding love and happiness within ourselves and compassion and understanding for those around us. That is the recipe for a truly happy life. We have heard too much about wrong vibe. Maybe the vibe would be good again if guys are not such pussies and get over the pressure as real men,not under. Look what we did as women- our naked posters are everywhere.
I have known men who have been the same, pushing to find out if you want a future and men who are anxious and insecure about it too. We understand some men are scared by our need for more communication or our perceived neediness.
And if a man or woman is turned off by that perception, so be it. Your article excuses and normalizes this infantile behavior. I would advise anyone victimized by this churlish and immature behavior to contest it. The only way to really stop this kind of behavior is cultural shaming. Make people more afraid of being mocked and criticized for ghosting behavior, and you will see a decrease. Once upon a time, it was okay, even macho, to drink and drive. Since MADD started its social campaign it us no longer as socially acceptable.
Have human beings changed to the point that they no longer drink? But now they think twice before driving under the influence, and those who do it anyway suffer greater consequences both legally and socially.
People will probably continue to be shallow, selfish and cold in their relationships. We should publicly embarrass ghosters until thus behavior becomes unacceptable, the way drunk driving and date rape have been marginalized over time. Cut all ties, heal, grow and move on to someone with better manners. This is 21 century. Yes,because its too weird that every woman goes trough the same scenario. How many men comparing to us reads article how to make woman happy and safe? I thought when I ended things a year ago and went no contact, that maybe he missed me and had a change of heart but when pressed for something more, he made up excuses.
He supposedly is divorced for many years now but his actions prove otherwise. Why would you feel you have to lie after all this time and I wonder if maybe he was feeling it but I screwed it up by asking for more of his off time.
But at the same time found myself overwhelmed with the thought of losing out on this new opportunities for love. I was getting caught up in what could be, and not what is going on right now.
Which from now I am going to focus more on who he is and the energetic, fun, woman, that I am, and hope it works out. They have much more stronger instincts than men, they can certainly sniff something fishy and so we act that way. Because we know he is losing interest. I think at that point itself the game is over.
The moment you doubt means this was not the right match for you and your natural instincts are hinting you to get rid of something that is not right for you.
So this article makes sense to me. However, when is it okay to ever try and expand on the relationship? So how do you break that plain without causing them to run?
But I do want to know that it is progressing. We have a blast when we are together. Just the in between the in person times if that makes sense. All you need to do is be present and enjoy your time with him. The minute you start planning how to turn it unto something other than what it is it becomes a problem.
This is NOT to say you should never discuss the relationship. Sometimes that turns men off too, and they fade out too. Okay this article is NOT about pretending not to want things and I did not once say you should never voice your wants and expectations. For instance, when I was younger after like 2 dates with a great guy I would latch on forcefully, at least in my mind.
I would get so excited about the possibilities, so excited to have a boyfriend, so excited to have a date to family functions etc. But I barely knew the guy! However I began to invest in the fantasy and then I became terrified of losing it.
Instead of enjoying whatever we had, I was always thinking of where it was going, of how he felt. You would be put off by a guy who did the same thing, I know I have. For a lot of women, finding lasting love makes them somehow worthy. Just compare Jennifer Aniston to George Clooney for a moment.
But what matters is your reason. If you are happy in your life and want a relationship because you want to share your wonderful life with someone, then he will probably be more attracted to you. It all comes down to your mood and your mindset. I understand, thanks for your response. My last sentence was just frustration. I used to get wrapped up in a fantasy, too, or try to play it cool; but I try to avoid that these days by being more vocal about about my wants and needs through being honest with myself, rather than letting my heart get broken when they disappear from my fantasy.
I agree though, about wanting to be in a relationship, not because of need. What about Cliff Richard, the eternal batchelor? A lot of people seem to think he is just weird. I have a question after reading about why a guy suddenly loses interest.
I would just spend this time focusing on yourself and doing things you enjoy and that make you happy. Find fulfillment in other areas of your life and see what else is out there. Work on moving forward and moving past this relationship. Hardest thing I will ever have to try to do. Hardest thing I will ever have to try to do is give up.
Thank you for replying. Just had the same offer two weeks ago via email from my ex too, with all his big sorry he hurt me so much, after I finally forced break up with him days before with shutting my phone down.
He was a coward to come to my place and talk to me… Anyway I just ignored the offer, like I have never have received that email, because I knew, he wanted feel good about himself while leaving me literally and figuratively heartbroken.. He did couple of other communication attempts days apart.
It all just made me feel bad and put me back to the same sorrow for myself cycle, just when I was rebounding and was doing well. Sign up for our free newsletter and get a free chapter of our book,"He's Not That Complicated". The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except as expressly permitted in writing by A New Mode, Inc.
Does he spend time with you as often as he used to? No, he never spends time with me. It's like I don't exist. He spends more time doing random things. Internet, friends, work, etc. Yes, he spends the same amount of time with me as he always has. Other Must-See Related Posts: How Do You Find Love? When a Guy Doesn't Text Back Is He The One? How To Know For Sure Leave Your Comment Now Nikki Great article, thank you SO much!
Jasmine My situation was sooooooooooo devastating because he seemed so sure about me then all the sudden…he switched off like a light bulb. Terry This article said men are too stupid to understand why they lose interest. Ash Def written by a boy, thx for this sharing, the first time I get to understand their behaviours.
Jake I almost read each and every comment! Megan Kurtenbach This guy that I met in college but graduated before me wanted to date me after I graduated and I said yes. JK Im a guy and this very thing happened to me with a recent date. Rebecca I really like reading all your works. Amz Preach it Frank! Vivian My my can I have your number?
Rory Fantastic article, Sabrina. Rutts there was a guy in my class he used to ask me questions a lot But since I got his numbers he never replied and he never spoke to me ever since. Leanne So I was in a relationship for 7 months and everything was going great. Lisa Guy sounds immature and is backing away from this relationship without giving you proper closure. Kim Not so much a fan of this article. John This is actually a well-written eye opening article. Geez No doubt you both sound rich.
Norma Unfortunately, men have an ideal…of who they want to settle with…they also have an ideal of who they want to have sex with. Rachel I think some guys are just too shallow. Konnect Life You have to ask yourself what happened or what you could have done to make him question his desire to marry you.
Norly Soleha Dear Sabrina, I just read this article, and I found out that this article is really related to my current situation.
This is a very good article, Sabrina. Joanne Taylor This is really such an eye opening article. Jazzie Everyone needs and desires validation. Konnect Life With the right type of guy, or a good guy who appreciates you, no. Ryan I was going to add the same thing.
Jade Whats really funny is that on the second date the guy i asked me why i didnt want a commitment and i was expecting him to want one if i disnt want it myself,to which i told him maybe now i dont but if i find the right person im not closed off to the idea. Jade I dunno if this is of any relevance to mu previous comment but he has never been married and his last relationship ended 10 years ago. Jade I met a guy online 6 months ago and we would talk for hours on the phone everyday and he seemed to be really interested in me.
Angela I find this site pretty misogynist. Jools Hi Sabrina, Spiritual doctrines advise to stay present and be in the moment. Eric Charles Angela, my guess is that you find a lot of things misogynist… not because they are, but because you twist everything into thinking it is and then complain about.
CEH Interesting article and comments. STS you, my lady, are brilliant. Pam Some men are bitterly frightened of commitment. Jacky Ladies listen up!!! Jools men respond more to silence than to drama, so play him at his own game!
Rose Hi, I have been reading your blog for sometime. Nicole This is exactly what happened to me.. Christina This is quite accurate actually. Heh What a bunch of nonsense! Aunika You are absolutely right.
Mel My thoughts exactly. Listening Yes absolutely agree. Julie Very well said! Cora While I love this article, I must point out the fact that this does not just apply to men. Gina U r so right. Susan Hi , this is an topic of interest for me.. ML Your story means you could not live in the moment what the original article was about , and started to fast forward your imaginary future. Carol Morales I realized my faults. Cate This nailed my last date with a guy I was seeing for 3 months.
Anonymous There is nothing you could have done to stop this! Clementine Hi Sabrina, please help! Love all your sharing through emails and website! ABC there is a guy I have known for a good part of 2 years and we were talking on and off i believe mostly because of pride, although he denies for sometime, during which we met a few times and got engaged in casual sex. Martina The fact, that he might or likes you is not what will make him harder for you.
Lara Martina, you should write articles. Sabrina Alexis At the end of the day, relationships come down to two things: TIFF U are so spot on!! Eli This is beautifully written… and its true…. Lynn Does it show neediness if you say you miss them been thinking Of them all day? Sabrina Alexis I honestly think a break is probably the best thing for both of you right now.
Martina so you observe something and he makes drama out of it. Jam Advice is just that, advice. Sabrina Alexis The questions you are asking are fundamentally flawed because the only way to get the relationship you want is to NOT stress over it. Jam Hi Sabrina, This is so perfect and well written. Amy Poole The advice on this website is second to none. I wont do everything to make my guy happy because I am woman. Martina Well to be fair,they think we are bunch of sluts then.
But what has changed is that we brought the same right to the sexuality. Its a myth we are less horny, but its a myth we are less loyal. Not good enough nowadays…. Martina hmm…well, insecurity of men is another topic: But yeah, therapists earn more money.
Martina Agree, and that actually works for life in general: Shawniece Eppes I understand this article to a point. Its too easy to go with the flow. Martina Jam, i think you misunderstood me. Superiority is not what we are asking for.
Which comes to your second point. I wrote this to challenge Coaches to bring us something new and complex. Martina There is a big demand of being a super woman. Jane That was a very good article from start from Finish and I really needed to read some of that to understand some things! Sabrina Alexis Claudia- I think you are misunderstanding what I was saying in the article. Martina Sabrina,with all respect.. Katy I have known men who have been the same, pushing to find out if you want a future and men who are anxious and insecure about it too.
Martina Yeah,thats what they do. Bea We gotta stop glorifying men!! This means that there are more seniors and baby boomers than ever before looking for some companionship to fill the void of their prior partner.
Young people are incredibly age-prejudiced, to such an extent that age is one of the most important filter criteria used to find a match on online dating sites. Just check out the image to the right from Match. This scenario is not just on Match. The filtering mechanisms on these dating sites similarly emphasize the importance age takes in the minds of young match-seekers, with all users asked to specify the age range they are seeking, with many choosing ridiculously narrow ranges e.
Far more important is what shape you are in, how healthy you are, and what activities you can do. Adults over 55 are far more flexible in their approach to companionship. Part of this is probably the wisdom that comes with age, but even more significant is an essential truth about how age works. Far more important is what shape you are in, how healthy you are, what activities you can do. On the other hand, the year old woman who has had past back problems and likes to stay in with wine and movies might be a great match for that year-old man.
Take a quick look at the Tinder user interface to the left. What stands out as the most important aspect of a person when determining if you may be a potential match?
With Tinder and pretty much every other online dating system on the market today the photo is all-important. This reinforces a message that young people get hammered with on a daily basis: Maybe this is because older adults are wise enough to know that looks have very little to do with whether someone is going to be a kind, loving and caring companion.
One thing we have been struck with has been the important role that dinner plays in the social or not-so-social lives of most older adults.
Nobody likes the idea of spending years cooking for themselves and eating alone. And always being the lone single person when your married friends want to catch up for dinner starts to become a little tiresome. More than any other activity, dinner is where older adults feel the isolation of being alone most strongly. This is why, for most older adults, a dinner date is the most important first step towards finding companionship.
This makes quite a comparison to how many young people organize their first dates, which usually involve meeting up in a bar. Grouper, for example, hooks up groups of young people in bars and offers them a free first drink as part of the package. The fundamental premise behind most dating services for young people is that the ultimate goal is to find love and marriage. While this is true for some older adults, it is far from universal.
Many seniors really are looking for companionship and nothing more. Some are seeking someone to have dinner with, some are looking for someone to travel with them, others are looking for someone to share their favorite activities.
For many people at this stage, that is enough. There is an entire spectrum of dating that goes far beyond the marriage-oriented online dating services available today. Many older adults have multiple needs for companionship. Sure, some are focused only on finding that single life partner who will give them a loving relationship for the next few decades. But just as many are actually seeking multiple companions to fit in with their varied social needs.
A recognition that most older adults are prepared for the fact that no single person may be the solution to all their social needs, that they may be just as well served by multiple companions. Far more than their younger counterparts, older adults feel much more comfortable evaluating a potential match in the real world instead of online.
All the Millennials out there are shaking their heads, wondering why on earth anyone would like to talk on the phone when they can instant message instead. And that sums up the generation gap in a nutshell … recent studies show that young adults are three times as likely to prefer to text than talk via the phone, the complete opposite of their older counterparts. One of our favorite lines comes from a Huffington Post article on this very subject:. Ask your grandparents about it. Yes, trust is important to everyone, no matter how old they are.
But for a retiree on a fixed income, who has heard countless stories of peers being taken advantage of both online and in the real world, trust takes on a special significance.
Or, as we have been often asked by older women considering prospective male companions: One thing that many dating services have in common is using fancy algorithms to help you find a partner based on a dazzling array of filters you provide them. Younger people can be zealous about the rules they impose on potential partners. The profile selection page from Match. The online dating sites which market themselves as being for 55 and older are simply re-branded versions of dating sites for younger adults.
This blog is spot on. Age does matter…a lot! When I was 51, I married my year-old Knight in Shining Armor and immediately had a midlife pregnancy scare. We lived incredibly happily ever after for 22 years until he died 2 years ago.
They explain by saying they are younger than their age. What does that even mean?!? Before investing another dime, I need to know how and if Stitch will address the mismatch? Do you have a hidden stash of active year old men who are seeking year-old companions? Or is it something information and eduction can address? Particularly for those seeking companionship rather than romance … I have many friends in the Stitch community who are 20 years my senior, while there is no way I could have said the same when I was Older men who want to find a young woman have plenty of other sites they can go to who cater to that.
The ones who are attracted to Stitch join us because they are looking for real people, shared interests and conversation just as much as any physical attraction. I am attractive, 65, with health problems.
All the men have health problems. My husband had prostate cancer. Because he is 73 ,impotent, every lady in FL. It seems, Andrew, that Stitch is catering to older women who are looking for younger men. And, I see a lot of that on the dating sites I am on.
Many older women looking for younger men — but reality is that most men are not looking for older women. Most men still want a younger woman — maybe 5 years younger, and someone that is at least somewhat physically attractive. And, while companionship is great, you can join a local social club for companionship. But then, I had many women ask me why I was not interested in marriage?
They all said they would not date someone who is not open to marriage because their ultimate end goal was marriage and commitment. She is now in the world, not my home. I put my life on hold so long.. I have very long black hair, green eyes, attractive and a decent weight. Have aged gracefully though no one believes me when I say I just turned I have nothing to hide, I look just like my most recent picture Sept Tell me more about what makes this a genuine site for older adults seeking companionship without commitment, willing to share thoughts and maybe have things in common to share.
There are a number of men like me whom are seeking companionship. By that I man firstly friendship to engage in being together for conversations of many topics, having visits to local places of interest, walking at interesting, venues, having a meal together even with friends. However it has to be on a pleasant and positive mindset and not to unload baggage of the past. Surely fun and happiness should be foremost in our seventies.
I agree with your entire approach. It takes time to develop a friendship and determine if basics are common. I am interested in omfortable mutual conversational in which I can learn, perhaps teach and have fun. I just ran into this site. Where do you live? I so agree with you, I want Fun in my seventies. That is The Best medicine. This is my first time on talking to someone. Age absolutely does matter! When my ex-husband about 5 years younger left for a woman 20 years younger than myself, you can bet that was upsetting and revealing.
At 60 when I was first divorced, online dating worked pretty well. I noticed after 65, even though I myself am VERY fit, I have a great financial picture and also a 2nd home — online dating dried up to nothing and I finally opted out. These men all look for women years younger. And meanwhile my ex lives in our old house he bought me out of and also a fabulous condo on the Florida coast. You are so right! Life is not fair to mature women…so what girl? Get out their and fight the good fight.
You do the best you can…i mean stay in all the time? Why in the hell do women or men have such a hard time eating alone at a restaurant? I never got that.
I have dined alone with a boy and without more times. Take a book or paper or planner so you have something to do if your insecure.
I am also quite comfortable being with others including a man. Stay open minded as you have the choice to join in a group or not. No one ever said life would be fair. No one and it is not. Unfortunately it is especially not fair for the mature female. Anyone that says different has to have blinders on! Sorry for being mean but it is true. Just remember that we get one time around on this planet…. Let us just observe the success of this and other sites.
They definitely are not doing the service for free. Can you imagine services that picked up a date for you back in the day? Haha…they would have been called something quite different. I think you right jamine! They can not get their mind around that at a certain age the body slow down. The mind is will but the body is not. Why should they want to talk about a dark subject at their age. But for us it here! Its taken me a year to read your Blog Andrew, and to become proactive in your site!
I liked this and I think an old friend is connecting with more than friendship so this was good to read. However, I still think some age indications are important. The comments about the 65 and 75 year old are true to the extent that people of exactly the same age do have different limits to their abilities, but my experience is that as we get older there are more similarities in those limitations even if not exact and there are still many other issues such as our life experiences that have made us who we are.
There are generation gaps and always will be because of the society and culture we live in at various stages of life. There is a big difference between people in their 50s and those in their 70s. I believe as I have always done that up to 7 years either side is the most to accommodate all the needs we have at various ages. I have observed it as a psychologist and lawyer and stick to this even though some people live in the moment only so willing to accept anyone for the moment.
It definetly resonates with me and friends who are boomer babies and seniors. I am 53 years old and in love with a 79 year old woman. We both are scared but excited. Though at times she thinks she needs to be an auntie. She admits she is afraid of her feelings. Would rather pick up and phone though and talk with someone.
Body not perfect but sure is busy anyhow. Thought I was registered and hope to be one of the first. I keep waiting to hear more. Friend but not foe: An in-person meeting in a busy public place is better way to screeen. Profiles are often not written by the writer. I am 59 and still active. I love walking and talking about everything.
I am alone now, so I am looking for new friends to share my life with. Nancy, I am also 70, widowed, and active. Still working to keep active. Email below if you want to communicate further. I know that my own social lifestyle and pursuits have been changing through time and this progression in Stages Of Life. So I expect that execution will be everything.
And extent of participation. I know that others around my age are not as experienced or oriented. Thanks for such a thoughtful and insightful comment! Thank you for recognizing the need for a site to connect older adults. Thanks for coming on the journey with us! Thanks Andrew for answering Eileen first. I also answered and yes, I think you have a product here. If Eileen asks for information to get hold of me, please feel free to give her my email address. Of this generation, we want friends — people we can connect with, have fun with and maybe we even know people in common.
This is a very important site you are establishing. Thank you for doing so. Have always thought of answering them about that. How many members do you have? How many do you foresee having when you are in full swing? When do you expect to be up and running? Well, this has real potential! So I signed up for this right away. I really need to play and laugh more and am looking forward to meeting like-minded people.
Thanks for doing this; I have high hopes! It is far beyond what the younger set wants. I personally would like to meet a christian man who enjoys gardening etc, Not looking for marriage. Good luck on the new site. I have been on the online roller coaster for a year now and it really is disheartening to see the deceit that goes with it. Posting pics that are 20 years old and saying boasting things that are so not real either. Being online gives you a sense of protection from being caught in an untruthful statement.
This gives you a voice behind the picture and can seal a deal to have a meal together not a drink or coffee. You can learn alot over a meal. Table manners mean alot to some of us….. This sounds exactly what I have been looking for. I want to make more friends, companions without all the complictaions of so called dating to fing a relationship. I got a lot of feedback from people about the age I chose when I first wrote that post, so Stitch is actually open to anyone over The only rule we enforce is that you need to be over 50 to join Stitch.
Our members range from 50 up into their late 80s! I have tried many of the others…. I wholeheartedly believe in finding many instead of just one…. We all need friends and companions…. While I understand why some people feel the need to reach out in this way, I was totally unprepared for it. I wish someone had told me how hard it was to have people throwing themselves at my feet when all I wanted to do was cry.
I experienced much the same after caring for my soulmate who passed away in May cancer. A lot of what you said hit home and I am thankful you shared it. I found that helpful. Something in the future, at some point or time will trigger a memory that will bring you to your knees. Do you want to donate your organ? We are here to help you with good cash to do anything you wish, Contact us if you are interested in donating your organ.
Although I am listed as a potential organ donor, as having become a widow recently, I do not feel this is the time, place, forum to solicit donors. Have some empathy, compassion and respect for those that are grieving.
Not a real person. And, they should move on. Which is to say one cannot really depend on co-workers, en masse, to support them through the long process of grieving. Which is why it is important to identify one or two people at work that you trust who can help you through the rough patches.
The aforementioned were told to me by a dear friend and colleague who is a psychologist, and who has supported me through several work-related difficulties. I am sharing this testimony to let the people know about Dr. Mack, I recently caught my husband with his ex girlfriend.
Recently, he has been distant unloving and disrespectful towards me. I had a feeling he was going to leave me in no time and he later did this was After 3 years of marriage, my husband left me and never returned. I felt like my life was about to end, my life was falling apart.. In just 3 days, My Husband rang me 6 times, He came back to me.
We solved our issues, he said he was sorry for leaving me, he said he wants us to be together again. I am so happy this finally ends with joy! I feel my heart beating again! My life is back!!!! Many thanks to Dr. Mack for relationship restoration. I was given the opportunity by Dr. Mack to have my Lover back. He took the obstacles out of the way. MACK and your problems shall be solved,. I was shocked by how much my willingness to trust others changed.
If people judge you for laughing too early or crying too long, ignore them. And an interesting fact from science: Tears of sorrow actually have pain relieving chemicals, so let yourself have a good cry! I wish I knew at the 1 year anniversary of my dad passing I will be living that night over and over in my head for a few nights just like it had just happened. I know some grievers on here dont like to think 1 loss is worse than another,but HOW a loss happens can certainly be worse than how others happen.
Indeed there are those things Time may never heal, and there are more things around us that cuts open the wounds than bind them. I am deeply sorry for your pain. Grief is a consequence of love, and love motivates. You can live again, for those still in your life, for a purpose — maybe to help those who may right now be suffering as you did — in memory of the one you loved and lost.
So sorry for your loss. Charlotte, Thanks for sharing you story and being open with your grief. I really feel for you and your daughter, and how hard each day must be for you. Thank you for sharing your story. I feel a lot of the same things you feel. My Father was murdered and it was horrendous the way it all happened.
I also know that there is a BIG difference in emotions when a loved one dies versus a loved one who is murdered. The way your daughter died has to be the most difficult thing a mother can ever face.
I am so so very sorry. The most difficult of all losses. I wish I could hold you, and take a magic wand and make your grief disappear. I am heartbroken…but your loss must be times worse. My love to you. A true living nightmare. Death is different just as grief and religion etc are. No one can tell you how to feel.
I just lost my Mum 5 weeks ago and then 3 days ago my stepfather in law. I can not bring myself to talk to my husband as he has lost 2 brothers. The whole relationship with loved one is different. I can not offer any advice only a cyper hug. I lost my parents within six months of one another after they passed from various complications in their resepective health about two years ago now.
I had also lost my eldest brother back in , and my baby daughter 3 months before that. I have to fight it when it hits and boy, does it hit when it is at its worst, almost like a blackness within and without, but I thank God for comforting me with release in tears, with friends, work colleagues and the like to help me through. In the case of my parents, I had cared for them for about 20 years, so I was very much their go-to person for anything. When they passed, I felt like my world made no sense at all.
I had memory loss, confusion, utter brokenness and sorrow I am amazed, looking back, I was brought through and able to understand and build from again. But I must say quite strongly that if anyone is in trouble from any grief and my sincere condolences for all those who have lost here , seek counselling, seek friends who love and know you and are prepared to listen.
Fight your own desire not to seek such help, because it will help, perhaps not at first, but over time it does. I was not prepared to not receive any condolences or support from my family members. Strangers have been kinder. They are wrapped up in holidays and the election, yet say they have no time to attend to my loss of my spouse.
Life is all about good and bad experience Life is all about good and bad experience. It was all good and lovely when i met joelly, she was a good business woman until things become rough for her and her business empire started liquidating. I was a very courageous and hardworking man so i decided to sell my inheritance to assist.
We both struggle together and built the business world again. This time around the business was growing from strength to strength. I was surprise one Sunday evening when she came home with her secretary and told me that we cannot continue with this pretense called love.
I was shocked and heart broken, i was in a friend, house for three weeks frustrated until i met Fernando my old friend at the supermarket, he directed to me to Dr saka. I contacted saka and he told me that Joelly was been manipulated by some spiritual power and he told me to provide some items which he is going to use to destroy the evil spirit.
I never believe in voodoo but i had to give him a trial. To my greatest surprise, Joelly called and started apologizing 2 days after i sent Dr. I am very happy and will continue to be happy for the good work the Saka has done in my life.
My name is Ricky Victoria from Chicago,I really appreciate this site that linked me to the solution to my problem,Few weeks ago i was here to request for some prayer regarding my marriage when i saw a testimony that was posted by a lady names Lucy… On how Dr ATILA help her to restored her marriage back,I also give a try and i contacted him for help and DR ATILA ask me what do i need his gods to help me with i told him what happened which was last month my husband and i had a little misunderstanding which resulted to many things, coming home late at nignt and also his attitude towards me all of a sudden changed.
I cannot get over the death of my boyfriend.. We were friends for a year before we started dating. I was in an abusive relationship when we started dating. After several broken ribs, he convinced me to leave. We started dating a month later. He, again, was there for me. After this I began to have severe issues with depression and attempted suicide a couple of times and developed anorexia.
Each time he was there and got me through it. After a year, I overcame my depression for the most part and was happy with him and my life.
And DCF failed to do their job.. Then it turned into pills.. He was two weeks away from moving in with me he would be graduating and moving with me to go to college.. And I had to leave town. But he did it anyway. I had to go on medication and extensive therapy for almost a year before I felt like I was able to function somewhat normally.
But half of me is still empty. Is this how the rest of my life will be? I want to move on.. My guilt for moving on from him haunts me.. I lay in bed and cry when I have nightmares about his death, while laying next to my husband.
If you can realize that you provided a lot of opportunity for him to give love during his life, and that you gave that to him, that is the gift you gave and maybe he would never have known that intimacy without having met you.
And you did all you knew how to do. Bless you and please heal, you should live well as life is short. It was a very violent and traumatic suicide with the entire city watching.
I found out about it on social media and on the news. And sad down with the police officers and the helicopters and FBI and Special Victims Unit and it went on and on and on for 7 hours before they would give me any information. Anger has started to take over lately not at my son but at anything and everything around me. He left behind five kids and I have the twins 6 year old boys. You are grieving and you have also taken on the role of caregiver for twin 6-year-old boys — this is a lot.
My heart goes out to you. They will work from FB directly though. Writing manually is time consuming, but there is tool for this task. Please contact him through his email: Am writing this article to appreciate the good work of DR OGALA that helped me recently to bring back my wife that left me for another man for the past 2 years.
I also decided to contact him for help because all i wanted was for me to get my wife, happiness and to make sure that my child grows up with his mother. Am happy today that he helped me and i can proudly say that my wife is now with me again and she is now in love with me like never before. Are you in need of any help in your relationship like getting back your man, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, winning of lotteries, herbal cure for sickness or job promotion E.
I could have screamed a blue streak when I read that. Not even nibbled, and he gets to have his earthly remains, which is more than I can say for Eric and 79 others who died that day.
Now just because he wrote a successful book while in prison everyone thinks he should be released to continue his writing spree. The reality is that guilty people make multiple bids for their own release and sometimes innocent people go to prison. Wow finally something that explains grief in detail. This is the most honest and helpful list I have found.
I am changed after losing my partner of over 5 years. He changed my life, he was a magical person. Turned my world upside down in the all the best ways. Made me open my mind and open myself up to the world. He had had the key and he unlocked all my potential. He inspired me and taught me how to be better. He was there for me night and day. I was there for him too. We healed each other of past hurts and we both agreed just by the way we felt and how close we became that we were each others soul mates.
I talk to him all the time its the only thing that seems to help. I thank him for everything he did for me and taught me. Because of him I am functioning quite well in this world and and I am a better human being because of him. I had no idea someone could care and love me so much to want to better me and make me a better in every way.
We were engaged twice for over 3 years. We wanted to grow old together we decided we were meant to be together for the long run. He especially and I never expected that he would get terminal lung cancer with just 6 months to live.
Its very traumatic for everyone especially Steve. He was the one that was dying. He pushed me away because he wanted me to remember him when he was healthy and young and vibrant. And I will be here for you. He was grateful that I was there for him through it all. I definately felt like I was dying too. Any moments of laugher or joy I felt selfish.
Got a clean bill of health from the doctor and it felt bittersweet. If only I could give him my health and i would take this cancer bullet for him if it was possible.
At times I wish I could just go with him. Endless doctor appointments and hospice visits. To be honest Hospice is overrated. Sure they drug them up to feel no pain but they are still very much feeling pain and mental anguish and probably 10 thousand other things that I couldnt even fathom.
The emotional has to be the most immense pain for the one dying. I know deep down he didnt want to die and there was moments he wish he wasnt dying. I sure as hell didnt want my magician my magical soul mate to die. But no matter how many prayers you say or beg god to spare him. It was his time to go and Steve accepted that. One night I waswatching tv with him and he wanted me to put him to bed and he said give me a hug and Hugged him and kissed him and put lotion on his feet.
He kind fell asleep a little bit and then he jumped up out of bed and yelled help. I was right there and he was sitting in his wheel chair and he said give me a hug so I hugged him and told him I loved him while hugging him He whispered I love you back and then his body went limp while I was holding him.
I believe he was seeing his angels that he had been seeing for about 2 years. I believe they were there to take him home. As I saw Steves lips turn blue my heart felt immense pain like it was dying.
I sensed him in the room his soul. His spirit was buy the window, I sensed him. I cried with his mom as we waited for hospice to come. I thought the pain of watching him slowly fade away was the most excruciating pain I ever felt.
But its a close second in having to go on without him. Grieving my soul mate has been the most worst and hardest experience I have ever gone through. And I lost my mom 4 years prior. I thought that was excruciating but this was worse. Mostly because its different kind of relationship. Its been a little over a year now since steve passed last February In a weird way in a loving way.
I am glad he didnt have to watch me die and have to survive me. I am still grieving, some days are better than others, but I surprised myself. I am much stronger than I ever realized. And I am still learning from Steve. From what he taught me and the example of his life and the great magical person he is. I know his soul lives on and one day when its my time I will get to see him again.
Thats what gets me through the worst and most horrible days of grieving. My friends and therapist have tried pushing me to date again but it all seems way too soon. And kind of offensive. How could I ever possibly find someone like Steve again. My story is very similar to yours…;-. Tammy, I could SO relate, to pretty much every word that you wrote…quite similar to our situation at the time and my predicament now.
I lost my darling husband Mark, to cancer Dec 30th We were fortunate to have had 28 wonderfully loving years together…but it was still not enough. I miss him more than words can say. I am so sorry for your loss… and also for mine.
It is the hardest thing that I have ever done… and I have not succeeded yet. I doubt that I ever will. This was unusual as I live in Finland, so an english sign stood out. I knew I was meant to have it. It has helped me so much… just a silly sign! Yet, I have yelled at it, smiled at it, cursed at it and agreed with it. We ARE stronger than we think. We also have them helping us from the other side… and we WILL be reunited one fine day! It is my darling Mums funeral tomorrow, I need to be strong for my Dad, they were together for nearly 75 years.
I need to grieve but feel selfish if I am not taking care of him. I just hope and pray that the day goes well, and we make her proud of us. My Mom was a photographer. She took pictures all the time of the family. When we were gathered together to write her obituary the thought crossed my mind that we needed a befor and after photo of us. We looked like wrecks. There is nothing that makes the loss of a Mother ok.
The thing is is just being together is enough. The shock is so much on everyone. Pass the tissues and hankies, hold hands, hug, drink plenty of water and make sure everybody eats something.
This is what agony is like. Listening and being there and letting him be there for you is just about all anyone can do.
Yogi Berra said it: I grew and learned deep lessons especially from a group called Adult Children of Alcoholics. But there were other lesson-givers, too.
I lost my only child to suicide. I have lost a husband a mother and father. Nothing compares to the pain of losing my child. It has been just over three months since my lovely Pete died. He was such a loving husband and a kind, funny, clever, optimistic man. I feel like a little boat that has lost an oar and I am so afraid of the future without him.
My partner of 12 years and I recently separated and 3 weeks later he was found dead at his home. It was an unexpected death and a great shock. A post mortem was held and there is no indication of how he died, therefore an inquest will need to be held. I am totally devastated, despite the fact we separated I loved him dearly and it was a very amicable split.
He was gutted that we separated and now the guilt I am feeling is terrible. Your loved ones remain a part of you. What part of you is your choice. The memory can be a spring of gratitude for the love and time you shared or can be a fountain of bitterness and pain for what is gone. But we should not bemoan this loss. Our hearts, perhaps, are all they can take with them.
It sounds like your husband loved you dearly, and you had something I can only hope for some day. If he could communicate with you from Heaven, what do you think he might say about your grief? And, I will tell you how proud I am and how happy seeing you happy again made me.
Our God is infinite, and He has a plan for everything. But until then, live for both of us. I hope this helps. One thing that should be added to your list is the fact that when we lose loved ones we lose others too.
I had close family and friends I believed would stand by me no matter what. I lost my son after a two and a half year battle with a brain tumor. My daughter in law, whom I love very much, has since moved on and I am happy for her. I feel I have l lost her too. Also, my son and daughter-in-law had a lot of friends I considered friends of my husband and I as well and I rarey, if ever, see them.
My husband had a large family I had been close to and part of for over 40 years. When he was alive some of his sisters and I were inseparable. He is recently divorced so in a sense I have lost two daughters in laws. My grandchildren are my only happiness and they are involved ,rightfully so, with their friends, school, and sports. I have also been to counseling. My husband of 23 years walked out in May I am grieving and will continue to do so forever, it seems.
There are good days and bad days, but knowing he could and did choose to leave me still gives me uncontrollable crying-fests and very sad dreams. My disappointment in a man I thought had stonger character and more fidelity is overwhelming.
I lost my husband after 52 years together. He died on the 4th November after a short illness. Family came to say goodbye our son from the U. But nobody told me you grieve all over again when family leave to go back to their homes.
Every moment of our life together is etched in my memory, I hear your footsteps coming down the stairs, but you are not there. I hear your chuckle, I look around but you are not there. Hi Maureen, my name is Kay and I lost my husband on March 21, , we had been married for 38 years, we were very close and did so many things together.
I can still see him walking down the hall way to go take his daily shower, I can still see him sitting at the kitchen table eating his breakfast, I can still hear him in the night, I can still smell him.
It seemed as though life went from vivid color to merely black and white, and I wondered if I would ever feel anything BUT the pain. And I learned it was okay to let the good moments in until the memories and love became what I thought of more than the hurt. I also think that this list should include: Your heart will let you know.
May Allah be with us all. I hang on and hope that my laugh will come back. Thank you for this list ,but no one talks about the physical pain it hurts so much in your body.
You will pull away from those who are closest to you because sometimes its easier and more comforting to be alone. I think we all feel this way. How could we not, when faced with such unimaginable anguish. Grief is not a contest, and we should try to help support each other rather than tear each other down.
My friend died, and nobody told me. Went to see her. Found out she died while Googling to see if she had another number. He was sick for many years leading up to his death but we were not expecting it to happen when it did. All these joyous occasions for our family suddenly felt a little emptied without the larger-than-life presence that was my father.
However, this list is unbelievably helpful and rings extremely true for me. It makes me feel significantly less lonely, and comforted. It also gives me hope that I might be able to provide some similar comfort to a friend of mine who just lost her mother. Then gagging, coughing, unable to speak through the choking on smoke. The scenario lasts for 5 minutes, then he takes a giant gasping breath and is cut off, although not disconnected, for 2 to 3 minutes.
Then they lose touch for the final time and we never see him literally speaking again. Or is it just me? I am so sorry for your pain. Emotions as complicated as those caused by sudden death, death at the hands of terrorism, death in such a national tragedy, the ambiguity of never having his remains identified — these can take a long time to process and I am certain that listening to a tape like you described can bring them all rushing back.
Not that this can take away any of your pain, but I sincerely appreciate you sharing your feelings and experiences so others who are struggling with similar circumstances might someday, in some way, feel less alone. You will obsessively think of your loved one, his illness, his death, your life togehter and how you could have done everything better.
You will think of these things so much you will begin to wonder what you ever thought about before the illness stuck. Thank you so much, not just for posting this list in the first place, but for continuing to moderate and reply to comments! My brother Russell was 21 when we was killed in a car accident 13 years ago. Some days it still feels like it was yesterday, but those days are definitely farther and few between as they used to be. I have had a lot of trouble adjusting to my new normal.
I literally had to re-learn how to BE me. It is an ongoing process for me. I am very active in my local Compassionate Friends group in NYC — I facilitate a support group for bereaved siblings that meets twice a month. I have found that talking about it with other people who are going through something similar has been been the most helpful thing to me, as it validates every one of my crazy thoughts, and allows me to be myself, if only for a couple hours at a time.
Thank you to everyone who has shared part of thier story on here. Hi Jordan- so incredibly sorry for the death of your brother. As we say time and again, glad you found us but sorry you needed us! Glad to hear the Compassionate Friends has been a support for you and thank you for the work you do facilitating a sibling group.
We spoke at the Compassionate Friends conference last year. It was our first time attending and it was amazing to be there! That you may feel that you are not grieving enought. That you hope one day you will crack, lose it and break down, and are frightened that that may never happen. That the rest of your life will seem to stretch out in front of you; just a too-long wait until — you hope beyond hope — you can see them again.
I was allowed time with her but it was heartbreaking. All those in quotes are reader submissions, but certainly not universally true.
Rather, things we wish we had known for our own situation. I lost someone close to me, who was in his 20s, totally unexpectedly and there was no time for anyone to say goodbye.
It is a painful but all too frequent reality. My 25 yr old son killed himself 24 days ago. He was bipolar and it had gotten really bad. Yesterday I was completely unconsolable and could hear him crying. I spent the last 3 or 4 years so worried and terrified of a phone call that came 3 weeks ago.
And people are so very hurtful! Everyone has an opinion or sad story to tell to try to compare or compete with ours! I miss my son! My body vibrates with pain.
I want to scream ,punch and claw. How do you live with that! Barb, I am so sorry for what you are going through- there are no words. I wish there were easy answers on how to cope, how to manage to get up in the morning and put one foot in front of the other, but there is not.
It is often a matter of taking it not just one day at a time, but on some days one minute at a time. I have not lost someone close to me to suicide, but I have lost someone to a drug overdose. I felt so much of what you express, from the pain of others words, to the unimaginable guilt. It took a lot of time and work to find peace and self-forgiveness, but understanding what was actually in my control and what was not did help in some small way.
With the intensity of all you are coping with, seeing a counselor maybe an important place to start. There is that unfortunate myth that time heals all wounds. Time certainly changes our grief, but when the intensity is so great, as you describe, a counselor can be such an important support. This last thing is going to sound crazy, but you mention your body, wanting to punch, scream and claw, etc.
Imsges: 17 things that happen when your best friend starts dating someone new
I personally would like to meet a christian man who enjoys gardening etc, Not looking for marriage. After all, she gave it to you sometimes. Hannah December 30, at 1:
We have never argued, criticize each other, call out names, etc…, We have plans for my birthday and for Halloween and I would not like to ruin those plans. So after two weeks of her being very ver unsure, she broke up. To make this easier for you to remember, here is a list of mistakes that pushes your ex away when you are in this stage.
I was supportive, loyal, committed, loving, patient and kind. I miss equality, clarification, and solution. Madison avenue dating site know it can happen to me as well but in 10 years he will be 90 years old. The online dating sites which market themselves as being for 55 and older are simply re-branded versions of dating sites for younger adults. My Dad died of cancer when I was 12 years old, my sister was killed by a drunk driver less than 2 years later. Because yesterday he called me on my lunch break asking besh about my hospital appointment tuat we were all fine. Deby June 11, at 6:
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